i understand when you say that you don't want to tell your husband about your sister since it'll cause him to lose respect. i've seen that happen too much. when you'll get in arguments with your husband he'll taunt you about your family problems. its best you keep your sister problem seperate.
now your sister, i actually feel bad about her not you! you seem like such a loving person & inshallah you'll get all the happiness you truly deserve. don't let her get to you! i, myself have 2 sisters! & our relationship isn't perfect but we love each other. your sister does these things to you cause she sees you as weak person. someone who never defends herself so its easy for anyone to put that person down. YOU need to stand up for yourself & tell her whose the boss. you can do it in a calm manner! arguing never solves anything but you can come up with quick remarks & put her down gently. if she says makes a negative comment again, say this "if you feel better by putting me down then by all means!" if she does this again then keep repeating "you feel better about yourself now?"
I can relate to u soo much im in a kind of similar situations
I have an older sis we got on soo well before she got married lekin after she got married she changed soo much towards me...during her wedding me and her hubbys cousin kind of fell for eachother at that point i told her that i liked him n she had heard from somewhere that he also was crazy about me
At the time he lived in pak we all came back to the UK...about 2 years after seeing the guy (i was still in love with him) we got in touch over msn n we got to know eachother alot better i hadnt told my sis because we had drifted apart but she found out...since then she turned really *****y towards me...she did everythng n anythng in her power to cause problems at home for me she told my mum that me n him were in touch wen his family came 4 the rishta she tried her utmost best to not let me and him happen
Finally after a great stand to my mum we got engaged a few months ago...but yet still she is causing problems fillin my mums ears in against him n his famly (my mum listens to her alot esp in ths department cuz she is the onli one who knows that fam well as she is married in to the fam) i knw she is doing it out of spite
shes always doing her best to put me down but y?? y cnt she jus giv up mkin my life hell n just b happy 4 me?
she is still stirin crap but me n my fiance knws wat she is like.....
could she be jealous? im alot more educated than her...i have alot more freinds than her n i got who i wanted to marry? o n i recently got a job in the governemnt n she expressed no happiness at all 4 me
to my mum shes the good samaritan...there is no point in my tellin my mum otherwse because my mum already thinks i put my fiance n his family b4 my own
I can relate to u soo much im in a kind of similar situations
I have an older sis we got on soo well before she got married lekin after she got married she changed soo much towards me...during her wedding me and her hubbys cousin kind of fell for eachother at that point i told her that i liked him n she had heard from somewhere that he also was crazy about me
At the time he lived in pak we all came back to the UK...about 2 years after seeing the guy (i was still in love with him) we got in touch over msn n we got to know eachother alot better i hadnt told my sis because we had drifted apart but she found out...since then she turned really *****y towards me...she did everythng n anythng in her power to cause problems at home for me she told my mum that me n him were in touch wen his family came 4 the rishta she tried her utmost best to not let me and him happen
Finally after a great stand to my mum we got engaged a few months ago...but yet still she is causing problems fillin my mums ears in against him n his famly (my mum listens to her alot esp in ths department cuz she is the onli one who knows that fam well as she is married in to the fam) i knw she is doing it out of spite
shes always doing her best to put me down but y?? y cnt she jus giv up mkin my life hell n just b happy 4 me?
she is still stirin crap but me n my fiance knws wat she is like.....
could she be jealous? im alot more educated than her...i have alot more freinds than her n i got who i wanted to marry? o n i recently got a job in the governemnt n she expressed no happiness at all 4 me
to my mum shes the good samaritan...there is no point in my tellin my mum otherwse because my mum already thinks i put my fiance n his family b4 my own
Awww I feel for you.
Is your fiance much better in any or manys ways than her husband? I sure he would be.
Yes she is jealous of that.
Don't worry be happy. At least you got engaged and get married.
I can relate to u soo much im in a kind of similar situations
I have an older sis we got on soo well before she got married lekin after she got married she changed soo much towards me...during her wedding me and her hubbys cousin kind of fell for eachother at that point i told her that i liked him n she had heard from somewhere that he also was crazy about me
At the time he lived in pak we all came back to the UK...about 2 years after seeing the guy (i was still in love with him) we got in touch over msn n we got to know eachother alot better i hadnt told my sis because we had drifted apart but she found out...since then she turned really *****y towards me...she did everythng n anythng in her power to cause problems at home for me she told my mum that me n him were in touch wen his family came 4 the rishta she tried her utmost best to not let me and him happen
Finally after a great stand to my mum we got engaged a few months ago...but yet still she is causing problems fillin my mums ears in against him n his famly (my mum listens to her alot esp in ths department cuz she is the onli one who knows that fam well as she is married in to the fam) i knw she is doing it out of spite
shes always doing her best to put me down but y?? y cnt she jus giv up mkin my life hell n just b happy 4 me?
she is still stirin crap but me n my fiance knws wat she is like.....
could she be jealous? im alot more educated than her...i have alot more freinds than her n i got who i wanted to marry? o n i recently got a job in the governemnt n she expressed no happiness at all 4 me
to my mum shes the good samaritan...there is no point in my tellin my mum otherwse because my mum already thinks i put my fiance n his family b4 my own
try to think otherwise.....
what if wateve she is trying to tell u and ur mom abt the guy is actually true and u r ignoring it at the moment cuz of THE LOVE..........
^ I agree with blindhope. Once you marry into a family, you see them for warts and all. It may be that she really does know what they are like, and could be trying to save you from this man.
what if wateve she is trying to tell u and ur mom abt the guy is actually true and u r ignoring it at the moment cuz of THE LOVE..........
there r always two sides to a coin!
^ I agree with blindhope. Once you marry into a family, you see them for warts and all. It may be that she really does know what they are like, and could be trying to save you from this man.
but i've known my fiance for well over 4 yrs ...even though my sis is married in to their family she doesnt really know his immediate family that well
i can assure u i know my fiance more than she does
oh and i forgot to mention her saas n my saas to b r sisters...(my sisters saas doesnt really get on with my saas again i would say it is the same situation as me n my sister....her saas cant do my saas bardaasht in the sense my in laws r more well off then they r and my in laws have a higher say in the family even though she is younger than my sisters mil'
In order for your problem/question to receive better attention, my suggestion is that you should create a separate thread. This is As-Salik's thread and it deals with her particular problem and she can benefit from all the advice that people give her regarding her problem. Your post.....might cause people to become distracted from As-Salik's problem....and they'll end up giving YOU advice on **HER (As-Salik's) **thread, which isn't fair to her. My intention is not to offend you. I'm just trying to help you get better attention for your particular problem....and a separate thread will keep the information more organized for you.
Now about your problem......I've read your post and here are the possibilities that I've come up with:
1) I do sense that there is some jealousy that your sister has toward you because she didn't congratulate you when you got a job. And jealousy between sisters/siblings is very normal.
2) Your sister's mother-in-law (MIL) and your fiance's mom are SISTERS and the BOTH DON'T GET ALONG. Maybe your sister's MIL is constantly complaining to her about your fiance's family. And maybe your sister is SCARED that if you marry this guy......then this will create problems between you and her (your sister) because both families don't get along. In other words, she doesn't want the family drama to cause problems between you and her. Think about it. Tomorrow what if your sister's MIL tells her that she is not allowed to see you or talk to you........because of problems between the two families. Your sister could be afraid that the family drama will affect the relationship you both have. Maybe this is her way of trying to protect you.
3) Maybe your sister's mother-in-law is giving her a HARD TIME because you are marrying the son of her enemy. Sometimes mothers-in-law take out their anger on their daughters-in-law. Plus, you don't live with your sister, so you don't know how her life is like. Maybe her in-laws are creating problems for her because you got engaged to a family they don't like. And to them this might symbolize some pathetic kind of betrayal.
SUGGESTION:
Sit down with your sister and talk to her calmly. Tell her, **"Look, Baji, you are my sister and I love you. I'm not your enemy and I have no desire to be one. If we can't even communicate now as sisters, then how will things go for us in the future. You're older than me and I know that as my sister, you would want what you believe is best for me. So, please........tell me honestly, what is going on here. Are your in-laws giving you a hard time because I'm marrying your husband's cousin? Are you afraid that if I marry into a family that your in-laws don't like, that this will cause problems between you and me? Are you afraid that my rishta is impacting your marriage? My fiance seems like a nice person to me. He hasn't done anything to hurt me. And I want to believe that your opinions are not out of spite toward me....but rather out of love. So, please open up to me and tell me what's bothering you."
You are right man and woman are chador for each other. But that quran says. PPL don't or mostly ppl don't behave like that to each other in reality.
Husband and wife relationship sometimes are very nazuk rishta and sometimes strongest but it all depends on person if they both love each other I mean true love or they both hate each other or one of them hate each other. but in last 2 cases either or one have to work tactfully otherwise marriage become faileur.
So when wife thing that it is not comfortable or suitable to share then there is no need to share.
To tell you the truth. Some and most husbands are like if they know anything bad about the wife or her family he keep teasing her again and again. Even about realtives topic and things so. So it's better to hide instead of getting teased after telling him.
As one of my behnoi tease my sister because one of my cousin left her husband and married someone else he continuously tease my sister for that. You guys are like that though my sister is bhugting him from more then a dacade.
Now I think I made some sense.
who is talking here like a child, you little girl. Are you one of those who say that ALL man are the same? This is what I read from your post. Very childish to have this kind of opinion when one doesn't know the other, don't you think so? They don't behave to each other like that, because most ppl don't know and hence call themselves Muslims, like the majority does here. There are women who just THINK that they will create problem if they tell their husband what is going. What kind of freaking husband would that be who teases her wife with wife's sister? Sad to say I'd divorce. What kind of marriage is that where you have to be tactical? marriage=chess?
**This is probably the Guy who did that to your sister. Not we All and stop generalizing you little girl. Because someone did sh't with your sister, doesn't mean you can come here and declare All Guys sh't!
Shall I tell you how you women behave here after Analyzing you all chicks and this Subforum for the past 4 years?
**
redvelvet i totally forgot ke im taking over the thread sorry as=salik...
how do i move it to a new thread? i dont know n i cant b bothered writing it all out again
Mizz Khan.....select/highlight the contents of your post, right click your mouse, and click on "copy". Create a new thread and when you are in the message box, right click your mouse and click "paste." Your post should easily be pasted, without you having to copy the whole thing.
who is talking here like a child, you little girl. Are you one of those who say that ALL man are the same? This is what I read from your post. Very childish to have this kind of opinion when one doesn't know the other, don't you think so? They don't behave to each other like that, because most ppl don't know and hence call themselves Muslims, like the majority does here. There are women who just THINK that they will create problem if they tell their husband what is going. What kind of freaking husband would that be who teases her wife with wife's sister? Sad to say I'd divorce. What kind of marriage is that where you have to be tactical? marriage=chess?
*This is probably the Guy who did that to your sister. Not we All and stop generalizing you little girl. Because someone did sh't with your sister, doesn't mean you can come here and declare All Guys sh't! *
*Shall I tell you how you women behave here after Analyzing you all chicks and this Subforum for the past 4 years? *
Sorry bigboi I'm old enough so I don't need to add big to my id. Your name and also your post shows that you are a kid. But it's ok don't mind it. Once I was kid I said same kind of thing when ppl were talking about life and when I realize now it makes me laugh that how fool I was.
It's ok. Kids can't think like adult and can't understand everything well. Don't mind words.
I meant mostly man. Everyone knows if someone writes all doesn't mean all means mostly or some. Don't take it serious.
Why getting that much angry to call ladies or girls chicks. So do you call your sister chick too?
why don't you simply answer my post? What's so childish about that? I don't see anything childish in it. Childish is your behavior. So you have seen life, means you have seen in everyone's heart, even in the heart of as-salik's Husband? What a childish thinking! If you were old enough, you would have not made the statement you made after my post!
It is not childish to say that you all guys are like that and that. My answer hit the nail and you didn't like it, now you come here and call me a child. What have you seen in life? What is Life & Relationship if you know better?
I mean, why are you speaking out of context and not relating to my post? So you wanna tell me that you have seen in as-salik's Husbands's heart? This is what you want to tell me?
NjMasti,
are you on crack? Aapni akall kabhi istemaal ki hai tuune. Comes here with f'ed up wannabe joke which no one understood and thinks she brought some people to laugh.
So when wife thing that it is not comfortable or suitable to share then there is no need to share.
To tell you the truth. Some and most husbands are like if they know anything bad about the wife or her family he keep teasing her again and again. Even about realtives topic and things so. So it's better to hide instead of getting teased after telling him.
As one of my behnoi tease my sister because one of my cousin left her husband and married someone else he continuously tease my sister for that. You guys are like that though my sister is bhugting him from more then a dacade.
Now I think I made some sense.
I don't think you made any sense at all. All what you did is sprading hatred against men.
What a childish thinking, behave tacticfully? Why not divorce? Man does it, why not woman? Oh yeah, it's the pressure from the society when a woman takes khula. She will lose all respect she thinks. What a wrong thinking. Allah has provided all human beings the best if they only would strive for that, this my personal thinking. If someone gives himself completely to Allah then be sure that you're safe in hands an no pain will come over you. If you would only know.
I'm done with you, I wanted to write more and more, but that will lead to nothing as you already have made an biased opinion about me. Anyway, have a nice one bashing man.
My thoughts are that she might be jealous - unknowingly. It happens sometimes. We dont know or even notice it and we say things that might hurt others.
She is your sister, if you ever needed a kidney...she would give it. If you were stuck in the middle of the highway, you would call her. If you needed money for some sort of unexpected reason, she would take care of it if she could. God forbid any of this ever happen. The thing is, she doesnt intentionally say things to hurt you or want bad for you...but she is jealous and she doesnt understand it which is why it comes out in such mean and impulsive ways. I dont think she understands the weight of her comments or the effect they have on you. She thinks you're a lot tougher then you come off.
Two things you can do:
A) Talk to her. However, if you talk to her you have to solid examples to show her she was wrong. Be prepared to be open, honest and also understanding. She may open up to you and tell you what the issue is or even apologize and stop.
B) Smile, nod and keep walking. Develop a thicker skin and realize you have your own life ahead of you that you have to worry about. Thinking about these petty comments does more bad then good so lets not. If she says something mean, answer her with a compliment. No, Im not asking you to be Mother Theresa...you can actually guilt her into stopping and avoid confrontation. After a while, people will notice and think she is nuts for being so rude when you're so nice to her.
Good luck sister and congratulations on your life ahead of you!!!
PS and GR8 Heera bhai! u both are very aqalmand...
