Re: Wife and staying over at parents
Have you given yourselves enough time to make the transitions you need since your chat? I am assuming things just don't change they need time.
I personally do not understand what the problem is and why it bothers you so much or is starting to again? I can understand you want her to balance her time but just from your threads she seems more emotionally/mentally unstable than you and it almost seems as if your expectations come with a lot of pressure and less understanding. I don't know I'm just saying based off of what I have read.
Have you guys fought recently? Has she fought with you? Or you her? I'm assuming no because you said there are no issues so why ruin a good thing? I just don't understand why someone would feel the need to constantly run home or go home if the relationship between you two is really going as well as you say it is since your talk. And even if it is, she's still running from something else, maybe not you but your home environment. You might not see it because you are only home at a certain point of the day but maybe she's still struggling because when you leave in the morning she's still the one at home with your parents all day, who she didn't get off to a good start with so it's still uncomfortable? Does she drive? Can she not wake up with you and leave with you for her parents place and be home by the time you come home atleast? Have you tried that option? Or you drop her off before work and pick her up on your way home?
Ps. You might want to stop comparing your sisters ways to her, they are two completely different people in two different scenarios. The situation at your sisters inlaws might be completely different. I'm assuming that doesn't help the argument "my sister doesn't do this or that." The relationship between her and her husband might be completely different than the relationship between you and your wife.
I am definitely not comparing her although I admit that's what I thought was the norm before I got married.
She is definitely more emotional than me but I don't honestly apply any pressure at all to her. Take for example waking up early in the morning. She doesn't always get up early and I might be up before her on the weekends but I won't say anything to her or even think that she should be awake. I pretty much had the discussion and left it there and don't want to raise it again and I am pretty sure she is the same.
We have expectations of each other and Alhamdulillah we are fulfilling all the expectations and the issues we had before are pretty much resolved.
We have not fought and have been perfectly fine since we discussed our issues.
She isn't running away from me or family when she goes home. It's more of a combination of things. Firstly that she wants to spend a week or so with her siblings who all live under the same roof and the other reason being that her mother seems to run around the rest of the siblings who are around 30 years old and then my wife feels as though it's her obligation to go and stay there for a week to be there emotionally for her mum. There is no routine in this either, she might go for a few days here for no clear reason besides wanting to stay and then two weeks later want to go again for a few days.
She can drive but is a little afraid so we are taking lessons together to improve that but it's something that will not improve overnight but InshaAllah it is going well. I have always mentioned the two options of going in the morning either with me or on train (at the moment) and I'll pick up but she would rather I drop her off the night before or go herself the day before and I pick her up. Last time she went overnight I mentioned that I will drop her off in the morning or she can go herself but she stated that her mum would rather have her there the night before.
Regarding being at home during the day she has spoken to me as she has some brushing and mopping to do, then she has nothing to do and she has said exactly that, she has an hour of house work on average and then she has to wait for me to come home. I have told her that whilst we are applying she should go gym/volunteer/town/library and have located places within walking distance and stated that I would go with her. Nothing as of yet. I do mention these but she feels as though I am forcing her or that she is fat which she isn't.
If she went during the day and came back during the day either with me or on her own then that is fine but she does not even considerate it.
I know I need to talk to her about balancing the time that she goes to her parents and just having a discussion about it and what my concerns are etc and inshaAllah go forwards from there but I thought I would ask here first.
I am not saying I am right in the way I think or am feeling but I appreciate the advice from everyone, even if it is critical of me as I know I make mistakes everyday, we are all far from perfect.
If you’re the one that needs a break, then what is preventing YOU from going out of town? Either by yourself or with friends (ie. boys trip)?