Re: Women’s Second Marriage!
It was phunny 
Re: Women’s Second Marriage!
If I were your parents, I would push for the talaq because unfortunately your sisters kameeni inlaws are setting the standard for a miserable married life. I know of at least several girls who broke their Nikkah and are now happily married to men who respect them and have very respectful inlaws. My own ex inlaws would always throw in my face how much salami or jahez ppl received at every wedding we used to go to.
I’m recently divorced myself with a child and this whole thread, to be honest, is absolutely scary. I think it’s wrong for society to place judgement on a woman based on the fact that her first marriage failed without knowing why. I stayed in a marriage for over a decade where my ex-husband had multiple affairs (he even cheated on my when I was pregnant with his child and then his girlfriend at the time threatened to kill the child), had severe anger management issues (broken furniture, broken walls, flying dishes), and didn’t provide a single anna to support either myself or our child (he rather spend his time with his mistress than spend time with his child when the child called him asking him to come home). I kept sabr upto the point when my child (a toddler) stood up against my exhusband in one of his mad rages and told him to leave his mamma (me) alone. That and he started introducing his latest mistress as his wife.
i didn’t utter a word of what happened to my home to anyone, not even my own parents. When my exhusband would spend us into debt, he would accuse me of giving money to my parents at which point I cutoff all contact with my family and setup bank accounts with my saas so no one could say I was taking the money (which I was earning since my husband gave all his salary to his mom for imaginary debts) and giving it to my family. I only confided to my saas and after every event she would tell me that the decision to stay married was mine, but ppl always blame the girl. at the end of the marriage she said I should think of my child and stay with my abusive ex otherwise ppl would say my child was an orphan. This coming from a woman who has daughters of her own who are old enough to be married and every time one of her friends daughters would get divorced, she would blame the daughter behind her friends back. If this is what our society has to offer, then it’s time for ppl to tell society to be more Islamic in their approach to life.
when I finally left and told my parents, they cried and said why had I waited. Why had I let myself and then my child suffer because what society would say and that this wasn’t Pakistan (I’m in the US). Then they gave me example after example of women who had gone on to get remarried even with children and how much happier they were and the children too. As a previous poster pointed out, if its ok for a woman to marry a man who has children, then why not the other way around?
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
I actually do know of quite a few people who have gotten re-married with kids.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
I think it hard for divorced women with children, especially Paki women to remarry. My mom is divorced and had been looking to remarry for quite sometime but it is very difficult because whoever she talks to turns out to be a liar and fake. However, I do not think women should stay in horrible and abuse marriages only because of this fear. I rather live alone forever than suffer what my mom had to go through.
Re: Women’s Second Marriage!
just a warm hug your way… 
Unfortunately in the desi community a large handful of people frown upon a divorced woman. This is wrong since we see that in most desi divorce cases men and the man's parents are to blame. In too many cases the poor women are at no fault, yet it becomes difficult for them to remarry. If only a man knew how much of a blessing it is to marry a heart broken women. Not only that but to keep a heart broken woman happy beyond her dreams. In Islam and other religions we r taught to alleviate the pain of others. Instead of men marrying women 10 years younger than them they should consider marrying divorced women of their own age. I personally see that in society people are after very young girls who have not even finished their education. Then the elder women remain single.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
Unfortunately in the desi community a large handful of people frown upon a divorced woman. This is wrong since we see that in most desi divorce cases men and the man's parents are to blame. In too many cases the poor women are at no fault, yet it becomes difficult for them to remarry. If only a man knew how much of a blessing it is to marry a heart broken women. Not only that but to keep a heart broken woman happy beyond her dreams. In Islam and other religions we r taught to alleviate the pain of others. Instead of men marrying women 10 years younger than them they should consider marrying divorced women of their own age. I personally see that in society people are after very young girls who have not even finished their education. Then the elder women remain single.
So true. Which is even more reason for a girl to finish her education.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
Unfortunately in the desi community a large handful of people frown upon a divorced woman. This is wrong since we see that in most desi divorce cases men and the man's parents are to blame. In too many cases the poor women are at no fault, yet it becomes difficult for them to remarry. If only a man knew how much of a blessing it is to marry a heart broken women. Not only that but to keep a heart broken woman happy beyond her dreams. In Islam and other religions we r taught to alleviate the pain of others. Instead of men marrying women 10 years younger than them they should consider marrying divorced women of their own age. I personally see that in society people are after very young girls who have not even finished their education. Then the elder women remain single.
so true.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
As Captain Obvious said the odds of her getting hitched through the arranged route are slim. Comparing two girls, one who already has kids vs one who has none. The one with kids means a lot more responsibility, financial and otherwise. It's not like the guy will give up on having his own kids with her. So if he wants 3 kids and there are the wife's 2. These are a lot of kids, and they'll cost money.
It's not just about the society making assumptions. There are some practical reasons too,for avoiding someone who already has kids.
Unfortunately in the desi community a large handful of people frown upon a divorced woman. This is wrong since we see that in most desi divorce cases men and the man's parents are to blame. In too many cases the poor women are at no fault, yet it becomes difficult for them to remarry. If only a man knew how much of a blessing it is to marry a heart broken women. Not only that but to keep a heart broken woman happy beyond her dreams. In Islam and other religions we r taught to alleviate the pain of others. Instead of men marrying women 10 years younger than them they should consider marrying divorced women of their own age. I personally see that in society people are after very young girls who have not even finished their education. Then the elder women remain single.
Without even getting into judging or frowning upon a divorced woman, I don't see most guys wanting to marry a girl who already has kids as a responsibility. When there is an option of a girl who doesn't have that extra responsibility, I don't see why he wouldn't go with her, particularly in an arranged setting where he has no previous interaction with them. Sure, if he/family somehow know her and like her, then anything goes. But if that's not the case, I don't see a guy going for one with the extra baggage when there's someone (as far as he knows) without it.
As for marrying to alleviate pain and all that, if you browse topics even on this forum, you can see the women's side of the family will even look into the health of prospective grooms and even decline based on health problems. So it's not just the men--anyone will try to avoid these situations that will complicate their lives even more. It goes both ways. And there's nothing wrong with that. Also, though perhaps not to the same extent, a divorced man would also rank lower than his undivorced counterpart as a marriage prospect.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
Unfortunately in the desi community a large handful of people frown upon a divorced woman. This is wrong since we see that in most desi divorce cases men and the man's parents are to blame. In too many cases** the poor women are at no fault*, yet it becomes difficult for them to remarry.* If only a man knew how much of a blessing it is to marry a heart broken women*. **Not only that but to keep a heart broken woman happy beyond her dreams.* In Islam and other religions we r taught to alleviate the pain of others. Instead of men marrying women 10 years younger than them they should consider marrying divorced women of their own age. I personally see that in society people are after very young girls who have not even finished their education. Then the elder women remain single.
Hum mard kya aurat ki majboorion kay mohtaaj reh gaye hain ?
Aik Talaq shuda aurat ki **Madad* hi karni hai tau financial help kyun na kar dain?
It made me cringe when you equate marrying a divorced woman with *'helping her'**.
I think any self respecting man would want to marry a woman who would've also chosen him purely out of attraction rather than any element of *majboori. *You must be wondering why men are thinking along these lines. Afterall only women ought to do so.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
I dunno, something about a woman having a broken heart and needing a kind hearted man to come and rescue her from that......i.e., a pity marriage....doesn't sit well with me. But whaddo I know.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
Ironically your username is Desire007.
Re: Women's Second Marriage!
True, its difficult for girls to get married again, but its not impossible. There are guys out there, who doesnt care and look for something else. That being said I know of stories with divorced guys, probably not as often, but who have been rejected based on their relationship status. And lets not generalize all divorced couples in the Zalim Husband and Mazloom wife either. I know of personal cases, where the women have just been churail awal.
Now about women with kids getting married again. Again, not impossible, but might be a bit difficult as she has to check out whether the guy is suitable for her child(ren) as well. My bestfriend from high school, arab girl, got married at 18 with someone she loved. 1,5 years later that marriage fell apart, leaving her behind with a 2 month old baby. She meet a lovely guy within 2 years, who is great to her son as well. Even the inlaws treat him "as their own" .. On the other hand, my other friend also from high school rejected a well educated and settled guy because he was a divorcee with a child with his previous marriage.