Re: Address with respect ...
CB, you are reading too much into it. If hubby does not mind it and does not feel insulted, there is no harm in calling him tum etc. How someone feel about it is where rubber meets the road.
Re: Address with respect ...
i call him by name but always use Aap. he's older anyways n by saying tum i would look his age ;)
Re: Address with respect …
Mabrook , thats very clever , I love it 
Re: Address with respect ...
ok here my thing. I love, respect, honor and cherish my husband. Yet, to call him by Aap or the english equivalent being "sir" or something similar, just will not do at all. He is my best friend, my life partner, the father of my children. We MADE CHILDREN together. Call him "sir"???? I giggle at the thought!!
How can one call "sir" to one you get jiggy with?
Sorry...no disrespect intended here to those who do this.
Delicacy in speech is such a huge turn on :D
It also shows formality that is not always required , but respect is the only thing a couple has .
So very true! You couldn't have put it better.
He is five days older than me and I would never think of saying "tum".
This does not mean that we are not close......it just means that there is respect. This is the way we were brought up in our home.
I would not be offended if he said "tum" but if he uses "aap", it's so sweet.
Re: Address with respect ...
We don't communicate in urdu very often but when we do, it's alway 'aap' and says the same. My mother has never even used my dad's name...lol...so saying 'tum' would be out of the question for any of us sisters. But I like using 'aap' because that's what I've seen my mother do and that's what I'm used to.
Muzna 
… well put ..
MO3, I think English language has just one word for tum,aaph and tu .. and its “you” .. I think “sir” is a very different meaning really … I might be wrong 
… I have just called my mom to ask what would be the urdu equavalent of “sir” .. and she said “janaab” 
Re: Address with respect ...
I call my husband 'aap'. Even though we are practically the same age, and have known each other since high school, despite that I can't just let go of the 'aap'. Although we converse in english most of the time, but whenever it's urdu, its gotta be aap from my side. I guess like some people here mentioned, I have also seen my mom calling my dad 'aap', in fact she doesnt even use his name, it's mostly sunieye and all that. I don't think I can do the suniye thing, haha (even tho i think its too cute), but 'aap' works for now! :).
Re: Address with respect ...
oh and I have a friend who call his wife "aap" (they call each other aap actually) so it goes like this
suneen aap zara XXX (their kid) ko khana khila deen :)
ok here my thing. I love, respect, honor and cherish my husband. Yet, to call him by Aap or the english equivalent being "sir" or something similar, just will not do at all. He is my best friend, my life partner, the father of my children. We MADE CHILDREN together. Call him "sir"???? I giggle at the thought!!
How can one call "sir" to one you get jiggy with?
Sorry...no disrespect intended here to those who do this.
The word Aap does not equal to 'sir'....sir is just sir in Urdu as some English words can't be translated. Maybe 'janab e aali' but that also doesn't really define 'sir'.
Re: Address with respect …
interesting thread!
My nani called my nana by his first name… my daadi called my dadaa… actually by his last name. lol. Growing up I always heard my parents call each other by their first names… I have noticed the same thing at my in laws house. No “aap” or “tum”… 
Never really thought about this till now. Me and my fiance only speak in English because he is not fluent in speaking Urdu. But I do remember , the first time I signed my email using “Aapki xyz” … he wrote back saying he was weirded out by how formal that was and I should use the word “tumhaari”.
Re: Address with respect ...
Me and my husband use 'aap' when talking to each other. We are very comfortable with each other and are very frank, I knew him for over 5 years before marriage so there is no formality between us but we just do it out of respect(not saying calling 'tum' to a spouse signifies disrespect). We also use 'aap' when we talk to kids. :)
I don’t think anyone here has heard real punjabi couples talking to each other, otherwise they wouldn’t be complaining about “tum” …
Re: Address with respect …
^:omg:
I have seen so many punjabi uncles and aunties talking to each other in the MOST informal way ever (minus the tu-tarak), and it’s so cute!!! I don’t think it means they respect each other any less than any ‘aap’ calling couple, it’s just how they are- very frank with each other. I adore the ones I know, they are always joking around with each other and all that.
Re: Address with respect ...
hehe cute thread
not married yet but i'll probably stick with app/tum depending on how close i am to the guy
my nano always called my grandpa - gudiya(my mom) ke abu...like i've never heard her call him by his name or anything else
and my mom always addressed my dad as app too..
our whole family is very "respected" .. so we've grown up being respectfult to everyone... i even call my little cousins by aap and all, weird thing is i'm so comfortable with my mother that i sometimes use "aao na" or "kahan ho" etc etc :S
Re: Address with respect ...
i cannot imagine myself calling him aap..
Lol… this explains the frankness in my family…with my elder grandparents calling each other by their first names in front of everyone…and then my parents do the same thing as well. They do joke around a LOT.
I still remember going to visit my nana and nani in Pakistan and hearing convos like this: my nana jaan would be heading out the door and I hear my nani screeching from some back room “Oyeee xyz (nana abu’s first name)… tu kithay ja raha hai!!! Naan wapsi pe le aanaaaa!!!” Then my nana would yell back respond “sun leya… naan ley ayoon ga… saara mahale ne saadi begum ko sun leya hai!!! naan main na boolna wala!”. Their interactions were hilarious… it carried on to their kids and the way they talk to their spouses. Mabey thats why I was I found this topic to be so intriguing… formal and informal doesn’t exist in my family!! More like frankness ki ek haad hai!!! lol.
do all these same people who believe in the respect that should go with calling your husband 'aap' make their younger brothers, sisters and cousins call them bhai, baji and apa?
I never really thought about it, but I think I would want to call him by his name. I really don't know about the whole aap thing its sounds sooooo formal but that maybe due to the fact I wasn't grown up speaking Urdu. Even my parents call each other by thier names. I would think that when I get married I would talk to my husband in English, and probably use his name. Tum does translate to you in English and honestly I can totally imagine "you" coming out of my mouth easily......but I'm just like that :D I wouldn't be trying to be disrespectful.....I think it all depends on how you were grown up.
However you never know how things in life turn out, if aap or tum or whatever was the more appropriate way in his family, I would probably call him that (well at least in front of the in-laws)