I'm with you on this one. For me, it's not about just being dependent on a husband. I just don't think it's nice to leech off of a guy for money. I'm sorry, but that's the way I see it. The only reason why I say this is cause most girls these days are well capable of working....be it as a secretary or as a doctor. I personally do not want to be a housewife until I have kids.
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It is not a matter of leeching off... it is a matter of shared responsibility... as a team husband and wife split their tasks and they are dependent on each other for the completion of those tasks... no task is lesser than the other... So if men are working their butts off (or as Faisal would say working smarter) to support their families, women are working equally hard (or smarter :)) in taking care of their HOME (not just a house), kids, etc.
I wouldn't be calling him up in the middle of the day either for 'permission' but I would think twice before buying something. Say if its a pair of shoes I am buying just because I like it and not because I need it why should he have to pay for it? I would feel a little guilty and uneasy. Yes if it was my own pay check I wouldn't think twice!
Again I am not even close to a relationship yet so I don't know how things will be when and if I ever get into one but right now I don't think I can rely on someone else for basic needs. I hope the time will come when I can use someone elses money without giving it a single thought. Right now he is a 'someone else' for me. Maybe once I have someone and there is a level of trust and all that good stuff I can let go too! Seems awfully difficult at this point though.
FF, I understand where you are coming from & I respect that ‘independence’
Though I think Faisal bhai was making a different point, something along the lines that you can’t have your cake and eat it too! From my own experience, the mix of cultures usually ends up not in favor of the women in most cases. No one can deny the fact that if both parents are working, you have to share the load. If one’s income is enough, even then due to lack of time [especially in the western countries], both husband and wife have to co-ordinate on little things of importance like pick-n-drop schedule for kids, their homework, making sure they are fed, their & your own laundry, watching the right TV channels, about their friends, etc. But you will see that most Desi men are not tuned that way .. or they have a hard time accepting the role.
In Pakistan, if the couple brings in enough, you can always hire people to do most of the errands, as labor is cheap & it also helps with family being close by. But if both combined in are bringing the bare minimum to run the house, usually the women end up doing all the work.
In the west, unless you are Matsui rich, you can’t afford someone to run your errands. So, either you have to make a deal & go the western way of everything half / half or both have to be extra ordinarily understanding & low maintenance in all aspects.
As far as Islam is concerned, in all cases it gives a model of least resistance & safe sailing. It doesn’t mean all alternative routes are banned or are sure failures. They are just not preferred. It’s like speed limit on a highway, where one can probably go 10-20 miles above and still get home safe, though the risk runs proportional to the violation.
FF -- in a husband/wife relationship there is no concept of "somone else's money" it is shared, it is as much yours as it is his... I guess this is developed with time and as the relationship matures. When you spend money "own" or "some else's" if you keep in mind the family you will do fine :)
I know that Chachoo, I'm talking strictly about finances though, not other household responsibilities. Not everybody sees it the way I do and I know that.
I just don't like the idea of leaving all the financial burden on the husband when I am capable of working and contributing too .... even if it's minor in comparison with whatever the husband contributes, it's still something! When there are no kids involved, the responsibility on women is less. Yes, they have to maintain a clean home and prepare meals etc. but this can be done while working ... and isn't just up to the female to do this job, guys can help out too. :p Hmmm, maybe I'm wrong. I'm not married. Again, I'm talking about just the husband-wife scenario, not with kids involved.
Ok.. now I will just give my straight answer. I strongly believe that women should be able to work, if they chose to. There is no "requirement" on either side of the argument. It is a personal choice. Also, once the kids start school and are in the able care of good teachers for part of the day, thats a great time for women to be working as well. I actually prefer self-employment with business ideas and enterpreneural spirit. It allows for flexible timings and practically limitless earning potential. Again it depends on what the women wants to do, so it can't be a cut-and-dried one size fits all thing.
Worthy volunteer work is also good to help give back to the community.
Well, I got up at 6 am today. Went for a run and then read the paper. the baby woke up at 7:30 and I gave him some milk. We then went for a walk and I had my coffee. We cam back around 9:00 am and Mrs. MAtsui gave both of us a kiss and went to work. I popped in a baby Einstein video and fed th little man some Banana Yogurt and Butter nut squash. We played with new retro rocket for a while and then I gave him a bath. Around 11:30, he got a bottle of milk and then took a nap. I took a shower and made some calls. He woke up around 1:00 and I fed him some mac and cheese and some more yogurt. Then his aunt cam eby with his cousin and they went to the children's museum. They will be back aroud 4pm, then we will have another bottle of milk and some cookies and go to the park till 5:30-6pm, at which time we will go and meet mama at the 53th street train station. We will come back home and change and then go out to dinner.. We will get back around 8-8:30pm and then we will read together at which time he will fuss a little and go to sleep. (similar routine tomorrow with a concert during the afternoon at a local church)
After he goes to sleep, Mr. MAtsui will get online and go to Sak.com and order the gold Michael Kors sandles she has been pining for.
I think a lot o desi men are asholes mama's boys who don;t want wives but want vassals, just like their mothers were. ANd the resaon is because they did not have financial freedom. It takes two to raise a child, as faisal or someone else can tell you in the western world. Half of the time it is not about rich or poor but attitude towards raising the kids. Come nextweek, he will start going to day care, not beause we can;t take care of him but because we want him to be independent, interactive, and learn new things.
Having financial freedom for females is very important. Father's day is coming up and Daddy wants Ulysses Nardine chronograph...
Working women are a blessing not only for the family but for the community. There are some concepts in our culture that are totally ridiculous but some have been proven successes. Men are raised to ‘provide’ for family needs whereas women are expected to run the house (regardless of whether it is a one family income or two). But their primary roles should be crystal clear. If there is a woman who invests time in making extra money to buy a luxury item at the expense disturbing the monthly house cycle then her priorities should be in check.
Madhanee, I have an interview with the FBI at 3:30. (god to honest truth…will tell ya about it ) I am free after that, if you want to hook up for a drink at Local.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Also, once the kids start school and are in the able care of good teachers for part of the day, thats a great time for women to be working as well. I actually prefer self-employment with business ideas and enterpreneural spirit. It allows for flexible timings and practically limitless earning potential. Again it depends on what the women wants to do, so it can't be a cut-and-dried one size fits all thing.
Worthy volunteer work is also good to help give back to the community.
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huh? so only the woman should try to adjust her work timings for the family? If it fits in with the cooking, cleaning etc it's fine eh? Else she can toss the idea of working?
Volunteer work? How will that help a woman be financially independent?Who said women are dying to work only to give back to the community?
I would like both the partners to share the load, be it financial or household chores or raising kids.
Chandbeti, Bingo!!! If a man cannot make the money to support the family fulltime, then he better pipe the fk down and start changing the nappies and let his more capable and better half have a go at it.
Faisal, that flexible entrepreneiship can also be applied to men.
Chandbeti, you are not my wife, so stop acting like one. I am giving my views. If you don't like them, tough :p The whole world does not revolve financial indpendence. Its part of it. You may have your views on what you want to do, so more power to you. Most of the time I am hearing from women is that they will like to work because it gives them extra money which they may or may not contribute towards the family income. And they will take years off from their careers to have kids and raise them till school-going age. All is fine. But if thats the case, your whole equality tirade goes out the window. So lets not beat a dead horse :)
And where was volunteer work mentioned in terms of financial independence? Its mentioned as a good way to spend extra time. Do you always think of pennies and cents?
Matsui... I agree about enterpreneural aspect for men as well. Since the topic is for "working wives" so I mentioned it for wives. In your earlier thread about your own business ventures, I had encouraged enterpreneural ambitions for men as well. Even if we are afraid to lose a steady stream of bi-weekly paycheck (a.k.a. regular job), at a minimum there should always be side-businesses going on generating revenues.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Most of the time I am hearing from women is that they will like to work because it gives them extra money which they may or may not contribute towards the family income. And they will take years off from their careers to have kids and raise them till school-going age. All is fine. But if thats the case, your whole equality tirade goes out the window. So lets not beat a dead horse :)
And where was volunteer work mentioned in terms of financial independence? Its mentioned as a good way to spend extra time. Do you always think of pennies and cents?
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Most of the women you have encountered are raised to think men are the bread winners and anything the woman earns is a perk. For me and a few other women, it's about contributing equally towards the family's good.
And why can't everyone just get used to the idea of women working outside jobs as not being an activity just meant to kill time while kids are at school or whatever. A woman should be ridiculed too if she doesn't have a job..just like men are. It's a shame if a woman wastes her talent sitting at home.
Yeah, It is better to earn money while spending the "extra time" than just spending the extra time without getting back nothing.. If yer getting nothing back, why not sit on yer arse watching soaps at home like most women are expected to.
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*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
Yeah, It is better to earn money while spending the "extra time" than just spending the extra time without getting back nothing.. If yer getting nothing back, why not sit on yer arse watching soaps at home like most women are expected to.
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Lets get out of the "women only" mind-set and talk about the whole concept of volunteer work. Its probably another discussion in itself. I am a firm proponent that all of us should be part of the community and be a volunteer for causes that are dear to us. Not every thing we do should revolve around making money. Some of the efforts we make should solely be for the satisfaction that you are enriching someone else's life, helping someone or some organization or in general be a useful human being. Just giving $$$ in charity alone doesn't cut it for me in many cases. I think its a wrong thinking that we should only be spending our time either in making money for ourselves or spending it in fun and other proclivities. There should be a balance.
See her savings may save you in times of need. Treat her income or whatever is left of it as a CD account 
