Oh come ON! Its a "right" given to men but one which comes with extreme responsibility. Responsibility that I've yet to see anyone accomplish. That being, treating all wives equally and having agreement of previous wives to having another wife. Never assume that its a "right" no matter what the circumstance so skrewit if wife numbr 1 has a problem with it. That multiple wife thing came out of the need to care for others - and from what I've seen, those who are taking advantage of the rule are very far from caring about others.
For angeleyes: please don't mind my questioning this - & with all due respect to the religion you believe in - but is there any reasoning behind man being granted such a right? And if yes, is that reasoning relevant or applicable to the times we live in?
this i ask just in order to understand better, by no means do i mean to be disrespectful to you or your faith.
Oh come ON! Its a "right" given to men but one which comes with extreme responsibility. Responsibility that I've yet to see anyone accomplish. That being, treating all wives equally and having agreement of previous wives to having another wife. Never assume that its a "right" no matter what the circumstance so skrewit if wife numbr 1 has a problem with it. That multiple wife thing came out of the need to care for others - and from what I've seen, those who are taking advantage of the rule are very far from caring about others.
No need to defend yourself.
Polygamy/polyandry was practised for centuries in many societies around the world. After Brits started conquering lands, they started shoving their 'victorian' values down everyone's throats.
You are not the only woman who feels this way, many do. And, you know how many men feel about this. :D
it's about whether or not a marriage can survive it.....whether or not a wife can accept another woman to enter the marriage without feeling any jealousy, without feeling any competition, etc.
You never know until you are there. May be your fears will never materialize. Maybe you'll change and so will your views.
I had an interesting convo with a "lady" once. She was very "open minded" about life. She admitted that her views over the years changed as she lived, grew and experienced life. She said, and I felt the same way, that young people and their views are conditioned by society and pop-culture; especially your preferences in life. People don't break away from that conditioning until much later; and, that happens after experiencing a lot of life and realizing that many things you grew up believing weren't true.
I admire MamaOf3 for entertaining views that are not popular or the norm in our times.
Trust me, when it happens, there is nothing graceful or Islamic about it.
Its humiliation after another, especially if husband is in the grip of second wife.
My ex promissed another woman marriage, while being engaged to me. IF he had been honest, I would never had married him. I would had married a guy from directly Pakistan and avoided such a disgrace he put me through.
I barely kept my sanity, it was really crazy stuff he put me through.
Especially, as new wed I never had a day in peace or happiness with ex. Our honeymoon had not even started and he announced his intentions to me, after I had merely been in Toronto for 7-10 days.
And I was naive to think, we had a great communication and lots of liking in life being very similar. It was a true bollywood drama.
Im glad, Im through with that part. I have never met any so low in being a pakistani man as him. She can keep him and all my things as well.
I know, Im destined to great things in life. Such a life with him is so beneath me. How on earth can a first wife respect a woman who is doing zinah and behayaii in front of all? She really changed my point of view on "decent pakistani born women"..... As European born, I could never lower myself to the degree she did. And then at Ramadan, she would come over with her filthy hands and give him food. As the beghairat he was, he would eat it all. She would ask me about nimaz time and etc.....i was sick to my stomach! What a display of being religious.....lol
I asked him only one question:
Have you as husband provided for me and fulfilled your obligations towards me since u have decided to remarry? ohhh she will provide for herself!
Yeah, she ended up taking my home and all my new bought stuff. So much for the rights of first wife. Such a looser.
These days he calls my family in various countries to turn them against me. Such a patthetic man....lol Crying as a baby caz I told his family of the character his new wife got.
very bad guy ..anyway u hav to change ur life and nw hope for the best and remember every1 in ur prayers ...Pathani baji us koo maaaaaaaaf ker dain us becharai ki koi majbooree be hoo saktee hai ...u dont knw the real story behind ths all ..might be she was already engaged to him and he didnt show u ths side of pix ...anyway badgoomaanaee is bad in all ...just pray for him ka Allah us koo hadayat dai ..Ameen
Oh come ON! Its a "right" given to men but one which comes with extreme responsibility. Responsibility that I've yet to see anyone accomplish. That being, treating all wives equally and having agreement of previous wives to having another wife. Never assume that its a "right" no matter what the circumstance so skrewit if wife numbr 1 has a problem with it. That multiple wife thing came out of the need to care for others - and from what I've seen, those who are taking advantage of the rule are very far from caring about others.
*You never know until you are there. May be your fears will never materialize. Maybe you'll change and so will your views. *
after reading mamaof3's post about her situation and her battle of infertility....I did think to myself...perhaps if I was in her shoes my views would be different. Besides like i said...i dont look down upon it nor should anyone else. I just personally dont think I could handle it. But you nvr know until the time comes.
I totally respect how mamaof3 was unselfish and willing to accept another women into their lives. Like I mentioned before....it takes a strong woman to do that.
I wont get a divorce nor am i going to accept that woman - she needs him not him so yea he'll be able to live his life without her as well do its fine to not help someone at times!
I agree with that!!..I have heard all that crap of some people trying to say that if a guy has a over active libido, its better to have another wife then going to prostitutes…to the first thing being put down when somebosy is inquisitive about Islam..The Ayat that some people put out which says that a guy is allowed to have more then one…also says that he should be Just in all of them,…and added to that is :that it is Impossible to be just in that situation!!..How come mostly guys shove that in the face of women , when their own selfish reasons r ruling their minds and they basically do not follow other things of ISLAM…picking and choosing from the religion, what ever that
suits them…
Ok..Enuff of the venting from my part…But personally…It would be the Beyonce song"Irreplacable"…
Souten is an Indian bakwas concept- not an Islamic one. In Islam it is perfectly ok to have upto 4 wives and they are like sisters.. alhamdullilah. 2 of my cousins in Pakistan have more than 1 wife. One is 33 years old and has 2 and another is 27 years has 2 wives too and have seen that the love doesn't lessen once you get another wife. Its only these days we find girls in Pakistan are sooo much against their husband getting another wife. Mughals who we worship used to have more than one wife and I think if one can afford, one shud go for multiple wives- as I dont see anything wrong in that
very bad guy ..anyway u hav to change ur life and nw hope for the best and remember every1 in ur prayers ...Pathani baji us koo maaaaaaaaf ker dain us becharai ki koi majbooree be hoo saktee hai ...u dont knw the real story behind ths all ..might be she was already engaged to him and he didnt show u ths side of pix ...anyway badgoomaanaee is bad in all ...just pray for him ka Allah us koo hadayat dai ..Ameen
Bhai DF, let us get things straight.
She knew he was about to get married with me. She was engaged to another man. He had a son from previous marriage. He came all the way from US along with family and son and she simply told him that she loved sum1 else. The arranged marriage was cancelled and she kept on dating meeting my ex in public. I think, I was more ashamed of her behaviour than herself. I played things straight and I dont give a d a m n about them both. They ruined selfesteem and got me to the point of wanting to end myself while being a new wed bride. I just couldnt see how I could tell my family what he was doing against me in a total foreign country. We were engaged for over 2 years. He had only known her as a new friend for six months. Why should an emotional disturbed man be forgiven?
There is no forgiveness in my heart. He robbed me for all I had saved up
much more. Just a namard. A planned evil action as that, is not the sort
that should be forgiven. Ok, enough about this. Just thought to give u the right prospective.
IF I saw a new couple married and happy, even if the man had promissed me marriage, I would leave them alone. How many times, have I not been offered to become second wife and declined it? Becaz, what I cant do to others, I dont want it for myself either.
u can't do that.. only he can give you talaq.. what u wrote is un-Islamic.
of caz she can. Its not un-islamic. She can do khullah.
She could also start a divorce proces at some imam, and begin seperation period. Nobody has to REMAIN in a marriage because a man doesnt want to give talaq or keep a wife against her will in his niqah.........
Like my ex tried to play smart with me. He didnt maintain nor give divorce. He thought he could just go on living with second wife and that way I would have enough start talaq proces but he would cleverly only pay half of mehr. But it doesnt go that way. He is bound to pay entire mehr, though I doubt he is man enough to do so. Just a zinaii looser.
something fishy going on here …
