So you go to a girl’s house for a proposal and everything looks good to you but you come to know that the girl sometimes go out for lunches with male colleagues. It is at times in a group setting like other female colleagues and male colleagues and at times it is just her with any of her male colleague. Her family is aware of this and this doesn’t mean a thing to them or her. Its just something like you want to go out for lunch and whoever feel the same goes along so sometimes it’s a whole group and at other times its just her and colleague. Now I want to ask is this something that is viewed negatively by the guys and their families? Do they form an impression of a girl as too advanced and can refuse her on this account?
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
So you go to a girl’s house for a proposal and everything looks good to you but you come to know that the girl sometimes go out for lunches with male colleagues. It is at times in a group setting like other female colleagues and male colleagues and at times it is just her with any of her male colleague. Her family is aware of this and this doesn’t mean a thing to them or her. Its just something like you want to go out for lunch and whoever feel the same goes along so sometimes it’s a whole group and at other times its just her and colleague. Now I want to ask is this something that is viewed negatively by the guys and their families? Do they form an impression of a girl as too advanced and can refuse her on this account?
Personally if we were looking for a girl for my brother and it came to light that the potential girl was having lunch alone with a colleague (on multiple occasions), most likely we would refuse her. No we are not too strict etc etc (even my mom was raised abroad so not newcomers or anything) BUT to me it just seems a bit inappropriate. I work in a high powered corporate environment and I never have, and never will, have lunch with a male colleague alone. I even avoid shaking hands with male clients, I'm just not comfortable with it and work and clients understand this so it's never an issue. Basically what I'm saying is that the girl is not FORCED to interact alone with members of the opposite gender and if she is doing it at work, my brother probably wouldn't be too comfortable with it nor would my family and I. However, if she had male friends at uni and was involved in group assignments etc where it was unavoidable that's different but where it is avoidable it should be avoided. Each family thinks differently though.
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Oh and can I ask...how did it come to light that the girl lunches alone with said make colleague?
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I would try to make sure something like that doesn't come up. I personally see no harm in it whatsoever, and have been that person. Sometimes its been a walk to go get coffee, and once in a while, lunches.
People get even more worried and scared when it comes to rishta processes.
I am not a guy, so can't say if I would not consider a girl for that reason. But the opposite? If the guy goes for lunches with female coworkers? I will have a slight uncomfortable feeling about it (given the situation). But I wouldn't let that be the reason to say no. I would see if there are any more concerning signs.
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Hmm. It all depends on the girl's niyyat/intention to go out with those boys alone. Anyways, personally, I wouldnt have lunches with a male co worker alone, multiple times. It doesnt seem right and I wouldnt be comfortable. If it is in a group, that's okay.
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Agree with mzprincess: if you’re not forced to have lunch with male colleagues alone, then why is she going out of her way to do it? If it’s unavoidable then it’s understandable. But in this case it’s her own free will.
I’d probably reject that type of girl for my brother… but only because I don’t expect the same type of behaviour from him. If my brother goes out on lunch dates with girls, main usko bhi daantongi! 
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[quote="mzprincess88, post:6, topic:308695"]
Oh and can I ask...how did it come to light that the girl lunches alone with said make colleague?/QUOTE
it can come to light in various way. May be the guy family specifically asked, or someone from guys family works in the same office or they are relatives and this has been mentioned by the girl herself in one of the sittings/discussions etc.
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yes i am talking about the scenario where she is not forced to, but should it necessarily sound fishy if she goes out with any male colleague who she has a good rapport with, just for the purpose of lunch?
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Please, by all means start right now. I’m pretty sure he’s doing it as you speak. Just because he’s not telling you doesn’t mean he hasn’t casually gone out to eat a cheeseburger with another lady that sits in his office 
And I am extremely shocked and appalled to read the replies in this thread. Koi sahi kehta hai, aurat ki dushman aik doosri aurat hi hoti hai. You’re going to reject someone because she went out to eat with another person? Maybe she doesn’t like to eat alone. Maybe the other satti sawatri auratain don’t want to go out with her for lunch. What do you want her to do in that case? Sit alone bhooki so someone petty as you can come along and sweep her off her feet? Shadi kay baad kya ho ga? What if the whole lunch issue comes to light then? Will you call her terrible names then? Will you mistrust her character? Goodness gracious people come into the current century and live in it for once! 
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I guess I’m in the minority here, because this scenario doesn’t bother me one bit. I would not reject a rishta for a brother (if I had one!) based on knowledge that a girl has lunch with male colleagues. I don’t see how that correlates to her morality.
And by the way, I’ve been in that position. I once had had a not so serious rishta rejected because we heard the guys mom thought I was “too advanced” because I was spotted at a work event alone with another male employee (my family’s business, I used to work for my uncle while in college)…Hey Aunty, YOU missed out, because I’m a damn good wife and mother, and quite a catch if I do say so myself 
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Lol - you don’t know me or my brother so I think I’m in a bit of a better decision to judge whether or not he has lunch with female colleagues now - don’t you think?
Also, living in Western society doesn’t mean you have to rid yourself of your moral and/or religious ideals. Both can still go hand in hand. While at uni and in the workplace, I managed to keep my distance from male colleagues to the extent that if there was a lunch-type scenario as described, I would happily eat alone rather than go on a lunch date with a male colleague. In fact, it was to such an extent that the male colleagues in my office KNEW the type of girl I was, and would be sure to keep a certain level of respect when I was around. Crass and crude jokes would be made at the lunch table - I know because my work desk was a little in front of it - but as I sat down, they would all discretely change the topic. Sometimes even jokingly comment that I am here so let’s keep the topic ‘clean’. If there was ever a work ‘do’ after hours, they would know that I wouldn’t come if the restaurant served alcohol - so they’d always ensure to choose a non-alcoholic restaurant. Pretty hard to do in London - but they did it out of respect for me.
If you want to give in to societal pressure, then go ahead and fit in with the crowd. But if you want to live up to your morals - it’s not easy and it takes a bit of work and patience - but eventually it pays off.
And by expecting the same standards FIRST from my brother than my would-be bhabhi - I think that doesn’t make me her dushman does it?
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Lol - you don't know me or my brother so I think I'm in a bit of a better decision to judge whether or not he has lunch with female colleagues now - don't you think?
Also, living in Western society doesn't mean you have to rid yourself of your moral and/or religious ideals. Both can still go hand in hand. While at uni and in the workplace, I managed to keep my distance from male colleagues to the extent that if there was a lunch-type scenario as described, I would happily eat alone rather than go on a lunch date with a male colleague. In fact, it was to such an extent that the male colleagues in my office KNEW the type of girl I was, and would be sure to keep a certain level of respect when I was around. Crass and crude jokes would be made at the lunch table - I know because my work desk was a little in front of it - but as I sat down, they would all discretely change the topic. Sometimes even jokingly comment that I am here so let's keep the topic 'clean'. If there was ever a work 'do' after hours, they would know that I wouldn't come if the restaurant served alcohol - so they'd always ensure to choose a non-alcoholic restaurant. Pretty hard to do in London - but they did it out of respect for me.
If you want to give in to societal pressure, then go ahead and fit in with the crowd. But if you want to live up to your morals - it's not easy and it takes a bit of work and patience - but eventually it pays off.
And by expecting the same standards FIRST from my brother than my would-be bhabhi - I think that doesn't make me her dushman does it?
You're correct. I don't know you nor your brother. But I know that men and women have very different moral codes that they have to abide by. Whereas fingers would be pointed at a girl if she decides to socialize, no one would bat an eyelash if the guy decides to do the same, or even more. And every single guy in this world, whether he be from Pakistan or Timbuktu behaves himself when a female is around him, whether he's related to her or not. So you're definitely not special in that regard :)
Living up to standard set of morals isn't as hard as people set them out to be. It's quiet basic. And not everyone is a special snowflake in this world. But to judge someone on the basis of a regular social visit is extremely pathetic. If a potential rishta seeker has that much of a concern whether the girl has feelings for a colleague or not, then ask her point blank, instead of questioning her character and as they say, avoid mitti uchalna on someone else's character.
Anyways, to each their own.
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lols Khatti, i had the worst scene happened than yours. i was once rejected by the guy( a very literate one indeed, i wouldn’t use the word educated for him after hearing his comments) because he didn’t like the fact that i work in an organization where the ratio of women to men was 8:60.
the guy had said i know what happens at places where there are few girls and so many men. haha. i thanked GOD endlessly of not making me hitched by such an insane guy. 
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Why does the question of morals comes in here? i am asking about a casual lunch and it doesn't imply that a girl or a guy have any feelings for each other or they are involved in any illicit relations? its just a matter of doing lunch together sometimes so what it has to do with one's morals??
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Lol - you don't know me or my brother so I think I'm in a bit of a better decision to judge whether or not he has lunch with female colleagues now - don't you think?
Also, living in Western society doesn't mean you have to rid yourself of your moral and/or religious ideals. Both can still go hand in hand. While at uni and in the workplace, I managed to keep my distance from male colleagues to the extent that if there was a lunch-type scenario as described, I would happily eat alone rather than go on a lunch date with a male colleague. In fact, it was to such an extent that the male colleagues in my office KNEW the type of girl I was, and would be sure to keep a certain level of respect when I was around. Crass and crude jokes would be made at the lunch table - I know because my work desk was a little in front of it - but as I sat down, they would all discretely change the topic. Sometimes even jokingly comment that I am here so let's keep the topic 'clean'. If there was ever a work 'do' after hours, they would know that I wouldn't come if the restaurant served alcohol - so they'd always ensure to choose a non-alcoholic restaurant. Pretty hard to do in London - but they did it out of respect for me. ** If you want to give in to societal pressure, then go ahead and fit in with the crowd. But if you want to live up to your morals - it's not easy and it takes a bit of work and patience - but eventually it pays off.**
And by expecting the same standards FIRST from my brother than my would-be bhabhi - I think that doesn't make me her dushman does it?
I respect your right to an opinion, but I am kind of taken aback by this notion of "caving to societal pressure". IMO that's extreme. Sometimes work is just work and not an assault on Islam.
I have about 6 appointments this week with various clients, appraisers, structural engineers and handymen...ALL male, which will require me to be alone, in an empty house, to get my job done. I have a closing on Friday, after which I will take my male client to lunch as we wait for his transaction to fund (for which my husband reminded me last night to save the receipt for tax purposes lol).....Is my character and morality to be judged by these actions?
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Why does the question of morals comes in here? i am asking about a casual lunch and it doesn't imply that a girl or a guy have any feelings for each other or they are involved in any illicit relations? its just a matter of doing lunch together sometimes so what it has to do with one's morals??
Totally agree with you....I don't see it as having anything to do with morals
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You’re right but work place relationships are actually where most affairs start nowadays, so I can kind of see where people are coming from. Still, this is such a common occurrence that I’m surprised people reject rishtas based on this. I think the issue should be more about the nature of the relationships.
On the other hand, how many women would be okay with their husbands having lunches alone with attractive, flirty women? 
Ghosty, my husband has spent the better part of the past year traveling extensively (Mexico, China & East Coast)with a gorgeous leggy red head from his department. They have been sharing rental cars, and pretty much having all meals together and never once has jealousy or insecurities entered my mind. We call her his work wife lol.
I agree that affairs usually start at tr workplace, but there has to be something lacking in the marriage to begin with for a spouse to even entertain the thought.
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the bold part i want to add Extra Marital Affairs. otherwise, the percentage of affairs between single men and single women at work places are not high.
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Oh I agree. This is more of an issue if your marriage is already stagnant. I just suggested that because most women would balk at their husbands hanging out with a leggy redhead lol. More than that, like I mentioned above, it's the behaviour and nature of the relationship that matters. If she was a flirty, gorgeous, redhead, and Mr. Khatti didn't set her straight, I think there would be a problem.
This is a bit of a double standard because most guys suck with women and will hit on one if she gives him even a whiff of attention, like say, having lunches alone at work. She may think, "hey, it's nice to have company", while he's thinking "I will give you beautiful babies". Not trying to justify the rishta craziness because like I said, it's the nature of these relationships that is important, not the fact that they happen. I'm just trying to understand the misguided rationale for why a girl dining alone with a male colleague is seen (wrongly) as troubling.