normally i’m not that friendly with the guys in my office, except two who r very sweet n helpful n i do feel comfortable with n dont have a prob just talking with them…normally i dont initiate convo with the guys, and if they do talk to me or ask me a question i just reply in a courteous manner but to the point and move on with whatever i’m doing…
there is one guy…he’s american born and raised…maybe a yr or two older than me i forgot exactly how older… [he’s already engaged so please don’t get any ideas ]… well he was quite friendly with me when i initially joined…and i did reciprocate out of basic manners…i think he was just really bored and he saw i came from the us recently too so he liked talking and stuff…this one time i was making coffee in the kitchen so he’s like irem my head hurts make me some please as well so i gave him the cup i’d made for myself and made another cup for myself…and most ppl at work have each other on our msn’s…he’d mssg me on my msn all the time, and i did think he was really bored so i just used to reply out of courtesy and coz i also used to be bored many times…
khayr, it was all clean…i mean its still clean…
but then the thing is, i dono, there r limits to guy girl friendships right…? so this one time i was sitting with my friends and he comes up with a little plastic rod typa thing and bangs that against the back of my chair and says ‘yo irem wassup’…
i’m totally shocked!!! i dont say anything at that time, my headphones r on so i act like i dint heart it…LOL
then later on i get these weird looks from the people around me … khayr, that totally FREAKED me out…and then i didnt talk to this person at all…i was signing out that day and then he came up and he’s like hey wassup irem…i tried to be friendly but i dono i was jus kinda still disturbed abt what had happenned…and if he came up to my desk after that ever i never smiled, i was always like hey and then kinda acted busy, not rude but just kinda busy so he’d get the hint…
now the thing is, he’s consistently been nice to me, like he never did anything RUDE…the hitting thing…i dono, i guess its common among guys to behave live that so maybe he just considers me another guy friend or somehting and he did that but he dint mean it in a bad way plus he’s been raised abroad so maybe he isn’t aware of cultural norms?
well i see him everyday when i’m signing out of the office and every single day i think, ‘irem maybe you’re being rude to him’ but i dono, am i being rude?
my anadar ka jawab is this: i’m being somewhat unfriendly BUT i also dont want a repeat of the banging a plastic rod on my chair action so i’d rather stay like i am, so basically i’m saving my own skin…but phir har roz mujhay bura bhee feel hota hay
on monday i think i’ll try being a bit more friendly i think and just kinda casually tell him ke u know why i wasn’t talking to u? coz of ur stupid banging the plastic thing on my chair what do u think others would have thought when u did that?
i always thought har baat kehne kee naheen hoti but recently i’ve realised its best to be as open and honest with ur thoughts as possible…but one can never be totally open, but still…uff all this is weird
I read one of user’s comments about you and they appealed to me right now when I read this reply of urs. Those comments meant that u have been struggling with your feelings. I can see that you actually are going through this. By saying that u feel u are unfriendly with him, you are actually making me believe as if u really have been rude and the part of reply that u wud like to talk this out with him is fraught with more dangers my dear. Being a male I though to warn u before u actually do anything practical…I believe u need time to solve this problem for you
dangers of falling more apart…dangers of misunderstanding…are u confident that u wud be actually experssing ur true feelings when u will discuss this? Being confused I doubt that u will.
Xara - yaar i was totally relaxed…lekin what would be your reaction if some guy bangs the back of your chair with a plastic rod so hard that everyone around you hears it and turns to look.
actually my felt was i should have just dealt with it then, been like whoaaa what was that in a way that wouldnt have been too awkward but still conveyed my shock. yeah?
Seedha bhai, nah i think i’ll be able to inshallah
Why are u so up tight yaar? .. just relax... i dont think u r being rude.. just trying to ignore him i guess .. its good thing in a way.. like i kno how it is with the females here.. they need to be so careful about everything and all.. but then.. u need to live to .. hay na ?!?! quit worrying about him.. i think u r doin okay ...
Aleezay baji… aapne mujhay daanTa? thankU coz i know im acting stupid asal mein its not easy to quit worrying na when i see his bootha every night when i am signing out he is right there
Ha Ha Ha .. that was so cute irem … .. neah.. u kno wut … hmmm.. u can do one thing.. before he even tries to talk to u.. just ask him about sumthin.. like ‘wut’s the time?’ or sumthin related to work, sumthin really harmless and neutral.. u get the idea.. that way he wont initiate anything u r not comfortable with… not a bad idea?? or is it ?!?
I don’t think this american born guy should have bangged the plastic rod thingy against the back of your chair. RATHER HE SHOULD HAVE BANGGED IT ON YOUR HEAD.
irem it was nothing, guys be silly all the time! they like being the centre of attentions trust me, just look at him like ure li’l brother and u’ll c what i mean…really
Xara - my lil brother is mashallah a very hi well behaved young gentleman! i dont know how he interacts with his female classmates but i cant imagine him doing something so silly
yaar, we are talking about a pakistani office environment here, not the computer lab of an american uni filled with chaptas and goras people talk you know, specially desis, you have to make sure you act properly in public warna the next thing i know people will start making all sorts of assumptions and tarnishing your repuatation…
khayr thanks for the explanation, makes me feel better
The reason I say this is because the guy is genuinely treating you like he would any other male coworker in the office. I would be more concerned if he was ogling and staring you constantly. That would be weird. By his current behavior, he is trying to release the tension created in most desi offices where girls and guys work together. If he had any bad intentions, he would have done something creepy behind the scenes.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. And I think you are only assuming that others were staring. It's all hapening in your sub-conscience. People would make stories only if you act weird. Just treat him like you treat any other guy at work.
Aik taraf tau ladkiaan complain kerti hain k they are not treated as equals at male dominated offices and on the other hand they want to be put on a higher pedestal. Banda karay tau kya karay.
]… well he was quite friendly with me when i initially joined…and i did reciprocate out of basic manners…i think he was just really bored and he saw i came from the us recently too so he liked talking and stuff…this one time i was making coffee in the kitchen so he’s like irem my head hurts make me some please as well so i gave him the cup i’d made for myself and made another cup for myself…and most ppl at work have each other on our msn’s…he’d mssg me on my msn all the time, and i did think he was really bored so i just used to reply out of courtesy and coz i also used to be bored many times…
asal mein its not easy to quit worrying na when i see his bootha every night when i am signing out he is right there 
it was nothing, guys be silly all the time! they like being the centre of attentions trust me, just look at him like ure li’l brother and u’ll c what i mean…really 