This thread is so frikkin gay.So wht if he slapped the plastic rod against your chair.He prolly did it to get your attention,since u had frikkin headphones on.I wonder wht u would have done if he poked u with it to get your attention? And look at how quickly u brought the guy’s background of being born and raised in America into question.Ugh.Think Irem,think. 
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Irem, you have every right to behave the way you did. if he's trying to be all chummy with you and you don't want to reciprocate, you're well within your right not to.
besides, If anything arrogance is the word for this behaviour rather than rudeness. Even then you don't wanna socialize with the dude, then don't. I don't understand what the big deal is. The dude should get the hints if he's got half a brain.
Irem -
Firstly, I enjoy reading your posts. They are different in some ways, because your personality totally shines through. Anyways, you keep me entertained :)
Back to your story now...yaar, guys have a tendency to be a little "up front" sometimes. There is no harm in that. They will do some strange things that will hold you back and think for a while. That's okay too, as long as its not making you uncomfortable. I mean, if you feels that he was out of place in any way or form, then you need to tell him that. Otherwise, just relax and go with the flow. :)
Us girls sometimes misread their intentions and actions but many times, its just friendly "guy" behaviour or "masti" as we call it in urdu.
Fikar maat karo, just be nice to him, he's got a woman in his life anyways, maybe he's just trying to get to know you better as a friend and that's it. Cut him a little slack and just be nice and a good human towards him. If he starts to get too chummy with you, then let him know what the boundaries are..
Hope this helps. I have myself been in many such situations at work and most of the time its nothing serious. Just a friendly gesture on their part...
Good luck :)
sambrialian thanks for ur reply bro…no its not like he dint get the hint or something, i just felt like i was being unfairly unfriendly with him…so u r right its arrogant maybe 
ive never considered myself arrogant, i’m usually told i’m very down to earth n humble n i always perceived myself like that too but yah maybe in this case i’m being arrogant..i dono…
usually i reciprocate whoever is friendly with me unless i find something majorly sketchy abt them or they have habits i really dislike…and then too i try to be polite…
if someone, guy/gal, is giving me enough respect to be friendly or talk to me, its only basic courtesy that i be friendly back…i dont become their best friend but still…
in this case i just need to convey to him in a light manner i guess that he’s still my friend but he shudnt have hit my chair with the rod coz it looks kinda odd..it DOES look odd!!!
Ominous, i’ll give u an example bro, in America its normal to approach a young girl on the street and ask her something…its just not normal here…its just a difference of culture brother, nothing else!!! someone who’s raised in america is not so well versed with pakistani cultural norms as someone raised in pak and vice versa, its only natural!!! just like i dont know the cultural norms prevalent in tribal areas coz i’ve mostly grown up in karachi…do i make sense?
Ira thanks for the reply yaar 
haan u r totally right…i’m not saying he’s flirting yaar, not at all, its just that his limits of friendship with a gal seem to be more, i dono, liberal than mine so its my job to let him know my limits init…
yaar im trying to avoid msn, boht time waste hota hae :-/ tumhein kabhee koi baat karni ho plz pm me or email me, i’ll come online, really i mean it…
lussi congrats you just got the ‘most bongi reply of the thread’ award
DD yeah i know he’s just being friendly yaar lekin its just i dono in pakistan friends of opposite gender are a bit more reserved with each other…or atleast thats how i feel comf and have always been with desi male classfellows/colleagues etc…so this was the first time someone was so free and i felt odd…thanks for ur reply yaar
Fayz what do u mean by ‘experiencing the west’? I think i experienced the west, definitely, but maybe your definition of that is different…?
Yes I’m always in a silent battle with myself, its more like self analysis/evaluation/critique but i dont think thats bad, isnt that what jahad-e-nafs is abt?
Diva4U thank u so much for such a nice reply, great advice, and kind words, much appreciates sis 
irem baaji, in this 'kaththaa' of yours you are forgetting one thing. You are literally accusing the guy of some immoral behavior. Imagine if this same guy was saying stuff about you when you gave him your cup of coffee. I know that offering your coffee may not be as bad as hitting your chair with a plastic rod but then again, it's your perspective.
dont worry irem :) u wont believe what some guys do to get attention - maybe ure brothers too seedha saadha ;) trust me they usually take longer to mature, if u were here you wouldve just laughed it off (or thrown something back)
By experiencing the west I meant that the stereotypes that we have for the western people are just stereotypes. If you have lived with them you would know better unless you have been one of those students who come here for a semester and run back home for summer and winter vacations. When I came to States I stayed here during vacations, worked here and experienced life outside my university. What ever the guy did in your office has nothing to do with his ignorance about our culture…he could be a chichora to begin with…
No u don’t.You are changing the subject now.Wht bothered you his hitting the rod on the chair or that he just said “hey wht’s up”?
In any case,it’s pathetic of you to make such a big deal out of it.
i read all of the replies in this thread. Just wanted to make a few points.
Ominous, What’s “pathetic” to you may not be so “pathetic” towards others. i suggest instead of outright judging someone’s perception of a situation, let’s all try to understand the context behind how our personal perceptions develop.
We’ve all been raised differently, our families have had particular influences upon us. Our teachers inculcate values upon us through their own teaching methods and personalities. Our friends, to some extent, influence our thoughts and actions. i am not going to sit and judge whether or not Irem is “right” to feel this was beyond the limits of an acceptable guy-gal interaction, because her perceptions of “right” are derived from her personal experiences. If you have walked a thousand miles in my shoes, then that will give you the right to judge my judgements. If not, then that right does not exist.
i see it as an issue of cultural upbringing. For Irem, she personally does not feel comfortable when a guy does that. So ? At least she is trying to be honest enough to articulate her confusion in this Forum; instead of jumping on the bandwagon to say ‘oh my God i can’t believe how paindu this is’ etc etc, let’s try to see where she is coming from. This reminds me of a thread i opened in Culture Forum regarding personal space and how much is enough; i posted something about how diverse cultures place different emphases upon physical space - Mediterranean cultures being different than American cultures, as one example of many. So - who’s to say how many inches of physical space is right ? It’s a matter of personal perception.
BTW, Sambrialian, i loved your reply brother :k:
Irem, Had i been in your shoes when he had done that, i would have automatically turned around to see who it was, looked at him, given a half-smile, then turned back to the computer and put my headphones back on. He’d have himself felt stupid for doing it and probably never repeat it again. Don’t worry about it too much Yeh hota rahta hai. From these experiences, Insha’Allah, you will eventually learn yourself the best way to deal with it. Whatever makes you comfortable deep inside your heart, is what’s right.
Thanks to all for your replies
Nadz 
yaar u r the best i lub u thankU so much…
Ominous please talk decently next time and I might reply to you.
Fayz and funguy I think you guys have misundestood part of what I am saying. I never even thought that he did it coz he had non-platonic intentions…firstly he is engaged and secondly he does not strike me as a flirt or cheapster, otherwise I wouldn’t have been friends with him in the first place! If you read my previous posts in this thread you’d see that I think he prolly just thought this was something normal for a guy/gal friendship whereas for me it was not. I’m not accusing him of immoral behavior or bad intentions. Its just he crossed my limits and my initial reaction was shock and blaming him * I’ve come to see that it was not his fault coz my expectation that he should just know what my limits was prolly unfair, coz how was he supposed to know what my limits are.
Fayz yes bro I’m afraid I was one of those homesick students who used to run home every winter and every summer :o but hey I used to miss my family like crazy and I dint even have any relatives in the US! and my parents used to miss me too. I think I did the right thing. I feel I did experience western culture, I tried to shield myself from the bad things but certainly experienced the good things and learnt a lot alhamdulillah.
Xara yeah u r right yar I guess I’ll try having less of an extreme reaction next time :-)*
No worries, Irem. i just found it rather strange that the majority of individuals seem to be saying it's wrong for you to feel a particular way. Under what contexts would they be judging you ? Life experiences give us particular rose-coloured glasses that are unique to all of us; what's appropriate behaviour for that guy, is not appropriate behaviour for you. errr - that's called "life", people - we all come in different packages. i for one am so massively relieved not all of us think alike. ugh imagine how boring this world would be. It's the differences that make us unique, that make Irem - Irem, and me, me. Six billion human beings - we can't all think and act perfectly alike. Thank God we don't. Would anyone want to live in a world, or even in any given society, where all individuals' minds are fine-tuned to identical processes of thought, behaviour, and actions ? i wouldn't. If someone thinks and behaves differently, then that's their God-given human right. If all of you were given different cultural scenarios and put into them as a means of a social experiment, i bet 9 times out of 10, you would do things that other individuals wouldn't agree with. ahaan - so ? It's called being human and being an individual.
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
**Ominous, What's "pathetic" to you may not be so "pathetic" towards others.* i suggest instead of outright judging someone's perception of a situation, let's all try to understand the context behind how our personal perceptions develop.
i see it as an issue of cultural upbringing. For Irem, she personally does not feel comfortable when a guy does that. So ? At least she is trying to be honest enough to articulate her confusion in this Forum; instead of jumping on the bandwagon to say 'oh my God i can't believe how paindu this is' etc etc, let's try to see where she is coming from.
[/QUOTE]
couldn't agree more Nadia. Ominous, I'm sure you could have easily made your points in a less "pathetic" manner. And you know just because the crowd (herd is more like it) is saying one thing, you needn't join the chorus. It makes it harder for others to see your own thought process if you're just doing whatever is in vogue.
Anyway, as Nadia said, it is all about how you've been brought up. I'm a guy and though I wouldn't be upset ( :D ) if a girl did that to me, I would certainly be surprised by this kinda behaviour. And no, I don't have a 6 foot-long beard, and I am most certainly not a mullah. But there are certain limits and especially with people who you barely know and most colleagues fall in that category. So, Irem's reaction has nothing to do with her being conservative, "pathetic", paindu etc etc. And all this BS about her not becoming "open-minded" even though she lived in the US etc doesn't wash either. Many guys would also do the same even if they've lived and grown up in North America etc. Only thing they wouldn't do is post it at GS :D for fear of being bashed by the ABCD brigade.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
i'm usually told i'm very down to earth n humble
[/QUOTE]
and you are just that. I don't think there are many people here who're as nice and friendly as yourself. I say all this because I've often seeked your help in many matters and found you to be a very helpful and nice person. :)
the only thing I would've done differently if I chose to ignore some dude/gal is I wouldn't think about it much. it's my prerogative to talk to whoever I like to talk to and not to whoever I don't wish to. I wouldn't give it a second thought - arrogance or no arrogance. hostels aren't all bad you know. you do learn some useful stuff too. :)
woohoo. Someone who doesn’t think like the crowd 
:k: Not that herd mentalities are ALWAYS bad, but i mean - independent thoughts now and then are extremely positive too.
Very interesting. i am myself part of the ABCD brigade. 23 years old, moved to the west a few months before my 12th birthday and have been living here since. Sorry, folks, but the amount of time i spend in one particular environment doesn’t necessarily prove whether i “should” act like an ABCD or a FOB. i am fobby when it comes to certain things, and ABCD-ish when it comes to other issues. i have problems if guys try to get too friendly, yeah call me a bhuddi and a khala and a geek Like i care. It’s just part of who i am… as long as i realize i am NOT perfect, very very very far from it, and engage in self-critical exercises, then i think all is okay.
Not to derail the thread, but as a point regarding ABCDs vs FOBs, i once knew a FOB guy who asked an ABCD girl out to the movies (not in a group) and the ABCD girl said no because she thought Islamically it was wrong. So what - we’re gonna jump on the bandwagon and say, eek how could the ABCD girl act like such a paindoo.
Everyone has their own acceptable limits of what’s comfortable, what’s not. It’s called diversity.
BTW, Sambrialian, i really am learning to respect your thoughts. NOT because you agree with me, i couldn’t care less about that. Just because you are not scared to be your own person in terms of thinking, etc.
Nadia, I knew someone would pick on that and I should’ve known it was going to be you.
I didn’t mean to generalize, I was trying to find a term for this kinda ganging up attitude and ABCD was the term I stopped on though I know it is not completely accurate. I myself have a strange and sometimes contradictory set of morals. So, I take that ABCD brigade back, it shouldn’t have been the ABCD brigade.
but the only reason why I posted in this thread is because this whole “oh lets gang up on the person who actually says what he/she thinks” instead of just saying the politically correct things is very unhealthy and is not very conducive to the kind of dialogue that a forum is meant for. I don’t bother posting in threads here (though often I have a viewpoint regarding the issue being discussed) because it is generally always the same people in here saying the exact same things in every thread and it becomes really boring and seems really fake if you don’t me saying that.
No, no, it’s cool Sambrialian - i didn’t mean to “pick” on that lolz. The internet sucks for conveying one’s correct message and intent. i know exactly what you mean, i understand it, and i respect it. i know you weren’t generalizing. One thing about those who don’t follow a herd mentality is that generalizations aren’t usually how they play the game.
i think every forum has a brigade of one type or another Religion Forum certainly does. oh well
Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this thread i enjoyed reading it.
iram baji how could u maror my pyaray say kaan.
i might as well give my opinion which is right. wat kind of a bafoon is this guy this is like ladish behaviour where a guy will go slap a friend on his back. he either hasnt been around girls so doesnt know how to act around them or he brain is still that for a 5 year old where one would expect the kid to go around banging things.
here is another example. guys male fun of each toher all the time and swear at each other but u wouldnt do the same to a girl.
about his friendlyness to u i think he shoudl try to understand the hint.
PS u r so cute pinches cheeks
i havent read all the replies.. but i get the general idea..not to be mean to anyone on this thread or pick on anyone...
but why does everythign come down to being "foreign born or raised"
how did "harrassment" come into this..?
i can see, that everyone has their own level of comfotability, but are the top mentioned things relevant?
ive grown up with so called abcd males, and not once has anyone dared to touch another abcd girl in the circle. One of them does hug the girls, but thats cus hes the younger one and we spoil him
whereas in pak, all my male cousins hug me, hold my hand, give me cuddles, beat the crap out of me
how can u conclude that its ones location of birth which defines their behaviour?