Re: Why oh why!
Well said.
Re: Why oh why!
Snap !
Re: Why oh why!
its better to be perceived as classy and educated anyway, than have your daughter and her wedding put up for show..just to let the people know how much you had
note
those who can legally afford 8 days of ridiculous pomp are excused...i am talking about the obvious hoarders and their fellow hoarders out to gobble each other.
omyGOD! loli and others... i am sorry but i have to vent!
What the hell is wrong with people in Pakistan!!! After reading these threads over the past 2 years on GS, AND hearing about such stories in real life has got me convinced that the nation is immensely consumed by GREED! Both males and females of all ages!!!! Brides are wanting/demanding/expecting baris and jehez, Grooms are not far behind, In-Laws just seem possessed to me. Geeez! Real life stories are revolving in the community AND YET no one claims that they are doing something wrong.
TO all the future grooms!! YOU, the HUSBANDS are responsible for providing the cars, the bedroom set, the china, the misc furniture, anything and everything that YOU and YOUR wife will need after you are married...even the needle/thread required for fixing your "loose button" goodness! how can you men sleep at night thinking that bed you are laying on was paid by some senior citizen's life savings!!!
Girls! Buy what you NEED and can afford! quit browsing/copying other brides! buy the outfits and jewels you know will wear, and will not be a burden physically and financially! what will you do with 101010101010 outfits?? just buy things as you need? its ridiculous to buy EVERYTHING at once!
InLaws Ok, we know you are possessed, but try to be nice..and leave the newly weds alone for sometime, let them adjust to each other, who knows people may not complain...and like you for once..gasp And please, let your son feel how it is to be a responsible, mature man, a wife is a blessing, be happy when he respects the woman....and quit poking her like she is some sort of a circus animal.
Cousins No, sorry no can do. Go get your own.
AMEN TO THAT SISTAH
This is how we have weddings in our family and how i would love to have mine!
Same here, in my family we have very small mehndi with close famiy and friends only. Barat hosted y girls side and walima hosted by the guys side. Simple, small and elegant.
I agree with everything Chanda said, and I keep telling everyone, dont make too many clothes for me, I will get them as needed. Why is it so hard for people to understand this concept aghhh!
This is how we have weddings in our family and how i would love to have mine!
But there is pressure from society in general to make it bigger and better and more flashy, so people dont see us as 'poor' even though we come from a well do to family.
alvena you will have to put your foot down and do the right thing!
*we had our nikah in lhr (for hub's family) and a reception in US for mine.
apart from that...my dholki in lhr was strictly family..and the mehndi here was at home with the family... :)
if our families lived on the same continent i would have opted for nikah/rukhsati (one day) and walima...(mehndi at home with family and close friends only)
Re: Why oh why!
Ok how about asking for Jehez The Season on DVD of Stargate SGI?
:k:
i like that!
Ok how about asking for Jehez The Season on DVD of Stargate SGI?
you can get that for your bday!
Re: Why oh why!
an advice can go so far..
if all we do is talk about it, the issue will remain..it would be ideal if the future brides AND grooms form a pact to NOT accept and exchange gifts, jahez/bari...for the sake of everyone..i hate to see the married couples fighting over what they got and did not get..
once you are married..buy whatever you want...for now, focus on feeding the guests you have invited..and guard your dignity by standing up for what is RIGHT!
I am sure, if we focus on only the wedding day (and not the stupid rasams) people can have their children married off earlier, because they dont need to accumulate twice,three times.. as much money to fulfill the unnecessary demands and rasams...
Well said Chanda! you took the words right out of my mouth! i read these threads and i get upset at girls willing to put up with this drama! how can you put up with your in-laws giving you a LIST of relatives that need to be given gifts??? 
and what’s up with these mama’s boys who can’t take a stand for what’s fair and refuse to listen to anything about their family! denial won’t get them anywhere! and why do they expect their wives to bring a truck load of goodies??? if you can’t afford a bedroom set and household appliances for your house, i don’t think you should be getting married…these practices are just so DEGRADING to girls and their parents!! girls really need to put their foot down and realize their self-worth!
and girls shouldn’t be losing sleep on a ‘cheap’ bari…of course it’s nice to have pretty outfits but a ‘cheap’ bari isn’t worth getting mad over! a bari shouldn’t even be given in the first place! why make 30 outfits for a wedding only to have them rot in the closet coz you’d rather make new outfits as fashion changes!
Re: Why oh why!
with the direction its going i think it's better suited here.
i agree chanda.....what annoys me is especially when bride to be dictates in relation to the walima side of things what she specifically wants etc etc i.e lengha from this designer, it should be on this date etc etc. some brides can be really controlling which leaves a sour taste in the in laws mouth. It should be a compromise not a dictation! some in laws are genuine in terms of allowing the bride to choose her clothes etc, but this shud be done within limits and caution.
Girls! Buy what you NEED and can afford! quit browsing/copying other brides! buy the outfits and jewels you know will wear, and will not be a burden physically and financially! what will you do with 101010101010 outfits?? just buy things as you need? its ridiculous to buy EVERYTHING at once!
.
Good one chanda. This is what I have been thinking off. Why buy everything at once. Im buying a little stuff and will get stuff later as i need it. I managed to get my Valima dress in a price range that everyone thought was not possible. and I plan to wear it later on too since im having trouser with it. Im not just buying stuff. Im thinking to get the only stuff that I actually need.
The money that we tend to waste on our weddings can be used to get many poor girls married in Pakistan.
Re: Why oh why!
Well a lot of people fall prey to these traditions because they feel if they don't do as much as other people, then others will talk. I'm not justifying it but there are beliefs specially among the older generations.
Also, once there is a 'baat paki' and the in-laws demand these things during the wedding preparations, many families feel that they have to give in otherwise the inlaws will treat their daughter badly. Which I have heard of numerous times, even after families go in debt tryign to get things for the girl's inlaws she gets taunted that she didn't bring enough from her family. THIS DOES NOT ONLY HAPPEN IN VILLAGES AND ON TV!
You do feel bad for the families and I'm sure there are a lot of people on GS that either have inlaws like this or are the ones perpetrating thing.
On a personal note, I once had an argument with my husband because he said he's going to help out with his sister's wedding and believes it is his responsibility to cover half of the costs. Not only that but then he said, if he didn't have any money, he would take a loan out, and if his dad didn't have money he would also take a loan out. Ugh! It doesn't finish here. Then he says, when she gets married, 'dad is going to furnish her whole house /apt, get her everything she may need in the house, etc.' This was coming from the man that had said, during our wedding prep, that he doesn't want my parents giving any jahez and said if you want to get some clothes or jewelry made for right after the wedding thats fine, but make sure u tell them not to get any furniture, china, electronics, etc. for our place. Ofcourse my parents did want to get things so there was eventually a compromise. But then I told him it is ridiculous for you to think that way. If your dad wants to get her allll those things out of love and happiness that's fine as long as he doesn't go into debt! and then i said 'its people like u and ur dad that these stupid traditions still continue in our society.' bla bla, it was a long argument. but it was never ending because then his rebuttal was that she might get married into a family that expects all this to be done. and then i said 'well then dont marry into a family that has these expectations.
so the argument continues. however, one thing i learned from it was if u want these traditions to stop, you first have to start with urself and ur immediate family.
Re: Why oh why!
Sumo, exactly..i think we should all sit together and talk to our parents and our in-laws! i believe in a healthy confrontation...laid back and all.....let them know, that we dont want to be slaves to such ridiculous traditions! we...the couple...dont need anything from you...having a nice wedding is itself enough and wonderful.......if his taya's daughter doesnt get a bareeze suit i am sure her parents can buy her one.
Re: Why oh why!
I agree! me and you have had these conversations before. I think that the most important thing is to maintain the intimacy and feel of unity among family and loved ones in a wedding .it just cant be done with 59873985498 wedding receptions. then it becomes a joke.
stop copying bridal outfits. i understand inspiration from regular formals or something. but shaadi outfit copies? enough is enough. be innovative. we are all blessed with creative minds choose something on your own!
i agree chanda.....what annoys me is especially when bride to be dictates in relation to the walima side of things what she specifically wants etc etc i.e lengha from this designer, it should be on this date etc etc. some brides can be really controlling which leaves a sour taste in the in laws mouth. It should be a compromise not a dictation! some in laws are genuine in terms of allowing the bride to choose her clothes etc, but this shud be done within limits and caution.
i totally agree! how could people be so demanding? its disgusting.