Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Be a Man....u guys sometimes gives too much "azadi" to your women and sometimes reserve everything to yourself.
So what do you suggest? Should he divorce her?
Uh, I never mentioned anything about a divorce and this is no reason to divorce someone.
I am talking about the manners and adaabs of a marriage- a wife treating her husband like this is ridiculous, regardless of whatever the reason is. She needs to stop acting like a child, and more like a mature wife and mother who should learn to sort out problems in her marriage. I'm sure he himself is okay with 2 kids and not looking to babysit a third one. Islamically, your husband is the head of the household and deserves respect which certainly doesn't come from silent treatments and abandoning of chores. I don't see why he should be going to her to resolve issues, she needs to realize it too and put her ego aside to patch up.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Looking at it from a third person, I think her going away for a little bit might be a good idea. It'll give you space to think about things as well as figure out what you really want to do - Maybe do Istekhara before you take any big steps.
I think by you giving her soo much control and giving in to her every whim and desire might have caused her to give you attitude. Are you sure she has a masters? because ummm even a 5 yr old can spell COLOR correctly. Khair these are really minor things, but if the attitude continues I think you might need to put your foot down and sit down with her and communicate. Have you tried stop talking to her? Sometimes reverse psychology works and makes the other person realize that they cant always have their way.
I honestly think you should sit down and figure out what you really need - if its a communication gap then thats somethng you should sit and talk about, but as far as disrespecting you over asking a simple question, I think you might have to tighten your attitude up a bit and let her know that she cant walk all over u all the time!!
Agreed, but there has to be a reason to get mad or angry. Is it really a valid reason for a wife to be angry with her husband if he asks her to discuss the trip plan before buying the ticket? By all honesty, that is all I said. "let's discuss tonight and then buy the tickets".
There's no way I'm mature enough to give you any kind of advice on this matter jaadugar bhai. This is a very serious issue and not just another random thread on GS, where any1 can write anything they want.
I just hope everything comes together for you in the end. May Allah s.w.t. be with you in this tough time, and helps you make the right decisions.
Uh, I never mentioned anything about a divorce and this is no reason to divorce someone. I am talking about the manners and adaabs of a marriage- a wife treating her husband like this is ridiculous, regardless of whatever the reason is. She needs to stop acting like a child, and more like a mature wife and mother who should learn to sort out problems in her marriage. I'm sure he himself is okay with 2 kids and not looking to babysit a third one. Islamically, your husband is the head of the household and deserves respect which certainly doesn't come from silent treatments and abandoning of chores. I don't see why he should be going to her to resolve issues, she needs to realize it too and put her ego aside to patch up.
I agree with your points except that Islamically a wife doesn't have to do house chores to show respect to her husband.
Agreed, but there has to be a reason to get mad or angry. Is it really a valid reason for a wife to be angry with her husband if he asks her to discuss the trip plan before buying the ticket? By all honesty, that is all I said. "let's discuss tonight and then buy the tickets".
Thing is - she doesnt think its necessary to DISCUSS because thats not what she said - she said she wants the tickets, she doesnt care if you agree to her going or not she wants to go, and thats the part you have to figure out. Trust me, both me and my husband talk about everything, i mean how can you just up and leave without planning something first. You just have to be a little bold.
You didnt say ANYTHING to offend her but if she took your "discussion" as an offence than u seriously need to sit down and lay it out for her - You said you have been married for 7 yrs mA, has this been happening all along or just started recently? because if its something thats been going on regularly then it seems like you've reached that breaking point and cannot take it anymore - so really just make it clear to her that going away to pakistan isnt like taking a ride down the street to the Mall. Its a BIG decision and you just wanted to talk about it before you gave it a thumbs up. Itna to understand karna chahiye usko!
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I love seeing how people can justify her acting like a 2-year old....
woman goes out 4-5 hours a day to shop or meet with friends, and she shouldn't be obligated to do ANY housework?
Seriously?
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I agree with your points except that Islamically a wife doesn't have to do house chores to show respect to her husband.
Her reasons for doing all that are disrespectful. If I stopped cooking for my husband out of anger, and that too in such childish ways, over matters that can be sorted out, I doubt I'll get any sawabs for that. If he's taking the responsibility of providing a roof over her head, food and giving her alot more than he's suppose to (including free time to hang out with friends and shop), the least she can do in return is make sure his house is taken care of and he's fed properly.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
^She won't get any gunnah either.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Maybe she is by creating a fuss over such small things, and certainly no sawabs when her husband isn't even happy with her.. to the point where he has considered leaving her.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I don't know but I personally find it hard to believe that all of this happened because you wanted to "discuss" her trip.........there's lots of things missing here pal
either way both need cool off and act like adults and figure this out, her leaving can be a good thing but it also can turn this situation worse
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I agree with Guac.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I agree with Mehnaz.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
I agre with Hareem.
I don't know but I personally find it hard to believe that all of this happened because you wanted to "discuss" her trip.........there's lots of things missing here pal
I dont find it hard to believe at all.
Maybe the wife is one of those people whose egos are too big that they feel insulted when their wish isnt completed immediately.
In my life, i have seen quite a lot women acting totally ridiculous and childish (which are too nice words to describe their behaviour, but ok) and still people take their side, always assuming that no women would act like that without a reason.
well, sometimes they do act like that for no reason. Yes one reason there is: they are spoilt.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
the way he put it...he "calmly" asked his wife how long she is going for, should he go etc.....apparently he never said she couldn't go or anything like that, so even if she did have a big ego she shouldn't have been insulted.......I am not justifying the wife's behavior I just believe that this isn't the whole story....most likely there are many things that have piled up that have led to this
Alright, I am starting a thread after a long time and this time it's my personal matter. I have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children. It was a total arranged marriage (what a joke!) that took place in Pakistan and I barely knew the girl before the marriage. I frequently talked to her on the phone during the time between our engagement and the marriage. Today, I can testify that talking on the phone is no where closer to talking (seeing) in person. I thought I had known her quite a bit before the marriage but I was totally wrong. Even though she had done her masters but she lacked her general knowledge big time. We had totally two different mind sets. Anyway, I have always thought that things would improve and she would get better with time. She has improved a bit but not at the rate an average person would have done it. She still spells color as kalar :) I added her name into my bank account as a joint owner right after she came to US. I have taken her to vacations at NYC, Canada, Vegas, San Diego, Bahamas, Hawaii, Alaska Cruise etc. She learned driving fast and I bought her own car right away. As far as I know she was not deprived of anything she wanted to do. Alhamdulillah I am very hard working and am blessed, so money has never been an issue. I let her open a separate bank account where she could keep her savings even though she doesn't work at all. I have also bought a house on her name alone (no mortgage) and she collects a decent rent from it. Rent money goes to her personal account. The house we live in is masha Allah big. She has 2 cars for herself including a brand new SUV. She has made two trips 2 Pakistan during past 6 years and went home loaded with gifts for her family. One big problem she has is getting mad on such trivial things and when she gets mad she stops talking to me. That really pisses me off. I try to talk to her but she doesn't respond. Being a full-time house maker, she stops cooking or doing any other household thing for me. In the past three weeks, she told me a couple of times that she wanted to go to Pakistan but she had to see whether she could afford tickets or not. I looked at her face and asked why would that be a problem? She said, "I don't know if you have any money for me or not"? I told her that money would not be a problem so she could go anytime she wanted to. Last Monday, she told me that she was going to go purchase her and kids' tickets. I said, "but lets discuss first about how long you are going and also whether I should also go with you or not". That is all...... She stopped talking to me, stopped cooking food etc. I must say that I am used to the fact that she always cooked food and served me. I have tried to talk to her a couple of times but no response. I am going bunkers now. She doesn't listen to anybody from her family either so there is not point in talking to anybody.
I feel like ending this relationship altogether... In fact I have just filled in a petition for legal separation.
Am I taking a really extreme step? I can't take it any more though.
Go to Pakistan with her and do the chitter parade right after entering the house.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
^ no comments
I don't believe in chittar parade but have witnessed many women doing well under those environments.
the way he put it...he "calmly" asked his wife how long she is going for, should he go etc.....apparently he never said she couldn't go or anything like that, so even if she did have a big ego she shouldn't have been insulted.......I am not justifying the wife's behavior I just believe that this isn't the whole story....most likely there are many things that have piled up that have led to this
Not every story has missing puzzle pieces.
Ofcourse i dont know both Mr and Mrs. but it is a fact some people feel insulted very easily simply because their ego is too big. How did somebody dare asking them anything. How did somebody dare to raise a question/