"You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

Lifestyle Relationships
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re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

I might be wrong but wearing leggings AT HOME is not considered to be a faux pas provided your body is amply covered. As for incestuous relationships maybe thats where your cookie crumbles, but i am sure rose ali's mother did not mean it that way.

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"You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married"

Ugh it's disgusting you thinking that way. There's nothing wrong with wearing leggings with long kurta. Infact even in PK leggings are common as they are similarly like chudi pj

I often wear dress and leggings out. What my mom means don't wear leggings with dress infront of your FIL just wear jeans with long tops. And overall be decently covered as Pk mein log baatein karte hain etc...

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re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

Well well well, who do we have here..

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re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

not really, there are plenty of pj's that have have tops that cover your bum and aren't body hugging...like a regular tshirt.

And in regards to thin shirts, wearing a slip underneath is universal. That's good common sense.

Khair, not doubting the rules of your house, I was just surprised at the level of strictness because it's not something I see much in my circle.

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re: “You Can Do Whatever You Want After You’re Married”

my dad had one idea only. im gonna allow my daughter to enjoy her life to the fullest, gain exp and see things all by herself before she gets married. why? simply put.. what if she marries a jackass … that is not in my hands.. her naseeb.. but herl ife with me before she gets married.. IS. and im gonna make sure she enjoys ever second of it.

and i did. god bless my dad for being a real man and dad. thats what being a parent is bout. not giving a rock bout ppl and log kia kahan gay .. or .. omg who will marry her if i send her with teh sports team to another country?!!! :rolleyes:

the rules that applied to my brothers, applied to me.. if they were allowd to go out with their friends, so was i.

neither of us were allowed to do sleep overs. ever. not even with cousins. that was the only NO in my parents books.

my brothers arent allowed to wear shorts in the house… neither was i lol. sharam haya was not only a punishment for me.cuz im a girl… . my brothers had to abide by the same rules.

my husband appreciates my father even more.. because of him, mr.tall got a well educated well rounded wife that can carry a conversation with just about anyone. he feels proud and so thankful that my folks, especially my dad, is who he is and made his daughters the ppl they are now :slight_smile:

may god give him a long and healthy life .. inshallah and ameen.

mr tall is raising genie like this too.. granted she is only 2 lol… but our daugther is gonna be taught the sky is the limit and marriage has nothing to do with it. AT ALL.

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"You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married"

^ my husband says that all the time too because his parents were a little even more strict than mine maybe because he was an only child. Not so much his mom but his dad always shot him down about all of stuff so now he always says hes wants to do the opposite because there were so many missed opportunities for him. Not that we have kids yet.

I had a similar growing up with an exception to my brother being allowed to wear shorts. He never had any restrictions on what he could wear. Spaghetti and sleeveless tops and anything knee high were extremely restricted on me though. Sleepovers was the only thing we weren't allowed to do but that didn't apply to family sleepovers. My dad was always the relaxed one where he would be like "janay do" and my mom was always "idher nahi, udher nahin, ye nai, wo nayi." But my parents never actually stopped me from really doing anything except for sleepovers. But anytime something came up, the answer would be "shaadi ke bad karna." Inlaws or anything were never an issue for anyone in my family, none of my the elders were anything like you hear on this thread until my generation came along and until one of my cousins was married into a really strict family (not her husband) but his family and that allowed a lot of my younger cousins to get a couple of free passes that we never had lol.

But this thread came about because I live in a different country now and I was telling my mom about a work trip I have coming up for a week. Don't do much of these so her first thing was "are you going alone?!? Whose going with you?!? Where will you stay?! Oh my god alone in a hotel for a week?! Take husband with you!" ... It's like NO! Mom stop worrying! And no husband won't be able to come with me! And no I can't go and stay over at someone we knows house lol! And yes I have to go alone and work with co workers while Im there! Every time I am doing something alone even stepping out for groceries for god sakes, its like always "don't go alone. Or do that, don't do this." All over the phone." My parents have grown a lot though, all of my aunts and uncles have with their children so my younger set of cousins have it soooo much easier! Now when one of my younger cousins hears that line, "after shaadi," it doesn't work as well as it did with us because they have seen some of my cousins go through a really hard time. In the beginning my mom was also still telling me I couldn't wear this or that in front of so and so but now she tells me to do whatever my husband says, as long as he's okay with it. My husband never says no to anything I want to do/wear so in regards to what I'm wearing, even if she doesn't like something she doesn't say TO MUCH about it or I can just tell her to get over it and she does lol and I just remind her "you told me about shaadi ke bad." And she can't rebuttle lol. It didnt change right away but gradually over the four years of being married and seeing how my husband is, they now bounce off of him. Now I usually just hear "husband mind to nayi karega."

It's funny now that I don't live at home, the focus is on my brother now. He's almost done college so is on this kick of getting his own place. All I keep hearing them say is "shaadi ke bad" lol. But he has a long way to go before then haha

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"You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married"

Khatti, I don't understand when I read that here as well. I never even saw girls in college or university walking around in Kurta shalwars unless they were international students. Those guys I totally understood but shalwar Kaneez was never forced or worn unless at community events or dawaats with one I knew. Even then not all the time. I was always told to cover but not specifically not made to wear certain things. I could of lived in PJs and sweats for the rest of my life if someone allowed me to lol.

48

PCG, this could be a really good point. I never thought about it but it could be true. Marriage equals some false sense of independence which is kind of ironic.

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re: “You Can Do Whatever You Want After You’re Married”

That’s great, khawa, that your dad thinks outside the box and treats you equally as your brothers. However, the bolded parts in your post above imply that dads who are strict are not real men and their daughters’ education or confidence level suffers due to this. I know your post wasn’t directed at anyone in particular and I’m not taking it personally. I’m just using myself as an example here. While my parents were strict about the dress code and our freedom to travel anywhere without family, they have always put a great deal of emphasis on higher education for all my siblings equally and always encouraged us to participate in educational/social activities that will help us grow personally and professionally. My sis didn’t get admission in a Canadian med school, so she was allowed to go to the Caribbean and subsequently to the States. Likewise, I spent a semester abroad on study based exchange during Uni. Did the same sharm-o-haya rules apply while we were out living by ourselves? Yes. Did that stop us from building the confidence to talk to just about anyone? No.

Respectfully, please be careful in future how you word your sentences, so as not to offend anyone. I understand what you meant, and kudos to your dad for not giving into societal pressure. But those who are mindful of cultural limitations are not necessarily bad dads either.

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Re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married&amp

Lol!

My Ammi was pretty laid back in that type scenario. I guess since she was a single mom for much of my upbringing (even when she and my papa were married, she was still the sole bread earner), so from an early age I saw and learned self sufficiency and independence. Shaadi ke baad, she didn’t nok chok about much except the usual..ghar ki organization and such :vivo:

She and my husband were extremely close, the joke in the family was that he was the beta and I was the bahu lol. The only real time she would nag would be when she wanted me to stay over later than I planned or come spend the night…my husband I lived literally 4 miles away from her and still that was far to her lol.

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"You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married"

Madz, I do agree with this too. I also don't think she meant it in offense but I get what you mean.

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I agree, this line of thinking is so backwards. I was told to wait until after marriage and moving out when I informed my family about my intentions to walk around nude.

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Haha aw! My mom is more of a worry wort than “strict” I guess. At least I realize that now. Even taking the garbage out at night its “make husband stand at the door.” It’s like arrrghhh mom seriously! I live in an apartment building and the shoot is a couple of feet down the hall!

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re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

Amazing how sheltered some girls are...

I guess it's more like you can do whatever husband lets you do after marriage.

More girls need to follow Deeba's thinking. If someone is prohibiting you from harmless fun, then...instead of being a Bakri...do it anyway.

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Re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married"

all such women must tell their moms:**

Ghazab kiyaa tere va’de pe ai’tabaar kiyaa
tamaam 'umr ‘freedom’ kaa intizaar kiyaa!** :cb:

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re: "You Can Do Whatever You Want After You're Married"

Ok, so now obeying your parents equals being a bakri.

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Re: “You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married”

I’m just telling you the truth. Most men you know of are politically correct and will pretend there is nothing sexual about about a woman wearing translucent skin tight leggings for a shalwar.

Im not judging or suggesting what women should or shouldnt wear. Im just telling you that its meant to titillate more than skirts or shorts.

What guy wouldnt like seeing girls wearing these?

58

In my family's case I don't think this is true. All of the married kids in my family are independent and with an exception to one of my cousins, all of the guys are quite liberal. I haven't heard my SILs complain about that. I have seen this with some of my friends though, their inlaws are quite strict and in some cases even more than they are with their own daughters. I think it depends from family to family. One of my cousins in Dubs does have this though, she's not even allowed to be wearing certain colours at certain times of the year. I'm not sure and no white in any form, western or desi. They give her "hazar baat" to hear if she does even if her husband says who cares.. So I think it really depends. Their daughter is just such a sweet and good girl in general so she never strays to far but in some cases she has done what she wanted but they only give my cousin a hard time mostly in lecturing forms.

59

Some can get away with it, some can't. I don't think it's about being a chicken, sometimes it's about being torn between what you want and how that will make your family feel. Some could also be afraid for a reason. One of my Arab friends had a reallllyyyyy strict father, she would tell us stories, it was scary. So in her case, no she couldn't just follow her dreams. She was too afraid.

How about you? How was it for you PCG? What are the main restrictions?

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Re: “You Can Do Whatever You Want After Your Married”

5.5/10

1/10

4/10