I think when ladies here complain about FOBS they are not really looking at LUMS grads but peela school grads, and you know there is a big difference in the two 
and I suppose when you are looking at aimless hoodie type locals you are running into the types who, had their parents stayed in pakistan, would have been the peela school types as well.
crap, now some peela school grad is going to come and kick my arse 
but this same generalization puts the āLUMSā ones in the same boat as of the fobs (who dont have a good reputation going on here) ..
so itās unfair.
we need to think of a way to distinguish the two ā¦ and if it helps, create a new term ā¦ though i hate such categorization and terminology.
It is understandable to a point. Even a person born & raised where she wasā¦may not āunderstandā her or gel with herā¦I would advise to keep options openā¦
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
whats a peela school grad and wahts wrong wtih them?
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
Reha, ask her to define FOB ā¦ what does she mean by it?
IMHO, someone who has a desi accent but has been living abroad for 3+ years (could be less, some ppl adapt quickly) and knows how to dress, communicate, blend in, etc. is not FOBā¦ theyāve already adjusted their lifestyle, are comfortable here, etc..
Does she mean paindoo looking or someone with backward/conservative thinking or what? The term FOB is just too vague.
did you see that vdo someone posted of this guy showering his wife-to-be with rose-petals from an airplane on valentineās day! 
thats a peela school grad
āye meri mubbat ka izzaaar aiā 
product of a govt run school/college, akin to communtiy colleges and public schooling in the US. nothing wrong with it, we just have a knack of putting people in categories and the pre-conceived notions that go with it
there are a few points that I was making
1- people from one area are not the same, socioeconomic, family background, education, whether it is a british pakistani, or someone coming from Pakistan, someone born and raised in US.
2- stereotypes are not limited to one group, so while people coming from Pakistan bristle at stereotypes locals may have for them, there are plenty that exist in Pakistan too. peela school, urdu medium, BComm, burger, lalu khetia, paindu etc..you see these are not stereotypes developed by expat pakistanis or abcds..these are stereotypes developed in Pakistan by Pakistanis.
3- the issue is when one does not want to be grouped with someone else that they cant relate to or are not like.
so are there some common trends that are present in each group because of what they are exposed to, what they have access to, what their experiences have been, norms for that group, etc etc..however that does not mean you do not give anyone in any group the benefit of being an individual and treating them as an individual. I know I have met great people and made great friends because I did not let stereotypes discourage me which were based on nationality, religion, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic group etc.
if an abcd from harvard, stanford, etc looked down at a fob, I can certainly understand that. but if the fob is at the aforementioned schools and the abcd is at a community college thumbing his/her nose at the fobā¦ well that doesnāt make sense to me.
depends on the factors and what is important to the person and what are they thumbing their nose at the other person for, it could be anything.
education and earning potential are one part indeed, then you have views about lifestyle, cultural norms, family atmosphere etc etc.
but if the individual at the top school has a backward mentality than that would be a concern to someone who is more liberal in their views.
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
agreedā¦
itās just interesting to observe what people (both fobs and abcds) expect of others and what they have to offer themselvesā¦ a times, the two arenāt quite in syncā¦ which is when you start to wonder is it really smart to automatically put people in categories.
one of my very good friends from uni still looks and acts like a fob even though heās been here for well over a decade and completed high school hereā¦ but he must be the most liberal, openminded Pakistani guy Iāve met. and this despite him being a middle class Punjabi mard etc, and the associated stereotypes (for the politically correct crowd, Iām of Punjabi background myself before yall jump down my throat)ā¦ and in the same school were abcds whose heroes were the Taliban. needless to say the abcds dropped out early onā¦
just saying, that appearances can be deceiving. accents arenāt everything.
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
so the question is why the need to pigeon hole people in our culture? what are the prerequisites of putting people in these categories? like a fob is always a fob regardless of education level because there may be other factors which determines his fobness like family background or lifestyle choices or a backward mentality. this division is the curse which plagues our community whether in or outside pakistan, refusing to see people for their individual accomplishments but instead looking for those picture perfect packages based on social whims.
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
yaaar patriot, we just slice and dice the entire group its like the carmax ad where the dude keeps making choices until the perfect car is there.
so fobby or how fobby someone is, or similarly how abcd someone is, is just one of many factors
then its physical- height, weight, complexion, physique
then its religion- so e.g. muslim sunni barelvi hanafi whatever right
then its ethnicity and zaat paat- punjabi, rajput
then its urban vs rural- lahori
then its family size- small family
then education- must be doc/engineer/cpa/mba/lawyer from a good school
then income- must be in such and such bracket
and then lets cntinue the carmax example..so u find the perfect car and then turns out your income and credit does not position you to get that one car. i.e. that perfect candidate, well you are in not in their league..etc.
why the need, i dont know. never understood it.
but we talk about it from a match perspective, thats true, but it exists in social settings as well who people socialize with. I get it that similar backgrounds and experiences kept things all warm and fuzzy but thats the reason people just cant break out and grow sociallyā¦same crowd same activities.
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
when and how did these terms start btw? i think iv been looking at the term abcd since as long as i can remember ā¦ so definitely comes before my generation. but this fob thing and coconut etc, i just came across here on this forum 
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
I know what ABCD stands for, but how do you know someone is a confused desi?
we all know what fob stands for, and what its context is ā¦ but how de we know if any given FOB is really an FOB?
these terms are just blah ā¦ hardly make sense ā¦ only in some situations ā¦
Maybe she doensāt want a fob bcause of green card issues?
or communication/mentality?
but yeah, I have noticed a difference between the american born pakistanis and pakistani fobs in my classes- the fobs are a lot cooler. the americans donāt talk to you, they blush and giggle. well i take that back, no one talks to me soā¦whatever, screw you
Re: Why the FOB-phobia?
to add another term to the mix, u may have heard DCBA
desi confused by america
