I am curious to know what people think of ‘ghar damaad’ or a girl’s parents living with her in her husbands home when shes married. why is it so common in our society for a woman to leave her parents at marriage but not expected the same for a guy?
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
When I was younger I used to think that because girls are generally more emotional, I would convince my future husband that I couldn't live without my parents because it would be more difficult for me than for him, so he'd have to move in with me! Lol
Didn't happen!
I don't know why Pak culture is like this and I find it really annoying! Very good question you've posted!
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
When I was younger I used to think that because girls are generally more emotional, I would convince my future husband that I couldn't live without my parents because it would be more difficult for me than for him, so he'd have to move in with me! Lol
Didn't happen!
I don't know why Pak culture is like this and I find it really annoying! Very good question you've posted!
i never understood this mentality either. i never understood why a brides mother cries her eyes out at her wedding out of sadness that she would be leaving her. why should a girl's parents hand her over to her inlaws? i understand her belonging to her husband and he should belong to her but its not that, she actually belongs to the susraal now. any reasoning behind this?
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
The best thing is for them to move into their own place and create their own little world.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Why would you want a hairy , smelly , half naked , perverted intentioned guy roaming around in your house ??
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I am curious to know what people think of 'ghar damaad' or a girl's parents living with her in her husbands home when shes married. why is it so common in our society for a woman to leave her parents at marriage but not expected the same for a guy?
I don't like the notion of a girl "leaving her parents"...it's not like the rishta is severed..you're building a new life together with your husband, not abandoning your family. Now if your point is about joint family living arrangements and the couple not maintaining their own residence after the shaadi, that's a whole different topic.
Personally, I wouldn't want to live with my parents immediately after marriage...it seems to me like it would get in the way of the couple bonding and building their own lives together. The privacy factor alone....it would be super awkward lol!!!
In fact, I once had a big fight with my ammi after my twins were born (prematurely)because my husband and I turned down her suggestion of us leaving our home to move with her and my stepdad temporarily so that I would have help around the clock. I totally sided with my husband on that. I wanted to stay in my own space, under my own roof. I appreciated the concern and gesture, but it just felt wierd to think about living in their house...like I'd be caught between my mom and my husband, even though they were super close.
But to answer your other question, when we got married, my husband invited my father to come live with us (my parents were divorced, mother remarried father never had). My papa flat out refused.
Many years later, health reasons (triple bypass surgery) and early retirement made it necessary for my father to move in with us for 8 months before he moved to Pakistan for good. My husband has never distinguished between my parents or his. Our home is their home, his mother /my parents...equal responsibility for us both. Even my MIL would say to me "Apnay Papa ko bulao rehnay ke liye".
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
it's not that the rishta is severed but susraal is supposed to get priority as that's the girls new 'home' and must live according to their rules. and also, it seems that its only a guys responsibility to take care of his parents. why isn't it the daughters responsibility as well? if a guy leaves his parents home after marriage, it's considered that hes not taking care of them and leaving them 'alone'. so why is it okay for girls to leave their parents after marriage? just trying to find logical reasoning behind this.
why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
^ again, I think a majority of what you're describing is indicative more of joint family living. There are a lot of families where the son lives separately and is not thought to have abandoned his parents. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all answer to your question.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
^ again, I think a majority of what you're describing is indicative more of joint family living. There are a lot of families where the son lives separately and is not thought to have abandoned his parents. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all answer to your question.
actually, most desis in US that i have seen, rarely live in joint family. and that too because the son cannot afford to buy his own place yet so its just temporary. i m mainly talking about pakistani culture in general where girls after rukhsati go to their susraal. they become part of the susraal's family and live there. not that she is severed from her own family but susraal is her new home. just wondering why its not so common for a guy to move into girls parents after rukhsati. not saying its right or wrong, just wondering what the logic is behind a son having to live with parents but its not usually the case for a girl. i would think its a girls responsibility to care of her parents too.
why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Because in traditional gender roles (and this is not exclusive to pakistan or desis) men are the providers/head of the household and women are under their protection, thus the women makes her place in her husbands home, not vice versa. Like even in the animal world, the male is the protector/leader of the pack, right?
Now going back to desi/Pakistani culture...you have societal norms which in most cases, has the girl adjusting to joint family living arrangements.
I still have to disagree with you though about the expectation that a girl has to abdicate her responsibility to her parents...what ghairatmand husband would expect that? Just because she doesn't physically live with her parents doesn't mean a wife has to give up on supporting them if they'd need it.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
i am ready to be ruKhsatified lol...any takers? :p
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
^ Only if you promise that ull cry on "babul ki duaeen laitey ja..." , some girl will say yes
and on OP, i am sure many guys are willing to become ghar damad but they are afraid of taney from inlaws that "tumhara miaan kam danda keyun nahi kerta? ghar main keyun para hai" - Girls wont like it either.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
Because in traditional gender roles (and this is not exclusive to pakistan or desis) men are the providers/head of the household and women are under their protection, thus the women makes her place in her husbands home, not vice versa. Like even in the animal world, the male is the protector/leader of the pack, right?
Now going back to desi/Pakistani culture...you have societal norms which in most cases, has the girl adjusting to joint family living arrangements.
I still have to disagree with you though about the expectation that a girl has to abdicate her responsibility to her parents...what ghairatmand husband would expect that? Just because she doesn't physically live with her parents doesn't mean a wife has to give up on supporting them if they'd need it.
I am not saying that men shoudn't be the breadwinners or protectors, and i do believe it's a mans responsibility to provide for his wife and kids. but it just seems that a man leaving his parents home is considered abandonment by many folks. many desi parents assume the son should continue to live with them even when he gets married, but the same is not considered for a daughter.you might think differently but unfortunately, its still widespread in desi culture.
i feel like this is the reason sons are valued more than daughters.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
^ Only if you promise that ull cry on "babul ki duaeen laitey ja..." , some girl will say yes
and on OP, i am sure many guys are willing to become ghar damad but they are afraid of taney from inlaws that "tumhara miaan kam danda keyun nahi kerta? ghar main keyun para hai" - Girls wont like it either.
he should work. living with inlaws is no excuse to not work. but i know 'ghar damaad' isn't considered a positive thing. would be nice for guys to be rukhsatified.:D maybe then they will realize how hard it is for women to do the same.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn’t?
I asked my wife so many time k now your father is getting old, let me be his ghar damad and take over business but I am not sure why she always rejects the proposal outright. 
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
It is the norm in Pakistan for a girl to abdicate responsibility to her parents. How much time she spends with her parents Is dictated by the inlaws
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
It is the norm in Pakistan for a girl to abdicate responsibility to her parents. How much time she spends with her parents Is dictated by the inlaws
this is what i dont understand, really makes no sense. im guessing this is why people want sons more than daughters in Asia. not just pakistan but in india, china aswell.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I know quite a few scenarios where men moved in with their wives/in-laws or the in-laws moved in with daughter and son-in-law. They did not get any tanas and are living a happy married life. The son-in-laws were working/had businesses, etc. They were not counting on the in laws to financially support them.
Most of them are in Pakistan.
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I know quite a few scenarios where men moved in with their wives/in-laws or the in-laws moved in with daughter and son-in-law. They did not get any tanas and are living a happy married life. The son-in-laws were working/had businesses, etc. They were not counting on the in laws to financially support them. Most of them are in Pakistan.
im sure it happens, but it's not the norm
Re: why should a girl leave her parents home but guys shouldn't?
I know quite a few scenarios where men moved in with their wives/in-laws or the in-laws moved in with daughter and son-in-law. They did not get any tanas and are living a happy married life. The son-in-laws were working/had businesses, etc. They were not counting on the in laws to financially support them. Most of them are in Pakistan.
I know of one such person, he bought his own place and her in laws moved in with them, while his mother, who is widow, lives alone.