Would you allow your daughter to date?

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

Devoted yaar..just kidding around. It’s all good.. her eis a flower.

PCG, do you think I am serious? Ullu ki. No more Malaysian for you. :nono:

[Muslim_Queen]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@ashtray

M_Q you are so transparent.

Now you’re seeing me instead of devoted. Tsk tsk. You’re definately aging!

matsui – how come you cant write a single post without bringing hijab and burkah into it? Im sure it must kill you to see them oh so oppressed and actually enjoying their caged lives eh?

[Faisal]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@Matsui

^ Dating shating business allows you to figure out what you like and dislike as well. People who don;t date are usually social misfits around the opposite sex.

Abay pop psychologist urf nakaam Dactar Phil…

Stop misleading innocent kids here.

The topic is “would you allow your daughter to date?”. Those who don’t have a daughter should just sit quietly and listen and learn. Sab ke sabb theory ke professor chalay aa rahay hein. Chalo shabaash. Let me and Muzna talk. Baaqi bhago idher se. Thank you Fayz for making it a depressing day. I am sure it was all started with good intentions.

[Muslim_Queen]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

^ Anyway I dont see how a person who has a baby daughter can have a more "valid" view than somebody who is a 20 something daughter of somebody . Hadd hoti hai bhai. :o

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

^ cus maybe views change as ur circumstances in life change?

ive seen it happen... and maybe thats what Faisal is trying to point out?

[Faisal]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

If someone doesn't even know the feeling of being a parent (holding your baby in your arms), let alone parent of a 9-year old daughter who wants to have sleepovers etc... I'd suggest they don't tax their minds too much on abstract hypotheticals. Haan, if you wanna do that out of sheer boredom as a mental gymnastics, then feel free... but for crying out loud, don't take your selves so seriously. Sheesh!

[phatima]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@Fayz

So I got bitched at for saying yes to this question. I told this chick that I would let my daughter date if she is responsible, mature and I approve of the guy. She gave me the whole nine yards on Islam and culture. Ironically enough I am meeting her this weekend for coffee. Don’t you think same rules should apply on you as you would force on your children?

you’d be like the COOLEST DAD EVER!!! …

sigh

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@Faisal

Thank you Fayz for making it a depressing day. I am sure it was all started with good intentions.

haha sorry bud! it was good intentions and I am going in with an open mind. I know it is not an easy yes or no answer. The fact that you ARE a cool dad will take care of all your issues..don’t worry too much

[phatima]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@Shikra

NO way in hell!!! Guys are jerks, pigs, kameeney, cheap, bey-ghairat and what not. So much goes through their heads and I will protect my daughter from those junglis Yes I am a guy too and I know the mentality of guys (ofcourse there are ‘exceptions’).

hmph! good luck trying to get along with ur daughter…ughy…kasme u sound just like my dad…

[Shikra]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@phatima1

hmph! good luck trying to get along with ur daughter…ughy…kasme u sound just like my dad…

As a guy, I know how dirty our minds are, therefore, I would never let any pervert come near my daughter :nono:

[phatima]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

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[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

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[abc1234]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

hmmm

my parents never had to "allow" or "disallow" anything to me, i always knew at the back of my mind what they were happy with, and i did accordingly most of the times. if i insist on something and am able to convnice them then they have never said no, but i hardly ever insist on things they wont be comfortable with

my parents trust me a lot lot lot

i would love to have that kind of relationship with my own kids (if i ever have any inshallah) so that they never feel restricted, but they also feel the parents ka saaya on them

inshallah (i pray) my daughter is going to be a sensible and mature girl jo apna acha bura khud bhee samajnay kee salahyat rakhay and knows whats right and whats wrong. and after her teenage i will be very sure to listen to her points of views as well and gently tell her no if i disapprove of her thoughts so she knows.

as far as socialising with guys is concerned, going out for lunches/dinners/movies one on one, i don't agree with it. no "dating". its not allowed in our religion and as parents we are the guides and its our farz to teach correct things to our children.

hopefully, if we (her daddy and i) raise her well enough, then she will never even want to go on dates herself and never want to do crazy things (inshallah).

:)

[Shikra]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

-.

[abc1234]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

@Fayz

See, my argument was that mature girls should be responsible for their own future just like any other human being. If you are dating within reasonable limits then you are doing a favour to yourself and your parents. Obviously, you will go through some good and bad experiences but eventually it will be your decision and your life.
How can a parent who forced an arranged marriage on her daughter be content if his/her daughter ends up in a divorce or a unhappy life.

Fayz, i understand your point but sometimes parents give too much freedom to children and don’t fulfil their own responsibility enough.

i dont think going through “dating” and such “experiences” is a good thing for any youngster. firstly i think its now allowed religion wise, secondly it distracts a person from studies/career which is unhealthy, and also it can be traumatising and painful and if taken to wrong levels then healthwise dangerous so i would never want my kids to go through that (inshallah).

I mean, parents ka FARZ hota hae to tel their children what’s right and what’s wrong and to guide them. they can’t just assume that their kids are mature and leave everything on them, atleast till a certain age. and even after that there is still some laid back and aloof kind of guidance or atleast feeling of rehnumai from the parents side. so parents have to fulfil that duty.

As for dating, again, its the parents’ DUTY to find a suitable match for their children and introduce them to several different people keeping the likes and dislikes of the children in mind, so why should the children have to date? no one will force anyone to get married to someone but it is the duty of the parents to provide suitable marriage options

If my kids like someone who also seems decent then I wouldn’t have problems, but to encourage the kids to date to find the right one as I have seen some parents doing, I don’t agree with that at all, and I feel that in those cases the parents are not fulfilling their responsibility.

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

^ irem... my parents asked me to go find somenoe on my own.. and i dont see how they were not fulfilling their duties.. i personally think they were and at the same time giving me my right to marry someone i wanted to be with.. not to compromise with somenoe they found..

some people just have different methods of raising their children.. doesnt mean they aint fulfilling their parental responsibilities

[abc1234]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

sadzzz i personally think that it is the parents duty to provide that security to their children that they will have several suitable marriage options for their kids when they reach marriage age and the kids also should be the type to be happy with the options their parents provide. this will prevent children from dating and so on.

if the kids like someone and that person seems okay, then the parents shouldn't have objections either. but to actively encourage the kids to find someone...hmmm...with all due respect to ur parents and others who follow that approach...but i dont feel comfortable with that personally maybe coz of the society i belong to or the upbringing i have been given...but situations/circumstances are different in many cases and people can have their own views...this is just my take on the issue...

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

^ yeah its probably to do with the upbringing irem.. but then again, my parents were brough with the same upbringing, and their brothers ands sisters think just like urself, however my parents are quite different... and im not saying that what my uncles and aunties practise is wierd or backwards... just that theres different methods of parenting and teachign ur kids whats rigth and whats not..

some kids do take advantage of their parents trust and freedom but i dunno who really is at fault there..

you said that ud be cool with someone like someone and letting their parents know bout him/her.. hows that different from ur parents allowing u (or stating) that you can find somenoe on ur own.. i dont see how thats encouraging dating or watever.. it just means "hey i trust u... feel free to make ur own decisions and let me know when u need support"

[abc1234]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

yaar sadzzz i know of two girls where the parents have said that they will not look for guys for them and they HAVE to go and find some guy. i mean, i dono, i think thats kinda not good, and i do think the parents are shirking from their responsibility in these cases.

its different when the parents say "i will find suitable matches for you, but hey if you happen to like somoeone i can see what he's like and if he's good you both can get married"

(^^ this is what my parents have told me, and i think thats the best approach). this is also more liberal than my uncles and aunts and the rest of my family coz there it is considered really bad if u do "apni psand kee shaadi".

and its totally another to say "i'm not looking for you at all so please find someone for yourself"

(^^ i dont think this is good b/c it puts pressure on the kids and then they dont have any option BUT to date which i dont think is good)

[system]

Re: Would you allow your daughter to date?

^ irem ur examples of "parents allowing their kids to make their own decisions" are slightly hmmm i dunno different to what im saying..

obviously when a parent outright says they're nto gonna look for you or want no responsibiity of it... thats running away from their responsibilities... i aint disagreeing with that

neways, am glad ur parents are letting u choose ur life partner... and sad ur friends arent getting any help... do u think u may have misinterpreted what their parents said?