Well a lot of people fall prey to these traditions because they feel if they don't do as much as other people, then others will talk. I'm not justifying it but there are beliefs specially among the older generations.
Also, once there is a 'baat paki' and the in-laws demand these things during the wedding preparations, many families feel that they have to give in otherwise the inlaws will treat their daughter badly. Which I have heard of numerous times, even after families go in debt tryign to get things for the girl's inlaws she gets taunted that she didn't bring enough from her family. THIS DOES NOT ONLY HAPPEN IN VILLAGES AND ON TV!
You do feel bad for the families and I'm sure there are a lot of people on GS that either have inlaws like this or are the ones perpetrating thing.
On a personal note, I once had an argument with my husband because he said he's going to help out with his sister's wedding and believes it is his responsibility to cover half of the costs. Not only that but then he said, if he didn't have any money, he would take a loan out, and if his dad didn't have money he would also take a loan out. Ugh! It doesn't finish here. Then he says, when she gets married, 'dad is going to furnish her whole house /apt, get her everything she may need in the house, etc.' This was coming from the man that had said, during our wedding prep, that he doesn't want my parents giving any jahez and said if you want to get some clothes or jewelry made for right after the wedding thats fine, but make sure u tell them not to get any furniture, china, electronics, etc. for our place. Ofcourse my parents did want to get things so there was eventually a compromise. But then I told him it is ridiculous for you to think that way. If your dad wants to get her allll those things out of love and happiness that's fine as long as he doesn't go into debt! and then i said 'its people like u and ur dad that these stupid traditions still continue in our society.' bla bla, it was a long argument. but it was never ending because then his rebuttal was that she might get married into a family that expects all this to be done. and then i said** 'well then dont marry into a family that has these expectations.
**
so the argument continues. however, one thing i learned from it was if u want these traditions to stop, you first have to start with urself and ur immediate family.
sooo true..a family friend just got married..and she is the only daughter. The father thought why not buy buy everything the girl may need for the next 100 years...right.
Well they spent close to 50 lakhs on her wedding thinking the Inlaws are going to be stunned and give their daughter respect...
well.....she gets married, an entire new portion of the house in redesigned just for the couple at the Inlaws request...paid for by the girl's father...its literally stuffed with everything you can imagine...
The house has 4 bathrooms..and guess where the MIL deciedes to put the brand new washing machine? yeah thats right..in the newly weds' bathroom.. :)
after an entire year of constant intrusions by the MIL..the DIL finally speaks up...they kick her out..with a new born baby...and say "the washing machine will stay..YOU go back"
she still remains at her parents house..the husband comes and visits her and the baby..some man huh...
so in the end...'things' will not matter..you may buy the entire liberty market..if the people you get are not good...how can we expect the things to make a marriage work??
so sumo...i agree with that point...try to find people who you KNOW will not be of such mentality...