Address with respect ...

Lifestyle Relationships
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While logically you are right but literally calling someone Aap is still considered that you yourself are not so 'badtameez'.

Let me explain:

Aap, Tum, Tu or Too. Shows what you are! Not what other person is!

Got it?

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Salaam

I personally think husbands need the respects. In Islam its clearly written the husband is the bread winner of the family. Its important to understand why men and women can never be equal, there are some things which men can do and women cant and there are something which women can do and men cant. Allah SWT is the one who created and he knows us better than anyone else.
We are second generation Australians here and all the ladies in the family talk to their husbands using the word "aap". When my eldest sister got married she use to call her husband by his name, he didnt like it neither did our parents. Whenever she talks about him she doesn't say his name but says your xyz bhai....

did anyone just have a
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More like a bottle-shaped (female) genie!

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There is another joke:

A woman in a village had butter on milk floating, in a canister, another woman asked what was floating on the milk?

She said" oh, Munnay Ke Abba Tayr Rahe Hain! (Baby's father is floating)

Her husband name was Makkhan Khan! (Mukkhan=Butter)

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Thats how we were brought up in our family. My older cousin is around 13 months older than me and i call her apa, my younger sister is only 11 months younger than me and she calls me baji and my younger cousin brother who is like 12 months younger than her calls her aapi.

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wow u lucky gall

ma sis is 7 yrs younger than me and she says "ABC idher aaooo"

but i kinda like ittt

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Re: Address with respect ...

My fiance never speaks in urdu so we just refer to each other as "you".

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Re: Address with respect …

U know i get hte respect thing…but to not even say his name in normal conversation, or even in namaz? i didnt even know that was allowed :bummer:

Ye mughal shehzaday aur shehzadi JIT main aise ja rahay hai jaise pata nahi in par ki
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Us kids we talk in english and we HAVE call each other by apa, baji etc

Now when i hear my younger siblings call my name i find it odd and so do they!!

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Islam doesn't say that the relationship has a power differential in that a man is to get titles and the wife is not. This is ridiculous.

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Since we are talking about Islam, lets discuss prophet Mohammad's (saw) life.
His first wife Khajida was a very successful businesswoman. It was her wealth that actually greatly benefitted the prophet and her wealth was a huge contributing factor of spread of Islam throughout Arabia.She used to financially support the prophet and his companinions.

Random
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I never said Islam says that a man should get any power titles. I just stated that men are the breadwinner of the family.
My PERSONAL opinion that husband needs respect.

"Men are in charge of women, as Allah has given them more (strength) than the other, and because they spend of their wealth (to provide for them)..........."

Quran 4:34

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It's the opposite with us, my younger brother has always called me just by my name and my parents have never asked him not to. My mum never calls my dad by his name but she does say 'tum' to him, we aren't a particularly formal family and when I've asked my dad why she doesn't just say his name as well he says he doesn't mind what she calls him lol in their case it's just her habit and what she feels comfortable with..

Me personally, I would never put my husband on such a high pedestal by refusing to call him by his name, I know in Islam we are meant to give him respect but we're also described as being 'garments' for each other which to me implies that that respect goes both ways, the idea of me not being 'allowed' to say his name just seems ridiculous to me, I'm not some Hindu woman who's going to bow at his feet and treat him like some God..

74

^ I don't think I would use "aap" when talking to my spouse. At least.....I can't picture myself using aap. But who knows? It just sounds formal to me and I view marriage as a partnership.

I like the relaxed feeling of the word, "tum". And if a wife uses "tum" to address her husband..........that's no indication that she's a bad wife.

A lot depends on one's tone of voice......the content of what is being said. You can use the word "aap" in a condescending/insulting tone or way as well. You can use the word "tum" with respect.

It irks my mom because she has always taught my siblings and I to use the word "AAP" to address EVERYONE. Even if the person you're talking to is the same age or many years younger.........we were taught to address everybody as "aap." I used to be good about this..........but now (for a long time)........I address some people with "tum" especially those that I'm comfortable with. To each his own. Relationships are complex and there's a lot more to them........than the one word you choose to address your spouse.

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Re: Address with respect ...

Abeek, Thanks so much for giving us the Quranic reference. I myself am of the strong opinion that a husband deserves alot of respect , not bowing down at his feet , but yes he is incharge of the house and of the family, Whether we women like it or not , its the ultimate truth.

As far as respect is concerned , it does go both ways , if a wife gives proper respect to her husband , so does the husband to his wife ... and vice versa ... alot of us follow our parents examples in our future lives ... and if we see our mothers and fathers disrespecting each other , we somehow cant imagine ourselves giving alot of respect to our spouses , as has been made evident by many comments here .

For some of you that think "aaph" is a title , let me correct you , its definitely not a title. In most educated and value oriented families , kids are taught to respect their elders , not just based on age but also their ranking in the family. Giving respect to someone , doesnt make us a slave to someone ,or doesnt make us any lower then the other person, rather it wins us back respect as well.

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Re: Address with respect …

I would personally prefer AAP over TUM but depends on mood and situation, i may talk to him TUM in a teasing way.

Above is if my hubby is older to me in age. Question is what if he is younger to me, like a year or so ??? :bummer: .

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LOL

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:k:

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Re: Address with respect ...

I would just call him by his name. I dont see anything wrong in that. I think app sounds so formel, cant imagine calling him that. Beside i either talk in english or norwegian, my urdu isent exactly the best nor do i feel comfortable talking in it. So me and my future husband will most probably be talking in english or norwegian, so it will be natural to call him by his name. I dont feel like im disrespecting him by calling him by his own name. As his wife i do think i have the right to call him by his given name. And as Redvelvet said, marriage is more than the word you choose to call your husband by. I can still show him respect by calling him by his name, but again thats my opinion...:@:.

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absolutely.
that's how we were brought up.
in fact, in my immediate family it was impolite to even say the name.
my eldest brother is "bhaijan" the next is "bhaisaheb" and so on.....even the kids say "Uncle bhaijan" and "Uncle bhaisaheb".....LOL...... (we only started with the mamu and chachu thing in this generation)
I am just "baji".

my in-laws were raised differently so it is still awkward for me when I hear my husband call his eldest brother just by the name. when I joined the family I refused to do that and added "bhaijan" to it. I think I earned some respect there just by doing that.

for those that find using "aap" formal......try watching some older Indian flicks (black and white) and see how romantic those couples appear......