Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
Group Lunches and one-off or occasional lunches are not even the issue here, i don’t know why people are making these two situations as the sole point of their replies 
The issue is with habitual one to one lunches with male colleagues.
PS: This is not even about married folks, this is about someone you are about to be married with. Totally different scenarios.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Someone wants to reject me because I have lunches with male co-workers? Good riddance. I guess also traveling for business trips with your male colleagues would be considered immoral here as well considering you sometimes end up spending breakfast, lunch and dinner together with your teams be it all male or both at times.
Thank goodness for my hubby. This subject has never even come to light in our home because its a nonissue.
So its a necessity to travel with male colleagues and having lunches with them. Thats not the issue here.
I think the issue the OP was referring to was: A woman has male colleagues; she hangs out with them; has group lunches etc. But she only has one-one lunches with one of them.
Sure, that one guy could just be a better friend. But I've observed (and I'd like to know others opinions on this) that, more often than not, that male colleague is also the more 'eligible' one among the lot.
^^ what if the lunches extend to further socialising? What if the male and female work colleagues exchange numbers and start texting each other regarding inside work jokes. Or calling each other?
I know people are okay with that, but I completely don't find it comfortable. My facebook, phone contact list etc only has female contacts in as I don't see the need to interact with males outside of the workplace.
I just think that if you find your spouse (or in this thread a SIL) of somehow being disrespectful/inappropriate because of casual work lunches then the problem isn't with them doing it necessarily, it's with your insecurities about your marriage or possibly yourself.
If you suspect them actually engaging in inappropriate behavior outside of the work setting - in your example phone calls and an over friendly personal relationship - that's of course an issue because there's a clear line between what's appropriate and what's not. In my opinion. But that doesn't mean all and every lunch is inappropriate, I think you have to consider a persons behavior over having lunch together.
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Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
A lot of it would fall down to trust. If a person cannot trust his/her spouse enough that little lunches may cause him/her discomfort then maybe there is a problem there or maybe that's how they roll in which case they are entitled to think the way they do. Everyone has specific requirements for rishtas.
However PERSONALLY I'd find it odd to reject someone, esp a potential rishta where the person works, in a multi-gendered workplace interactions like these are bound to happen. Like Ess Emm and a couple of people have said, if someone has an issue they should be blunt and ask about it instead of questioning someone's entire character.
last bit, sab keh chukay hain yay so chup karo.
and first bit, i think someone said above that the trust issue implies that there's already some issues within a marriage for one to enjoy the company of another to the point they are specifically doing lunches with someone else.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Um...so how does one go about luring lads for lunches? Just asking for...um...general knowledge.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
^
Join a dating site.
If youre not morbidly obese, deformed, or above 65. You'll do fine.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
From workplace, kid!
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Tell me women arent discerning about which of their male colleagues they'd have one-one lunches with.
What?
you mean me? no, not at all. i am not among the types who make an issue out of it. i just wanna know if this is taken negatively and why it is taken negatively. and as some posters said that they do view it as a reason to reject a girl and i have also heard such cases where the girls are rejected solely for this reason.
Alright. Fair enough :)
First you said ek aurat ki dushman dosri aurat hoti hai, and now you yourself are paving the way for double-standards for men! It doesn't make sense! I expect the same type of behaviour from my brother and my husband as others would expect from myself. Why is it okay for men to have lunch with female colleagues, but not okay if the roles are reversed??
When I start a new job I make it a point to not shake hands with men when I am introduced - I know I will be seeing them day in day out so I take my time to explain that I don't find it comfortable doing so. It's totally awkward but they get an idea of the type of person you are at the end of the day. Similarly, when my husband started his new job, he told me he was introduced to female colleagues and he too explained that he doesn't shake hands with women. There are no double-standards in our household. Purdah and haya is as much for men as it is for women - don't forget the commandment of lowering the gaze is addressed to the **men first **in the Holy Quran.
If you allow double-standards to happen, then of course you should expect them in the opposite sex. In this respect, I think the same rule applies for both men and women, and would completely reject a guy if I found out he is **casually **lunching with female colleagues in his spare time.
And all you're doing is continuing to perpetuate these double standards instead of trying to end them.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Same rules apply.
I'm sorry Contrarian. :(
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
The things that I learn at GS lol
If a girl goes out with a colleague they might be on to something that’s like the hilarious thing I have ever heard, but may be because I have been brought up in a different way and have a different perspective.
I work in an industry that lacks girls in fact in all my past experiences specially the ones in Pakistan I was the only girl in a dept of 35-40 males. Some of them become friends closer then others and I use to hang out with them even after work. Heck I even use to hang out with guppies alone, @Jonybr where are you?? 
My family never had a problem with that including my 4 brothers coz we were raised to be upfront and to be confident and responsible for our actions so never needed to hide anything, in fact my dad used to say if you want to hide something that means it’s inherently wrong, so we just followed that.
And yeah my hubby never had any issues with that also as now I have to travel for work and again I am the only women most of the times but this never even came as a discussion point lol
I did came to know one girl at my ex employer who married some one in her department who was already married with children. I was shocked to know that as the girl was all hijabi and all that but later people told me that the couple had a long affair lol so you never know
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
From workplace, kid!
Why do want to have lunch when you can go straight to dinner and then 'coffee' ?
On a serious note. ask 10 guys at your workplace to lunch. 4-5 would agree. If youre mildly attractive make that 7-8.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
I'm sorry Contrarian. :(
Why are you sorry? I haven't even asked you out for lunch. :P
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
On a serious note. ask 10 guys at your workplace to lunch. 4-5 would agree. If youre mildly attractive make that 7-8.
10 guys? Surely you jest! There are hardly 1.5 guys at my workplace that a woman wouldn't mind being caught chowing daal chawal with.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
I think it's really presumptious for women to assume that men in the workplace are out to lure them via lunches and dinners and whatnot. Guess what, most men (yes, goras too) are decent, shareef people just like you. Things get weird if you make them. There is nothing wrong with having friendly conversations with your colleagues, male or female, or even calling/chatting with friends of the opposite sex. As long as you know your limits and maintain your dignity, things will be fine. If a colleague or friend starts acting inappropriate, you do have the option of ending the acquaintance then and there.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
And all you're doing is continuing to perpetuate these double standards instead of trying to end them.
Lol, what?! Ermm... isn't that what I just said to you? Has this somehow turned into a game of "I know you are but what am I"??
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
I just think that if you find your spouse (or in this thread a SIL) of somehow being disrespectful/inappropriate because of casual work lunches then the problem isn't with them doing it necessarily, it's with your insecurities about your marriage or possibly yourself.
If you suspect them actually engaging in inappropriate behavior outside of the work setting - in your example phone calls and an over friendly personal relationship - that's of course an issue because there's a clear line between what's appropriate and what's not. In my opinion. But that doesn't mean all and every lunch is inappropriate, I think you have to consider a persons behavior over having lunch together.
Nai nai S and S-jee. It's a matter of where you draw your boundaries. You've just said phone calls are stepping over the line for you - whereas others have argued that a casual phone call is okay. So, are YOU insecure about your relationship?
I draw the line at out-of-necessity interactions; be it lunches, phone calls, socialising after work. All that jazz. I don't deem it necessary to engage with one-on-one social interactions with members of the opposite sex unless you don't have a choice. If the guy can choose who he has lunch with - don't choose a girl. Simple.
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Personally if we were looking for a girl for my brother and it came to light that the potential girl was having lunch alone with a colleague (on multiple occasions), most likely we would refuse her.
I'd probably reject that type of girl for my brother...
I would not reject a rishta for a brother (if I had one!)
And then you women ***** about your spineless husbands who wouldn't stand up to their mothers and sisters for you
Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
^^^ Lol. I mean to say, if I had the power, I would choose a girl for my brother. Ultimately the decision lies with my parents and him - I just give mashwarah 
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
10 guys? Surely you jest! There are hardly 1.5 guys at my workplace that a woman wouldn't mind being caught chowing daal chawal with.
could you just round it off to 2 or 1
Re: Will you refuse a girl if...............
Life1 delivering again.