Women's Second Marriage!

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

There may be more men than women, but if you take out those men who are jobless, armless, legless, helpless becharas, and men who are still suckling on maternal objects that they should have been weaned from decades ago...

then there are more women than men.

[Insaaniyat]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

@PyariCgudia

There may be more men than women, but if you take out those men who are jobless, armless, legless, helpless becharas, and men who are still suckling on maternal objects that they should have been weaned from decades ago...

then there are more women than men.

And remember many women are not exactly the kind of angels they dream of. There's a reason why there will be more women in hell than men.
So that roughly balances the male to female ratio again.

And then remember the same that you said about men also applies to women. Wh should we middle class men suffer because all the girls are being taken by the rich married blokes? THis is visible in Saudi Arabia, where men from the lower and middle classes are finding it harder to marry. Due to the selfish rich men who want multiple young and pretty wives.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Don't complain. I'm hot, young, successful, and if you dont take into account the questionable novels I occasionally read, I am a pretty solid virgin. And I'm single.

Let's keep the PM's to a few sentences, gentleman. I have way too many to read, and they're all done in poorly written English. The fancy guys are all after hotties like khattichic.

[Insaaniyat]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

What I don't get is why can't women remain unmarried. Had it not been for social pressure many(or some) women would choose not to marry at all. Why can't women build their own independent, professional and happy lives without the reliance of a man?

before thinking of polygamy as a solution to society's ills, lets educate women to become independent earners. Or we can also encourage young bachelors to marry divorcees. After all the Prophet(saw) also married a twice widowed 40 year old woman when he was 25.

[queen_24]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@SweetLady

My sis has had her nikah done 1.5 yeara ago.
Her inlaws were okay in the beginning…but now suddenly they have changed… Like demanding uberly weird things in the jahez (want doubl/extra things) …when my mum agreed on the first demands they started again demanding next things, so mum n dad didn’t agreed… Now the FIL of my sis is sayin things like “larki europe ki hey…humeyn kya pata key kesi ho” i mean wthell 1.5 saal baad pata challa key larki europe ki hey :s (boy s in pk) …

Things r gettin so out of hand that my sis is on the edge of a divorce… Mum s spacing out but says that she doesnt want her daughter to end up in such a hell …but on the other hand ahe is scared of the lable “divorce” cuz there won’t b many people who will accept a divorcee girl (even if she is a virgin and has just a nikah wthout nythin else) (thats what mom thinks)

I just wanted to discuss it here cuz it was about talaak… Plz pray thatm sis doesnt get any talaak…cuz she really loves her husband…and doesnt want to have talaak on auch a young age ..just a month before her wedding

I really feel sorry for your sister. I know its too easy to say and difficult to bear but still, I would say its better to be away from such a person (Or family) than living your entire life with them.

If your sister loves him anyway and if he loves her too, then I would say, May Allah bless this couple and make it a better a couple in future… and give right paths and directions to the groom’s entire family! Amen.

@Insaaniyat

Sorry I don’t agree. Even though I am a man.
Hindus have historically aleays been more polygamous than Muslims. If you check the statistics of the 1950s and 1970s the proportion of polygamous Hindus were greater than the proportion of polygamous Muslims. And many Hindu gods were polygamous, some of them with 10000 wives and many Hindus back in the old days used to have multiple wives, with their scriptures allowing them 3.
And simply because polygamy is prevalent in the upper classes of the gulf countries does not mean women there take kindly to it. For instance, a woman was in the news for committing suicide with her kids when her husband took a second wife in Jeddah. Another woman burnt her husband’s wedding reception in Dubai. Attitudes to polygamy there are similar to the ones in Pakistan. In Egypt for instance polygamy is seen as the betrayal of the first wife for the pleasure of the husband and the second wife.
And does anyone actually bother checking the statistics??? Or do ppl still rely on Zakir Naik’s made-up statistics.
There are MORE men than women in the world today. For instance the ration of men to women in KSA is 112 men to 100 women and still the selfish rich sheikhs practise polygyny, that is why it is so hard for the middle class and poor men there to find a wife. They all marry the richer blokes.
I think you are feeling this way because you are going through a divorce. Not ALL men have those kind of attitudes. There are plenty of men who are divorced and widowed. There are also some men who wouldn’t mind marrying with a non-virgin with kids.** Even though I am single neither me or my family members would mind me marrying a divorcee even though I am single. But maybe thats because I am born and raised in the west so I am not obsessed with virginity.
**My divorced aunt of 10 years just got remarried recently and she is happy. She would have been happy without remarrying too as she made use of her education and worked rather than rely on any man.

I really appreciate that
I wish the entire world think the same way!!

[queen_24]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@uzair1

Here we go again. Yet another installment on the ubiquitous *"aurat kay liey shaadi karna kitna mushkil’ *rona dhona.

I cannot even begin to dissect the fallacies in the OP’s rant. All I can suggest to her is…

1. Try not being so blinded by the female perspective.
2. There is a world outside the arranged marriage afflicted Pakistani society.

I didnt speak pashto
See, its not a wrong belief, its just what I see around!
I am not being blinded… I am discussing it here!

[khattichic]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@PyariCgudia

The fancy guys are all after hotties like khattichic.

Hain?!?!

[queen_24]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@uzair1

That is utter bollocks that some Mullah’s propagate. The population of women does not exceed that of men. If you stopped listening to Zakir Na-layak and cared to do some research you’d have known that the worldwide sex ratio at birth is 107 males to every 100 females born, which equalizes later on as males mortality rate is slightly higher. In any case the difference is too negligible to cause any effect on the marriage marketplace.

So my friend, you’d have to come up with another explanation to why there are more women desperate for marriage than there are men.

Desperate is not the right word here..

@Insaaniyat

What I don’t get is why can’t women remain unmarried. Had it not been for social pressure many(or some) women would choose not to marry at all. Why can’t women build their own independent, professional and happy lives without the reliance of a man?

before thinking of polygamy as a solution to society’s ills, lets educate women to become independent earners. Or we can also encourage young bachelors to marry divorcees. After all the Prophet(saw) also married a twice widowed 40 year old woman when he was 25.

Because they dont let her live that way!! Because they make her life hell!!

P.S, Here “They” is referred to the third party

[uzair1]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

@PyariCgudia

To deny that our pakistani society looks down upon divorced women is just ignoring the big phat pink tranny elephant in the room.

Not having any re marriage prospects is not the same as being looked down upon.

@PyariCgudia

There may be more men than women, but if you take out those men who are jobless, armless, legless, helpless becharas, and men who are still suckling on maternal objects that they should have been weaned from decades ago...

then there are more women than men.

I think most people can agree that there are more jobless, helpless bechari's girls hopelessly dependent on their parents, than guys. Not too sure about the armless and legless though.

Its likely that you're referring to something very specific - Men who measure up to you, in your vicinity, willing to have a particular kind of relationship (marriage?) with you on your terms. Thats the definition of 'good men' isnt it?

[ekumunng]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

@Insaaniyat

Wrong. Its more males than females in every age category EXCEPT aged 60+. How many Muslims are there in South America and Latin America.

Overall, in most Muslim countries, there are MORE men than women. Only in the. 60+ age category is there any surplus of women.

I was talking about men and women not Muslim men or Muslim women or age group and at the world wide level as a whole.

[ekumunng]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@Insaaniyat

Here are some reliable statistics including from the UN.

http://unstats.un.org/unsd/demographic/products/indwm/Dec.%202012/1a.xls
GeoHive - Male / Female distribution

so yeah there are MORE men han women. Yet another pro-polygamy argument goes down the drain.

The issue under discussion is remarriage of divorced women and NOT polygamy!:snooty:

[queen_24]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

can we please leave the statistics and now move on to the actual topic?? My topic wasnt, a woman can remarry or not!! my topic was, why people are so judgemental in such a case?? who they are to judge!!

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

The woman has two kids. Not a lot of guys would want to raise some other guys kids. If she were a divorcee with no kids, it would have been a different story.

[queen_24]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

@SaeedinPakistan

The woman has two kids. Not a lot of guys would want to raise some other guys kids. If she were a divorcee with no kids, it would have been a different story.

achay logo ki bhi kami nahin hay is dunya main!! if a woman can marry to a man having 2, 3, 4 kids, why cant a man marry to a woman like that??
There MUST be men around who accept such women and respect them, marry them!!
Thats what I said, who are WE to decide someone's fate!!

[TlGER]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@queen_24

achay logo ki bhi kami nahin hay is dunya main!! if a woman can marry to a man having 2, 3, 4 kids, why cant a man marry to a woman like that??
There MUST be men around who accept such women and respect them, marry them!!
Thats what I said, who are WE to decide someone’s fate!!

yea i was about to accept a woman…magar us kay husband ko pata chal gaya…phir us nay accept nahi kiya

[Captain_Obvious]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

@queen_24

achay logo ki bhi kami nahin hay is dunya main!! if a woman can marry to a man having 2, 3, 4 kids, why cant a man marry to a woman like that?? There MUST be men around who accept such women and respect them, marry them!! Thats what I said, who are WE to decide someone's fate!!

Sure there is probably someone out there who would be willing to marry a woman like that. Though I would say that in an arranged setting, the chances will be very slim, especially if it's a guy going for his first marriage. I'd imagine the chances would be higher if the guy were older and also previously married.

[Sara516]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Ameen!!! Thats a true point... But on the other hand.... When i see my sis cryin... I cant stand it

Better a little bit of pain now, if the nikkah breaks, rather than pain later, where she's living in hell because of him.

I know... But okay when the guy comes here... He wonb influenced that much from.his parents..... Is waqt 24/7 woh apni behen en waldain key saatg hey so easily un ki vaton meyn ajaye gha...

Once in uk ... He wont be havin that much contact.. So issues can b handled easily by the couple itself.

No mum and dad neyn saaf inkaar kardiya hey... So ab Allah pak key agey duwa hi karni baqi hey...

My mum s scared that my sis wont get married easily.... Not everyone is kindhearted towards women/ young girls in these kind of circumstances (afsos)

Allah pak apna fazal farmaye and hum per apni rehmat ata farmaye Ameen

This is extremely naive thinking. His mother and sister will always be his, and if they are really this awful and he is this easily influenced, things will NOT get better. Men in our society do not cut off ties with their families b/c they abuse their wives, esp if they're the kinds who are easily influenced.

[MM]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@queen_24

achay logo ki bhi kami nahin hay is dunya main!! if a woman can marry to a man having 2, 3, 4 kids, why cant a man marry to a woman like that??
There MUST be men around who accept such women and respect them, marry them!!
Thats what I said, who are WE to decide someone’s fate!!

In all seriousness, you’re right. We’re no one to determine anyone fate, but we take it upon our selves to judge everyone and make assumptions.
“Something must have gone wrong for her marriage to break” - this is the type of thinking most of our cultured people posses.

Not to mention the “need” for someone untouched and pristine. Nikkah toota to koi baat nahi, laikin bachay? Tauba karro!

(Ps, not my views at all, just saying what desi society thinks.)

Think back to the old Hindu rituals from the 1800’s of burning the widow with her late husband because she would be a burden or would voluntarily burn themselves so they wouldn’t become a burden on the community.

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

@queen_24

achay logo ki bhi kami nahin hay is dunya main!! if a woman can marry to a man having 2, 3, 4 kids, why cant a man marry to a woman like that??
There MUST be men around who accept such women and respect them, marry them!!
Thats what I said, who are WE to decide someone’s fate!!

@MM

In all seriousness, you’re right. We’re no one to determine anyone fate, but we take it upon our selves to judge everyone and make assumptions.
“Something must have gone wrong for her marriage to break” - this is the type of thinking most of our cultured people posses.

Not to mention the “need” for someone untouched and pristine. Nikkah toota to koi baat nahi, laikin bachay? Tauba karro!

(Ps, not my views at all, just saying what desi society thinks.)

Think back to the old Hindu rituals from the 1800’s of burning the widow with her late husband because she would be a burden or would voluntarily burn themselves so they wouldn’t become a burden on the community.

As Captain Obvious said the odds of her getting hitched through the arranged route are slim. Comparing two girls, one who already has kids vs one who has none. The one with kids means a lot more responsibility, financial and otherwise. It’s not like the guy will give up on having his own kids with her. So if he wants 3 kids and there are the wife’s 2. These are a lot of kids, and they’ll cost money.

It’s not just about the society making assumptions. There are some practical reasons too,for avoiding someone who already has kids.

[SweetLady]

Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Sup SL!. I pray to Allah SWT to resolve matter related to ya're sis. Ya're sis going through tough test.

Thanks Xtron... Ameen!

Your mum should be more concerned about her daughter's married life than simply getting her married.

What is the point of marriage if she's not happy? Is se behtar hai ke ghar mein maa baap ke saat khush rahay na?

Inshallah, all will be well. Leave this to Allah swt.

In Shaa Allah! Ab Allah per sab chora hey... He will decide and bless her with the best

Ameen