Women Going Abroad

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Knowing that you know how to take care of yourself, including all those stupid little details like getting electricity hooked up, etc., gives you such confidence and peace of mind. It's definitely an experience I want for my future daughters.

42

I came to USA alone for my studies. Did fine, didn't get into any crap as people suspect. You'd be surprised what khichRi goes on in some homes back in the country where girls sneak out and get into messy situations behind their parents back.

It's all in your personal ethics, how you are raised and your belief and value system.

Mallu people
43

Exactly. The most brilliant and accomplished Pakistani woman I've ever known was a girl I went to college with----she came to the US for university studies. She had tons of friends/socially active, made great grades, couldn't give a crap about looking twice at any boys or other non-halal endeavors, and ended up getting into an Ivy League med school (keep in mind that the number of spots reserved in American med schools for foreign students is extremely limited---you have to be the best of the best of the best.) She was raised to have inner strength and a strong moral foundation----so no matter where in the world she went she never changed her core actions and beliefs.

44

tlk ny ziada tang to naheen kis :ASA:

Benazir Bhutto's statue at Boat Basin
45

Re: Women Going Abroad

Nahi, sirf shaadi ker li thi :wub:

Where in Pakistan are you from?
46

Re: Women Going Abroad

awwwww

Where in Pakistan are you from?
47

Re: Women Going Abroad

Wow, we have many women here who studied abroad... hmmm... so we have the upper middle / high class here mostly.

48

Re: Women Going Abroad

My younger sister went to work as a dentist in KSA , on her own - just after her marriage, i mean like after two three months - neither her inlaws nor anyone in my family had a problem with that .

49

Re: Women Going Abroad

Well Pakistani guys don't like women to travel because they think a man should be around to show other men that someone is protecting her. Also since virginity is related to a girl's honor and respect in the society, the whole society is set around protecting that until marriage. So then even a simple thing like laughing out loud in public is seen as bathameez and being 'free'. So in such societies, the men are really deprived and look at any girl walking around alone like prey. So I wouldn't want my daughter living in an apartment and studying alone there.

However, in America, the guys aren't as deprived sexually so it is much safer.... So in a way, i benefit from the premarital relations of my neighbors! Like if a girl is walking around the bazaar alone in pakistan it's really bad, however here i can go to super walmart at 3 am and it's no problem. other than walmart, i've been able to go to key west with my sister, boston to my cousin's house, etc and they've all been memorable experiences. It's great to live independently.

however, it makes me sort of confused because im like, "i am a shareef person and want my girls to be too...yet i benefit from the safety created by immodest people...so how can i say bad stuff about them when i love the freedom given by their society?"

کلام تجھ سے نہیں خود سے گفتگو بھی نہیں
50

Re: Women Going Abroad

I moved out from the parent's home at 18. I went to college and worked, and the work paid for living expenses. Then I moved back home for one year, as I got a job that was near their house. After that I left again for graduate studies. I don't live with them. I live right next to my work.

shrugs

I dont think my life would have been any different had I lived at home. It would have been more rebellion-filled, I think, if anything, because they were really restrictive. But since I've been on my own, I live by my own choices.

I turned out fine.

I would let my daughter live anywhere alone. Safety is always an issue, and so you look for places with security. But that should go for guys too. Don't guys get mugged, harassed, etc?

51

It does give you such peace of mind. Many women here will know what I mean when I say this.

Up until I had lived alone, I wasnt sure if I would ever be able to survive out there. I would always be dependant on my father and then husband and then children. What about my responsibility towards myself?

The smallest of things like ordering my cable, setting up my internet, buying furniture, painting, cooking, etc made me more and more confident in my abilities. It doesnt sound like much but until you do it, you never really know your full potential.

Now I know, no matter what happens...I will be okay. Inshallah.

52

Re: Women Going Abroad

Just remember guys, you should marry a girl who grew up in pakistan, never lived abroad and can't communicate on issues of substance with such a pathetic attitude.

Hypocrasy at its best.

53

exactly :rolleyes:

what century are these people living in?

So many girls do it. I live alone now…taught me a lot and given me independence. I know that should I get stuck anywhere in the world by myself I can get myself out of most sticky situations.

54

Re: Women Going Abroad

I've never lived alone but after a few things that have happened....I know I will be okay if I do ever have to live alone (hopefully not though).

55

Re: Women Going Abroad

.

56

Re: Women Going Abroad

bad things happen to women when they travel alone..juss sayin..

57

Re: Women Going Abroad

I think for a lot of families, finances become a major issue. I could not afford any school I had acceptance to, except for the one I did end up going to, only because they gave me scholarships. I would have ended up living at home and commuting a long distance daily, if it had not been for another scholarship that covered my living expenses.

So, yeah, a lot of girls end up staying home because of finances. In fact, most of the girls I know here who were good students, but just didn't get enough scholarship money, are staying at home and taking on minimal loans.

I think families are more willing to make the investment on a son, because he'll keep earning and will take care of his parents.

A daughter - you never know. She might end up wanting to sit at home with babies. She might end up marrying someone who doesn't let her work. Who knows. So if a family has to pick to send ONE kid away for school, they might pick the boy over the girl, provided he's just as competent. I know many families who have done that. In some cases, the girls get really torn apart on it, but are told...look, we don't have money to send you off, so you have to hang around here and go to community college and work part-time and pay your way.

There are scholarships, though, for muslims and Pakistanis. More and more are cropping up.

I should post them actually for you guys here.

58

Re: Women Going Abroad

Dollar-A-Day Scholarship Fund, Inc.

Dollar-A-Day Scholarship Fund, Inc. - this page has a huge list of other scholarships.

59

Re: Women Going Abroad

Sort of off topic here, but I'm responding to all the posts above which are saying that living with parents makes you dependent. When I landed in USA for the first time, I ended up going to check out the apartments alone and sign a lease (don't ask why... long story), then getting all utilities hooked up myself and every day I would drop hubby off to work and then go around doing all these chores by myself since we had only one car (I had an international license).......... it was no big deal. Living with parents doesn't make you incompetent and a moron, you know.... it depends on how you were brought up. (I'm from a middle class Pakistani family)

My point is that it all depends on YOU the individual, some females prefer being dependent and appearing helpless..... some don't. Why does everyone keep assuming that girls living with parents are dependent and helpless? You can be an independent thinker with tons of confidence even while living with your parents.

I do believe that higher education is a must for exposure (I learnt a lot while getting an MBA), but it can be near your home.... unless you're getting an opportunity to get into an Ivy League school.... which would be totally awesome (I hope my daughter gets into one :D).

60

Re: Women Going Abroad

**I've lived on my own in Dubai , UK and the US and I come from an ultra conservative family. **

When I was growing up we were not even allowed to go to attend parties at friend's places let alone go anywhere alone and at that time it was explained clearly to us that its for our own safety and because one never knows who or how others live.

I studied medicine in ME cause that way they didn't have to send me to Pakistan alone and worry about things.

I always understood my parents point of view and that they were trying not only to protect us but raise an awareness of what goes on in the world .

**But once they were confident that I understood these things , I've been allowed to stay here on my own to further my education because they trust that they have ingrained their principles enough for me to make the proper decisions. **

**Bad things happen if you keep bad company or do not exercise caution. **

**It's all in your personal ethics, how you are raised and what values you hold dear ! **