Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I agree with you redvelvet, while I do agree I need to grow a thicker skin and I'm working on it but I also think when you let people say whatever and whenever then you're sending a msg to them that you're a dumb person and don't really understand the meaning in what they said to you. Believe me it has happened to me, when I stayed quiet and let people talk they kept commenting on every little thing!
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
There doesn't seem to be a real answer doesn't it? In desi relations, I feel it's a constant damned if you do, damned if you don't. Grit your teeth and don't respond in kind...people see it as practically an invitation to continue with their nasty comments. Give back as good as you get, and for reasons completely unknown to me, get your *ss handed to you while the perpetrator of this nonsense walks away smelling like roses.
Or have I just become too cynical?
I agree with you redvelvet, while I do agree I need to grow a thicker skin and I'm working on it but I also think when you let people say whatever and whenever then you're sending a msg to them that you're a dumb person and don't really understand the meaning in what they said to you. Believe me it has happened to me, when I stayed quiet and let people talk they kept commenting on every little thing!
^ That's what I'm saying as well, CA. That after a time......after you think enough is enough.....confront the person.
I think I have a considerable amount of patience. And I've also dealt with sneaky remarks from even cousins.......older ones........you know the bajis who think that you're the clueless bacha and won't understand their snide remarks....or that your being younger prevents you from saying anything back to them. I know what you're talking about. Once, I gave a verbal chamat to a baji......and she who is usually very fast with comebacks.....just stared dumbfounded.....silent. Because it took her by surprise that I do indeed have the ability to not only comprehend the comments but to dish it back as well. The expression was priceless.....she had gotten used to me being patient.
There doesn't seem to be a real answer doesn't it? In desi relations, I feel it's a constant damned if you do, damned if you don't. Grit your teeth and don't respond in kind...people see it as practically an invitation to continue with their nasty comments. Give back as good as you get, and for reasons completely unknown to me, get your *ss handed to you while the perpetrator of this nonsense walks away smelling like roses.
Or have I just become too cynical?
They don't always walk away smelling like roses. How would you know that this is the case? Hmmm..........sometimes when you confront someone who is frequently hurting others and tell them......nicely even.........that, "Look, I'm not oblivious to what you're doing. I thought of giving you the benefit of the doubt......even let things go a few times......but now I'm thinking that when you're consistently behaving this way......my doubts are not unreasonable, etc etc." It puts the person on the spot. Sure....some of the clever ones might deny it and make you feel foolish for "doubting" them. But.......there are some who will have to face the fact that you KNOW what they're doing..........and they have their guilty/embarrassed conscience to deal with. And.....that's uncomfortable....not at all like smelling like roses.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
^ exactly
You're right RV.
But a small, evil part of me wants to see such tactless people get their just desserts in a far more dramatic way. You know...tripping and landing on their faces, getting hit by lightening...that sort of thing.
;)
I was a skinny kid and had that happen to me. It scars you. Also was repeatedly looked at as a six year old and compared to my gori 6 month old sister as baby is so cute and will get so many rishtas and then they'd look at me and frown.
I guess it's a good thing my parents stopped socializing with desis.
I think Niksik discussed it once but it happens again and again with us.
Scenario: Desi aunty or Desi uncle approaches some young siblings (lets say older is 5 and younger one is few months or little older), they shout/scream 'how cute' and then try to build friendship with the older one. What is their friendly line? Your sister/brother is so cute, can I take her/him with me?
Another version is, your dress/toy/necklace/backpack is so cute, can i take it with me?
I mean seriously, what kind of affection is that? When someone said that to my older one for the first time about her younger sis, older one started crying assuming that the person is telling the truth. Later on she refused to goto that person's house or meet us as family cause she was genuinely scared that the person is going to take her sister away.
Why our community in general lacks that 'adultness' when they are dealing with kids.
Another thing is 'haww your daughter is so skinny, iss ko kuch khilaatay nahi hain aap'. More than me, it hurts my daughter's self esteem. Man at least have the decency not to say it in front of a little child.
Sorry guys, but in general, our community has no clue how to deal with little kids. We hurt their self esteem, scare the heck out them, all in the name of care and affection.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
So is it only amongst desis? I dont want this thread to turn into desi bashing thread but because we are desis, we can only share desi perspective. Right?
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
It is bad when one realizes that their joke has made a child uncomfortable or upset and then continues along with it. I mean…these aunties AND uncles have seriously issues in my opinion.
One of my younger bro’s has the unfortunate experience of this (he is the second youngest in the fam). When the youngest in the fam was born, desi adults would taunt and tease my bro about how cute the baby was and they want to take it home. They would start laughing and luving it more when my bro would start begging them not to and giving them reasons of why he needs the little one in his life. They would continue on by saying that he already has so many siblings (mashallah there is 5 of us) and therefore doesn’t need the new one. And on and on it would continue until my bro would be in tears. We only found about this later on when he stopped wanting to go to dawats and such. I still remember baychaara was so sad when we asked him why and he said that he didn’t want to go places where people made him cry and only laughed at him. I was so mad that I wanted to smack those people! 
My mom was too… we did stop socializing with certain people completely.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
^ That is so pathetic. I am happy that you kicked those people out of your social circle.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
i think desis are probably the worst when it comes to this TLK. Me and my siblings grew up primarily around goray and never reaches the level that desis take it too. They might say “awe …your kid is so cute I wish i could take him home with me!”. And they will say this to the parent. Or they will be like “omg… you are so precious..i just want to each you right up!” … things like that. Its just not as mean spirited as how desi’s do it or how far desi people tend to take it … in my opinion 
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I agree with one thing. Desis love to tease little kids. I remember I was about 4. Some idiot came to our home to visit. Mom asked me to go and say salam. You know what that moron did. He pretended that he is patting my head, but he hold my ear ans started pinching. He wanted me to cry, I was a little boy and did not cry out of embarrassment. He kept smiling at me and kept pinching with even more force. I am sure he let go cause my mom was in the same room.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
And yea… the stuff desi people so to you as a kid can scar a kid …or atleast make the kid develop a complex or something. And i think this is because it is like a constant thing. Like each time a certain auntie sees you - they will make that SAME comment about you that they made last time. Ex. “tu itney patli ho… kuch khaati naheen?? Khao peeyo…jaan apni banao”. Say this to a kid over and over again and the kid is going to start feeling bad about something they have little or no control over.
That is what happened to me. And because I am still so thin I still get the comments… just in different ways. I used to be told that I am too thin and if I didnt gain weight, no one would want to marry me. I’m now engaged. So the comments/taunts have changed to that I need to gain weight so that I will be able to get pregnant/have a healthy pregnancy …
… and i’m not even married yet .
They try to mask this behavior as them being “so caring” and “loving” or harmless" … by making such comments/giving advice… but it is seriously messed up and wrong in my opinion.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
Well, I guess the only thing to do is take a sabaq from this type of behavior which we were all subjected to as children and NEVER do it to our own or anybody else's. As for the people who engage in this type of tactless crap...karma always gets her man/woman in the end.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I think i might become one of these aunties as i get older. I dont think ill give a crap about hurting someones feelings. if i see something is messed up or weird, ill say it.
though i wouldn't bug someone about their body type or skin color.... especially a little kid.
okay then i guess im not one fo them. :D
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
awwwww.. the same is true for me too…
yesterday i was talking to my nephew on phone who is 3 years old and i was asking him the same thing that when u will come to pakistan , i will keep ur sis (my niece who is an year old) with me…and he was like ‘okay, keep her’..
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
Someone I know does that to someone else's kids.
"Apki doosri beti itniiiiiii cute hai...gori gori si...bari hi pyari hai!"
THis is while the pehli beti is sitting right there and listening to all of this...she is also 7 years old.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
i think its because some people are just plain awkward around kids, have no clue how to communicate or relate to them and in an attempt to sound friendly or cool end up putting their foot in their mouth.
And I was just about to offer you my sister :p
But, good topic. The opposite, making fun of fat kids, is just as bad. I have not seen them make fun of skin color yet. I think they do it because they think kids wont feel anything, it will make them tougher...whatever.
People can be donkey stupid sometimes. I dont know why.
I try to be VERY careful around children, unless its a baby i wont touch them or hold them.....or run after them....or look at them with a mean look...maybe it comes off as not liking the kids. I dont know if that makes me look mean but I'd rather not end up saying something stupid or unknowingly being rough wtih them so as to offendt he parent.
Sara the colour thing happens here. I have two younger cousins, they are twins. Due to Allah, their colour is not the same. One is a bit darker than the other and everyone makes fun of her. Haww you do not look like you are blah blah's twin and what happened to you? Did you get tanned or something? She really feels it.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
What is with our community and the color obsession.