Exactly! I’ve said that before too. People have a mirror, they see it several times a day. They know if they’re short, tall, fat, thin, dark, fair, pale, sickly, etc. Why you have to go out of your way to inform them is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder if these women would go up to a disabled person and tell them, “Uh…yeah…haaw haai…you’re disabled.” I think most of them would have the sense not to because they KNOW it’s wrong. Some of them don’t hesitate to be blunt in milder situations because they’re jealous/insecure.,…is what I’ve found. And if it’s not that, they’re just plain obtuse/clueless.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
First and foremost, I apologize to RedVelvet. I was only joking about the keeray part.
RV, I dont think that the body language of the aunty or uncle (yes both said that to me daughter one after the other) was not friendly. They actually love much kids very much but i have my reservations towards the way some people express their love. I know that my older one is little sensitive kid but many kids are, escpecailly if they dont know you very well, they cant understand that you are only joking (btw, do you really think that its a joke? I fail to find humor in 'I am gonna take your sister home' statement).
Anyways, I think I am also a little too sesitive of a father. Maybe its ok. Maybe that is the way kids will become strong.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
A month before my wedding, my parents were at some aunty's house for a dawat, and I was told to join in so I went there straight from work- tired, exhausted, not dressed upto the occasion.. and before I could even sit down, the entire room of aunties was looking and hawwww-ing at me. Kitni kamzor lag rahi hai, khaati nahi hai, shakal utar gayee hai, rang kam hogaya hai.. and then the classic line (they had no idea about my wedding), shaadi kaun karega, pata nahi kab karogi, blah blah blah. The host aunty was nice enough to come in and serve dinner for me but I stood up and walked out. A week later, the looks on those aunties' faces were priceless when we went to their houses to deliver the cards, personally.. especially because girls around here grow up listening to trash like that from aunties who start anywhere, anytime.. particularly with the whole marriage thing. Eediots.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
As a parent, I will not allow anyone to speak like that to my kids. They will not be subjected to such trash spewed by these women who have nothing better to do. Most of our parents stay quiet out of courtesy but having gone through it myself, I wouldn't even keep company with such kinds. You never know what can effect your child and how. The sensitive kinds especially take it to heart and it stays with them for a long time.
Anyways, I think I am also a little too sesitive of a father. Maybe its ok. Maybe that is the way kids will become strong.
Don't worry TLK, most parents feel like this. Luckily, no one has made such comments about my children so far because of the lack of desis around our previous neighbourhood, but if they did, i would bodyslam them, then go into a corner and cry.
The way i see it, these aunties and uncles have children too. How would they feel if someone made such comments about their children? Like that aunty i mentioned in my first post, her daughter was quite rotund too. No one said anything about her and there was no reason to.
People should just take a moment to think before they speak.
The sensitive kinds especially take it to heart and it stays with them for a long time.
I know. Another truth. I developed a lice problem when I was kid. You have no idea how people used to discuss the problem in front of my face. Not only that, they used to call me over, turn me around and start showing my head to others land discussing like I was just an object in the room.
That problem really hit my self esteem so bad that I started sitting at the last bench so no one who is sitting behind me can see my head.
I have seen both scenarios played out right in front of my own eyes:
An aunt laughs around with a five year old saying stuff like you better keep ur brother close because I’m going to steal him etc, the whole time laughing and saying it in a very light, playful mannerm, the child responded my laughing along saying no you wouldn’t like him he always has dirty diapers, etc
aunt tells child that his sister is cute and she’s going to take her…and the kid explodes out creating a scene, crying and grabbing his sister and saying no…meanwhile the aunt does not back off but keeps insisting that the sister is going home with her
It all depends on the approach of the adult and sensistivity of the child, but oh how akward was the second situation as a bystander
First and foremost, I apologize to RedVelvet. I was only joking about the keeray part.
RV, I dont think that the body language of the aunty or uncle (yes both said that to me daughter one after the other) was not friendly. They actually love much kids very much but i have my reservations towards the way some people express their love. I know that my older one is little sensitive kid but many kids are, escpecailly if they dont know you very well, they cant understand that you are only joking (btw, do you really think that its a joke? I fail to find humor in 'I am gonna take your sister home' statement).
Anyways, I think I am also a little too sesitive of a father. Maybe its ok. Maybe that is the way kids will become strong.
I mentioned the issue of familiarity. When I was about maybe 7, we went to this aunti's home for the first time. She told me that she liked my bracelets and wants them. The way she said it......even though she was friendly......but the fact that I didn't know her.....made me feel uncomfortable. I believed she was going to take them from me. I even looked at my mom as though the woman was going to grab me any minute. And like your daughter, I was/am the more sensitive in my family. So, that could have played in as well. But, if I had known her better.....I think maybe I'd have been less tense about it.
I know. Another truth. I developed a lice problem when I was kid. You have no idea how people used to discuss the problem in front of my face. Not only that, they used to call me over, turn me around and start showing my head to others land discussing like I was just an object in the room.
That problem really hit my self esteem so bad that I started sitting at the last bench so no one who is sitting behind me can see my head.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I'm just wondering, we all hate those comments made by aunties but how many actually speak up and respond back or tell someone off if they're being rude? Is it 'battameezi' if we respond to aunties bluntly? I blow up sometimes because I really can't stand such bakwas....should I feel guilty? BTW, it's not just random aunties but often times those aunties are related to us and it's frustrating not to be able to say anything back at them!!
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
CA, I am sure there is alwyas a polite way of sending the message across. Be polite for first two times, 3rd time ... ghumaa ke sandal phaink naa oon pe ..
I know. Another truth. I developed a lice problem when I was kid. You have no idea how people used to discuss the problem in front of my face. Not only that, they used to call me over, turn me around and start showing my head to others land discussing like I was just an object in the room.
That problem really hit my self esteem so bad that I started sitting at the last bench so no one who is sitting behind me can see my head.
You wanna hear something worse? I have a cousin who has had a skin condition since infancy. Perhaps it's eczema or psoriasis. As a kid......she had rough, dry, scaly, itchy-scratchy skin all over. Now, Alhumdolillah, she's cleared up....but it's been an issue for her and her family.
Anyhow....when she was a kid......there was this girl in the community that people called Jameela Lice. I'm guessing because she had lice. Well....the title was hurled at my cousin as well.....maybe because she was frequently scratching herself because of the skin problem. Now, that is messed up!
People assumed that since she outwardly laughed it off......that she didn't mind what they said. BUT......you never know what's going on inside a person. I met her again last Dec......and although she appears confident....she's not oblivious to people's remarks (as they might have assumed about her). People are ridiculous.
It took me years to understand that many of the people making the comments are insecure or jealous.....especially if you see a pattern of this negative behavior.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
CA....not many people do...because they may be friends of our parents and it will put our parents in a bad position. Or especially when its an in-law...u just cant say anything to an in law, or someone from the in laws side.
Like...once, I went to my friends house and met her mom for the first time...and she was asking me stupid questions like, do i do anything else besides eating..do i have any hobbies besides eating....stupidness like that. My friend was sitting right there but didnt say anything. Next time she invited me to her house, I said if your mom says something stupid I will respond to her, and she said please dont....so out of respect for her i keep quiet.....and thats why alot of people stay quiet when someone says something mean.
Also im the type who cant really come back well at all when someone says something...so i just get quiet and later get very frustrated.
BUT i really hate when parents let others say thing sto their kids and dont tell them to shut up. Its very hurtful and upsetting to teh child, and it can make them feel unprotected and definitely insecure, at times.
I'm just wondering, we all hate those comments made by aunties but how many actually speak up and respond back or tell someone off if they're being rude? Is it 'battameezi' if we respond to aunties bluntly? I blow up sometimes because I really can't stand such bakwas....should I feel guilty? BTW, it's not just random aunties but often times those aunties are related to us and it's frustrating not to be able to say anything back at them!!
Well, I might be wrong, but I think that for single girls....it may be more challenging to put an Aunti in her place.
Many parents...(especially moms)....will tell their daughters to be polite to the erring Aunti and just "grin n bear it" because they're afraid that if the daughters give a smart jawab..................the aunties will tell other aunties how bad and disrespectful she is....................and then this hinders rishta prospects, etc etc.
I do, however think that if parents feel that their daughters are in a more vulnerable position.......then at least THEYTHEMSELVES should stand up for their children. Yes, being the tolerant and bigger person is good.....but by overdoing it.......parents can end up sending the message that they agree with the criticism.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
its not just girls who face that, guys do too, there are these ppl who will comment on what you look like, your hairstyle, clothes, grades, hobbies, friends, school, sports, anything and everything, its all fair game to them.
I had my share of it, and my parents were the stand by and observe types. (the other types being speaking up for their child ones--yaaay.. or the join in with the uncle/aunty and tell the kid see we told u the same...that variety is around too and needs to be beaten in a burlap sack with a two by four)..anyhoo..late teens I just started to respond back, when my folks asked me in private to stop engaging, i gave them 3 options,
1) I dont go to events where these morons are present, and if i do, you should not force or expect me to come say salam to them or talk to them
2) you step in and stop it before the whole herd present starts yip yapping..
3) I handle it my way
lets just say, option 3 was sparingly exercised after that :D
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
TLK, Sara,
I understand that I have to be a little polite and I do give people benefit of a doubt first couple of times but after that I don't care whether it's inlaws, friends mummy or dadi jaan my blood pressure instantly shoots up and when it happens I put people in their place very easily especially if they're commenting about a serious issue or something very personal. I should work on being calm but that is soo difficult for me. I need a bigger heart! :(
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
^ Dont take this as critcism...but its better to fix yourself--i.e, grow a thicker skin so that morons like that cant bother you....than to expect others to have tact.
^ Yes, it's good to have thicker skin because you're going to encounter many of these unpleasant situations in life.
BUT....at the same time....I also think that when one has crossed the limits....you should confront them. Some people become emboldened by the passivity of others and this fuels their bitterness even more......so they hurt more and more people. More victims are formed.....more damage is done....more relationships are strained. Not guaranteeing it......but if even one person stand up and talks to the person.....it might make him/her reflect over how they're coming across. Could help break a cycle. U never know what might make a person change their ways.
