sadzzz hmmmm well its just that the onus of the responsibility in their cases has been placed on the shoulders of the children. in my case for example, i know i have the liberty but i dont feel the pressure, i feel secure coz i know my parents will take care of the issue (alhamdulillah), but my friends whom i was talking about don't feel that way, they feel the pressure and they feel that they have to go and find someone. i think thats kind of unhealthy.
as for choosing a life partner, i am glad too that my parents have given me that much freedom but i know i dont have to go out of my way to look for someone, so i prefer to concentrate on other things in life which i think is good. my friends though feel pressure like they have to find someone on their own, and i dont think thats good for them.
abt misrepresenting, i dont know, thats what they told me :p it could contain some degree of exaggerration but overall i'm sure the gist of it is true
First of all a simple answer to the question: No, I would not allow my daughter to date nor would I allow my son to date. The gender of your children should not make any difference to the way you treat them, anyway.
But if I would ever have dated myself, I would find it ridiculous to ask my child to not do something that I have done myself.
No way would I LET my daughter date......If she does it chori chori then of course thats her fault, but I would educate my kids about the rights and wrongs of the world..but I would trust them to learn from their mistakes as well and not be overly strict with them...basically treat my kids how my parents treated me. They never NEEDED to tell me not to date, it happened naturally. I hope they don't date, keep friendships to limits and if they like someone tell me about it so we can go about it the correct and decent way.
Irem, I would be very interested in your opinions in another four years. Hopefully, your parents will have found you a suitable match and you will be happily married. God forbid, in case if you are not married or happy, would you hold your parents accountable for not fulfilling their 'duty' (even though they tried)? Don’t you think the time is NOW to help them out?
Parents should help definitely but don’t call it a ‘duty’. This is one of the reasons why idiots in our country call ‘laRki bojh hoti hai…us ki doli jald say jald rukhsat karo’. kinda statements
Maturity is the key for responsible dating…and if girls are not mature in their twenties then too bad..they should be locked in their house.
Fayz...hmm..yes you are right, peolpe's thoughts do change with time :) I will never blame my parents though (inshallah). Coz everyone comes into this world with their own kismat, parents have already done more than I could ever ask for. There are so many people in the world with so many different types situations....I guess one should just do what they think is right :)
I wouldn't let my daughter date. Today's guys are too dirty and crafty to let your daughter go out with one.
The only instance is in the case of a family friend whom I trust and have confidence in that he won't try anything (of course there no 100% guarantee). I will have no problem him talking and seeing my daughter, but it will have to be in a more family or social context than the 'western-style' dating one.
i would not allow my daughter (or son) to date mainly bec Its against Islam; if our Prophets (peace be upon them) didnt need to date why do we? Islam is a religion that is applicable in all time periods.
I dont know why people tend to think of non-dating marriages are a gamble. If you use isthakhara & good judgement than where is the problem? Statistically speaking, there are more failed marriages when it comes to dating.
I have seen countless couples that have been together for 5+ years, they got to know each other, lived together, etc. basically lived like a married couple. but only a few months after marriage, they file for divorce.
Who's to say the guy is sincere? how do u know what is in his heart? maybe he just likes ur daughter for the moment & after that will go back to pak and find himself a "non-used" bride.... also seen this one time after time!
Religious arguments aside, one thing I don't understand is the attitude ke ji I never did it, so I won't allow my kids to do it either. ('it' can be anything, not necessarily just dating etc). Come on guys and gals, grow up. Societies evolve. Culture evolve.
Our parents grew up a generation ago, and had their own set of rules of society. For example, many of them probably saw their spouses first time, on the night of the marriage. They were not allowed to talk when elders were discussing anything. Later the attitudes evolved. Now when you are growing up, there are less restrictions. Now you are part of family discussions. Now you can speak up your mind about who you want or don't want to marry. Similarly in the next generation, their will be more winds of change. Some good, some not so good. If you hold yourself too rigid, you are the one likely to fall down.
Faisal bhaiiiiii itna bhee koi change honay ki zaRoorat naheen :p i mean, i have known parents who raised their children in america and the girls were more conservative and islamic than girls raised in pak. so ye bhee hae ke sab kuch insaan society ko dekh k naheen badalta, lekin agar apnay ghar ka mahol sahi rakhay toh bachay us se mutasir ho k bhee theek rehtay haen. one doesn't have to become a leaf in the wind and go the direction the wind takes.
