Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
ANyone wants to see a bunch a guppies running in circle, chasing each others tail, come to this thread.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
desis have tails too. Another reason to dislike em
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
There is hadeeth or some saying.... Whereever there will be a man and woman alone, Shaitan will be the third one.... I am surprised at so many women who are living in an idea world where there no feelings coming when unrelated man and woman are together and giving a lecture on just trust. Trust is a big thing but not everything. Anyone can fall any time. None of 2 people even have to plan anything to make it happen. Its called moment of weakness mostly. Otherwise there is a planning going on. I wish things were so straight forward and good as suggested by some trusting people. (not just for their spouses, even for themselves)
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
So its a necessity to travel with male colleagues and having lunches with them. Thats not the issue here.
I think the issue the OP was referring to was: A woman has male colleagues; she hangs out with them; has group lunches etc. But she only has one-one lunches with one of them. Sure, that one guy could just be a better friend. But I've observed (and I'd like to know others opinions on this) that, more often than not, that male colleague is also the more 'eligible' one among the lot.
my question refers to having group lunches at times and at times and at times having a solo lunch casual lunch with any one of the male colleagues. it is not about having a solo lunch with the same colleague multiple times.
even though in my personal opinion even if that is happening it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong with the girl or the guy. they can just be the good buddies who enjoy each others company.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
yes i will.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Wow 10 pages on lunch.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
I celebrated my last birthday at work with 7 guys from my department. So I guess I'm out from the rishta games? :(
nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
your comment why would you mix with opposite gender? the answer is that for some of us males are not something out of this planet. we don’t find a big deal if its a male or a female. you don’t work in silos, you work with people. you spend half of your day at work. your colleagues include both males and females with who you talk about work, family, economy,sports,politics etc etc. you develop a network there. why it has to be only females? your intentions are clear and you can guard your morals well then why get afraid that oh if i interact with males or if i walk down to a nearby cafe with any of them then i will not be able to guard myself or he would not be able to guard himself.??? that’s sound absurd to me.
secondly, spending so much time at work with people, you do get a fair enough idea about the ones who are trying to get cheesy with you, and obviously if you sense it they would never make it to your safe list of workplace friends/acquaintances with whom you hang out.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Lol - you don't know me or my brother so I think I'm in a bit of a better decision to judge whether or not he has lunch with female colleagues now - don't you think?
Also, living in Western society doesn't mean you have to rid yourself of your moral and/or religious ideals. Both can still go hand in hand. While at uni and in the workplace, I managed to keep my distance from male colleagues to the extent that if there was a lunch-type scenario as described, I would happily eat alone rather than go on a lunch date with a male colleague. In fact, it was to such an extent that the male colleagues in my office KNEW the type of girl I was, and would be sure to keep a certain level of respect when I was around. Crass and crude jokes would be made at the lunch table - I know because my work desk was a little in front of it - but as I sat down, they would all discretely change the topic. Sometimes even jokingly comment that I am here so let's keep the topic 'clean'. If there was ever a work 'do' after hours, they would know that I wouldn't come if the restaurant served alcohol - so they'd always ensure to choose a non-alcoholic restaurant. Pretty hard to do in London - but they did it out of respect for me.
If you want to give in to societal pressure, then go ahead and fit in with the crowd. But if you want to live up to your morals - it's not easy and it takes a bit of work and patience - but eventually it pays off.
And by expecting the same standards FIRST from my brother than my would-be bhabhi - I think that doesn't make me her dushman does it?
i can see you coming from a fairly religious mindset and i agree that from a religious POV even speaking to a na mehram unnecessarily is not appreciated. however, so many people who view girls that have male friends or who have lunches with male colleagues are, not always religious minded neither in their views not in practice. it has more to do with the narrow mindedness than religion with them.
the valid reason for this is that families that are practicing muslims and are following shariah rules would go for the rishta of a girl who belonged to the similar religious family as theirs.
also the very families and guys who would refuse a girl because of this are the ones who find no problem in free mixing of cousins of opposite genders. if such people are to raise the point of na mehram for work place colleagues then why does that goes out of the window when it comes to cousins? Again, I am not talking about the shariah observing families here, but the average families with moderate religious views.
And with all due respect, even if you are somuch religious or a practicing muslimah, you still can not view girls havingmale friends whether at school or work, as immoral. As in Islam everything isbased on Neeyat
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
I celebrated my last birthday at work with 7 guys from my department. So I guess I'm out from the rishta games? :(
nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
No, you still have hope, as according to one poster, if you are going to an office canteen with men then that is fine. so you celebrated your Bday with men at workplace right? you didn't go out of the office and have it at some cafe so you are still on the rishta games. :D
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Ceo man shhh.
Let this continue to play out. Some of the men are swinging their handbags harder than the ladies.
I know we all swing handbags for the issues we think worthy of doing so, noone's swung harder than you a few times. I stopped swinging mine a few posts ago, I just remembered its one of those threads that will end up with ten pages and no answers. :D
Better late than never. Glad you saw the light.
LOL I dont argue I swing harder than most, but most of swings have been due to personal issues. Not in threads like this. Unless youre diwana. Thats just fun skirmishes.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
this thread is like the movie inception.
everything gets rebooted after a while, and all of us move to a lower level of consciousness ...
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
You should see the joint family vs non-joint threads, a mind numbing circular road 
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Okay, im having trouble understanding why it's so difficult for some of you to separate the three issues here. One is that a member on the first page mentioned the questioning of ones character if he/she lunches with the opposite sex. I think we have all agreed that this is wrong, you simply can't call someone immoral for doing that.. so lets drop this argument. Now the other issue is of constant lunches with a specific colleague which can be questionable. And the third is lunch in a group or a once in a while thing where theres just two people left in the office or whatever.
Fine, people are okay with their spouses lunching with whomever. But it's understandable and quite logical if there are those who, in line with their religious views, don't want to engage in this. Whether you like it or not, clear rules about male/female interactions are stated in Islam. Now if you're going to defy that, sure go for it.. i know i do. But if someone else doesn't and doesn't expect their spouse to either then that is their concern. We all compromise religion in our own way. Nnabid made it clear, working with the opposite sex is compulsory, social lunches aren't.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
This has lapped the male-female pair thread. Though I see synergy, not competition.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
**There is hadeeth or some saying.... Whereever there will be a man and woman alone, Shaitan will be the third one.... **I am surprised at so many women who are living in an idea world where there no feelings coming when unrelated man and woman are together and giving a lecture on just trust. Trust is a big thing but not everything. Anyone can fall any time. None of 2 people even have to plan anything to make it happen. Its called moment of weakness mostly. Otherwise there is a planning going on. I wish things were so straight forward and good as suggested by some trusting people. (not just for their spouses, even for themselves)
I wouldn't call being in a cafe or restaurant being 'alone'.. not most I've seen anyway..
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
Allah Taubah astaghfar… Fein-nar-e-jahannum
Actually, girls should stop having lunches at all. This will kill 2 birds with 1 stone. First of all they wont be seen with any male for lunch and secondly, their dress size will remain in control because of less food intake.
PS: Posting while having 
alone at cafe as my kanwari desi office colleague cant take risk of being seen with me.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Okay, im having trouble understanding why it's so difficult for some of you to separate the three issues here. One is that a member on the first page mentioned the questioning of ones character if he/she lunches with the opposite sex. I think we have all agreed that this is wrong, you simply can't call someone immoral for doing that.. so lets drop this argument. Now the other issue is of constant lunches with a specific colleague which can be questionable. And the third is lunch in a group or a once in a while thing where theres just two people left in the office or whatever.
Fine, people are okay with their spouses lunching with whomever. But it's understandable and quite logical if there are those who, in line with their religious views, don't want to engage in this. Whether you like it or not, clear rules about male/female interactions are stated in Islam. Now if you're going to defy that, sure go for it.. i know i do. But if someone else doesn't and doesn't expect their spouse to either then that is their concern. We all compromise religion in our own way. Nnabid made it clear, working with the opposite sex is compulsory, social lunches aren't.
if the guy whos seeking the rishta himself is very religious, never mixes with the opposite gender himself, never talks to na mehram females when unncessary (that includes his cousins aswell), then he shouldn't marry a girl whos not doing the same. that will cause much more problems later on since they are not on the same page when it comes to religion. But whats not fair is guys who themselves have no problems in talking to girls and hanging out with them, but want a wife who has never talked to a guy or whos not so 'modern'. thats jut hypocrisy. at the end of the day, if you're that religious, you should find a girl whos equally religious so you don't impose your views on a modern girl who doesn't want to subject herself to harsh rules.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
I just came back from a dinner with two ex-colleagues females 