Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

[soconfused]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

Some of you people here are really weird.
1- If it is okay to go clubbing for u, then it shud be okay b4 or after marriage, if it is NOT then it shud not be okay now. Why would she want to go b4 marriage, doesn’t make any sense to me.

2- Conservative girls going to Vegas for bachelor party, give me a frucking break, those girls are not conservative.

3- You don’t go clubbing g box u r old, lol.

I’m not entirely sure why you think that’s weird.

1. like some of the other posters said, it’s something that she’s getting out of system. Call it crazy, etc but “going out” is something that’s almost expected for bachelorette parties in the West so I don’t think it’s all that weird that this girl is wanting to go. In her mind, I don’t think she’s expecting to go get piss-drunk and go home with a stranger. Just a night dancing.

2. “conservative” is subjective. You can still be conservative in your dressing and go to a club. I’ve seen hijabis in a club. I’ve gone clubbing. I wear full sleeves and cover up to my ankles; but I’ve gone. Does that make me not sharif in your eyes? Conservative has more to do with dress/behavior than going to a club. Yeah, clubs aren’t exactly the most halal but neither are most work holiday parties/socializing in bars, etc. Like I said, I don’t like clubbing–it’s not my scene–but I know plenty of girls that have gone that I would still consider conservative.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

^So would she feel some kind of guilt if she goes clubbing “after” marriage? Is that what u want to say getting out of her system?

As to your second question, I certainly would not consider you “conservative”, and sharif is a relative term.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@hareem01

Mera tou imaan taaza ho gya.

Btw, by conservative girls she may have meant hijabistas.

Who are hijabistas? Hijabis who go clubbing?

[Deeba1234]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

^^I don’t think the person is thinking about guilt of any sort.. “Getting it out of her system” refers her wanting to experience the atmosphere, being out with her friends at night dancing and all that, something she’s probably not experienced before because of parental restrictions.. It’s the sort of stuff many people who’ve been clubbing naturally grow out of in their late twenties or thirties as they’re settling down and that’s why they stop, not because they feel guilt or shame..

[soconfused]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

^So would she feel some kind of guilt if she goes clubbing “after” marriage? Is that what u want to say getting out of her system?

As to your second question, I certainly would not consider you “conservative”, and** sharif is a relative term**.

so is “conservative”.

“Conservative” people are humans too and do things that would be unlike them. It sounds to me like going clubbing is a 1x thing for this girl as a last hurrah before marriage.

And for the record, you don’t really know me so I find it humorous that you “certainly” would not consider me conservative.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Deeba1234

^^I don’t think the person is thinking about guilt of any sort.. “Getting it out of her system” refers her wanting to experience the atmosphere, being out with her friends at night dancing and all that, something she’s probably not experienced before because of parental restrictions.. It’s the sort of stuff many people who’ve been clubbing naturally grow out of in their late twenties or thirties as they’re settling down and that’s why they stop, not because they feel guilt or shame..

If there is no guilt then she can do it after marriage too or in his company.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@soconfused

so is “conservative”.

“Conservative” people are humans too and do things that would be unlike them. It sounds to me like going clubbing is a 1x thing for this girl as a last hurrah before marriage.

And for the record, you don’t really know me so I find it humorous that you “certainly” would not consider me conservative.

Yeah people might do things once in a blue moon that are unlike them, but they don’t promote or encourage others to do it as well.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

If there is no guilt then she can do it after marriage too or in his company.

After marriage most people’s lifestyles and priorities change.. Like I said it’s not about guilt but people naturally tend to change.. You’re less likely to want to go clubbing when you have work, housework, kids to look after.. You also kinda get bored of it.. Like a lot of things which seem fun when you’re younger it’s just not so appealing when you’re older..

[soconfused]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

Yeah people might do things once in a blue moon that are unlike them, but they don’t promote or encourage others to do it as well.

I don’t think anyone here is promoting it. All people are saying is WHY the girl could be thinking of going. Basically trying to get the OP to understand that sometimes girls want to “let loose” and it’s probably because she’s about to get married.

[AhmedFayyaz]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@kiehsa

Hey guys,

I recently got engaged and planning to get married soon. My fiancee has never went clubbing before but she said its something she would like to experience. I had no problems with this and suggested we will both go together.

She has now suggested to me that for her bachelorette party she would like to go to her with her friends at a club. Can you guys give me your opinion if that is something you would be okay with your significant other doing.

Why not, There is no harm in clubbing. Dude, Instead of taking general opinion just do what you mutually find wise.Personally I would suggest you to prefer her likes over and over.

Ps: Just dont take her to some tacky, sweaty all-in, sasta club.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Deeba1234

After marriage most people’s lifestyles and priorities change.. Like I said it’s not about guilt but people naturally tend to change.. You’re less likely to want to go clubbing when you have work, housework, kids to look after.. You also kinda get bored of it.. Like a lot of things which seem fun when you’re younger it’s just not so appealing when you’re older..

It takes 40 weeks to pop out a baby, doesn’t happen overnight. Clubbing doesn’t take years, takes even less than going for a vacation, that people do go to after marriage with work, kids and other responsibilities. Similarly, one doesn’t get old overnight.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@soconfused

I don’t think anyone here is promoting it. All people are saying is WHY the girl could be thinking of going. Basically trying to get the OP to understand that sometimes girls want to “let loose” and it’s probably because she’s about to get married.

I can understand the ‘let loose’ thing, but I don’t understand the need to do it b4 marriage, or alone.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@kiehsa

Hey guys,

I recently got engaged and planning to get married soon. My fiancee has never went clubbing before but she said its something she would like to experience. I had no problems with this and suggested we will both go together.

She has now suggested to me that for her bachelorette party she would like to go to her with her friends at a club. Can you guys give me your opinion if that is something you would be okay with your significant other doing.

Since you are asking opinion, no, I will not be Okay with it.

[Theorist]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@kiehsa

I asked for your opinion, not your personal attack against my maturity level. For the record, I am completely against the idea, I asked only to see if majority or minority of individuals agree with me or not with their reasons of why or why not.

That seems to be the norm here, Kiesha. As annoying as it is, don’t take it personally. For me, I would be okay if it’s a one time thing but you better make sure she doesn’t like it too much.

[soconfused]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

I can understand the ‘let loose’ thing, but I don’t understand the need to do it b4 marriage, or alone.

Like everyone’s stating, the “let loose” before marriage is because it’s the last time to hang out with your girl friends as a “single girl”. Whether true or not, the perception is that life changes drastically after marriage and your first priority is your husband/your married life. So going out before the marriage with your gfs is kind of a “well this is the last time I’m going to be able to do this without having to worry if my husband has eaten dinner, etc” kind of deal.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

You have shifted the goal posts several times. Obviously he does eat now and will eat when she goes visit her parents.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Paheli00

I would not have a problem with it. I’ve been clubbing before many times during my 20’s and as someone else mentioned earlier, I know for a fact it’s not always what you see in on TV. Much of it depends on the person and the friend/group they’re going with. My husband has also gone clubbing before (we have gone together and separately) but being older, it’s not something we normally do these days. However, my husband had his bachelor party in Vegas and I know one night they went to Tao (they had one of those VIP tables and ended up seeing/meeting some well-known players for the Ravens so that actually ended up being their focus for the night given that the Ravens had just won the Super Bowl). Since our wedding, my husband has gone to several bachelor parties that involved going to a club…he’s actually going to Vegas again next month for another bachelor party and I have no doubt they’ll end up at some well-known club at least 1 night.

I trust my husband. I also know most of his friends and trust them. If I didn’t think I could trust my husband’s judgment when I’m not with him, I don’t see any reason for us to be married.

OP: As already mentioned, I’m assuming you agreed to marry your fiancé b/c you like her as a person and trust her judgments. If you have not yet, I would also recommend you set up a meeting (maybe a group lunch?) where you meet her friends. If you don’t trust your fiancé 100% or the people she’s friends with…then THIS is the time to sit down and sort it out. If you’re not comfortable with her going out with her friends without you, and if you think her friends are a bad influence on you…then you need to make sure right now that she is ok with your attitude b/c otherwise, it will cause arguments/resentments after marriage.

You need to really ask yourself what is it that you’re uncomfortable with. Are you not ok with this b/c you’re a practicing/believing Muslim and do not believe you OR her should ever be in a environment where so many haraam things are going on? But going by this reason, even YOU should refuse to go clubbing with her. Or are you afraid she won’t be able to control herself and end up getting drunk or doing something sexual with another man which really boils down to how much you trust her and is a much bigger issue than just clubbing.

So you are fine with scantily dressed women or may be topless gyrating on tables and men throwing dollar bills at them?

[kiehsa]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

Thanks for all your opinion guys, much appreciated. It pretty much confirms that its an issue with a grey area and not simply black and white.

I really do trust her and have faith in her 100% right now because I have no reason to doubt her. For this reason, I have considered letting her go if it was an exception only for her bachelorette party as a 1x thing.

Problem is that she is one of the first individuals to get married from her group and I know she has several friends who are non muslim/muslim who do drink. I think its just matter of setting dangerous precendence early on in marriage/relationship. If I say I am okay now, I will have to be okay with her going their in future. How many times will I allow 1x exceptions lol

The way I look at is that its about odds. She goes now, means she can go for her friends parties in club in the future. Eventually it could potentially lead to issues regarding trust etc. No matter how much we trust our significant other, I think it would be foolish to play with temptation.

If it really is about going clubbing just for the experience because she never has before, I think going with me should be sufficient.

For you individuals who say let her go alone with her friends…You guys must be super brave to have that much faith in your significant other to allow letting them go in a environment designed to meet other people of opposite gender for “fun” or fool around.I really do hope that faith is not misplaced for your sakes.

[soconfused]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@Iconoclast

So you are fine with scantily dressed women or may be topless gyrating on tables and men throwing dollar bills at them?

You realize that that ISN’T the case at every club, right? I’ve gone to 1-2 that had no topless gyrating women on tables…are you talking about a strip club?

@kiehsa

Thanks for all your opinion guys, much appreciated. It pretty much confirms that its an issue with a grey area and not simply black and white.

I really do trust her and have faith in her 100% right now because I have no reason to doubt her. For this reason, I have considered letting her go if it was an exception only for her bachelorette party as a 1x thing.

Problem is that she is one of the first individuals to get married from her group and I know she has several friends who are non muslim/muslim who do drink. I think its just matter of setting dangerous precendence early on in marriage/relationship. If I say I am okay now, I will have to be okay with her going their in future. How many times will I allow 1x exceptions lol

The way I look at is that its about odds. She goes now, means she can go for her friends parties in club in the future. Eventually it could potentially lead to issues regarding trust etc. No matter how much we trust our significant other, I think it would be foolish to play with temptation.

If it really is about going clubbing just for the experience because she never has before, I think going with me should be sufficient.

For you individuals who say let her go alone with her friends…You guys must be super brave to have that much faith in your significant other to allow letting them go in a environment designed to meet other people of opposite gender for “fun” or fool around.I really do hope that faith is not misplaced for your sakes.

I get that her friends are nonmuslim and that’s making you uncomfortable (I went clubbing with my nonmuslim friends once and it wasn’t fun) and it’s totally your call. I’m not defending clubbing as I don’t go myself anymore at all, but it’s basically what you make of it. If you go just to dance with your friends, that’s what it is. If you go because you want to eye other people, well then, that’s on you. I will say, though, that though there are some creepy people at clubs every once in a while, for the most part, everyone just leaves you alone and lets you do your thing. They’ll ask you to dance, maybe, and if you say no–that’s it. They’ll leave.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Would you be okay with letting you fiancee go clubbing without you

@soconfused

You realize that that ISN’T the case at every club, right? I’ve gone to 1-2 that had no topless gyrating women on tables…are you talking about a strip club?

I have not been to any night club in Vegas but, most of the famous night clubs have scantly dressed dancers and waitresses.