**I've lived on my own in Dubai , UK and the US and I come from an ultra conservative family. **
When I was growing up we were not even allowed to go to attend parties at friend's places let alone go anywhere alone and at that time it was explained clearly to us that its for our own safety and because one never knows who or how others live.
I studied medicine in ME cause that way they didn't have to send me to Pakistan alone and worry about things.
I always understood my parents point of view and that they were trying not only to protect us but raise an awareness of what goes on in the world .
**But once they were confident that I understood these things , I've been allowed to stay here on my own to further my education because they trust that they have ingrained their principles enough for me to make the proper decisions. **
**Bad things happen if you keep bad company or do not exercise caution. **
**It's all in your personal ethics, how you are raised and what values you hold dear !* *
Its all in the upbringing. And its also all in the level of maturity of the kid. My boyzles are perfect gentlemen and thats completely expected. Nothing else will do. My middle son has a best friend who is a handicapped girl and they want a sleep-over. Will I allow this? Yup. Why? Because my son treats her like she's precious china. Her parents are vigilant to an extreme, they will not be unsupervised at any time. He will sleep in a separate room. And he will feel like he's SUCH a big kid. He earned this privelege because he's such a caring, nice boy. My eldest and my youngest are not candidates for such a privelege because they would abuse it. You have toknow your kids, and even then you still have to watch carefully.
But that said...would I send my boyz away to college? NO!!! They have to come home to mama every nite :) OR if they want to go away, it better not be more than an hour or 2 away cause I will go check on them every day or 2.
People, who wanna see the bad things in a girl living abroad will see the bad things no matter what. There is no reasoning with these kind of people. They will blame the society, the social circle, the enviroment, the girl, heck they will even blame the parents for getting all westernized.
bad things happen to women when they travel alone..juss sayin..
Bad things happen to women in their homes as well.
Why live life afraid of everything terrible can happen? Sure you make sensible decisions and do not invite trouble, but that doesn't mean you hide away from the world. No point in living life cloistered into "safety" when that can be mentally and emotionally damaging.
Most importantly, those experiences traveling and discovering new things, people, places can often off-set and help overcome any difficult situations we have in our lives.
It does give you such peace of mind. Many women here will know what I mean when I say this.
Up until I had lived alone, I wasnt sure if I would ever be able to survive out there. I would always be dependant on my father and then husband and then children. What about my responsibility towards myself?
The smallest of things like ordering my cable, setting up my internet, buying furniture, painting, cooking, etc made me more and more confident in my abilities. It doesnt sound like much but until you do it, you never really know your full potential.
Now I know, no matter what happens...I will be okay. Inshallah.
this is exactly why i moved out too. i was extremely sheltered and not allowed to do much and it was extremely frustrating. i needed to know what my personal limits were and how i would do on my own- i never wanted to be simply passed on from father to husband. as hard as it was for everyone, i would do it all over again. perhaps i'd approach it differently, but certainly what i learned about being alone are not things i could have learned living at home with overprotective parents. even simple things like shopping for groceries was an eye-opener for me once i was on my own, not to mention the bigger things like managing finances and budgeting.
also, regarding the "i trust you, i don't trust the people around you" mentality- i don't get it at all. how can you let your child do anything if you don't trust the people around her? she'll be surrounded by people all her life. so no, you DO have to trust her and beyond that, you have to trust YOUR OWN capabilities as a parent and the fact that you've raised her right.
I went on holiday abroad many times, some times on my own, some times with friends. My parents needed a little convincing to start with, but they were ok in the end.
Had the best time of my life, and it does wonders for your confidence.
Sort of off topic here, but I'm responding to all the posts above which are saying that living with parents makes you dependent. When I landed in USA for the first time, I ended up going to check out the apartments alone and sign a lease (don't ask why... long story), then getting all utilities hooked up myself and every day I would drop hubby off to work and then go around doing all these chores by myself since we had only one car (I had an international license).......... it was no big deal. Living with parents doesn't make you incompetent and a moron, you know.... it depends on how you were brought up. (I'm from a middle class Pakistani family)
My point is that it all depends on YOU the individual, some females prefer being dependent and appearing helpless..... some don't. Why does everyone keep assuming that girls living with parents are dependent and helpless? You can be an independent thinker with tons of confidence even while living with your parents.
I do believe that higher education is a must for exposure (I learnt a lot while getting an MBA), but it can be near your home.... unless you're getting an opportunity to get into an Ivy League school.... which would be totally awesome (I hope my daughter gets into one :D).
When did anyone ever say that? Who bashed girls living at home? Who said girls living at home were morons and incompetent??????????? Highlighting the benefits of being independant means you're looking down on girls at home? Its like assuming and getting mad at someone for hating pasta when all they said was that they like thai food.
This might instigate another argument between girls staying at home and girls living away...hopefully it wont.
Personally, I don't think it's that big of a deal to live on your own. I live on my own right now for med school, and go home every weekend and my parents call me every day, and really wish I just lived with my parents at home. Seriously, because really wherever you are, there's really no place like home.
Things, like hooking up a cable, and getting internet, you only need half a brain to learn how to do these things. As for cooking, heck! My mom and all the aunties I know never lived on there own, and they cook the best food ever!!!! AND KNOW HOW TO SEW!!
So for all of you living at home with your parents: I say you have it great!! It's not like you can be with your parents forever, so really I envy all of you!
^ But most people only get that feeling when they are away (or under other circumstances) and miss those things. Most of the time you take it forgranted when ure living at home.
Things, like hooking up a cable, and getting internet, you only need half a brain to learn how to do these things.
true, but those are just two small examples of the things you learn to do when living on your own-- and perhaps, too, they're small examples for you because you already live on your own and have sorted them out.
i guess it really comes down to your personality, and what you want to do in/with your life. some people do better at home with boundaries and curfews clearly defined, and some people prefer to figure these things on their own. what's right for one might not work for another, right? :)