Our parents generation , mostly the wives addressed their husbands with utmost respect , never used to call them “tum” .. always “aaph”
Has that changed in today’s generation? why do i see so many couples these days where ladies address their husbands as “tum” … is it because today’s woman considers her husband to be her friend , an equavalent?
Or should we uphold the level of respect that our mothers and grand mothers used to address their husbands with…“aaph” … how do you address your husband 
Men should say "aap" to their wives too.. if that shows respect .. :D
ok joking but I really don't think the term aap vs. tum has anything to do with respect... just my opinion..
I can say "aap to ullu ke pathay hain" or say "tum to bohat izzat dar aadmi ho"
know what i mean!
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CB the way i look at it, pehley within family marriages buhat hotee theen aur age differences used to be greater and thus i think those were some of the reasons for the AAP as well, but u also do realise back in da day girls used to be fed key u r lesser then ur husband and u r dependant on him and keep him happy etc. ab times are different :D
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Spiral , the use of a certain word can by so varied .. but actually in the Urdu language , I believe the difference between "aaph" and "tum" is purely respect based ...
once my mom shared with me that a husband is a head of a family and hence should be given utmost respect , in words and actions.
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I use aap for my husband when my inlaws are around because his mom don't like me calling tum to her son. I'm quite generous so I respect this wish of my MIL.
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Hareem do you usually address him as "tum" when you guys are on your own?
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^yeah....in front of kids I use word aap so they don't start calling him tum, otherwise I hate being formal with a person with whom I share everything.
Spiral , the use of a certain word can by so varied .. but actually in the Urdu language , I believe the difference between "aaph" and "tum" is purely respect based ...
once my mom shared with me that a husband is a head of a family and hence should be given utmost respect , in words and actions.
Oh i know what you talking about. I am so used to saying.. xyz9 my husband's name) yahan gaya tha.. itnay bajay aaey ga.. and my dad gets so mad. he wants me to say aaey thay, gaey thay. I am like i am fine with sayin that and husband is too.
I think back in the days men were the only provider, decision maker etc hence the respect. Not that we don't respect our husbands but we share everything with them from decision making to brining income so its all equal now.
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hmmm … I cant imagine calling hubby tum … even though we have just two years age gap .. yet … maybe its because I saw my mom give utmost respect to my dad all through her life and that thing ultimately reflects in me as well ..
We do aap janaab even when we fight 
I’d love to see you two fighting. lol
Well, he’s quite an oldie (lol) but I can’t imagine giving him utmost respect may be because he’s my cousin and he’s more like my friend. I don’t know…may be I’m just badtameez. lol
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We don’t really communicate that much in urdu, but when we do I address him as TUM, I TRIED to give him respect initially by calling him AAP but he went to me you dont need to be so formal and apparantly AAP sounds to him as if I am talking to my older brother 
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Here's the funny thing, I speak Urdu fluently but my husband doesn't know much or speak at home either so I really have to correct him when he talks. He knows the difference between tum and aap, but he doesn't realize that 'kia kar rahe ho' and 'kia kar rahe hain' are two different things in terms of informal/formal. So he tends to mix up stuff like that.
As for the two of us, it's hard for me to call my husband 'aap' when we are the same age, known each other for sooooo long and are best friends. I don't share that relationship with him where I need to be formal with him. Since we don't talk in urdu on a normal basis, the tum and aap doesn't come up but when we do, I call him tum. It doesn't go down very well with my aunts who always correct me followed by a lecture (no woman in my family calls her husband by his name, let alone TUM..lol) but he always steps in and tells them, she can call me whatever she wants, I don't need a title in order to be respected. My parents don't mind because they know what our relationship is like, as for his parents and extended family, I have always addressed him as tum in front of them, and they haven't said anything. Maybe because they'll get the same response ;-)
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It's aap in front of in laws and tum in front of him
aap between us is so formal....
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My wife calls me munnay ka abbu , that munna is 17 year old 6 feet tall guy now. Just kidding.
It does not matter, I have seen some desi even use too(تو) with their spouses.
They are best of friends , I guess. Because that kind of addressing goes on in best of the buddies.
Is there anything wrong with that? 
I dont think its a matter of (dis)respect. Its just what you’re comfortable with.
I just dont see the big deal about tum/aap…every couple has what they’re comfortable with. i never call my husband by his name (and neither does he)…but I extend that to everyone 
Exactly. Sometimes Ill get mixed up. Its really not meant out of disrespect. One should realize if someone is being deliberately disrespectful vs just mixing it up..esp when ure in a conversation, you’re thinking more about the topic at hand, than trying to get the right term in.
Oh, in front of in-laws I dont talk to him. If I do its in English, so no aap/tum ka masla
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no instead we should call them preetam jee/sartaaj jee or how abt maharaj?
they marry us they deserve the respect.
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I can’t even say his name at this point:hinna:
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^Why? Does he have a Polish name like Tomasz kizhcikzwarzcy?
My friend’s MIL told her to call his husband “hazoor” and “ji hazoor” and I said. oh my God! that is so out of fashion.
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Pingu and dildi .. you two 
… koi nai time aaye ga inshallah …
Sara, nope nothing wrong with that at all … Infact I feel its a very positive change in our society that women are no longer a tag along … and hold much greater importance in a relationship …
I am suddenly starting to feel ancient :hinna: … Me and husband are really good buddies and informal , yet I can never call him tum … but i guess its because , generally in our family even the younger ones are addressed as aaph … … somehow i always find it odd too when i see a woman addressing her husband as tum :no: .. maybe its just a matter of getting used to the term …
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Hareem I wish I could say it is because he has a daft name. It's shyness. It's weird because I am outgoig and can communicate with everyone else perfectly.