Why speak of personal issues?

Lifestyle Relationships
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in public? So what, if this is a forum on the web, nobody will find out is argument… I don’t care.

All I am saying is, does not one feel just a bit of guilt? shame? when posting such sensitive issues in the public? And these threads are full of accusations to the very people who the OP should be talking to about these personal issues and not some fariq people like me and you. Not pointing out anyone on this forum, I am speaking in general about the net, and here I am only talking about Muslim online communities, have we Muslims lost it?

yes some of us have lost it.

ps: have i lose it? :stuck_out_tongue:

..
let me be specific now, since this is the ‘relationship’ forum, most of these threads are about husband&wife, if we can post such issues like everyday talk, then are we not hypocrites? where’s the love? where’s the trust that a husband and wife should have? please read this love story: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-scripture/294945-true-love-story.html

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

Some threads posted about relationships are certainly sensitive and perhaps the best way to deal with them should be between the people going through the issue. I have noticed when a personal question is asked, mostly, people jump from all corners and the discussion usually becomes a blame game and ends soon enough.

However, A lot of people posting here feel like they don't have anyone else to turn to. Like I said 'most' - not all. And so, they genuinely do need valid suggestions and good advice. Also, since the topics are so sensitive, sometimes, people don't feel comfortable discussing them face to face and thus, internet is the best medium. You can maintain your 'dignity' and privacy while still getting some advice. Of course, not all advice is good, but you can sieve through it.

A lot of people will honk you and flip you off when they're in their cars but if they were on foot, they won't take the chance at all.. Why? Its a protection strategy.

Similarly, when people post here, they feel they won't be judged because they don't have to disclose any information about themselves that they don't have to. But if they went to people who knew them, they'd be naturally judged.
Posters also feel the people replying to their posts are unbiased. They can't hear, see or touch the person posting and so posters feel they are in the same scale as others.
Most of all, posters get some good advice but they are not obligated to return any favors, come back and face any of these people, report any updates to them. They can pull out of this whenever and however they please.

And so, GS is sort of a safety net. There are no missed shots. There are no risks and its game over when you decide its over.

I must add here that I do find that some posters get very frustrating. They seek attention and are clearly using GS as a crutch to validate their beliefs and fuel their insecurities. For the most part, I ignore such people.

I see nothing wrong with seeking advice from outside the vicinity of your home. Marriage is sacred -- it's not a jail house. I always urge posters to communicate with their partners first.

Hope that answers your question.
Peace.

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

I havent yet read the love story cricket, but will do...

Anyway, I dont see much wrong with posting some personal issues on a public forum. I see it as a kind of sounding board to get other points of view when my own might be jaded or slanted. kwim? I dont think its a good thing to air all of your personal "dirty laundry" and your deepest darkest secrets but when you have some basic relationship issues, its sometimes a good thing to see what others would do, what others think, its helps much to know when emotions may be clouding your judgement which happens often in any marriage yeah?

Trust is separate from this I think. Esp in many desi marriages where husband and wife really dont know each other yet. Trust takes time to build yeah? So its natural to have some insecurity and to wonder how others fare.

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

Sometimes one has nobody to ask advice from, its good to hear other peoples views.

Its as anonymous as one wants to make it, giving as much detail as your comfortable with.

People who have gone through similar situation can give good advice.

Timepass- May 2012
5

Re: Why speak of personal issues?

See it’s good if its anonymous…but i guess it’s harder when alot of ppl here actualy know u on here and in real life, then it gets tricky as to where to vent and ask problems etc… :hinna:

Timepass- May 2012
6

I don't know about anyone else but I think forums are the best places to speak of personal issues and get advice since no one here knows u personally and will not judge you in anyway will only give you honest advice.:)

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I agree :)

Intrusive thoughts
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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

Why should anyone be ashamed? Some people need a safe place to vent. Not everyone has the luxury of discussing such issues with friends, family etc.

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^ exactly!

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

cricket, just wondering whether your opinion has changed since reading responses here? Just curious thats all, nosey me lol!

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

i kind of actually agree with cricketplaya.. i dont think there is hardly any issue that has not been discussed here in life1 forum.. one can easily use the search option and search whatever kind of issue they are interested in.. but opening threads about what shud be done on first night of wedding.. and/or something related to that.. well, what do u really expect us to answer then?.. one needs to use their common sense before opening such threads....

Also, we dont know how many teenaged users we have on GS and even if one has to open such thread.. they atleast need to use appropriate wordings..so the readers dont feel awkward reading..

Filmi songs and social values
12

Re: Why speak of personal issues?

I agree with cricketplaya..

if it cant be discussed with the person you have an issue with (especially your spouse, its not worth discussing here)

Plus, regardless of watever happens between my hubby or me or anyone else i know, id rather not like anyone judging them by a few statements i make on here.. id protect my hubby and family from such judgements.. regardless of how upset i might be with them at the time of posting a thread...

just an opinion i have..

p.s and I dont have the luxury of discussing my issues with anyone either.. sorry, i'll correct myself... i do have the luxury, i just dont take it as i dont believe anyone has the right to judge anyone else.... personal issues are personal.. if discussed with another, they dont remain personal anymore..

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

yeah but online you're mostly anonymous, and being on GS where mostly its the same bunch of people, you do create friendships amongst posters, and you do see familiar faces often, so why not ask what they think? its a place to vent, to ask opinions, to gather information- i don't see anything wrong or shameful with it. i think so long as people keep their perspective, and understand that probably 1 out of 10 people here will make fun of them, will mock them, will give them useless advice, and will preach to them, and probably all at once- it'll be fine. :p
the biggest thing is to take most of the advice given here with a pinch of salt- ultimately, you know your life better than anyone here so any decisions that you make have to come from you and have to be lived by you, consequences and all.

14

Re: Why speak of personal issues?

I guess everybody is different. I don't think I've ever opened a thread discussing any personal/sensitive issues with my family members. When I face a problem, I take action and try to get to the root cause and fix the problem there. So if I am having a problem with my wife, I would directly talk to her, if my problem is with my parents or siblings, I would talk to them directly.

But some people choose not to do that as they don't want to create a bigger mess. For example my wife, when she has a problem with me, she talks to me, but when she has a problem with anyone else (i.e. her/my family or friends), she just vents about it to me and then she's fine. Everyone's different.

So, while we have some threads that are simply dare threads or people simply trying to fool others, and one can tell what kind of threads those are, then there are some that are not as bad and people are just asking for other people's advices/opinions and I think that's okay.

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FYI these forums are anonymous, unless someone chooses to give out their name, address. etc.

And if you keep feelings bottled up inside, you will explode. Problem is that you ARE judging. You're judging people who are trying to talk about these issues that they can't address in any other way. How are you to know what steps they've taken to address these issues themselves before they post it online? You're assuming a lot about that and that makes you guilty of the same "crime," you're judging others as having had committed.

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

now now calm down.

I still have the same view that one shouldn't post such stuff online.. one example I will pick up is how 90% of people here would say man should not tell everything to his mother about his relationship with his wife. now I get the anonymous part about being online, but is a mother not better to go to than some careless people like me on GS? I still believe if it were me, I would have this guilt attached to posting something so sensitive behind my partner's back for the world to see. I guess I am still young to understand this concept...

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

^ who says that I am (or anyone else for that matter who does not discuss their personal issues on here) keeping their feelings bottled up inside?

Everyones judged and ive never said that I havent done so myself.. All i said is that i am not comfortable with having someone else (be it anonymous) judge any member of my family...

thats my opinion... FYI

Timepass- May 2012
18

You said that people shouldn't air their issues online. I made a point that many people don't have the luxury of talking to friends or family about it. Hence, when you aren't able to address these issue, you DO bottle them up inside.

Your "fyi," wasn't really relevant. I made the point that these posts were anonymous. It's obvious that this is your opinion. We all understand that.

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Re: Why speak of personal issues?

cricket meeya we are both young to understand these issues.. so u better sit and watch it all from a corner, just like i do.. When we grow up, we will know it all.. ...

20

ur just getting too fired up..

relax.

If you dont have anyone to talk to.. thats a shame. I am sorry to hear that.

If i have an opinion, there is no need for you to get so fired up about it. I am ANONYMOUS so why the need to be so bitter?