CB. if you actually have time during the day, apart from raising kids and cooking, cleaning, laundry, making food for your husbad because he has come back from his job where he is coding half the time and the other half he is surfing porn, then get a job. That is the desi way....
or you can learn something about equality of the sexes which the west promotes and get a job that pays more than yur husband and ask his sorry ass to do the rest and instead of getting a part time ob, he can get trained in being a masseuse and rub your feet.
You are bangon!!! It is a desi mindset which needs to be changed if they are living in the west. Unless they change their kids will grow up to be just as stupid as they are.
faisal, if we work doesn't a part of it go to the community too? Isn't it in someway good for the society? What do you think will happen if ppl don't work for their paying jobs? And if u were talking in general and not just for women, then fine :D
Matsui: I know! The mindset needs to be changed, I don't think people are going to realize it in my lifetime, I wish I was born like a 1000 years from now, it's pathetic how even now women and their needs are secondary to those of men.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
What do you think will happen if ppl don't work for their paying jobs? And if u were talking in general and not just for women, then fine :D
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What exactly are you arguing for here?
You know here I read these comments, which all makes sense in a customized perfect world of the ones who post them but the reality is very different.
It's a fact that more than half the spouses these days are imported from the east. And if you expect the imported husband to pickup cooking in a heartbeat, who probably only went into kitchen to steal food that was not to be touched by anyone other than the 'parownay' (it means guests for those who need a little punjabi lesson) is unrealistic. Or to expect him to understand the fine points of a 'western relationship' let alone a romantic one, or the minutiae of an ideal husband is bizarre.
Most marriages in Desi cultures are a starting point, not the end to years of ‘get to know you better’ phase. And with all it’s complexities, it’s your compromises that makes it more successful, then ideals about a perfect life.
Most of my life, I have seen working women carry way more than their fair share of the load. The husband and wife would enter home around the same time after a long day at work but whilst the wife goes off to cook/clean, the husband sprawls on the couch to flick through tv channels. My mother being a prime example. It takes great effort to do what she does, four spoiled kids and an even more spoiled husband. Some days I have gone up to my exhausted mom and told her that I think I’ll stick to being a housewife rather than do what she does because I don’t think I will have the patience. But then I also think their generation was brought up a different way and perhaps sharing ‘housework’ is a fairly recent phenomenon.
I personally wouldn’t mind working, staying home can get extremely boring and I am not spending my time and money at school if I don’t intend to benefit from it later. But I also would expect a little help around the house. Unless of course I marry filthy rich which is the plan at the mo, then I’ll spend my days traveling around the world and shopping in dubai and paris.
faisal: I don't know, you tell me. You digressed and started talking about volunteer work, I just thought all along you were suggesting, only women should take up volunteer work to keep themselves busy.
Ahmad..where ver did you ge thte number of half the spouses bein imported? Just curious. While it might be ok to chalk it up to "getting to know you" and "humara culture" crap...reality is different. The reason you and yours (general yous) are here is beacuse you like the western lifestyle. While it is nice to drive a Lexus, it is also nice to break out of this idiotic desi mindset of women's place in the home and once the kids are grown up they can go back to their job...mentality. As if it is a favor being granted upon them.
If the imported husband is brave enough to come to America, he better be brave enought o address his insecurities about capabilities. Ont eh other hand, women should do greater due diligence before marrying some idiot who is going to keep them int he dark ages.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
faisal: I don't know, you tell me. You digressed and started talking about volunteer work, I just thought all along you were suggesting, only women should take up volunteer work to keep themselves busy.
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I said its probably a separate topic that its my belief that everyone (men and women) should do some kind volunteer work. Trust you to take everything into an anti-women campaign. :p
You are assuming that all women want the same thing as you do. Thats certainly not true. There are plenty of women, desi and non-desi alike, who just want to stay at home and take care of their families. Whether you, me or Chandbeti like it or not is then our personal opinion and should not be force-fed. Two-thirds of British women surveyed want to quit their jobs and spend time with their families. I am not talking about desi women now. And there are similar trends occuring in the US.
Again once we look out side the tunnel-vision of desi-bashing, which seems to be the favorite hobby for some around here, check this out
A survey released by the YWCA of Vancouver revealed that almost 62% of women in British Columbia say family brings the most satisfaction to their lives. While family ranked No. 1, job/career ranked a distant No. 5 with leisure activities and volunteering coming out ahead (rank No. 2 & No. 3 respectively) and fitness ranking No. 4 in bringing the most satisfaction.
Go figure!
Matsui Bhaijaan, it's very easy for you to say all that being who you are & where you are coming from. But not everyone is you and not all of us come from where you are, and that was probably the point I was trying to making. So, while you can argue on life as you have experienced & learned from it & I don't doubt your judgment that it works pretty well in your ‘environment’, it's might not be ideal for others.
The more than half is my call based on all the recent marriages I have seen in the circle of friends & acquaintances I have, which is sure to be different than yours.
Hmmm....I can't really say what's going to happen about this, I think the couple needs to talk these things through, I can't exactly take this decision by myself as at that point I'll be part of a whole and not just an individual anymore :)
I want to utilise my education though and keep busy in life, but family always comes first. I think one can juggle circumstances and resources and strike a balance if one is efficient and especially if the guy and girl are supportive of each other.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
I said its probably a separate topic that its my belief that everyone (men and women) should do some kind volunteer work. Trust you to take everything into an anti-women campaign. :p
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I opened a free breast examination centre as a part of cancer prevention initiative but nobody came.
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*Originally posted by Matsui: *
While it is nice to drive a Lexus, it is also nice to break out of this idiotic desi mindset of women's place in the home and once the kids are grown up they can go back to their job...mentality. As if it is a favor being granted upon them.
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Ideally, woman's place is home until kids grow up. Women who think otherwise can go to hell even if they look like super models.
A woman who puts career before kids is not a suitable life partner in my view.
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*Originally posted by ChaChoo: *
TJ -- some so called "modern and liberated" women get amnesia when it comes to their own responsibilities stated by Islam but they clearly remember Islam when it comes to “it is husband's responsibility to earn the bread”.
I absolutely agree that women can do a superb job working and raising a family just like many men do as well. I know many women who do that successfully and do more than their husbands can ever do; I am not arguing that point. I have trouble with the notion of "own" money. After you get married there is no concept of “own”, you are part of the family and all your time and effort should be dedicated to the family.
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I agree with the "own" money part..if both are makin money then both should be responsible for running the house
n Islamically speaking, theres that ayah about men being breadwinner and leaders of the home (Q4:34) but I dont remember reading or hearing about something that said women r suppose to do all house work? I think there is something about raising kids though...so unless u find me something every single man should be GRATEFUL for their wives, moms, sisters or daughters for everything they do!!
Ideally, woman's place is home until kids grow up. Women who think otherwise can go to hell even if they look like super models.
A woman who puts career before kids is not a suitable life partner in my view.
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acha? Ideally a man's part in a marriage is to share the workload with his wife( no matter what kind of load) and support her through everything just the way he expects the wife to support him. Men who think they have the right to decide what a woman has to do with her life can really go to hell. A man with the ego of a king and the mindset of a neanderthal is not a suitable human being in my view.
Men can put their careers and even their mistresses before their kids and family but that is all good, eh?
hmm ideally id like to stay at home and be with the kids (im a backward gaoon ki chori). Spend some time with the kids when they're young and then Inshallah get back into work when they start going to school and stuff
just cus a female is at home, dont mean she aint working. She's probably doing more work than she would in an office. I know i do
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*Originally posted by Fayz: *
Ideally, woman's place is home until kids grow up. Women who think otherwise can go to hell even if they look like super models. A woman who puts career before kids is not a suitable life partner in my view.
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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
Ideally a man's part in a marriage is to share the workload with his wife( no matter what kind of load) and support her through everything just the way he expects the wife to support him. Men who think they have the right to decide what a woman has to do with her life can really go to hell. A man with the ego of a king and the mindset of a neanderthal is not a suitable human being in my view.
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I see at the heart of the matter is that while Fayz is talking about gandum, Chandbeti is talking about channa. So both of yours "ideally"s do not necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. Then again, Chandbeti posts like she is extremely angry at her boss, so there is still hope for reconciliation. Keep it up guys!
CB, men who believe in having mistresses don’t really need a wife. It gets boring with one person at some point in time anyways. So what makes a marriage special? You marry for peace of mind not headaches, competitions or ‘you own this’ and ‘I own that crap’. As for kids…I believe god made a mother cuz He can’t be there physically…A mother who can’t appreciate that fact should definitely go to hell.
Talking about egos..just incase if you are still in the wonderful student life…women (desi or other) who are career oriented rather than family oriented have bigger egos..you will find it out when you start working in industry.
^ that is because your standards are low or maybe yourunderstanding of mother or god is of a mediocre entity. My mother worked, My wife works, I never feltor my kid feels that they are missing out on anything. Are you afraid that your wife might end up being more sucessful in her professional life then your pitiful accpomplishments?
Strong mothers create confident boys, not pussies who condemn women to hell because they work.
