I had my nikkah about a year ago. We talked on the phone very often and i being a girl obviously got attached to him. He never showed or tried to show that he liked me, and i thought this will change after marriage- a common mistake. He would pick on me, critisize on my fluffy hair texture, my hair style, my skin (had acne and still have some scars), my western clothing (i dress pretty modestly), i thought this will change with time and he will start accepting me as i am. We got married about a month ago, i was already insecure because of his initial behaviour but things didnt change as expected. He has now started finding flaws in my body, that i dont have a perfect figure, my love handles bother him, my shaved legs, my slightly bumpy back… GOD!!! This drives me nuts!!! Hardly says anything positive about me. Shoves me away if i give a peck on his cheek. I dont know how long i will tolerate this. All he thinks and talks about is his family back home, finding a job, dramas, food. Where do i stand and what do i mean to him? Is it too early to expect love from him?
Are all the paki men same or is it his upbringing?? Will he ever change?? Any lady had the same experience? Any guy here who is like this?
What makes you think that was not a serious reply. Quite obviously he is not physically attracted to you. So there is a possibility that he is a closet homosexual. Got married due to social and family pressures, and now goes about his own business. Well unless of course you think you are not physically attractive at all, and it is not his fault. In which case, he should not have agreed to marry you if you two had seen each other before the nikah thingy.
ofourse we had seen each other before nikkah... had 3-4 months of mangni as well.. i am quite good looking alhamdulilah. If i did not meet his requirements of beauty why did he marry me in the first place. arghhh... these porn movies raises expectations of paki men
that's sad. why dont u confront him? ur his wife u have the right to know why and if he is not attracted towards you.
Work on yrself. Get waxing done instead of shaving and making sure you take care of yr fitness and skin. I wouldnt hold yr husband responsible if you fail to do all this just like i would expect the husband to keep well groomed for his wife too.
janwar nay tou seedha bomb gira diya... but yeah it is a possibility... oh and another thing... the more madly you pursue something the more it runs away from you... once you start pursuing Allah and Him alone, the world will follow you. I am not saying don't be a good wife... but keep your own as well and be active and social, while you sort out what's his problem.
i did waxing but that didnt help. I do take care of myself too.. im not a shabby dirty girl. I have confronted him but will ask him direct why he is not attracted towards me :(
that's sad. why dont u confront him? ur his wife u have the right to know why and if he is not attracted towards you.
Work on yrself. Get waxing done instead of shaving and making sure you take care of yr fitness and skin. I wouldnt hold yr husband responsible if you fail to do all this just like i would expect the husband to keep well groomed for his wife too.
His mommy does not think that you are pretty. This was the problem with me 2 as her mommy did not think I was pretty so I was not pretty .
I don't want to sound mean to you but give your marriage some time and 101% of what you can. Please him get dressed nicely , do things that he likes , ask him what change he would like to see in you. I know it does not sound so good but you are married to him now so try with whatever you can.
His mommy thinks im pretty so thats not a problem. Okay i will ask him what he wants in me.. anything to have his love.
Lady Gaga - I believe:
He is a jerk
What janwar said
His mommy does not think that you are pretty. This was the problem with me 2 as her mommy did not think I was pretty so I was not pretty .
I don't want to sound mean to you but give your marriage some time and 101% of what you can. Please him get dressed nicely , do things that he likes , ask him what change he would like to see in you. I know it does not sound so good but you are married to him now so try with whatever you can.
Yes...its too early.......give him some space.....if you keep nagging him and confront him....it will only drive him away...may be he has a lot on his mind
O.K, he finds all sorts of flaws in you but is he a Greek God himself? And do you have any idea what kind of women he prefers (obviously not taking Diwaan's theory into consideration) as in celebrity, female in he's familiar with in real life? And not too sound too controversial but try to figure out if he has some kind of Oedipus complex. With some dudes you can give the prettiest, the sexiest girls in the world but they'd only get attracted to those who'd hold some resemblance to their mother, not just physically but in quite a few aspects.
leave him alone.... he will only cause you heartache if you keep hoping for something from him.... be like him,
but it is so cruel to find faults in a persons physical appearance. i dont know what bone do they have in their tongues that it hurts every time it moves.
Just check it out if he was in love before and he is still after that lost love ( ofcourse in his own imaginary world) also check if he is victim of idealism...
1) try to look at your self maybe you need to change anything in your personality....(but even then he should not insult you)...if he has a problem with you he should tell you directly so that you can work on it
2) now going by what you said i am assuming that you dress up well too, speak well, educated, good looking, mannered, religious and even with these qualities he is is being nasty...then i'll say just start ignoring him..make him feel as if his remarks doesnot bother you at all. i can imagine mentally this is difficult for you but you have to be strong.
3) confront him asap and talk to him in detail and ask why he does it....do not hesitate and say all the concerns you have. do this asap before its too late.
read namaz and pray for yourself inshallah things will be good for you
He likes typical paki girls with long silky hair loosely tied into a braid :S, gori rangat, with kajal in their ghazali eyes in traditional dresses!!! I cannot be like this all the time, its not practical and possible. Although i havent had a haircut since a year for him, but i definitely dont have silky hair. No he hasnt said anything about lacking resemblance with his mother so that maynot be an issue. I will try to be properly and traditionally dressed for him.
O.K, he finds all sorts of flaws in you but is he a Greek God himself? And do you have any idea what kind of women he prefers (obviously not taking Diwaan's theory into consideration) as in celebrity, female in he's familiar with in real life? And not too sound too controversial but try to figure out if he has some kind of Oedipus complex. With some dudes you can give the prettiest, the sexiest girls in the world but they'd only get attracted to those who'd hold some resemblance to their mother, not just physically but in quite a few aspects.
