I was born and raised in the west and lived away from home for a couple of years when I was in graduate school (same continent, different city). My parents were supportive of my obtaining my higher education and trusted me when I was living away from home. Would they have sent me anywhere - no - what they did was ensure that I was in a relatively safe city and that I knew what steps to take to preserve my safety and not take to take my personal safety for granted.
There are two sayings that come to mind and both of which colored my actions:
Kadam phoonk phoonk kai rakho, and
Aankh ujjhal, pahar ujjhal.
I used to check in with my parents if I was going somewhere - the same way I would have done if I had been living at home. Some might say that I was uber-conservative or that my caution made me backwards - but for me I felt a sense of responsibility to my parents and didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to spread tall tales about me - it was a matter of honoring my parents trust. My parents could account for where I had been and so long as they could support me and respond to the small-minded gossipers, I had no cares.
At the end of the day, you can't stop people from their gossip - but you can try to take steps to mitigate the gossip.
I am not second guessing your father. I am sure he wanted the best for you.
Like I said, each situation is different, so you can not generlize. When Monk said "no girl should leave her parents to study abroad, simple"...that's when I have an issue.
Look at it from this point of view... you just don't know what kind of people would she be interacting with and how responsible the relative is. I even know a girl who was sexually abused by her own cousin (thats not way related to this thread, but such people do exist) and thus, as a parent your children (both boys and girls), are most safe and protected with you. As a parent myself, I would everything I can to ensure my child's safety (at any age)...... good educational opportunities are everywhere, take advantage of those nearest you.
I know this girl… who came from india…with 2 boys.. and she shared an apartment with them…
I helped her move… and when I was putting her stuff inthe apartment… I saw the most wired thing ever…
They had one washroom with the living room… with no shower… and the shower(tub + shower + blurry glass ) in the ROOM!!! and girl wanted that room… and above all among all of the apparment they saw to lease… SHE WANTED THAT VERY SAME one!!
I mean that was one hell of strip show for her to watch every morning..
need less to say… after 8 years…doing her mumbo jumbooo… she is divorced(with in a year of marriage)
Been there done that! Stayed here without parents supervision studying and working..lots of people talked back home, told off my mom (afetr my dad's death) for letting me stay here alone but at the end of the day my mom told them off by telling them that she trusted my judgement and raised me well to decide between right and wrong, didn't shut them up completely but it died down eventually.. Personally, I made a few mistakes here and there but learned my lesson and did just fine.. one thing I could have learned but didn't is cooking.. I had the perfect time to try on new things but I decided to eat out or depend on food given from aunties.. only if I knew I would have to cook after getting married :D
I have enjoyed my life with friends.. I am glad I experienced it.. made me a better mature person now.. but yeah it has made me a control freak too!!
ps: You know more about my experience through my journal so I dun need to go in more details :-)
naheen miainVA
I have seen many indian girls who live exactly they way they live in chandiGher... BECAUSE environment in Canada allows them(big sikh population)
Then I saw some extremely weird stuff women pulled on their families... playing all angels and stuff.. I have tons more to share..
GTG what kind of mistakes ?If you mind me asking just ignore my question. :)
like don't count on desis for sincere advice.. most of the time they have a hidden agenda behind that advice for small things like renting an apartment to buying a car! I learned to differentiate between a good and bad advice and it has helped a lot!!!
ab tum meera pecha choro gy is life time meen ????
in case you haven't noticed she mentioned words "mistakes" and i said "if she doesn't mind sharing"
Now can you stop a$$ stabbing ??? why all you liberals become so hostile when some one contradict your ideology??
how about some tolerance.
U picking on me only proves that you ideas don't hold any weight so you want to do personal damage to me.
like don't count on desis for sincere advice.. most of the time they have a hidden agenda behind that advice for small things like renting an apartment to buying a car! I learned to differentiate between a good and bad advice and it has helped a lot!!!
Frankly, I'm sure that I would have gone wild if my dad sent me abroad (I had those tendencies :p) and would probably have had a few boyfriends too.
Honestly, I will probably be okay with my daughter going to an Ivy League school away from us if she was the nerdy type ;) and mature..... the kind who would focus on studies only.... but not if I saw even a little tendency towards partying or interest in boys.... I don't trust boys.... they can get girls to do anything for them.
Frankly, I'm sure that I would have gone wild if my dad sent me abroad (I had those tendencies :p) and would probably have had a few boyfriends too.
Honestly, I will probably be okay with my daughter going to an Ivy League school away from us if she was the nerdy type ;) and mature..... the kind who would focus on studies only.... but not if I saw even a little tendency towards partying or interest in boys.... I don't trust boys.... they can get girls to do anything for them.
Someone said this on a tv show i think, when u have a boy u have to worry about 1 penis. when u have a girl u have to worry about millions of em. lol
I lived away from home for a while for school and work but my parents were soooo cautious I couldnt get into trouble even if I wanted to.
They had keys to my apartment.
They had me home every weekend...Friday night to Monday morning.
My mom called to wake me up in the morning, called me when I was stepping inside my apartment in the evening and then when I was going to sleep at night. She made me read raat ki dua before I went to bed, lol.
Yes, it raised a few eyebrows because I did something no one ever did before or after me in my family. However, I have no regrets. I learned to be independant and wouldnt have traded that time in my life for anything.
(You’re the one who said that Indian girls preserve themselves or something like that.)