Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

[hareem01]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

Yes.

(changed my mind)

[Demilitarize]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

I think that is oversimplifying things psyah. There is noone to give TO if the person in question is bound to die soon.

I gave a jawab ... First of all I'm not a single lady ... but I feel there is a pattern in why some women will say yes and others will say no ... it is because those who say yes will be because they are the type of lady who sees marriage as something "they give" and other women see marriage as something "they get" - who are likely to say no.

[psyah]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

I think that is oversimplifying things psyah. There is noone to give TO if the person in question is bound to die soon.

Peace Demesne

Look at it another way ... the one who feels that the other deserves to feel love before they pass on and that sentiment eclipses the other feeling that one wants to have a partner for life for her own needs - will push her to make that difficult decision.

There are some people who will do it out of business reasons ... rich man on death bed - yes please inherent a lot ... but generally speaking the healthy person marrying an unhealthy person IS making a sacrifice.

[Demilitarize]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

Peace Psyah

:) I really don't know why I'm playing devil's advocate here since I made the choice to marry someone without knowing how long that person's life span can be.

But that said, everyone deserves to be loved. Does that mean this is a charity act?

I think the last thing a person would want is an act of charity.

@psyah

Peace Demesne

Look at it another way ... the one who feels that the other deserves to feel love before they pass on and that sentiment eclipses the other feeling that one wants to have a partner for life for her own needs - will push her to make that difficult decision.

There are some people who will do it out of business reasons ... rich man on death bed - yes please inherent a lot ... but generally speaking the healthy person marrying an unhealthy person IS making a sacrifice.

[psyah]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@Demesne

Peace Psyah

:) I really don't know why I'm playing devil's advocate here since I made the choice to marry someone without knowing how long that person's life span can be.

But that said, everyone deserves to be loved. Does that mean this is a charity act?

I think the last thing a person would want is an act of charity.

Yes ... the prophet Muhammad (SAW) said even a smile can be charity ...

[Demilitarize]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

^ let me rephrase, pity marriage :)

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@Mad_Hatter

I think it would be a very hard decision to make, especially if you know know/fall in love with the guy first. I think most of us have the swan-mindset, we all tend to see ourselves as mating for life with one partner. How many people have you heard saying they are a 'one-man- type of gal? Quite a few I’m sure.

In answer to rabia’s Q, if he is in remission then his chances of surviving the cancer would seem to be higher. In those kind of circumstances, it’s certainly up to the girl in question whether she is prepared to take the risk of marrying someone like this, it would take a strong person to do so and I would commend anyone who is able to look beyond the illness aspect and at the man in question.

Smoke Cloud

Escape

Nice dodge buddy, answer the question!

[chaibiskut]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

Not to be a smartass, but coming from "a nice family, being a sweetheart, and good looks" isn't enough for me to dig a guy I just met, regardless of his health status.

Life ultimately boils down to trade offs. If the prognosis is bad, but you've known him long enough to believe what you share is uncanny and rare the way only a soul mate can be, it's a painful situation but you can work with it. If it's someone you've just met, very few people will give him a chance - most desis won't even hang around long enough to inquire what sort of cancer it is. And if you've already experienced the inexplicable grief of losing someone to the c-word, it'll be difficult for anyone to judge you for not wanting to go through that again.

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@chaibiskut

Not to be a smartass...

YOU LOSE!

[chaibiskut]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

[Mad_Hatter]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@goddamniamsoawesome

Smoke Cloud

Escape

Nice dodge buddy, answer the question!

MAKE ME!

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@Mad_Hatter

MAKE ME!

Shifty; you are.

Says Yoda.

P.S. The movie sucked balls (Alice in Wonderland).

[Mad_Hatter]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

I know man, the johnny depp one right? Brings shame to the people of Wonderland.

I'm not shifty, my eyes are just like that :(

[MonkeyMirch]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

A friend of mine was dating someone who ended up with Cancer but now is in remission and they are still together and engaged as well.

So if love is there...deff why not, and we can't help what our health status will be. If we are healthy now, we won't be later....and same goes for this guy...if he isn't healthy now....he will be later on. It's all in Allah's hands and we should give each proposal an equal chance.

Btw...have you guys seen the movie 50/50???

[goddamniamsoawesome]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@Mad_Hatter

I know man, the johnny depp one right? Brings shame to the people of Wonderland.

I'm not shifty, my eyes are just like that :(

Yeah, like WTF dude. There's only so many trippy roles you can play Depp Sa'ab!

[Deeba1234]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@chaibiskut

Not to be a smartass, but coming from "a nice family, being a sweetheart, and good looks" isn't enough for me to dig a guy I just met, regardless of his health status.

Life ultimately boils down to trade offs. If the prognosis is bad, but you've known him long enough to believe what you share is uncanny and rare the way only a soul mate can be, it's a painful situation but you can work with it. If it's someone you've just met, very few people will give him a chance - most desis won't even hang around long enough to inquire what sort of cancer it is. And if you've already experienced the inexplicable grief of losing someone to the c-word, it'll be difficult for anyone to judge you for not wanting to go through that again.

This reminds me there are some cancers that are very easy to treat.. Testicular cancer (the most common cancer in young men) is more than 95% curable if it hasn't spread (and still pretty high in a lot of cases where it has)..

To me someone with that will probably have a better quality of life or be healthier long-term than someone with a life-long condition like Diabetes..

[rabia3983]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

thanks guys, this had been very helpful. I will just have to tell my brother to find him a girl friend instead of going through my mom :)

N Deeba he had a very rare cancer and there isn't much resreach on it. They dont even have a proper treatment plan for it and used different type of cancer treatment for it.

[Demilitarize]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

Love conquers all

@rabia3983

thanks guys, this had been very helpful. I will just have to tell my brother to find him a girl friend instead of going through my mom :)

N Deeba he had a very rare cancer and there isn't much resreach on it. They dont even have a proper treatment plan for it and used different type of cancer treatment for it.

[Enigmatic]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

rabia if you don’t mind I would like to know what sort of a cancer does he have.

As far as cancer or any tumor is concerned there’s a whole spectrum of gray and unidentified areas. Some cancers are slow growing and have no symptoms and such people can enjoy life for quite a number of years. Others have a bleak outcome even after treatment (chemotherapy, surgery radiotherapy etc).
Sometimes the whole process of treatment itself is very devastating for the patient at other times a full cure is there.

So by labelling a person as having cancer doesn’t prove his health or his lifespan.

Now coming to your question: If I were single…and this had been an arranged rishta I would have definitely looked at all pros and cons and prognosis of the cancer to make a decision to marry such a person..the most important being my own will to stand by his side. It’s easier said that a few memorable years spent together can last a lifetime. But being a doctor I know how hard those times can be in some cases and others too. If I weren’t capable of looking after him I wouldnt marry him to make his life more miserable.
But if I had loved him and had known him before this happened I would never revert on my decision and would still go and marry him. And I agree with Deeba some people with cancer can live up to a much longer life than someone with heart disease and/or diabetes.

And all my prayers for your younger brother Rabia for his recovery and a healthy long life

[Paheli00]

Re: Would you marry him knowing he had cancer?

@rabia3983

thanks guys, this had been very helpful. I will just have to tell my brother to find him a girl friend instead of going through my mom :)

I'm being totally serious when I say this.....but finding a GF really would be the best and least painful way for him to find a wife. Going through a arranged process....he'll have to "prove" to the entire family (including the girl herself) that he's "worth" marrying despite this. But if he dates a girl and allows her to get to know him as a person....then this won't be that big of an issue.