Women's Second Marriage!

Lifestyle Relationships
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Recently, my SIL was telling me about one of her friends’s young sister, (whom I know) that she has got divorce. After hearing such a news, I felt sorry for the girl who is just 21 or 22 and has two kids. A boy and a girl. Boy is just few months older. I also said suddenly, “Allah usay sabar day aur in sha Allah iss se achha jor (partner) usko future main de.” For which my SIL replied without delaying for a minute, “ab kahan milay ga usay… ab to bus bechaari…” and I was like shocked (& pissed off) for her stupid thought! I asked her what she means and she said, “Bhaee do bacho ka sath hay to ab uss say kaun shadi karay ga.” I wanted to make her understand but on the other hand I knew she will just drag it and argue so I didn’t discuss it with her in detail.

A day ago, I had almost the same discussion with my neighbour. She said the same… we were discussing about someone and she said, “wo apnay husband ko chor nahin sakti chahay wo usse jesa bhi behave karay” and I was like why? and she said, “agar chor diya to uss say doosri shadi kaun karega” and I said, “but she is young, has no child and a pretty girl”, and she replied, “still, yar aaj kal ke zamanay main kunwari larki ka rishta milna mushkil hay tum divorcee ki baat ker rahi ho”, and the discussion went on!

My reason for posting it here is to discuss it!
It simply pisses me off when I hear such things!
Do you think that is why in our society the MAN (I am talking about particular men here) is so dominant and careless and doesn’t give the respect to his wife because he knows that she can not leave me? because no one will marry her if she gets a divorce?
How can anyone declare that who can get a good proposal and who can not?
Why is it easy for other WOMEN to say so bluntly, “ab to uski shadi to ho hi nahin sakti, usay tallaq jo mil gayee” …

I also know a lady who took khula from her husband because the man was not treating her the way she should be and she took a wise step, but when my MIL told to other family members, she portrayed it like this, "suna, Usay tallaq dedi naa uske shohor ne… " and I was like… where the hell it happened?? Usay tallaq di to nahin gaee, usnay khud li…!!

Why can’t a woman get married to the second time?? Or OK, I know she can, but why do some people think that Now, after the divorce, this woman can’t remarry!! Why? Why is it there in their sub-concious that now after she has got divorced, no one will marry her…Why on the first place my SIL said, ab to kuch ho nahin sakta…do bacho ki maa jo hay wo! WHY??

I am just so pissed off right now!

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

If it's not happening to you and don't think it will, no need to get stressed out over it.

and yes, second marriages can happen, and the woman CAN live happily with the second husband. Life isn't all gloom and doom if you don't follow the standards set by society.

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Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

This is so stupid, Why people think it is Happening with the OP when someone opens a thread!! :disgust:

Definitely its NOT happening with me!

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

& yeah, insaniyat bhi koi cheez hoti hay, zaroori nahin aapko sirf usi baat ka dard ho jo aapke sath ya apkay apno ke sath ho!! Being human, we can feel for eachother!!

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Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

well I know a girl close to me some how she got divorced but had no baby got married is happily married now and has a boy, one from family also got divorced she had a boy n she recently got married after 8 years of her divorce.

pancho unglian braber nhi hoti :chai:

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Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

Good! :k:
yeah, yehi to, thats what I say Devi… but I just feel sorry for those, who think it cant happen!! Mujhay unki soch pe ghussa aata hay!

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Its the mind set of the Hindu society of the sub continent. Hinduism does not encourage remarriage of women and we are aware of the trend where wife used to burn when her husband died. Living here for centuries has clouded our mind and even being a Muslim we have adopted that mentality. Divorced women are looked down upon by Hindu society not in Islam but we are more concerned with the tradition of the land than what our religion teaches.

Hinduism also encourages monogamy, and this trend has also been picked up by our society. Second marriage by a man becomes such a scandalous and serious issue that most men know that they will have only one marriage in their lifetime. With one chance obviously the choice will be a virgin/unmarried woman and divorced women will be overlooked.

Before accusing me of any evil please note that at anytime, the number of women in society are greater than number of men, and with divorce issue, there will be more women waiting for marriage or remarriage. When second marriage of man becomes impossible then divorced women will have less chance of remarrying when virgin/unmarried women are present in large numbers.

Middle east is relatively better where despite divorce women can remarry and men also have no issue with it. But it must also be noted that it is quite common in middle east countries for a man to have more than one wife.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

You are right to some extent but this has been taken so wrong!! Dont you think making a man sure of 'his wife cant remarry if you leave her' can make a woman's life hell!
Even in some illiterate society I have seen, inlaws suppressing a woman on the basis of Divorce!

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

When someone gets leverage on anyone they will use it to full extent and exploit the other party. Its just human nature. Like I said, because divorced women are looked down upon in our society, husbands will use this mentality to exert themselves on their wives.

Not only inlaws, the parents/family of the woman also do nothing and tell woman to accept life as it is. Radical reforms are required from everyone.

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Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

No one said it was happening with you. :konfused:

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

you are right. But how this can be controlled then??

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Not really. I did address the original matter: that women can go on to get married a 2nd time and be happy. My point was, there's no use in getting so worked up over something that you don't think will affect you in your life. If you're happy in your marriage, why worry about divorcees?

Baqi tum insaniyat ki baat karti ho, well, yes it's good to care and have compassion because there are issues that affect everyone, directly or indirectly.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Well think about it...even single people are finding it difficult to find a good rishta so it must be even harder for divorcees.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Education, Education, Education and basic understanding of Islam.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

shrugs

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

It can be hard to find exactly what you're looking for but definitely not impossible.

Being in the rishta scene for the second time, I have become more aware of things and a bit more picky.

People blow things out of proportion all the time...getting married is not harder if you're divorced.

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

If there are kids in the picture, even a guy will have a hard time getting married again. Depends on who has full possession of the kids.

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Re: Women’s Second Marriage!

My sis has had her nikah done 1.5 yeara ago.
Her inlaws were okay in the beginning…but now suddenly they have changed… Like demanding uberly weird things in the jahez (want doubl/extra things) …when my mum agreed on the first demands they started again demanding next things, so mum n dad didn’t agreed… Now the FIL of my sis is sayin things like “larki europe ki hey…humeyn kya pata key kesi ho” i mean wthell 1.5 saal baad pata challa key larki europe ki hey :s (boy s in pk) …

Things r gettin so out of hand that my sis is on the edge of a divorce… Mum s spacing out but says that she doesnt want her daughter to end up in such a hell …but on the other hand ahe is scared of the lable “divorce” cuz there won’t b many people who will accept a divorcee girl (even if she is a virgin and has just a nikah wthout nythin else) (thats what mom thinks)

I just wanted to discuss it here cuz it was about talaak… Plz pray thatm sis doesnt get any talaak…cuz she really loves her husband…and doesnt want to have talaak on auch a young age ..just a month before her wedding :bummer:

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Re: Women's Second Marriage!

Sorry I don't agree. Even though I am a man.
Hindus have historically aleays been more polygamous than Muslims. If you check the statistics of the 1950s and 1970s the proportion of polygamous Hindus were greater than the proportion of polygamous Muslims. And many Hindu gods were polygamous, some of them with 10000 wives and many Hindus back in the old days used to have multiple wives, with their scriptures allowing them 3.
And simply because polygamy is prevalent in the upper classes of the gulf countries does not mean women there take kindly to it. For instance, a woman was in the news for committing suicide with her kids when her husband took a second wife in Jeddah. Another woman burnt her husband's wedding reception in Dubai. Attitudes to polygamy there are similar to the ones in Pakistan. In Egypt for instance polygamy is seen as the betrayal of the first wife for the pleasure of the husband and the second wife.
And does anyone actually bother checking the statistics????? Or do ppl still rely on Zakir Naik's made-up statistics.
There are MORE men than women in the world today. For instance the ration of men to women in KSA is 112 men to 100 women and still the selfish rich sheikhs practise polygyny, that is why it is so hard for the middle class and poor men there to find a wife. They all marry the richer blokes.
I think you are feeling this way because you are going through a divorce. Not ALL men have those kind of attitudes. There are plenty of men who are divorced and widowed. There are also some men who wouldn't mind marrying with a non-virgin with kids. Even though I am single neither me or my family members would mind me marrying a divorcee even though I am single. But maybe thats because I am born and raised in the west so I am not obsessed with virginity.
My divorced aunt of 10 years just got remarried recently and she is happy. She would have been happy without remarrying too as she made use of her education and worked rather than rely on any man.