Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
This is for all the 'parents' out here....
Would you allow your girls/boys to enter into relationships so that they can find the 'right' one? and would you accept 'whatever' they chose?
Did you have relationship(s)/done dating before marrying yourself?
I'm not a parent nor am I married yet, but I will answer any way :P
It is strictly forbidden to have intimate relationships with people of the opposite gender until you're married. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) even said that you may speak with a member of the opposite gender in the public as long as you are not alone.
Would I allow my children (i'A) to? No, never. Astaghferullah I've had more relationships than I can remember and I was always around all types of trouble, but I've found a much better path for myself now m'A se. I was born here in the US, been here all my life, but my parents never forced Islam on me. For a couple years I chose to be agnostic, but I found my answer again in Islam and I rightfully chose it on my own. My children will be raised Islamically (i'A) and when they are older, it will not be forced upon them so that they can rightfully make the decision on their own, as my parents allowed me.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I'll totally let them date cuz i have learnt alot from my relationship..n id encourage it to be a long distance one :D evils
on a serious note i do feel people abroad share a very different image of dating in my times atleast (2-3yrs ago) dating was hanging out in a mall, going for a movie (maybe) going for marathons together and talking over the phone..i dun see y its bad?
please dunt put a religious aspect on what i have written as in its HARAM or anything but i think friendly interaction is healthy! I have dated 2 guys and i have ended up just fine! and since i was 13 i have never not been in a relationship except for 6month break maybe!
p.s: first one was kina a jerk-but i learnt!
but as i said dates were all about malls and marathons and movies..nothing gr8! and in all this i found the love of my life whom my family love too..see!
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
there would be no such discussion if we knew the rightful way to handle this issue....which is sticking to the deen....it is haram to have any kind of contact with a non-mahram....teaching deen to children right from the start would IA, make it so easier for them to choose the right thing, which is avoiding any kind of contact with non-mahram....a boy and a girl are allowed to look at each other once (in presence of their family) for the purpose of marraige....this much is allowed in islam...anything beyond that is haraam....our parents, grand parents and all those older generations used to have arranged marriages which worked just fine....why are we quitting the right way and choosing to copy the west?There is no concept of "dating" in islam.....nowhere in the holy Quran has this concept been approved...The holy Quran and our prophet's life is in front of us to guide as to how we should conduct ourselves for our success in this life and the hereafter....then why are we lost and trying to find solutions on our own?Modern people these days explain it as "getting to know each other"theory....is there a surity that the time that a boy and a girl spend before marriage "in getting to know each other" will ensure that they would get along for the rest of their lives?If so...then why is the divorce rate so high in western countries like U.S ,where goras actually have sex and kids during "the getting to know each other "time....how much more can a boy and girl know each other beyond this stage? yet after all this tamasha when marriages do take place most of them end up in a divorce....the divorce rate is incredibly high in western countries.....when some people say "I would let my kid meet the girl/boy in gatherings, let them go for a movie together, meet in a mall etc but not more than that" then how can you actually draw a line, which will not let the children cross their limits?after all its human nature to want to go further....how do you stop that?
In islam there is no concept of free mingling of a boy and girl after the mangni...it is haram to even talk with the opposite sex before marriage forget about meeting them and having fun around. But our desi culture has left the deen way back :( Then we keep asking Allah to prevail peace when disasters take place in our homeland, we question why is it happening to our country?It is time we look at our deeds and fear Allah's wrath.
I know everybody is entitled to their opinion...but I would IA teach my children the right way of deen and pray to Allah that my children stay on the right path, choose the right thing and abstain from anything that is not liked by Allah SWT.
Sorry for the length of the post....I am known as a superfluous writer :( I apologize for the inconvenience
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
probably not a gf/bf situation b/c that can cause so much heartache if it doesn't work out but most probably the son/daughter could be engaged in college just b/c in college especially when you see all these guys and girls kissing and making out it can get so distracting and lonely for those that are more conservative.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
there would be no such discussion if we knew the rightful way to handle this issue....which is sticking to the deen....it is haram to have any kind of contact with a non-mahram....teaching deen to children right from the start would IA, make it so easier for them to choose the right thing, which is avoiding any kind of contact with non-mahram....a boy and a girl are allowed to look at each other once (in presence of their family) for the purpose of marraige....this much is allowed in islam...anything beyond that is haraam....our parents, grand parents and all those older generations used to have arranged marriages which worked just fine....why are we quitting the right way and choosing to copy the west?There is no concept of "dating" in islam.....nowhere in the holy Quran has this concept been approved...The holy Quran and our prophet's life is in front of us to guide as to how we should conduct ourselves for our success in this life and the hereafter....then why are we lost and trying to find solutions on our own?Modern people these days explain it as "getting to know each other"theory....is there a surity that the time that a boy and a girl spend before marriage "in getting to know each other" will ensure that they would get along for the rest of their lives?If so...then why is the divorce rate so high in western countries like U.S ,where goras actually have sex and kids during "the getting to know each other "time....how much more can a boy and girl know each other beyond this stage? yet after all this tamasha when marriages do take place most of them end up in a divorce....the divorce rate is incredibly high in western countries.....when some people say "I would let my kid meet the girl/boy in gatherings, let them go for a movie together, meet in a mall etc but not more than that" then how can you actually draw a line, which will not let the children cross their limits?after all its human nature to want to go further....how do you stop that?
In islam there is no concept of free mingling of a boy and girl after the mangni...it is haram to even talk with the opposite sex before marriage forget about meeting them and having fun around. But our desi culture has left the deen way back :( Then we keep asking Allah to prevail peace when disasters take place in our homeland, we question why is it happening to our country?It is time we look at our deeds and fear Allah's wrath.
I know everybody is entitled to their opinion...but I would IA teach my children the right way of deen and pray to Allah that my children stay on the right path, choose the right thing and abstain from anything that is not liked by Allah SWT.
Sorry for the length of the post....I am known as a superfluous writer :( I apologize for the inconvenience
Who says it's haram to talk to a member of the opposite sex?
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
there would be no such discussion if we knew the rightful way to handle this issue....which is sticking to the deen....it is haram to have any kind of contact with a non-mahram....teaching deen to children right from the start would IA, make it so easier for them to choose the right thing, which is avoiding any kind of contact with non-mahram....a boy and a girl are allowed to look at each other once (in presence of their family) for the purpose of marraige....this much is allowed in islam...anything beyond that is haraam....our parents, grand parents and all those older generations used to have arranged marriages which worked just fine....why are we quitting the right way and choosing to copy the west?There is no concept of "dating" in islam.....nowhere in the holy Quran has this concept been approved...The holy Quran and our prophet's life is in front of us to guide as to how we should conduct ourselves for our success in this life and the hereafter....then why are we lost and trying to find solutions on our own?Modern people these days explain it as "getting to know each other"theory....is there a surity that the time that a boy and a girl spend before marriage "in getting to know each other" will ensure that they would get along for the rest of their lives?If so...then why is the divorce rate so high in western countries like U.S ,where goras actually have sex and kids during "the getting to know each other "time....how much more can a boy and girl know each other beyond this stage? yet after all this tamasha when marriages do take place most of them end up in a divorce....the divorce rate is incredibly high in western countries.....when some people say "I would let my kid meet the girl/boy in gatherings, let them go for a movie together, meet in a mall etc but not more than that" then how can you actually draw a line, which will not let the children cross their limits?after all its human nature to want to go further....how do you stop that?
In islam there is no concept of free mingling of a boy and girl after the mangni...it is haram to even talk with the opposite sex before marriage forget about meeting them and having fun around. But our desi culture has left the deen way back :( Then we keep asking Allah to prevail peace when disasters take place in our homeland, we question why is it happening to our country?It is time we look at our deeds and fear Allah's wrath.
I know everybody is entitled to their opinion...but I would IA teach my children the right way of deen and pray to Allah that my children stay on the right path, choose the right thing and abstain from anything that is not liked by Allah SWT.
Sorry for the length of the post....I am known as a superfluous writer :( I apologize for the inconvenience
Who says it's haram to talk to a member of the opposite sex?
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
In islam there is no concept of free mingling of a boy and girl after the mangni...it is haram to even talk with the opposite sex before marriage forget about meeting them and having fun around. But our desi culture has left the deen way back :( .
ASA. Bro, I have to correct you. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) NEVER said that you cannot speak with the opposite gender before marriage!! You have to lower your gaze, and yes you can look only once, but if you are working at a bazaar and a woman walks up to you to buy some fruit, is she not allowed to ask you questions? This is even explained in hadith Al-Bukhari!! He has taught us to always be modest and sincere in the way we carry ourselves, and that even if we are interested in someone, flirting will only lead you to bad thoughts and trouble, so your conversations are supposed to be very polite and not about any idle and useless chit-chat.
If you are interested in a woman, you are indeed allowed to approach her yourself and ask for her hand (although nowadays most women would get freaked out by that), so scholars say it is generally a better idea to have a sister, mother, aunt or another female family member (even a wife of your friend) to approach the woman and ask.
Please read hadith Al-Bukhari, brother. It is important that we understand these things and clear up these small misconceptions.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I have to correct what I meant....if you notice the discussion was about "relationships before marriage"....I wrote that it is haram for opposite sexes to even talk in that aspect....ofcourse in general, a doctor is allowed to talk to her female patients and vice versa, a seller is allowed to talk with the women buyers etc....but it has to be a specific work related talk...but never is it allowed to chat casually with a non-mahram...women are advised to use a firm tone while speaking to non-mahrams so that the person doesn't get attracted given the soft tone....there is a hadith regarding a person's husband's brother which says "stay away from your brother in law as you would want to from your death"....when there is such strict ruling in regards to a person who is somewhat related to you (being hubby's brother, in some cases living in the same house)....then it is quite obvious that it is haraam to go out, have fun with a person who you are no way related to before marriage.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
Some things you just can't prevent e.g. falling in love while at uni etc, which is what happened in my case. I told my Mum from the moment I first started having butterflies when thinking about him!! Mum was amazing about it. I was a little nervous telling Dad but when I finally did he was so supportive.
So because I had a good experience I would support my kids too.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I have to correct what I meant....if you notice the discussion was about "relationships before marriage"....I wrote that it is haram for opposite sexes to even talk in that aspect....ofcourse in general, a doctor is allowed to talk to her female patients and vice versa, a seller is allowed to talk with the women buyers etc....but it has to be a specific work related talk...but never is it allowed to chat casually with a non-mahram...women are advised to use a firm tone while speaking to non-mahrams so that the person doesn't get attracted given the soft tone....there is a hadith regarding a person's husband's brother which says "stay away from your brother in law as you would want to from your death"....when there is such strict ruling in regards to a person who is somewhat related to you (being hubby's brother, in some cases living in the same house)....then it is quite obvious that it is haraam to go out, have fun with a person who you are no way related to before marriage.
Ah, yeah in that regard then I would have to agree with you.
And btw I just noticed I assumed you were a brother, so if I was wrong then I do mean sister, sorry.
This raises a question for myself though, but I'll just create a new thread for it.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I don't agree with those saying you can't stop your kids from doing things you disapprove of.
If you cannot raise children who grow up to make good moral decisions, you have failed as a parent, sorry to say.
Subhan'Allah,
I totally agree. There's a beautiful saying that goes "Education begins at home". I know so many parents that have developed extremely close relationships with their children and they grew up staying away from trouble completely. I know a couple Muslim & Christian families like that where their children have never had any intimate relationships, never been on drugs, fights, no trouble whatsoever.
Re: Would you let your kids have a 'relationship' before marriage?
I don't agree with those saying you can't stop your kids from doing things you disapprove of.
If you cannot raise children who grow up to make good moral decisions, you have failed as a parent, sorry to say.
It's hardest in the teens though. Thinking back to that age, your friends are a lot more influential than your parents. It's at that point parents have to hope they did a good enough job. I'm not saying back off, but at that age, trying to stay on your child 24/7 is going to do more harm than good. Again, not saying give them free reign, but trust them to make good decisions as well.