would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

[Puchi_Kuchi]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Well I would rather love the hijab, know and respect it when doing it for the full reward and love of my creator to attain a higher level of piety between me and my Lord. It has nothing whatsoever to do with any other human. So tomorrow to please my husband if he says take it off I should please him? It will only lead to resentment. .. make the intentions pure and the reward will be immense. Why do it out of love for your husband and not out of love for your creator? Shirk much? Wear hijaab but with the right reasons

[psyah]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

i agree but that doesn't mean that one should follow a particular request/order from husband...the Hijaab must be from within the woman and it should be purely for Allah...no ifs and buts, imo.

Peace brother KKF

How is it that you agree with me yet disagree at the same time? I used to think like you, but I have come to realise my folly. Jihad for example is "doing what you think is right to do, even when you don't want to do it".

There was a teacher who was teaching some principle, but his students realised that he was hypocritically not doing what he himself was teaching so they went to a Shaykh, the response they got was ... "Let him continue teaching what he is teaching for it is good, may be one day he will take heed of his own advice".

Sometimes in order to enjoy something - one must first experience it and then get used to it and then turn it into a habit and then grow to like it ... if people wait for their hearts to turn toward something before they do something good then they are being directly disregarding of the hadith - "when a good thought comes act upon it without haste, when a bad thought comes delay it" - or to that effect.

Muslims (human beings) very rarely do things purely for Allah (SWT) ... that is the highest station that Al-Muttaqun have ... The basic level of iman requires that we at least look out for ourselves ... by fearing the Fire (selfish), then a level up - is to desire the Gardens (selfish), then to do so pure for the pleasure of Allah (SWT) without any expectation (selfless).

Granted there are areas where trying to please others is not allowed ... This is in the area of riya ... Where someone prays to show others how pious he is ... rather than focusing on Allah (SWT). This is not the same thing here ... because the intent is to gain praise from people ... when prayer specifically is for Allah (SWT) ...

Then when in the times of early Caliphate the establishment used to go around waking people up to pray Fajr in the mosques ... They do not do this now for other reasons, but we can't say they were wrong for commanding people to pray nor can we say they were wrong for obeying them because of course some of those people were not doing it "purely for Allah (SWT)" ...

Allah (SWT) ka intizam ye hai - Respond to good thoughts from the self, follow good leadership, respect the laws of the land, observe the Sunnah of RasoolAllah (SAW), worship Allah (SWT) ... in that order ... ultimate authority is for Allah ... but it is wrong to say that ONLY authority is Allah (SWT).

[Le_Pakistan]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Yes I would do it. It will be that one needed push into the right direction.

I stopped using the argument for myself that I will only do it for the right intentions and I will only do it for ALLAH (SWT), because that argument is contradictary.
ALLAH (SWT) has not asked me, he has ordered me to do so. So if I love my ALLAH (SWT) so much, then why haven’t I taken that step yet?

Then the argument that I want to do it when I am ready for it. See here, lol, 10 years later and I am still ‘not ready’ for it. What am I even waiting for? What if I pass away in this wait to get myself ready enough to do it?

What ‘valid’ arguments are left now to not take this step? None.

So, do it. And in sha ALLAH once you start wearing hijab, you will not want to fall back.

Also don’t see it as controlling and don’t make it an ego thing. This ego often stops us from doing the right thing. Don’t fall for it.

May ALLAH TALAH give us all hidayat.

[najeeb786]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@candy_apple

Abaya - NEVER *- *unless I ever go to visit Pakistan in which case I wouldn't even step foot outside without a full nikab (yes by choice). About the hijab, depends on how much he really wanted me to wear it (like how much it meant to him) and my life's circumstances. **If he was rich enough to support me so that I would NEVER have to work again, I may consider it, otherwise no....especially if I need to get up the corporate ladder. In the end though, I really think it is up to the individual to decide if she wants to wear it. She should do it for Allah and it should be her choice. She should never be pressured into it by her husband.

People said the same things to me regarding my beard and a male having a beard isn't an even an obligation, it's a blessed sunnah But when Allah asks you to cover and the excuse is due to progressing in worldly matters then the following verses comes to mind.

"Know that the life of this world (dunya) is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children… the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment. "(Al-Hadid 57:20)

"Verily, the Promise of Allâh is true, let not then this (worldly) present life deceive you, nor let the chief deceiver (Satan) deceive you about Allâh." (Luqman 31:33)

      “Nay (behold), you prefer the life of this world; but the Hereafter is better and more enduring.” (Sûrah al-A`lâ: 16-17)

My wife was the one that said to me why I never grew a full beard (I had a little one) and I simply avoided the topic. She wasn't pressurising me and neither did I respond by saying that you married me without a beard and now you want to change me, sorry but by my reasoning your spouse asking you to do something that will benefit you both in the hereafter is a quality you would want in your spouse, no?

I initially didn't respond to her but the truth eventually came out, I wasn't ready and what would people say if they saw me with a beard. After a day thinking about it I stopped trimming it and just let it grow.

I agree that it is entirely upon the individual whether she wants to wear the hijaab/abaaya or not but something irks me when the response is in the negative due to career progression.

[prototype]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Le_Pakistan

Yes I would do it. It will be that one needed push into the right direction.

I stopped using the argument for myself that I will only do it for the right intentions and I will only do it for ALLAH (SWT), because that argument is contradictary.
**ALLAH (SWT) has not asked me, he has ordered me to do so. So if I love my ALLAH (SWT) so much, then why haven’t I taken that step yet? **

**Then the argument that I want to do it when I am ready for it. See here, lol, 10 years later and I am still ‘not ready’ for it. What am I even waiting for? What if I pass away in this wait to get myself ready enough to do it?

What ‘valid’ arguments are left now to not take this step? None. **

So, do it. And in sha ALLAH once you start wearing hijab, you will not want to fall back.

**Also don’t see it as controlling and don’t make it an ego thing. This ego often stops us from doing the right thing. Don’t fall for it.
**
May ALLAH TALAH give us all hidayat.

^^THIS !!! :k: :k: Can I like your post more than once Le Pakistan ?

WHY do we suppose we will stay alive all day today or days or weeks or month ? what is the guaranty ? jub qabar may phaintee paray gi tau hum yeh kahayn gay humayn jaldi bulaa liya Allah ne? send us back to the world ? there is NO TOMORROW ! It is really all in black and white , no grays in islam. If you are supposed to do it and you know you have to do it, DO IT NOW. and ‘it’ is not only for hijab specifically, could be anything. If someone who is close to you is directing to you the right thing, be thankful to Allah and him (your husband in this case) for being the waseela for your hidayah. Life is too short and there are no second chances.

As for someone saying that they’ll wear abaya/niqab in pakistan and not elsewhere and not in corporate job, I wonder if this is a valid justification in eyes of Allah? Will we be judged by HIM location/profession-wise ?? (I am not hitting at anyone directly but just wondering)

[hareem01]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

If You live in a conservative area in Pakistan or somewhere else where most women go out in burqa or abaya then I think your husband has a right to ask you or rather suggest to do hijab, in a nice manner.

[rosedreams]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

one of my friends got married at 22, she knew her husband came from a conservative family. after shadi, he told her that she should put on the abaya. she wasnt happy at first but then agreed. and she was a total jeans and tshirt kinda girl. she is happy now! but, i do feel it was too rushed and he kind of forced her.

as for me, i wouldnt mind the hijab but abaya, i would like to do it in my own time and preference.

[Paheli00]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

If my husband asked me to wear hijab/abaya b/c his ego/insecurity couldn’t handle the idea that other men might find me attractive without those 2 garments…I would ask him why he isn’t asking me to wear niqab. After all…he doesn’t think my face itself is pretty enough to attract men?!

[stoppit]

re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

Since this thread is by nadz and about nadz, what I want to know is why two so different people thought getting married would be a good idea. She knew that he was conservative and would probably have these sorts of requirements. He must have known that she wasn't very religious, so why think that you can change someone or that they are just going to do whatever you say.

What irks me is if he is not actually concerned about the other important aspects of her faith. This isn't the first time she's posted that he wants her to cover up. What about her prayer, fasting, etc?

So it seems to be it is more about ego and control and less about guiding nadz towards Islam.

On a separate note, his request for her to cover up where they live in Paksitan is justified I feel.

I'm basing my opinion on this post from last year.. assuming nothing has drastically changed.

esp, when your as religious as an atheist....sorry bit extreme, but my husband wants us to create a religious mahol, especially if we be living the SATANIC WEST, ( hes paranoid), and wants this kind of environment esp from me. as im the mother of our 2 girls.now problem is.,IM NOT RELIGIOUS.yes i believe in islam, i am muslim. etc etc. but namaz...- dont do it, ramadan-hardly did it- etc etc , and i have no fear...i pray that Allah gives the hadayat soon, to atleast pray namaz, but so far, im zilch. i wish i was more religious. and ive spoken to hubby and told him im trying but namaz to me is like a chore for me. once i complete it, im relieved of it...yet i do believe in it. hes supprtive, but he cant make me do it. i need to. so any advice....i dnt want my girls growing up without religion, i dnt want to be a too-liberalised mum.

[Jolie]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Paheli00

If my husband asked me to wear hijab/abaya b/c his ego/insecurity couldn’t handle the idea that other men might find me attractive without those 2 garments…I would ask him why he isn’t asking me to wear niqab. After all…he doesn’t think my face itself is pretty enough to attract men?!

If he knows a thing or two about Islam he won’t prescribe niqaab whereas asking a wife to do hijab is different matter. It’s a personal matter between a husband and a wife and no one should assume any silly scenarios and reasonings for sake of it.

Based on nadz’s old post that stoppit has posted, it seems pretty obvious that her husband is making all round efforts to bring her closer to Islam, whether it’s in form of being encouraging her and being “supportive” in regards to taking it slow for developing a praying habit or asking her to consider hijaab or expressing his wish to raise their daughters in an Islamic environment. He is at least consistent with his his Islamic principles.

[Muzna]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

some have brought up the idea that they would consider it if their husband had made his desire clear to them before marriage.....

what if you are 10 years into marriage and your husband has come closer to Islam than he was when you first married and desires that his wife be the same....? what then?

people learn, people grow over the years......not everything can be discussed before marriage.

[Le_Pakistan]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@stoppit

What irks me is if he is not actually concerned about the other important aspects of her faith. This isn't the first time she's posted that he wants her to cover up. What about her prayer, fasting, etc?

So it seems to be it is more about ego and control and less about guiding nadz towards Islam.

On a separate note, his request for her to cover up where they live in Paksitan is justified I feel.

I'm basing my opinion on this post from last year.. assuming nothing has drastically changed.

Maybe he does encourage her to follow other faraiz of Islam aswell, such as fasting and praying. The fact that nadz doesnt mention that in her posts does not automatically mean he does not guide her regarding that.

i wish i was more religious. and ive spoken to hubby and told him im trying but namaz to me is like a chore for me. once i complete it, im relieved of it...yet i do believe in it. **hes supprtive, but he cant make me do it. i need to*.
*

[Jolie]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

10 years is a alot of time to synchronize or at least familiarize yourself with the changes your partner is going through but to be in on an open 'conflict' on most decisive issues since day one is not healthy at all. It is highly dangerous to start a life with a person you ideologically oppose in every way.

[Paheli00]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Jolie

If he knows a thing or two about Islam he won't prescribe niqaab whereas asking a wife to do hijab is different matter. It's a personal matter between a husband and a wife and no one should assume any silly scenarios and reasonings for sake of it.

Another member mentioned the concept of men requesting hijab/abaya b/c they didn't like the the idea that other men might be attracted to their wife (I'm paraphrasing but this was basically the idea), and I simply stated my thoughts regarding that. I'm aware of what Islam says about this matter.

[Paheli00]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Muzna

what if you are 10 years into marriage and your husband has come closer to Islam than he was when you first married and desires that his wife be the same....? what then?

people learn, people grow over the years......not everything can be discussed before marriage.

Of course.....I know couples (Muslims AND non-Muslims) who have changed their religious beliefs/leave of practice over the years. This happens overtime and in cases like this....the husband sees over the years whether or not his wife is interested/starting to become more religious like him. If she shows an increased interest in Islam just like him....there is absolutely nothing wrong in him making that request. However....if's he's becoming closer Islam and see that his wife isn't (and has no interest in it).....then it's not really fair for him to make such a request while knowing that his wife isn't willing to do it.

There is nothing wrong with having the desire for certain things as we learn and grow over the years. But we must also be willing to accept that not all our desires will be fulfilled (especially when fulfilling those desires mean that our spouse must do something that they'd really rather not do).

[Muzna]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Paheli00

Of course.....I know couples (Muslims AND non-Muslims) who have changed their religious beliefs/leave of practice over the years. This happens overtime and in cases like this....the husband sees over the years whether or not his wife is interested/starting to become more religious like him. If she shows an increased interest in Islam just like him....there is absolutely nothing wrong in him making that request. However....if's he's becoming closer Islam and see that his wife isn't (and has no interest in it).....then it's not really fair for him to make such a request while knowing that his wife isn't willing to do it.

There is nothing wrong with having the desire for a certain things as we learn and grow over the years. But we must also be willing to accept that not all our desires will be fulfilled (especially when fulfilling those desires mean that our spouse must do something that they'd really rather not do).

Agreed.
Unfortunately the average person does not deal with the transition in the same way.
I hate to suggest that men just expect you to follow but in many cases, particularly those where the man has been born/bred in Pakistan, that is generally the case.

[Paheli00]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Muzna

I hate to suggest that men just expect you to follow but in many cases, particularly those where the man has been born/bred in Pakistan, that is generally the case.

^ Agreed.

However, if a man has that type of personality where he expects his wife to follow his "desires" and doesn't handle "no" very well...........then hijab/abaya most likely isn't the only issue where problems will arise between the couple. I guess in situations like that......it's up to the wife to decide whether or not that's the type of man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. This goes much deeper than her wardrobe.

[jeea]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

No I wouldn't do I and if I did I would want it to be for the right reasons and not because my husband told me to

[KKF]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

my question is: would a husband listen to his wife if she asked him to grow beard?

the fact that when a man asks a women there is a hidden 'order/threat'. since women in our countries are financially weak/socially pressured to keep the family intact, she has no other choice but to follow his 'order'...

i would love to see a man follow his wife's jaaiz wishes...prolly, the pigs will fly that day! :D

[queen_24]

Re: would u wear hijab and abaya for spouse?

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

my question is: would a husband listen to his wife if she asked him to grow beard?

the fact that when a man asks a women there is a hidden ‘order/threat’. since women in our countries are financially weak/socially pressured to keep the family intact, she has no other choice but to follow his ‘order’…

i would love to see a man follow his wife’s jaaiz wishes…prolly, the pigs will fly that day!

How are you so sure there are No men out there who follow their wives to please them too or prolly then they will be called Joru K Ghulam??
Dunya kisi haal main khush nahin!!
I would not tell my husband that I won’t follow you just because you don’t follow me… it takes you time to get people do what you want them to do… but before that.. you need to prove yourself too.

P.S. btw, I know men who follow their wife to please her too and haven’t seen a single pig flying in the sky yet!!