Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
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What do u mean by "NA/european immigration/nationality tu they are worthless."
na ji I mean ppl think if they have NA(north american)/euorpean immigration/citiznship tu its like having a janat-ka-ticket, just because overseas students or ppl on work visas don't have that, tu we shouldn't think that they are not worth considering for shadi.
Samajh mein aai??
Every one has a desire to be stable,progressive and to have safety.But I get some people only want it for themselves.But U r very right that the intent has to be right and it should not be just means to an end....!
Definitely. Everyone does have that desire. And you do hear about the amazing stories about the people that came to these countries and then helped their families back home. Most of our parents were in this boat ...the girls who live abroad.
Here is another point: It is also easier for parents of girls in pakistan to give their daughter to a guy who is born and bred abroad. They know the guy is settled, his family is and that their daughter has better chances of living a good life.
But the vice versa - parents of girls born and raised here are the settled ones and they have been able to take care of their daughters and give them that support and stability they needed their whole lives. These parents worked extremely hard so that their families could have easier lives in this country ... it is harder for these parents (and i'm not saying this is every case... there are always exceptions) to agree to a rishta when the guy will have to struggle and try to make a life here. Paki parents, want their daughters to live comfortable lives after shaadi and they do not want them to struggle. It is just a natural feeling that transcends countries and social status and backgrounds.
My sister in law is actually marrying a guy from overseas. Her worries are quite different from mine and she has a lot more of them. I am marrying her brother who has been born and bred here. So I am seeing all the pros and cons being weighed out right in front of me.
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
i'd rather have a guy who's lived here for atleast 4-5 years, assimilated and gotten used to the culture, than import a guy. for numerous reasons, some mentioned in this thread.
^ personal expereince but not exactly the norm.
Actually a lot, if not all the issues i have highlighted are quite common. See thread on 'giving, giving and giving.' Poor woman has loads of her husband's random relatives staying with her!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
^that's our culture and moreso our religion. i get well annoyed when my dad does this but as he keeps reminding us 'guests are a blessing'. i've imposed the same way on people when i've stayed in saudi and pakistan and it's completely normal for them. it's just the western society we live in makes us feel it's strange.
na ji I mean ppl think if they have NA(north american)/euorpean immigration/citiznship tu its like having a janat-ka-ticket, just because overseas students or ppl on work visas don't have that, tu we shouldn't think that they are not worth considering for shadi.
Samajh mein aai??
Aaa gaee samajh....!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
As X2 said the most important thing is to expand cirlce of friends and do not only have pakistanis in that group.Give all nationalities a chance.But I must say the way SIKHS and other groups take care of the new comers, we cant even get close!!!!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
Ok i have seen way too many stuck up ABCDs who think they are so much better then fobs. Just because someone has an accent doesn't make them inferior. As a matter of fact, I know some "fobs" here who are way more open minded and liberal than most of the ABCDs i have seen. For example, have you even encountered guys who go to schools like LUMS, AKU, karachi grammar, or IBA? Most of them are so open minded and smart and go on universities in america later on. On the other hand i see weird ABCD girls who are so freakin stuck up and still watching movies like kuch kuch hota hai and thinking bollywood movies are amazing. Thats just plain ridiculous
Ok i have seen way too many stuck up ABCDs who think they are so much better then fobs. Just because someone has an accent doesn't make them inferior. As a matter of fact, I know some "fobs" here who are way more open minded and liberal than most of the ABCDs i have seen. For example, have you even encountered guys who go to schools like LUMS, AKU, karachi grammar, or IBA? Most of them are so open minded and smart and go on universities in america later on. On the other hand i see weird ABCD girls who are so freakin stuck up and still watching movies like kuch kuch hota hai and thinking bollywood movies are amazing. Thats just plain ridiculous
Just being "fob" or having an accent does not any one inferior otherwise all european like germans, french and so on would be inferior to their european counter parts......!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
FYI, fobs come in all varities. Some are very paindoo and some are totally not.
And I know some totally paindoo ABCDs who are so freakin desi that they only watch indian movies and dramas have pretty much nothing to do with white/black/hispanic or any non desi people at school and ALL their freinds are always desis and they attend all these desi melas, and gatherings and have posters of indian actors in their rooms. Oh and the bit*ching that goes on about all the different desi ppl they know.. So much drama and they are so nosy and all they do is gossip about whos going out with whom or who got dumped.. And not just that I have also heard them make fun of desis who dare to marry non-desis and call them "disgrace" to their community.
^i just descibed my own cousins. everytime i go visit them in America, im amazed at how narrow minded they are. My siblings and I have lived in pakistan all our lives (still are) and none of us are like that.
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
I married someone who had come here for an education. But he had his PR/Citizenship prior to us getting married. Wasnt a condition for the marriage but it was nice to know that wasnt the reason i was proposed to for.
You cant generalise all the pakistanis that come here.. just liek you cant and shouldnt generalise all pakistanis that have grown up outside of pakistan.
Everyone has their own experience and their own opinions. Noone is really right or wrong.
The person I married had the right balane of everything... hence the reason we got married.
I know of people he knows who did marry girls for citizenship reasons, or other odd reasons... but i wouldnt apply that to all guys (and girls)
I understand what farhan is saying... when u have been out of pak or a certain environment for awhile, u end up not wanting to go back.. or u see the positives in the current enviroment ur in.. hence ud like a partner from the same place. Not everyone thinks this way... but a lot do, and there really is nothing wrong with that.
Us desi girls who have grown up outside of pak should feel somewhat happy that not all pakistani males think we're not marriage material. Having said that, we aint visa opportunities either.
If u really want to marry someone outside of pak, get urself a visa first so the girl doesnt have doubts.
FYI, fobs come in all varities. Some are very paindoo and some are totally not. And I know some totally paindoo ABCDs who are so freakin desi that they only watch indian movies and dramas have pretty much nothing to do with white/black/hispanic or any non desi people at school and ALL their freinds are always desis and they attend all these desi melas, and gatherings and have posters of indian actors in their rooms. Oh and the bit*ching that goes on about all the different desi ppl they know.. So much drama and they are so nosy and all they do is gossip about whos going out with whom or who got dumped.. And not just that I have also heard them make fun of desis who dare to marry non-desis and call them "disgrace" to their community. ^i just descibed my own cousins. everytime i go visit them in America, im amazed at how narrow minded they are. My siblings and I have lived in pakistan all our lives (still are) and none of us are like that.
lol! too true! me and my siblings are known as coconuts... it's like erm no... we don't get obsessed with either culture but to be fair i'd rather stab myself in the ear than sit through a bollywood flick. but again, same goes for hollywood 'blockbusters'.
my hubby is from pak but he's about as unfobbish as you can get. it weirded all my friends out coz they thought he'd have the typical accent but he sounds european (apparently).. strange since he had never set foot out of pakistan until after we were married.
FYI, fobs come in all varities. Some are very paindoo and some are totally not. And I know some totally paindoo ABCDs who are so freakin desi that they only watch indian movies and dramas have pretty much nothing to do with white/black/hispanic or any non desi people at school and ALL their freinds are always desis and they attend all these desi melas, and gatherings and have posters of indian actors in their rooms. Oh and the bit*ching that goes on about all the different desi ppl they know.. So much drama and they are so nosy and all they do is gossip about whos going out with whom or who got dumped.. And not just that I have also heard them make fun of desis who dare to marry non-desis and call them "disgrace" to their community. ^i just descibed my own cousins. everytime i go visit them in America, im amazed at how narrow minded they are. My siblings and I have lived in pakistan all our lives (still are) and none of us are like that.
I think they are themselves the biggest disgrace to the community!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
Stoppit, I was born and raised in pakistan and I know more about American history than my cousins who grew up there and went to public schools in america. I was discussing this old american movie about civil war (gone with the wind) with my cousin and she didn't know the difference between civil war and the holocaust! I mean come on!
And it's not just her, she has her whole gang of desi chicks who are totally cluless about anything other than whats goin on in bollywood and ridiculing fobs and making fun of their accents. They know the entire life story of shahrukh khan but have no idea what the civil war was about or what Abraham Lincoln did.
Sadly even the ones who go on to college stay pretty damn desi who only interact with desis their whole college lives too. Part of indo/pak clubs and desis melas and desi this desi that.
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
^ u cant generalise. There are different kinds of people everywhere :)
just like there are very desi desis in pakistan and americanised desis as well... same goes for outside of pakistan.
With time, and the right education, views and opinions change.
Lets not get into, who is better than who...
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
People who have immigrated only 5 to 10 yrs have a more humble attitude but people who are living in the west for the past 25 or 30 yrs think that they are some thing out of this world or "larger than life" and what not!!!!!!
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
Sadzz i didn't generalize. I talked about my own experience with ABCDs.
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
farhan, ive been out of pakistan for nearly 24 years...
thats just another generalisation you have made
tammy, ur talking about prob a handful of so called "ABCDs" you have met.
Re: Would the Desi girls consider marrying an Desi International Student?
^sadzz, as she said it's her experience. i think we all acknowledge that experiences vary from person to person.
i know more british pakistani guys and girls similar to the ones tammy describes than similar to myself and my siblings. i could go on about my experiences at school (private, selective) and at one of the top universities in the UK.. do you know that most of the pakistani students attending are from overseas, not home students! but it serves not much purpose and it's just through my lens.
i don't care where anyone is from, as long as they are smart and sensible, without vapid obsessions.