I think sleep deprevation and additional financial strains will only add more pressure and I don't think it's fair to bring a baby into such a negative situation.
i agree with this and i've seen situations where the relationship wasn't going well right from the beginning and parents said that a baby would make the bond stronger but a baby made whatever problems/differences the two had even more apparent and added a few more problems. the couple is now separated and is finding it hard to time share their kid b/c they can't stand the sight of each other.
I think sleep deprevation and additional financial strains will only add more pressure and I don't think it's fair to bring a baby into such a negative situation.
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well, money is the number 1 priority...i assumed that wasn't the issue. sleep deprivation is arguable. all parents have to go thru that so its a normal thing. every parent is prepared for that i suppose. :)**
What' Jaanwar has suggested is possible. He could be gay.
But before you jump to that conclusion.....you need to talk to him. You need to call him on his poor behaivor....just like you do with an errant little kid. It's possible that he treats you like this because you ALLOW him to by not being firm. It's like they say....to an extent....you teach people how to treat you.
Ask him point blank, "Why the hell did you marry me if you find me so physically unacceptable. Moreover....I can't control everything about the way that I look....and it is REALLY IMMATURE to see a grown man picking on someone like that. Moreover, your behavior is offensive and hurtful. Think about the way that you're behaving as a husband........is it according to Islamic guidelines? I'm afraid it isn't. And how would you feel if your dad picked on your mom in that way....or if your sister's husband insulted her this way? You could have saved yourself the time by marrying some else that you approved of rather than putting me through this crap. If you have any concerns, learn to communicate them in a civil manner."
You have to talk to him about it.......you have to be firm....and put him in his place. Either he's gay.....or he's bitter cuz he didn't end up marrying some girl he was interested in.....his parents pressured him to marry when he wasn't ready.....or he's so inexperienced with women he doesn't know how to act around them (sad).....or he's socially awkwar (how does he act around others?).....orhas a warped sense of humor.....or it could be he has other issues with you and he doens't know to communicate them. Confront him about his behavior.
In a marriage where there was once a lot of love and it has simmered down, a child can revive it. But a marriage where there isnt any to begin with? Not such a good idea.
Also, since its only been a month…so I would be patient. Do your best to look nice for him but until things get better between you two…do not get pregnant.
Lady Gaga, you said that you'd do anything for his love....and that you'll try to dress as he wants you to. While it's good to do things to please your spouse..........it CAN go overboard.....and you can risk looking needy and desperate which tends to push people way. Give him some space as well....as TLucky said above....chasing something will make it run away faster. Some distance and space is needed in a marriage and even other relationships.
WTH? Had the wife being the one ignoring the husband i am sure she must be getting lectures on what an izab she is earning for herself.
The guy is acting like a fool.....but unfortunately she is married to him now.......either she can try to make things work or she can start a fight (considering this guy's behaviour..he is likely to fight)
the guy is already distancing himself........what do you think he will do if she starts to complain n nag?? make him fall in love with her??
yes there are ways things 'should be'.......but she should be given realistic suggestions which may help her fix the problem.....but you can't fight your way out of it.....you can't coerce a person to 'love you' the way you imagined.........
]I have confronted him but will ask him direct why he is not attracted towards me ** :(
^ See I don't agree with the above question. By asking him that question....you're opening the door for yourself to get hurt again. You ask him why he's not attracted to you....and he might answer the question by telling you the SAME thigns he's been telling you so far: that your back is shaped weird, that your hair is not silky enough, that your legs are not buttery smooth, etc. Such a question does not address the issue of his rude behavior.....which you definitely need to confront him about in a confident manner. And also, if you ONLY ask what you can do to improve.......then that's like exempting him from his mistakes....and it sends the message that he doesn't have to make any effort in being a good husband and that he can treat you however he wants....it's like putting all the responsibility on yourself. If there's a question that should be asked...it's why he married you in the first place if he thought you didn't meet his expecatations. Again, be careful of how you approach him and come across......pleading/neediness will backfire. It's a tough situtation. If one is nice all the time...it can be taken advantage of. Sometimes if you lay boundaries down firmly.....it can work better.
Ok i am sorry, i guess i got a lil hyper. You are right she should give him space but i don’t think we can say its too early for her to be expecting him to show love. It’s perfectly fine if he is not the clingy type of guy who likes to cosy up to his spouse or whatever but i am sure there are better ways to put that across. It’s just so rude to shove your wife away . Just like i suggested she makes sure she is well turned out for him and does whatever it takes to make sure he is attracted towards her. At the same time he needs to respond too
why are ppl assuming he is gay?
he may have found her attractive when he met her but now he may NOT find her attractive when she is undress. A lot of women look better with clothes on than without.
why are ppl assuming he is gay?
he may have found her attractive when he met her but now he may NOT find her attractive when she is undress. A lot of women look better with clothes on than without.
lol. while your statement may be true, attraction is not always limited to physical features and if that's what he married for, then his reasons for marriage were wrong to begin with. If he had an emotional bond with his wife before marriage he'd be willing to look past any physical flaws.
any guy who claims to be "attracted" to his wife and marries her happily then ntpicks her physical flaws is a faggot. and by faggot I mean insecure, whiny, bratty, immature etc.
I really don't think it has anything to do with the way she looks. I think he's just using that to hit her where it hurts and push her away.
It sounds like he was never happy with this arrangement. It was probably his parents who wanted him to get married and move abroad. It seems like he'd much rather have stayed in Pakistan.
i think the problem is that most desi women aren't exposed to what a heterosexual man is really supposed to be like intimately, before saying yes to marriage. most of the time all we have to go by are generalizations about the opposite gender. me included
I think this guy is being a jerk right now…yourselves some time and space and see how things go. But I do not think it is unreasonable for you to expect affection from your own husband!! And he is an ass for saying that abt your honeymoon, if my guy said that to me he would get a good kick in his…and he can forget about having any kind of honeymoon ever in the future!
I really don't think it has anything to do with the way she looks. I think he's just using that to hit her where it hurts and push her away.
It sounds like he was never happy with this arrangement. It was probably his parents who wanted him to get married and move abroad. It seems like he'd much rather have stayed in Pakistan.
^THAT!
This has nothing to do with her looks or actions, rather his personality and selfishness.
He is not about to change anytime soon. And since it takes two to make a relationship work, not much can be done with one-sided efforts.
I haven't read through this thread, but you need to be VERY strong, stand up to him, and force him to talk. Ask him does he really want to make this work, because there is always a choice (separation). Ask him what he wants out of this marriage and tell him what you want.
Don't mean to be harsh...but if you sensed that there was trouble from the get-go......it's naive to think that you can "change" another person. And while phone conversations can provide some indication of one's personality.......it's still hard to gauge what's going on without interacting face-to face with the person. Assuming this guy married you only to fulfill his parent's wishes.....then he did so to get rid of the pressure.....with very little consideration for how his decision would impact the person he's marrying. Think of yourself...think of your own parents....but don't think how you'll be affecting another person. As Gaia said, it's selfish. Lack of regard from one party......naivete from the other. Hopefully things will get better, cuz it's a mess.
. Just like i suggested she makes sure she is well turned out for him and does whatever it takes to make sure he is attracted towards her. At the same time he needs to respond too 
