Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

^ see thats why i get annoyed.

where i am... MOST desis are at least bechelor degree holders, if not more... its a rarity to find a pakistani or a desi (including indians, bangladeshis and sri lankans) who have not gone to uni.. i was having the exact conversation with my BIL...

82

very true ...i have many ABCD friends like that and it gets sickening after some time.
ABCDs are also nationalistic to the point of being fanatical sometimes and criticize more cynical paki-borns as less patriotic....

furthermore growing up in karachi i know more about western culture than these people growing up in ( what are essentially ghettos) in chicago and NY

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

^ (@ sadzz) well we're going off-topic a little but these days everyone has a degree.

where i am, there is a huge difference going to the local uni along with all your pakistani mates to just mess around for three years and come out with your 3rd or 2.2, and actually striving to achieve good A-levels and go off to a good university ("what do you mean you want to live away from home in halls??").

i have been to good schools and a top university, as have my younger siblings. unfortunately the number of british pakistani's is severely in the minority... you'll find more that have come from Pakistan with 3 or 4 A-grade A-levels, very few here aim for this although it's not surprising when you look at the attitude of a lot of desi parents who settled here. obviously, i wanted my partner to be on the same wavelength as me and now we're looking for my brother... it's damn hard to find it.

Aaj kya pakaaya/khaaya
Aaj kya pakaaya/khaaya
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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

^ stoppit...

its a bit different here in Australia.... that's all.

I guess it may be cus there arent that many of us here in comparison to UK, US and Canada..

there is a lot more of a competition to get into uni (and most unis here are very good... the main ones anyway... u dont see a lot of local desis going into anything else.. and that is only cus there is too much of a competition)

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

^yea, as i said, it depends where you are. unfortunately in the UK, the education system as a whole is pretty messed up (thanks to new labour), don't get me started on that :p. on top of that it's well known (in the UK) that whereas, for example, chinese students perform much better than their white counterparts at school, pakistani and bangladeshi students are way behind.

urg.. actually that just reminded me of my moron cousin. my dad put SO much effort into educating us. here comes this guy from pakistan (usual work visa story), gets married, brings his wife over too. they have a 4 year old daughter now. his english hasn't improved much and she hasn't been bothered. when it comes to their kid "oh she'll pick it up at school"... yea she has and the worst kind too because they live in a not-so-great area with a really bad local school. completely ignoring my dad's advice to take her somewhere else, "oh no, they are all the same. this is the easiest for her (his wife)".
whether born in pakistan or born here, this kind of attitude is lametable.

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

first to farhan, why you want to get married for only to get citizenship? how that makes oneany different from a guy back home who just want to get out of the country?
and I also believe work permit holders dont need to get married to get citizenship. for students yes it may one of the option.

I was a international student in UK once, graduated, got myself offers from very good companies, got work permit and citizenship on the way without marrying for that reason, for me marriage should be only for marriage sake nothing else! at that stage i was open to marry anyone from uk or pak depending on how we like each other.

Ireland v Pakistan Adelaide Oval, 15 March 2015
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I have explained this one before it not Only for the sake of citizenship n stuff.I graduated n now working in Canada.I can still get canadian PR. In the mean while I found my girl who came over to visit from Us n we liked each other and now getting married......!

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Interesting!!!!

I thought earlier you were saying something else. If this is the case then what was the purpose of starting this thread??

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

The purpose of starting this thread was to convay the feelings of my friends and thousands of countrymen living in the west without being noticed much by the community.To let the main community know what life they go through and what are their feelings.What are their goals Desires and actions and what are thier feelings.What are their daily struggles and what do they want for themselves............................!

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mere lal .. mere chanda ..... achi khasi zindagi guzar rehay hoo .... zindagi se koi khas dushmni hai jo desi girls se shadi krna chahte hoo .... hehe

green card or nationalities panay k or b bht saray or asan raste hai .. koi zindagi ko jokham mai dal rhe hooo ...

91

farhan brings up a very interesting point, it varies from city to city and community to community, but a lot of time desi international students do not get a warm reception from the local desis. I mean if you have some relatives in the city and through them you get integrated into community that is one thing, or close pals who are local and then through them you get somehow interfaced. I went for my undergrad in a rural uni so not much pakistanis around, foriegn students or locals, when i went to philly for my masters, I thought that with the larger number of pakistanis, you would have more of a sense of community, even for things like eid or independence day. I dont know if it was the philly community, or my ghunda badmash ways but i did not really see that. sadly the accha baccha pakistani international students who were there did not get much love from the community.

I actually remember that we helped put together an eid picnic, and did all the work for it, it was students as well as community members. as the picnic started, all the community people would stand away from us and not even bother to just say good job, as I actually walked up to some desi uncle circles just to introduce myself, they were extremely dismissive. One of my good pals was a Pakistani-american girl, her family came by and I went to talk to her. She was introducing me to her family and some other community members had an issue with why 'men' were coming to the 'family' side of the picnic (not that there was a family side) which was rather ironic, because the ppl who complained, their sons were there and I doubt all the ladies there were mehram for them (and again there was no family section).. I apologized to my friend and said look, before ppl get on your and your family's case, I am leaving. I left not just to the 'international students' side but kept walking to my car, told the guys, look I dont want to stand around and be treated like this, and these ppl are more than capable for cleaning up, taking things back to catering place, etc etc. some other guys thought it was lame also and left. That was the last time as an international student I tried to integrate with the local community.

I understand that the opportunities for interaction can be limited due to social circles, schedules, distances. However, I have seen other nationalities even do things like 'adopt' a student, the guy or girl does not live with the family but they try to help make the student feel at home, invite them for some community events etc. Japanese do a phenomenal job of it for example.

There were community members who came to some events we scheduled on campus and they were very nice, but the community at large seemed a little oafish.

another friend of mine who is on this site may narrate his story of how when he was working at a pizza hut some desi lady came in trying to use expired coupons that he could not accept, he simple was not allowed to, and when she got bent out of shape she stormed off telling him and I quote "tum fob ho"

another good pal of mine who is indian, got into it with some indian uncle who said something lame about international students being riffraff. My pal just said look, My dad is a high court judge in India, and you are barely educated and run a convenience store in a ghetto, who do you think is riffraff?

:D

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

i can respect dudes who come here by themselves and establish themselves.

and for the guys who 'go crazy' when they come here...they were probably 'crazy" back in their country too.

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

Sara well its mixed, some were crazy back home, others come here and get influenced by what is around them and without much of a social structure, peer pressure plays a role and they do tings they would have not done if they stayed back, there is another group that always wanted to go crazy, but could not and the freedom they get unleashes that.

I think how many go crazy, and what that craziness includes varies very significantly, as i tell ppl

if you see a bunch of guys at a club or bar, some may be there just to hang out, play pool, chat, meet friends, some may be drinking, some may be hooking up with chicas, diff ppl diff motivations diff activities, but same place, same time, same group...that is what ppl need to get into their heads.

and again, I will be very clear, I was very very very wild, and lets just say aside from a handful of desis ppl just simply were not at that level. that was one of the reasons I was in a fraternity in undergrad and hung out more with europeans and southamericans in philly than with desis (internationals or locals)

so let me vouch for it, majority of the desi inteernational students are basically accha bacchay. most would not even drink, some would try, a much larger number would not hook up, and of those who hooked up, a smaller percentage got physical..and of those who got physical, majority were a first or second base type of thing, and not many homerun scorers.

I am telling you guys like it is.

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As you said is does vary from city to city, but I'm really surprised because where I'm from the aunties and uncles look at international students as really intelligent and hardworking........

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Well it does vary from city to city but mostly the community is on the fence or like to stay away.....

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same.. we have a number of families here who "adopt" international students and get them into the community... its not unheard of...over the past decade, our own ABCD clan has been doing the same with desis they meet at uni and they have become friends...

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Hi

First of all there is nothing wrong international students marrying with local desi girls. as long as relationship is genuine not marriage of convenience (at least on student's part).

Even myself willing to consider for my children when time come. If u read OP at least earlier posts he was talking about marriage for sake solving immigration problem. He has changed his tone considerably after facing hostile response at GS forum but actual intention was there.

Which is very offensive to any parent for girl (at least to myself).

Moderate Muslim
98

I dont think any person can judge the "intention" of any other person for sure specially if the relationship is genuine or not! In the eyes one one it might be genuine and vice versa.Its only that person and GOD and NO ONE ELSE.EVERY ONE HAVE THEIR OWN LENSES OF SEEING THROGH THE FOG. "Diloon ke bheed tu khuda janta hai !"

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Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

tipusultan...

its prob more offensive to the girl then to the parents. She afterall has to live with the man knowing why he married her...

farhan, ur intentions were all quite muddled up to begin with... but u do raise very valid concerns..

however, to say its noones business and only God knows of ur intentions... thats kinda silly... that stuff only applies to ur religious beliefs. In this scenario, of marriage, ur actually involving another human being, if not more, who do really need to know ur clean intentions if u wish for the marriage to survive.

Becuase, every year you do hear of so and so marrying someone for visa reasons, u do become sceptical. Heck, ive actually heard of parents marrying their girls to guys in pak, promising the guy a free ticket/visa and education. Seen it happen with me own two eyes

khair, there are A LOT of us who do marry guys who come overseas for education. We're not a rare breed

100

Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?

sadzzz!

As i said even myself is open to consider marrying my children with international students as long if relationship genuine.

I am a proud father, it was very difficult for them to reconcile demand of modern education and career, yet respecting my conservative values. I am proud and happy that my children did not disappoint me.

I am sure there are more parents like me here, it is offensive even to think giving the Rishata when someone is openly talking about immigration lacuna .

Anyway congratulation to OP for marriage with a US citizen and best wishes to couple.

No Women's Day on GS?