Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
^i wouldn't expect her to ask permission. But my point is that I would like her to wait until she's ready for marriage.
And anyway, the poster is asking about what we would want. Every parent has to set some limits and guidelines, regardless of whether the child will break them.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
^i wouldn't expect her to ask permission. But my point is that I would like her to wait until she's ready for marriage.
And anyway, the poster is asking about what we would want. Every parent has to set some limits and guidelines, regardless of whether the child will break them.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I am planning on following my kids around 24/7
I like the idea
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
Assuming the time these days to be considered ready for marriage is in the late 20s, early 30s now, it'd be quite a sight to see a grown up asking permission from her mommy to 'meet' someone in order to find a suitable candidate.
This is an interesting dilemma. These days, to finish your education and find a job you're comfortable in can take you into your late 20s or even early 30s. Back in the day, people would have to abstain from sex into their teens. Now, you're being asked to wait a lot longer.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
^ Yup, and the tension exists at the other end too as the onset of puberty is occurring earlier in some populations.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
^ Yup, and the tension exists at the other end too as the onset of puberty is occurring earlier in some populations.
Yeah I've heard that. In my mind, it requires people to show a little more understanding in terms of the interaction between men and women at a young age. I'm not advocating premarital sex, but getting to know someone outside of an arranged marriage situation should be considered more acceptable.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
Well, first, I need to get into a relationship, so I can have kids. Maybe after that, I'll let you know.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
^ Did you know female crocadiles eat their babies?
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
My sons can sleep with as many girls as they like but I will never let my daughters date
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
When the s/he is ready to be married, I would allow her/him to go out and meet with someone in order to find a suitable spouse. But I would not want her/him dating for fun alone.
Ditto.
I'd also encourage my child to 'research' their potential partner via their friends/social circles (maybe friends outings).
I think there's a fine line between getting to know someone who you think is a great partner for your child, and allowing your child to date openly. With parents approval it's a serious one as a child will be expected to answer to their parents e.g. how did the meeting go, what is he like, what do they plan to do/where do they plan to settle etc etc. Plus, if the potential partners family are involved it's not like plan old dating whereby there's no serious factor to it.
Does that make sense?
Also, to answer OP's other question, nope didn't do the dating thing before I got married. Don't regret it at all.
One of my former close friends did the dating thing and it kinda proved a nightmare when she wished to find a man to marry. She was always comparing one to another, to another. Blergh, too much headache!
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
My sons can sleep with as many girls as they like but I will never let my daughters date
Oh, nice. Just remember those girls your sons sleep with are someone elses daughters. What goes around comes around. What's good enough for one...and so on and so on.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
Ditto.
I'd also encourage my child to 'research' their potential partner via their friends/social circles (maybe friends outings).
I think there's a fine line between getting to know someone who you think is a great partner for your child, and allowing your child to date openly. With parents approval it's a serious one as a child will be expected to answer to their parents e.g. how did the meeting go, what is he like, what do they plan to do/where do they plan to settle etc etc. Plus, if the potential partners family are involved it's not like plan old dating whereby there's no serious factor to it.
Does that make sense?
Also, to answer OP's other question, nope didn't do the dating thing before I got married. Don't regret it at all.
One of my former close friends did the dating thing and it kinda proved a nightmare when she wished to find a man to marry. She was always comparing one to another, to another. Blergh, too much headache!
Thats sounds like a "no relationship" to me.....and thanks for answering the 2nd part of my question...because others haven't
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
well.....define relationship first.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
i am not a good 'definitiioner'...but by relationship i meant what the general meaning is taken.....that there is a boy friend/ girl friend.....who call themselves committed but haven't actually done something 'proper' as in engagement or something.....what you call 'going out'.......that kinda thing....
what princess mentioned above seems like a semi-arranged interaction with definite outcome after a definite period of time..i.e accept/reject the rishta..
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
Oh, nice. Just remember those girls your sons sleep with are someone elses daughters. What goes around comes around. What's good enough for one...and so on and so on.
Cool story.
Re: Would you let your kids have a ‘relationship’ before marriage?
**Your daughters will prob end up doing the same as ur sons.. just behind ur back.. **
Double-standards.. the surest way to make sure ur kids rebel :k:
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I don't see my post as a no to a relationship-not all relationships can be defined with a tag. If you are mingling with someone, meeting their family, their social circle and so on their is a relationship being built. Will it move forward to a marriage is a different ball game.
I wouldn't wish my child to get into the whole Boyfriend/Girlfriend thing. Again there's always a thin line between things and I really wouldn't feel comfortable giving my child a signal that I am endorsing premarital relationships that are clearly meant for post marriage.
Deeba, agree with you. Most if not all of us have heard or seen with our own eyes the dangers of sexist behaviour in particular in family set-ups whereby one child is favoured more because they were born male/female. If it's about izzat (that's a separate thread btw, I'm just saying) both sexes should be taught to respect the opposite sex. Izzat is what you make it. Unfortunately we're living in a world where double standards dictate to many.
Daniceone-it's not a story sunshine, it's the harsh reality. Just because a women isn't related to you doesn't mean she ain't related to anyone else and someone else ain't going to get miffed with say e.g. your sons.
Motto: only do to others what you are comfortable with them doing to you.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
hm i am right there ....yess there when your kids are spreading wings and trying limits. so we have talked to them(2girls and one boy :) 4rth one is little behind i wud give him 4 years to catch up) frankly that sorry NO friendship is allowed but if you do like someone you can marry them. limits set by Allah are our limits. yes you can like someone but next step is marriage then. no i never made friends with boys becuse i was too afraid of mistakes :)
Re: Would you let your kids have a ‘relationship’ before marriage?
I guess the red font for sarcasm went right by your head.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
No, I'm gonna lock them in the basement....
Just kidding.
Ummmmm I don't think nowadays you can stop your kids from dating, if you 'try' to stop them you'll just end up pushing them away and they'll do it behind your back. I think you have to educate them rather than control them.