would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

I second that Muzna. Anyone following that logic should also deny any raise in salary or promotion in his job or allowances that their husbands get at their work-place because that was not the post they were working at the time of marriage :snooty:

I feel the point is not in ASKING a spouse to wear hijab/abaya or grow a beard or to pray or to fast or anything like that. The success lies in CONVINCING them doing a certain thing or bringing a change in the current situation. I am sure Mr. Nadz will do that :k:

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

It's as if these things are the holy ultimate Truth and it's what God really wants us to do , it's just a MATTER OF REALIZING that beards and hijabs/niqaabs are what Islam is made of.

For many muslims, Islam is not about wearing religion on your sleeve, and so we CHOOSE to not wear these things not out of ignorance or disobedience, but because we generally believe these are not mandatory to be muslim and to achieve Jannat.

And for a guy to convince you out of that conviction is asking you to change your very belief system. That's a huge issue for a marriage.

I have a distant relative whose husband went into tableegh. You'd think it's ok, whatever, God bless him. But it's a hazy situation. He has abandoned his business, and his wife has been forced to deal with it, since he's gone away on tableegh trips so much. When he became this way, his wife and kids were forced to do a 180 degree change in their lifestyle. His wife resisted and as a result their relationship suffered - they're married on paper, but they barely speak to each other anymore. She takes care of the business IN ADDITION to her own job as a doctor. He's not around for his kids. He forced his daughter to take on a burqa and nearly pulled her out of school and put her in a madrassa, except the mom (my relative) resisted, and so the girl stayed in secular education and was sent to a good college. Husband is almost never home. On the wedding day of their daughter, the father refused to take pictures with his daughter the bride, because pictures are haraaaaaaam. So she didn't even get a proper family portrait - just imagine what kind of Islam is that!

It's just sad, I remember that wedding. My distant cousin had a hard time putting the wedding together for her daughter - basically did it herself and the husband was barely involved. He didn't approve of much they wanted to do in the wedding so there was no mehndi, no dholak, no songs/dancing, and there was a partition between the men and women.

And I saw the husband and his family. They've all turned uber religious, not one of them cracked a smile, and they all had their noses in the air.

That's Islam? My relative has been wanting a divorce so bad, but for the sake of the kids, she is staying in that marriage.

It's MORE than changing your clothing style. Submissive wives, obviously, have an easier time with this - they wont put up much of a fight.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

That's why in Islam, we are asked to have miyana-ravi.
As for the parts where you mentioned he was barely at home, that's really wrong. He should balance his life between Deen and Dunya for taking care of your family is also one of the order in Islam.

Besides that, Pictures are haraaaam in Islam. It IS Islam! You can't object on Allah's order.
No mehendi no dholki, no songs, no dancing... again it is called Hinduana Rusoomaat and this tradition has been adopted when Hindus and Muslims used to live together. There is no concept of Mayyon, Mehendi and singing/dancing stuff. Yes this is Islam.

Jannat...Heaven is not too easy to get my friend. We'll have to have a lot of sacrifices in order to get a good place up above. The castles of Gold, the fruitful trees, being queen of your husband, all this is not a cup of tea.... The diamonds, the Gems.... Milk Lakes and Aab-e-Kauser.... being with Prophet Mohammad P.B.U.H. wouldn't be that easy unless you sacrifice yourself entirely for Allah. In His love. Loving and obeying your husband is even one of His commands & there is no single doubt that the Man is the sarbarah of your house. He has one darja above you.

I feel sorry for your relative, I am not fully in favor of her husband because I dont know him. Maybe he failed to choose the right way to convince her to be more closer to the religion, maybe he adopted wrong ways.... but I don't even know your relative. How much she was already closer to Islam and what made her think to even get divorce. Only getting divorce on the basis of her man getting more closer to Islam is not right.

She may be cursing herself to be in the marriage with this man and is oppressed to follow what he is saying but I am sure, at the day of judgement, she would be more thankful to him and would wish, if she had obeyed him more!!

64

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Huh? Anything that has farz status in religion...that we choose not to do....IS basically disobedience. Disobedience sheathed in sayings like "well I don't think it's mandatory or the be all/end all......there's more to Islam n being a Muslim than.....Yeah, well it won't be the first thing I'll be questioned about on the Day of Judgement so it's all good, etc." If our opinions are in conflict with Allah's rules or the majority stance and we act upon them....it is disobedience. "CHOOSE"??? Disobedience is a choice. It's just word play.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

:k:

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Wearing a niqab is not farz. Having a beard is not farz. Hijab - maybe debateable, but read Fatima Mernissi's The Veil and the Male Elite. I'm not entirely convinced the interpretation of the Quranic verses translates to the kind of hijab we're all familiar with today.

And yeah, you're right it's darn hard to get into Heaven. I'd like to think it's not so easy as putting on a cloth on your head, because gosh, how many immoral people do we see with this kind of clothing?

What's sad is that people don't think that a muslim who doesn't wear religion on their sleeve would NOT get into heaven, because they're bad people for not wearing hijabs or growing beards. Islam is more than that.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Yes. Niqab is not farz at all. Only pardah is. To cover your entire body and head. It doesn't say hiding your face.
Having a beard is sunnah, not farz, so again yeah, you are right. I don't know what Hijab are you talking about. My definition of Hijab/pardah is to cover your entire body where the figure of your body isn't revealed. Cover your head where your hair are not visible to na-mahrim. I am not in favor of that shattlecock burqa or something like that.

Last but not the least, we are no one to judge who would enter the heaven and who wouldn't so I feel sorry for "those" people who obey Allah and this obedience put them in Ghuroor that only they can enter in Jannat and not others.

Again my definition for getting into Jannat is, NO SHIRK. Allah has promised, clearly promised, jisne Shirk kiya, wo jannat main nahin jayega.... And Shirk means, Allah ki hasti main kisi aur ko shareek thehrana. That't it. In my definition, jis jis ne shirk nahin kiya, wo sab jannat main jayengay... bas darjaat mukhtalif hongay!!

Aur beyshak, Allah bohat Ghafoor-ur-Raheem hay!

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Its a piece of garment. That's all. People here give too much hype on issues like this.

In reality this is how it would go down:

Him: ''hey we going out, can you cover your head or wear a dupatta or something?''

Her: ''erm sure, how does it look?''

OR

Her: ''don't worry noone will stare and be that much of a perv''

This would take 5 mins, this talk. Tops. Yet on GS people treat this as if this will initiate a war between a husband and a wife.

On one hand it won't break some invisible shaitan on earth if the woman did it for the husband but on the other hand if a woman decides to do it for her husband, its not her duty to do so, its a favor.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

One should never say never :wink:

Pyaar mein bohat takat hoti hai :wub:

Ps. I agree with Shak09.. His description of the scenario seems right in place.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

I don't wear hijab and I haven't explored the debate or rulings...and I admit that my desire to not wear it is much stronger. If this or any other of my actions are in conflict with what the Quran says and the majority ruling....then it's disobedience, as uneasy as it would be to admit this to oneself or others. There are many people who pray namaz 5 times a day and behave "immorally"....can't discredit namaz because of that. I remember substituting at my school once while getting my graduate degree and i had lunch with a teacher's aide I worked with the previous year and another teacher ...whom I wasn't familiar with....as she had just joined that year. Anyhow, we're eating at the same table...and talking n all goes well....until the two start talking about hijab and the new teacher says non-hijabans will go to hell. I expected more tact from the teacher I was friends with. There is a way of doing/giving dawah, if that was the intention. Khair I left the table and when I took the step to clear the air the following day...they admitted to knowing why I was upset. Well, if you knew...why did you sit back and do nothing? And I thought to myself...what about manners/etiquette...do they matter less than hijab to u? When you make the comment about wearing religion on the sleeve.....what's off about it is that Islam is a way of life. That said its teachings should be manifested outwardly...in our apparel, or facial expressions, speech, and our interactions with others. Something that is a way of life will be represented outwardly like a "sleeve" and privately. And I'm a hypocrite even in this post....I admit I don't follow every rule...even the fundamental faraaiz alone are a challenge for me.

71

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

What happened to your proper paragraphing posts :(

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

OK well firstly in answer to stoppits post he does ask me to read namaz too. And the rest.

He asks
Isn't mad at me for saying no.
But I will think about it.

In regards to other posts- like it or liberalise it - hijab is a must. We try to modernise our religion but since completing the quran tahweed this Ramadan I have learnt that hijab covering entire body Inc hair is mandatory.

Beard is sunnah.

I actually ask husband to trim it and have it look clean and "nice" which against his wishes he does.

I know hijab is mandatory yet I still said no.I feel numb Iwnt o quran classes for a month to learn the translation yet am still numb.

May Allah help me.

My husband deserves a better wife - a believer who practices.

I want to ask the girls who don't do hijab- why do u eat halal meat ( obey one allahs command) yet not wear hijab+ ( disobey another command) commands are commands.

Are we the pick n mix Muslims of today?? :/

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Didn't our elders pick which parts of Islam to follow and which to leave? Our weddings are just one obvious example.. Muslims have always been 'pick n mix'.. I'm not saying it's right, just that it's human nature..

I don't wear hijab because I don't want to.. It's as simple as that and at the end of the day that's my decision.. As for your second question I personally don't always eat halal, it's more habit I guess as I was brought up being allowed to eat any meat bar pork/bacon.. I know it's mandatory now but I'm just not that committed (yet)..

Did you not take out a student loan, Nadz? Did you not have your husband living with you before you were married? Why bash or look down on other girls when you've done things which aren't allowed either? If you want to wear hijab good for you but just as I wouldn't normally sit and judge you for being less than a perfect Muslim why don't you extend that same courtesy to others?

(And I can't remember the specifics but at least one school of thought says niqaab is fardh.. We might not believe it but others do)

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

For my own information and knowledge, could you please point out where in the quran it says that hijab i.e covering entire body and hair is mandatory.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

So either you are a complete Muslim following every aspect or you do nothing? No, every human is full of sins. We should do as much as we can but if we are doing at least a few things it should count as something. I don't feel like doing the hijab now, so does that mean in the meantime I should give up on manners too and back bite and be rude to people's faces?

And coming to that, why is hijab the most important thing? Why do I never see debates regarding, I don't keep all rozas why should I do the hijab?

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Or maybe you n your husband deserve each other? You seem to want to be a more practicing muslim, and perhaps he is, so maybe marrying him was a path to help guide you there? You keep saying he's a good husband n father to your two girls so why not appreciate your blessings n try to see things more positively

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@ OP
when i got married, i moved to the middle east with my husband . it wasn't mandatory to wear abaya scarf in the country that we lived but most of the locals did so. i didn't want to cover up at all since i dressed decent anyway and didn't feel the need to wear anything else. my husband asked me to wear the whole abaya hijab because he said that i would be treated with more respect if i did and people wouldn't ogle at me. i really did not wan't to, but for his sake i did, and immideatly felt a difference of how people treated me.

my husband has my best interests at heart and i know he wouldn't ask me to do anything for him without a valid reason. i trust him .

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

:k:

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Right, because that's why scarves are REALLY worn. Peer pressure.

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Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Sure. If he grew a six pack for me. The man has gotta look attractive for his woman otherwise my eyes will wander...

and do you want my eyes to wander?!? huh?????