Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Do you think theres a possibility that, notwithstanding the societal/cultural dogmas, women might be abhorred by the idea of husbands moving in with them in their parents house?
As long as the husband is working and not just mooching off his inlaws, i dont see why women would be abhorred. and many women are also abhorred by the idea of living in their susraal and having to put up with demanding inlaws as well.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
When I was younger I used to think that because girls are generally more emotional, I would convince my future husband that I couldn't live without my parents because it would be more difficult for me than for him, so he'd have to move in with me! Lol
Didn't happen!
I don't know why Pak culture is like this and I find it really annoying! Very good question you've posted!
In which major cultures having a ghar damads is common?
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I do completely agree with you main point though that what's good for the goose is good for the gander too. So if sons are expected to look after their parents in old age, it's only fair to expect the same of daughters too.
this was my point in starting this thread as well. and as another poster also mentioned, it's very common in Asian culture including China aswell. thats why its so easy to adopt a chinese female infants too, they are left to be adopted as poor families don't think its worth their effort to raise a girl who will not take care of them. reason why female infanticide happens in certain parts of the world is based on the same reason.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I am curious to know what people think of 'ghar damaad' or a girl's parents living with her in her husbands home when shes married. why is it so common** in our society** for a woman to leave her parents at marriage but not expected the same for a guy?
Bella, Its OUR society, you are a rebel so stop worrying about it hunny!
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
In which major cultures having a ghar damads is common?
Catholic culture I guess!
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Because the house keeper just quit, she was not willing to work 24/7 and was demanding respect and didn't feel like letting Johnny touch her whenever he felt like. So mommy dear found a solution, she found someone that will come bearing gifts and money, will cook and clean 24/7, feel good about herself about having the ability to put up with immense abuse, And Johnny can touch her whenever he feels like. If they are lucky they might find a proffessional that might even work and make money for them on top of every thing else she does.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
In which major cultures having a ghar damads is common?
not necessarily ghar damaad but girls having to live in susraal also only happens in asian culture. if you look in other cultures, living with girl's parents or guys parents happens equally, it's not a norm here for a guy to live with his family after marriage just like its not a norm the girl. parents dont choose to live wiht a son only because he is a son and he must take care of them and daughters shouldn't. if they need someone to take care of them, its usually the one who maybe lives closer, has more resources, can spend more time with them. its not based on simply being a son or daughter but on other factors. and living with a daughter is not considered a shameful thing either.
a girl does not get rukhsatified to her susraal. she leaves her parents, just like the groom also leaves his parents
i am ready to be ruKhsatified lol...any takers? :p
What a word :D RUKHSATIFIED! lol
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
It is extremely unfair. Some people have no idea how it could ruin lives!
Why don't parents expect help or time from the female children as well? My parents gave us the best education, they too sacrificed their lives for ours and waited until we settled well in life only to be left alone because they don't have a son to take care of them. I resent the fact that my father died working hard. His work became his life because he knew he didn't have a son and he couldn't ask his daughters for help. I hate this hypocrisy in the name of culture.
In the western society 2/3rd of the care givers are daughters.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
In the western society 2/3rd of the care givers are daughters.
Wish it were like that for desis and asians as well. maybe then daughters would be worth more, and less gender based abortions and female infanticide which unfortunately still happens in asia.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Bella, Its OUR society, you are a rebel so stop worrying about it hunny!
[quote]
Catholic culture I guess!
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa
[/quote]
i will always be pakistani, doesn't matter if i disagree with majority of them. and please, no need for such taunts and taanay. if you don't have any opinion regarding this matter, feel free to ignore this thread and my posts.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
not necessarily ghar damaad but girls having to live in susraal also only happens in asian culture. if you look in other cultures, living with girl's parents or guys parents happens equally, it's not a norm here for a guy to live with his family after marriage just like its not a norm the girl. parents dont choose to live wiht a son only because he is a son and he must take care of them and daughters shouldn't. if they need someone to take care of them, its usually the one who maybe lives closer, has more resources, can spend more time with them. its not based on simply being a son or daughter but on other factors. and living with a daughter is not considered a shameful thing either. a girl does not get rukhsatified to her susraal. she leaves her parents, just like the groom also leaves his parents
The OP started with ghar damad question.
It is also a norm for a girl and guy to live together before getting married. It is also a norm that the girl feels so blessed and thrilled when (and if) he ever pops the question and doesn't dump her for another girl. It is not considered a shameful thing either.
I really don't understand. You guys like to have rights western culture gives you because you live here. That's fine. You guys also like to have rights our religion and culture gives you. That's fine too. But then you guys find the responsibilities western culture or your culture or your religion gives you as annoying. meetha meetha hup hup, karwa karwa thoo.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
So basically we leave our parents and so should he. So no one should be living with their parents. All parents should stay alone. Just like the white folks. Don't worry Bella, we're almost there. Just give it another generation or so.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
So basically we leave our parents and so should he. So no one should be living with their parents. All parents should stay alone. Just like the white folks. Don't worry Bella, we're almost there. Just give it another generation or so.
I really don't see old folks here envy the life of old folks from there, I have seen plenty of them do all kinds of activities, my neighbors 80 yr old dad helps them with physical tasks such as landscaping and shovelling snow, they actually don't wan't to live with their kids and value the independence.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Wish it were like that for desis and asians as well. maybe then daughters would be worth more, and less gender based abortions and female infanticide which unfortunately still happens in asia.
reduction in female infanticide because of the daughters becoming one of the potential future carers.
you remove the dowry system and see the difference
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
So basically we leave our parents and so should he. So no one should be living with their parents. All parents should stay alone. Just like the white folks. Don't worry Bella, we're almost there. Just give it another generation or so.
so you think white folks are really sad and desi parents are super happy? i have seen many white folks living independently in their homes and dont want to live with their children at all. indpendent doesn't mean lonely or unhappy. but the point in this thread wasn't even that, it was simply why must girls leave their parents but not guys at the time of wedding. many times guys on this fourm have said leaving parents means abandoning them, so im wondering if its abandoning when daughter leaves them after her wedding.
Do you really think old white folks enjoy their independence at old age? I'm talking about 80+ yrs old. I know of so many people, i volunteered for a while at an old home/nursing home. Every single person there...literally every single one wished their kids visited more often/they were closer to their kids/living with their kids. And these people were dumped in old homes after their independent years....once their kids felt they couldn't be left alone, they were dropped off at the nursing home. Sure you make friendships there, and they have loads of activities geared towards older folk...but none of that compares to their reaction when their kids/grandkids come and visit them. It's so incredibly saddening. Just thinking of myself...i can't imagine being surrounded by strangers when i'm lonely and old. Nuts.
Asian culture has loads of messed up factors...but i can't label the closeness/care of family that we have as something "bad". We are on a path that will eventually stop discriminating between men and women when it comes to taking care of parents...if you disregard culture completely, Islam doesn't mention male or female when talking abt care of parents.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I am curious to know what people think of 'ghar damaad' or a girl's parents living with her in her husbands home when shes married. why is it so common in our society for a woman to leave her parents at marriage but not expected the same for a guy?
becuase the girls helps/forces the guy to leave his parents' home after the shadi anyway :D hisaab baraabar
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
If you want your husband to move in with your parents, just ask him. Let's not give these men any ideas that somehow it's cool to stay with the girl's parents post marriage.
Girls move out because they're designed to be homemakers. We make our homes with our partners, have an attachment with that new home where we become mothers. We can do that almost anywhere because the most powerful emotion we feel is that of the motherhood, trumps those we feel as a daughter. So ultimately, who is better designed to be on the move, emotional and otherwise, men or women? Of course there are exceptions, like The Theorist.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Do you think theres a possibility that, notwithstanding the societal/cultural dogmas, women might be abhorred by the idea of husbands moving in with them in their parents house?
So basically we leave our parents and so should he. So no one should be living with their parents. All parents should stay alone. Just like the white folks. Don't worry Bella, we're almost there. Just give it another generation or so.
No one said anything about leaving parents alone. The problem is this expedition that the wife must live with the inlaws or that her susraal is her permanent home. It doesn't matter whether her own parents need her or not. How is this fair? No matter what a woman does, it is never appreciated because it is all considered her duty to obey her husband and help him take care of his parents even if this means neglecting the needs of her own parents.