I think Niksik discussed it once but it happens again and again with us.
Scenario: Desi aunty or Desi uncle approaches some young siblings (lets say older is 5 and younger one is few months or little older), they shout/scream ‘how cute’ and then try to build friendship with the older one. What is their friendly line? Your sister/brother is so cute, can I take her/him with me?
Another version is, your dress/toy/necklace/backpack is so cute, can i take it with me?
I mean seriously, what kind of affection is that? When someone said that to my older one for the first time about her younger sis, older one started crying assuming that the person is telling the truth. Later on she refused to goto that person’s house or meet us as family cause she was genuinely scared that the person is going to take her sister away.
Why our community in general lacks that ‘adultness’ when they are dealing with kids.
Another thing is ‘haww your daughter is so skinny, iss ko kuch khilaatay nahi hain aap’. More than me, it hurts my daughter’s self esteem. Man at least have the decency not to say it in front of a little child.
Sorry guys, but in general, our community has no clue how to deal with little kids. We hurt their self esteem, scare the heck out them, all in the name of care and affection.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
LOL! Desi's really know how to be cruel. My aunty used to be my fav aunty like i literally was stuck to her, Then one day she wud say to my brother how he is cuter than me and how he was her fav, Which instantly made me cry my eyes out!
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
ohh shoot, i am guilty of this crime as well, but i only do it to my lil neice cuz she is really annoying and i threaten her but no one else, but i do agree with what you are saying and I will make sure i never do it again.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
And I was just about to offer you my sister :p
But, good topic. The opposite, making fun of fat kids, is just as bad. I have not seen them make fun of skin color yet.
I think they do it because they think kids wont feel anything, it will make them tougher...whatever.
People can be donkey stupid sometimes. I dont know why.
I try to be VERY careful around children, unless its a baby i wont touch them or hold them.....or run after them....or look at them with a mean look...maybe it comes off as not liking the kids. I dont know if that makes me look mean but I'd rather not end up saying something stupid or unknowingly being rough wtih them so as to offendt he parent.
Sorry guys, but in general, our community has no clue how to deal with little kids. We hurt their self esteem, scare the heck out them, all in the name of care and affection.
could not agree with you more. Then those kid turn into guppies(mostly guppens) and make mess here :ASA:
awww, kaun .. chalo at least that is your niece. I am talking about a couple. In fact both husband and wife said that same thing to my older one with in 10 minutes. That poor child really got scared. I mean she started crying right there saying no, please dont take my sister away. That was extremely hurtful but my wife very politely told them not to say that to her.
I know what you are talking about Sara. I was a very skinny kid. One of my aunty was always .. awww beta tum kuch khaatay nahi ho, sookhtay jaa rahay ho …I wanted to tell her aunty aap jo meray hissay ka khaa jaatee hain tabhi to itni motee hain (she was fat )
I did have an aunty say that my room is so big , it must have been built to my size. coughIwas20cough
I thnk our people just lack tact. and as they get older…some elder ones think they ahvea right to say anything just because they’re older…and others, just dont give a damn about hurting or bothering the other. And honestly..i think i will be like that when im old
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I feel so left out… no unkils or aunties offered to take my siblings… :hinna:
I agree with Sara; majority of our people are tactless down to a T. I remember the time when my friend was getting married. We were at her house before going to the venue for the wedding. There was an aunty who came over from America and hadn’t seen the majority of this family for a while. Anyway, her niece (a teen) had put on some weight, and she said something along the lines of "hai Allah,iss tooofaan ko dekho!! Tumhe kya huwa, itnee moti kyuN ho gi ho? Then she looked at her parents and starting daanting at them for feeding their daughter too much. All this happened in front of ALL of their family. And guests like me who weren’t even related.
So demeaning, crass and tactless. I went up to that girl and gave her a big hug after, cos she looked heartbroken.
Re: Your sister is so cute, can I take her with me?
I personally don't think that telling a child that they're cute enough to take home is wrong. I've seen younger people....make such comments as well. Every child responds to a situation differently. I admit that I've said that to kids....and they know I'm joking.....maybe because I say it lightly...and don't push it. It could depend on the manner one makes the comments. With some individuals....their tone/body language.....makes their words seem easy-going. With others.....it can sound harsh. And I've noticed that with aunties.....dunno if it's the accent or body language or the way they word it.....some comments can sound harsh (even when their is no intention to hurt).
HOWEVER.......I do FULLY agree with you that comments about weight....are indeed annoying. And I don't know what it is with some aunties feeling the need to inform you of how you look. If you're thin............you're emaciated to them. If you put on a few pounds......you're fat. You can't win. They won't learn tact. You can't control what they'll say. All you and Nikki can do is to develop a strong self-esteem in your daughters and teach them about tact.....so they don't follow these non-examples.
Went to Dubai during the winter break. Got a stomach bug....was throwing up....dehydrated. Got admitted into an emergency hospital. And this one desi woman was sweet enough to ask me how I was doing (her little daughter was admitted as well). I thought it was nice of her to ask.....................and then she messes it up.
She says...."Aap bahut patli ho"......."Aaap doodh nahin peeti?" **(Why do desi aunties think that doodh is the miracle that will make you chitta and beautiful head to toe?)........"Mainay socha k aap ki umar 15-16 years ki hogi. Kya aap ki family k baaki log bhi aap ki tarha patlay hain.......ya sirf aap hi aisi hain? Aaap bahut kamzor aur patli hain."** Lady, according to my height and age my weight is where it should be..........and if I do look weak, it's because I had been sick for several days.
What is up with people? I don't like to stereotype.....but I encounter these type of comments more often from desi women. I've interacted with women of other races.....but haven't encountered this as much from them. In my experience.....I've gotten comments about my weight more often from women who are on the heavier side and are trying to lose weight. Unless it's something positive, I try to keep my comments about people's looks to myself.
You know what, that I agree 100% . She cannot just take a joke, she can take some serious hits, but man when and if she turns around then the only place you can hide is torabora caves
This is true story. Before her marriage, Niks went through a pahse when her skin was breaking out a lot. Guess what was the favorite line of desi aunties ..hawww, what did you do to your face? Niks wanted to say that I went to the mall and bought some pimples cause I wanted to see how it feels to have a moon face but she did never said that, my chicken wife
Aunti jee, do you find it an intellectual responsibilty of yours to nikaalo keeray in every baat ..:pcg:
and she did not say it to the kid but kid’s older sister who because of her naiveness thought that the aunty is telling the truth (that is, sharing her plans with her)
I wasn’t trying to look for keeray in your post. I even admitted that I’ve made such comments myself. I was neither defending the aunty who made the comment to your daughter…nor was I attacking your daughter. I tried to look at it from a broader view. I even mentioned that sometimes even the most simplest comments can come across as harsh due to the manner one says it in.
I told one of my fifth grade students that his little brother was so cute and that I’m going to steal him. He knows I’m kidding…because I’m his teacher…and he knows I joke around quite a bit with my students. There’s familiarity and trust between us. The age of the child (younger children can be more gullible)…and even familiarity can be contributing factors as well. You naturally doubt the intentions of people you don’t feel close to or familiar with.
