Why the FOB-phobia?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

A single friend of mine asked me to look for a guy for her recently. I asked her what kind of a guy she wants and she says to me:

HE has to have a job - understandable
HE has to be good looking - understandable

HE CANT BE A FOB - confused :frowning:

Most fobs I know may have an accent but still have excellent grammar. They dont have any issues communicating or expressing themselves.

Is it that big of a deal???

2

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

I guess that's understandable too since she was brought up here, she wants someone who can understand her.. Or am I missing something.

3

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

I think its less about being FOB or not and more about having a like and dislike about certain thing . Like few people like vanilla and some like chocolate . Nothing wrong with either of them but its just a certain dislike associated with them . Marriage is a life long commitment , one should not push herself to like it .

4

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Well, there is this image of a fob these days...bad hair, bad dressing, bad grammar, etc.

I dont see any of that nowadays. Sure, kabhi kabhar phir bhi nazar ajatay hein leking these people usually westernize with time themselves since they want to settle here.

Seriously, this doesnt make any sense to me. Marriage is about how two people communicate with each other right? If the guy has the same ideas then who cares if his English is accented?

5

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Reha, I think it has more to do with other aspects. When someone uses the term "FOB' in a derogotory manner about a male, they prob mean things like attitude regarding a wife working, they'd more likely want a stay-home wife who doesnt have opinions and just happily goes about the task of making a nice home, nice food, dresses nicely for hubbys arrival at home, has babies etc.

6

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Well, either it's to do with understanding or it's purely about self-image. We want to admit or not....

7

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

This is a horribly politically incorrect thing that I'm going to say here so my apologies in advance - and please dont think that it applies to all or even close to a majority.

But when I think of a guy who is a "FOB" it brings to mind someone like I once knew who barged into our lives uninvited, asked for a place for him and his wife to say "for a couple of days" while he looked for an apartment and ended up living here for a few weeks, even changing his address with the post office to MY address. He was ignorant and nto well-educated yet had all kinds of non-stop advice for me - about everything from infant care, child raising, household finance and everything in between. Didnt lift a finger to help around the house because he was under the impression that he was a treasured guest with golden words of wisdom that he needed to beneficially bestow upon me.

THATS a FOB!!!

8

I remember that... :/ those people are known as losers/lowlife.....

9

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Will that be ok if we can blame media a bit ? Someone painted this image that is not entirely true all the times . Isn't it .

10

A variety of things can be a "big deal" to people when searching for a spouse. I think many of us would like to believe that we're open-minded at all times, but I think most of us can be a bit shallow/petty/picky about various things. Human nature. And it's not only confined to rishtay, but other situations as well. You'll find people who prefer brand name handbags or clothes when they could find something just as good that isn't under a prominent designer label.

And we all have pet peeves. Certain traits, habits, accents, sounds, smells can get on our nerves. By "fob" your friend might be referring to accent or image. For example, a New York or Southern accent might annoy some people. Or a woman might desire a man who is more masculine as opposed to metrosexual. Or she might want someone who has stronger facial features as opposed to the pretty boy look. A guy might want someone with curves as opposed to a stick-thin figure. Or a person of a certain profession. Or maybe he prefers a woman who is more feminine than tomboyish. Many of us are like that, Reha. Many of us just haven't felt the "chemistry" for some reason that really truly was a big deal for us but may not be a big deal for another person.

It won't be fair to the guy if the girl is so distracted/turned off by one or two of his traits that it's preventing her from focusing on other more appealing qualities. If you're that annoyed by her, then you have the option of not being on the rishta look-out for her. InshaAllah, she'll find someone compatible wherever it's meant to be and however it's meant to be and through whomever it's meant to be.

But to answer your question of "Is it A big Deal?"..........Yes, for some people, it can be, that's what makes it almost hard to say what is right and what is wrong. What works for you may not work for her and vice versa. We're all individuals who are prone to being picky about various things. Different strokes for different folks.

11

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Fob accents :wub::blush:

12

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

If u fall in love with a fob its one thing, but its not a good idea to go for an arranged marriage with someone from another planet. Usualy you will have very little in common, when it come to mentality. You should marry into your own type of people, life is just easier like that.

I do love me own fob though :wub:

13

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

only valid reason I can see for not wanting to be wiht a fob is the struggle and uncertainty that comes wiht it (immigration issues etc--that is if the guy is in pakistan).
The issue of incompatibility and different upbringings can arise with people raised in teh same country as well....Otherwise, things like accent or whatever seem pretty shallow...if shes okay with that then by all means...

14

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

^I agree

I very close friend of mine is going through the rishta process right now, and she claims she doesn't want a 'fresh fob' (I use that term loosely) mainly because of the hassles that will come along, such as getting settled, immigration, finding a job etc.......she's had a hard life as it is and she doesn't think she will be able to handle all of that

However she's OK with a 'fob' who's been here for awhile and has adjusted and is compatible with her......

15

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

No Fobz , No ABCDz , No goray , No kalay . . . talk about number of choices Pakistani women have these days :D

16

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

no namaan...

17

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

Is it just about the accent? I would have thought it would be more to do with a clash in their ways of thinking etc, perhaps not being on the same wavelength, not being able to joke around so easily (maybe), he might not be as open-minded when it comes to the way she wants to dress, might want to bring his parents over to live with them etc. could be any of those things..

18


Totally agree..

19

I think you need to ask her what exactly she means by FOB? It could be accent, dressing, financial independence OR it could be mannerisms and stuff (like mama mentioned)? Some people may also use it for culturally conservative people- like those who have lived here for 20-something years but don't want anything to do with the west?

I know that our relatives who came from Pakistan were MUCH more polite and mannered than some people we have seen here. They were more educated, more social and considerate of us while living in our house. So for me- FOB just means someone who's come from Pakistan and may have differences in accents and dressing but that's all.

20

Re: Why the FOB-phobia?

What exactly does FOB stand for..... :)