Why Do men do this??????

[PyariCgudia]

I am a british gal married to a guy from back home and its soo hard! our thinking and outlook is so different. It was especially hard in the first few years but getting easier now I think. The point I'm trying to make is that although western girls marry guys from Pak too its much harder then when western guys marry girls from back home....my hubby agrees with me (at least we agree on something!). Also lots of horrer stories out there about guys from Pakistan just marrying girls from Uk for visas and dumping them just after they get their stay, sometimes they don't even care about the children. Its sickening. At some point parents will realise marrying their children (especially daughters ) to people from back home is a bad idea on so many levels.

I think families don't have any shauk to get their damads from Pakistan. If the guys here are refusing to marry American born women then the American born women have no choice but to also look to Pakistan for rishtas.

[farrah]

i could never understand ppl complaining that they cant find someone. In the same family in the same city a few cousins find good matches and get married while other cousin complains that no good matches are around. Same for friends, in a group of friends some find good matches and others cant seem to do that. same socioeconomic backgrounds, similar social circles, same city.

I am not sure what it is whether it is something to do with the person, or unrealistic demands. why is that in you folks view?

and humans are potatoes ... everybody should find a partner in the same sack!
if somebody cannot, why is it an issue? and perhaps he/she doesnt have unrealistic or whatever demands, its just about finding a click ... and you cant enforce a click! sometimes you find a partner in the most odd setting ... and that is perfectly natural.
born in one pond .. you may or may not have a feeling with it ....

[Monk]

@NJMasti

then he might consider you over that virgin b*tch back home

are you saying girl abroad are not… tobah tobah :nono:

[Monk]

:)

hmmmmm
after reading "that" blog i am deleting my response.
Pehly hi log gussy meen heen.

[redvelvet]

hmmmm i did not mean character as in chastity. I mean girls out side of pak are half baked gories. I mean come, make up your mind first. Jab shadi kerni to paki ban jateen heen... shadi ky baad gori ban ky husband ko screw kerti ho....

BTW I wish ever girl was like you. PS but they aren't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PCG I am going to open an other thread... where I will explain how the supposedly white behavior you chicks picked up is only found in low-level goras.

I cant be more mean. I am out of this thread. :)

PM Sahib,

Zaahir si baat hai k jis mulk main koi pala bara hai....us environment ka thora bahut influence to hoga insaan par.

I mean DUH, that's a no-brainer. Did you really think that girls who are born outside of Pakistan are going to always wear shalwar kameez when they're outside and have the same body language and mannerisms and view points as girls who live in Pak? That's ridiculous.

It all depends upon the environment that one is raised in. If you have been born and raised in the west.........your way of thinking, dressing, sense of humor will have a bit of western influence in it. Not necessarily 100%, but some.

And there are many people (men and women) in Pakistan who are influenced by the west. I grew up in the Middle East.......and them moved to the US. And I have also noticed that there is a difference b/w desi girls in the Middle East and the ones in Pak.

Apart from writing posts that usually make little sense, you also have a habit of stereotyping and generalizing women. I can tell you from experience........and trust me...........I've been to Pakistan MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY times......used to go every summer as a kid/teen. And I've noticed (and my mom to a certain extent as well) that even some of the girls who live in the smallest cities of Pakistan can be more chalaak/taiz/do qadam aagay than girls brought up in the US.

Notice that I said "SOME" girls that are born and raised in Pak are like that. I'm not stereotyping the whole lot of them. A person's character depends upon their environment, how their parents raised them, education, experiences, etc.

As far as ABCD girls acting more "desi" during rishta visits.............if you mean that they act polite and reserved and calm..........do keep in mind that most people act polite and formal in the presence of guests......and one would naturally be reserved around strangers....especially in the daunting rishta scenario.

There are girls in the West, who wear western clothes and desi clothes, who appreciate and cook meals from both cultures, who celebrate their culture, and who try to follow their religion to the best of their ability. Nobody is perfect. They have the best of both worlds. Why should one have to make up their mind? A woman living in Pak has only had to deal with the culture and expectations and lifestyle of Pakistan. Whereas a woman born and raised in the US will blend both cultures. It's human nature.......we tend to assimilate/accommodate to our environment.

However, maybe I'm being too harsh. You've improved a little bit. Before you used to bash ALL women. And now you're showing some appreciation for at least ONE GROUP of women: those that live in Pak. So, maybe you should marry a girl from Pak. If anything, it might lead to better-informed posts about our gender, in general.

[Monk]

Re: Why Do men do this???

not fair
not fair

I deleted that…
low blow
low blow

playstation; pcg
playtation2: psq
playstation3: Redness

[Monk]

Re: Why Do men do this???

RV thanks for telling about your background I always wanted to know you better

[X2]

and humans are potatoes ... everybody should find a partner in the same sack!

..and by that token wherever someone wants to find a match is upto that individual, even if it is a guy who wants a girl from the old country..

if somebody cannot, why is it an issue? and perhaps he/she doesnt have unrealistic or whatever demands, its just about finding a click ... and you cant enforce a click! sometimes you find a partner in the most odd setting ... and that is perfectly natural. born in one pond .. you may or may not have a feeling with it ....

its no issue, shouldn't be, thats all that I am pointing at.

not finding someone they click with does not mean that the community or choices are not good, but that is how it is portrayed that choices out there are rubbish.

Basically, ppl go around saying stuff and sometimes it can be pretty irresponsible. In my own observation, I have seen a dude rip on girls in a city about being geeks and losers or just loose and easy, and his cousin shut him up saying, so since my wife is from here, what is it that you are saying.

was an interesting moment to witness.

[Reha]

@Monk

hmmmmm
after reading “that” blog i am deleting my response.
Pehly hi log gussy meen heen.

Uffo, no ghussa at all. I just get a little wound up on this topic.

@Monk

not fair
not fair

I deleted that…
low blow
low blow

playstation; pcg
playtation2: psq
playstation3: Redness

Awww, chalo koi baat nahin! Lets all have some chocolate and let it go!

@redvelvet

PM Sahib,

Zaahir si baat hai k jis mulk main koi pala bara hai…us environment ka thora bahut influence to hoga insaan par.

I mean DUH, that’s a no-brainer. Did you really think that girls who are born outside of Pakistan are going to always wear shalwar kameez when they’re outside and have the same body language and mannerisms and view points as girls who live in Pak? That’s ridiculous.

It all depends upon the environment that one is raised in. If you have been born and raised in the west…your way of thinking, dressing, sense of humor will have a bit of western influence in it. Not necessarily 100%, but some.

And there are many people (men and women) in Pakistan who are influenced by the west. I grew up in the Middle East…and them moved to the US. And I have also noticed that there is a difference b/w desi girls in the Middle East and the ones in Pak.

Apart from writing posts that usually make little sense, you also have a habit of stereotyping and generalizing women. I can tell you from experience…and trust me…I’ve been to Pakistan MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY times…used to go every summer as a kid/teen. And I’ve noticed (and my mom to a certain extent as well) that even some of the girls who live in the smallest cities of Pakistan can be more chalaak/taiz/do qadam aagay than girls brought up in the US.

Notice that I said “SOME” girls that are born and raised in Pak are like that. I’m not stereotyping the whole lot of them. A person’s character depends upon their environment, how their parents raised them, education, experiences, etc.

As far as ABCD girls acting more “desi” during rishta visits…if you mean that they act polite and reserved and calm…do keep in mind that most people act polite and formal in the presence of guests…and one would naturally be reserved around strangers…especially in the daunting rishta scenario.

There are girls in the West, who wear western clothes and desi clothes, who appreciate and cook meals from both cultures, who celebrate their culture, and who try to follow their religion to the best of their ability. Nobody is perfect. They have the best of both worlds. Why should one have to make up their mind? A woman living in Pak has only had to deal with the culture and expectations and lifestyle of Pakistan. Whereas a woman born and raised in the US will blend both cultures. It’s human nature…we tend to assimilate/accommodate to our environment.

However, maybe I’m being too harsh. You’ve improved a little bit. Before you used to bash ALL women. And now you’re showing some appreciation for at least ONE GROUP of women: those that live in Pak. So, maybe you should marry a girl from Pak. If anything, it might lead to better-informed posts about our gender, in general.

This is what I meant to say but can never say it as pretty as above…lol.

[Hassan007]

I am Canadian born and bred desi fellow. And i am very well settled in my career and you know personally i am not in favour of importing brides from Pakistan when there are very good educated girls in America or Canada. I've had many bad experiences with all that relationship crap and didn't work out for me personally. Not because i am was not ready to get married but circumstances didn't allow me to go further with two girls i knew in different stages. Anyway, i am 26 years old guy and still think i should take couple more years to enjoy my freedom with friends, traveling etc. (All in the boundary) and leave it up to my parents to find me somebody from here in North America. Now the question is why men here in North America marry girls from Pakistan? Personal preference, because their parents want someone from Pakistan etc. I also recognize the fact that there is increasing difficulty looking for "good guy" for their daughter and could be quiet frustrating for girls as well. I just pray that may Allah help those sisters and brothers likewise in need to match up with their perspective accordingly.

[snowy_winter]

I agree. Many desi guys, whether raised in Pak or in the west want a good (read: compliant) girl to marry. They are fearful of independent and self-sufficient women.

Western women are much more self-sufficient than their desi counterparts (this is not to be taken as an insult, I just happen to think that its very true). **Because even if a gal is raised in the west in a very closed family, there arent the maids, the services etc that gals in Pak are accostomed to, they have to do much more for themselves. **They are also encouraged by the publc school system to become independent thinkers, to want and to strive for a life that they want for themselves. Personal thinking as opposed to collective or extended family thinking. Some guys are very fearful of women who know wht they want and how to get it.

I think the logic of desi girls abroad is threefold:

1. That pakistanis girls are rusbbish
2. That desi girls born/raised abroad are the best thing under the sun
3. That desi guys abroad who marry pakistani girls from back home are stupid because they are leaving the coolest thing under the sun to marry a much "inferior" girl from pakistan

As an afterthought, don't you think if marrying a girl from back home was SUCH a huge mistake then after decades of this practice, we would have learned otherwise ?

[tammy8604]

People don't care for the bigger picture when they think about marriage. Why should one care what is gonna happen to all the desi american girls when they can find a better wife from Pakistan?
So many times its EASIER to get a girl from pakistan because they aren't so picky about alot of things. They are just happy that they get to move to US, they don't care much about the salary. American girls wouldn't marry someone who earns less than them.
And these super rich girls from pakistan actually DON"T go for American desi guys at all. They are too spoiled and the luxury they have here is somethign they can't get in america. I have seen so many filthy rich peple here and trust me, NOT a single one of them wants to move to america and live like normal people who have to do their own dishes.
Usually these american desi guys go for middle class girls who don't have so much nakhra, and would appreciate the fact that their whole life will be changed in America. If they don't marry these guys, they will be stuck in pakistan forever.
What is so wrong if these girls are getting a chance to turn their life around?

[ajuba]

Yes its true girls from Pak are less picky about the guy if he is from the west because they just see the oportunity to go to America/Uk/France etc. HOWEVER, when they actually get her and see their SILs and other western born desi girls having lots of independence, not lving with in-laws etc these Paki girls change big time. They want all that and they will turn nasty/chalaak etc to get it. I have seen it many times.
So the guys out there (and their mums) who think its a easy option to get a bride from Pak should open their eyes to what's going on out there otherwise their in for a big shock (they deserve it any way for trying to take the easy option).
At the same time I realise that many brides that come over from Pak do get exploited big time by in-laws/husband etc. They get treated like a slave while their single SILs get treated like princesses and don't lift a finger. So in a way you can't blame the Paki girls for wanting more independence etc as they're only human and want to have a good life too.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Why Do men do this??????

Situations vary. Anyone assuming that a marriage from a girl backhome will automatically be a resounding success is simply foolish. Those people in Pakistan are living in a dump because THEY created that dump and THEY keep feeding the dump. Always remember that.

These are people who:
Don't care about citizenship
Don't care about cleanliness - I mean look at their friggin cities.
Don't care to be good to one another - they are so unjust to each other
And I think most of all: Value show-baazi over honesty, and goodness towards one another.

So, yeah you might find a girl who is looking to turn around her life and she'll do a lot of GOOD if she comes here.

You might also find the girl who is interested in a guy with a big bank balance and nice house in the US, and she cares more about accumulating dishwear for her kitchen and throwing lavish parties for the community, and showing off about her new BMW or diamond necklace. (Most of the "aunties" who were married and bought over here)

In fact, you want to see how wonderful Pakistani born women are - just look at the aunties in your neighborhood?

Annoying?
Greedy?
Hypocritical?
Unable to adjust to American society?
More concerned about getting that new Correll set before Aunti Flo next door gets it?
Competetive?
Teaching the wrong values to their kids (oh please, beta, go out there, and have lots of sex and impregnate girls and we'll just marry you to your innocent cousin from Pindi when you turn 30)

Yeah, these were all the "village bells" bought over by the previous generation.

Learn from history, boys....

You want to be married to a future "aunty" , go ahead. Be my guest.

[farrah]

@X2

..and by that token wherever someone wants to find a match is upto that individual, even if it is a guy who wants a girl from the old country..

** its no issue, shouldn’t be, thats all that I am pointing at.**

not finding someone they click with does not mean that the community or choices are not good, but that is how it is portrayed that choices out there are rubbish.
**
Basically, ppl go around saying stuff and sometimes it can be pretty irresponsible.** In my own observation, I have seen a dude rip on girls in a city about being geeks and losers or just loose and easy, and his cousin shut him up saying, so since my wife is from here, what is it that you are saying.

was an interesting moment to witness.

@ajuba

Yes its true girls from Pak are less picky about the guy if he is from the west because they just see the oportunity to go to America/Uk/France etc. HOWEVER, when they actually get her and see their SILs and other western born desi girls having lots of independence, not lving with in-laws etc these Paki girls change big time. They want all that and they will turn nasty/chalaak etc to get it. I have seen it many times.
So the guys out there (and their mums) who think its a easy option to get a bride from Pak should open their eyes to what’s going on out there otherwise their in for a big shock (they deserve it any way for trying to take the easy option).
** At the same time I realise that many brides that come over from Pak do get exploited big time by in-laws/husband etc. They get treated like a slave while their single SILs get treated like princesses and don’t lift a finger. So in a way you can’t blame the Paki girls for wanting more independence etc as they’re only human and want to have a good life too.**

thank you for seeing both sides … many middle class girls also dont want to get married to a guy from abroad … like a cousin of mine … the prospect of leaving family and going so far away is not an easy digestion for many … so everybody is not so keen on going abroad regardless of the mess they are in …

@PyariCgudia

Situations vary. Anyone assuming that a marriage from a girl backhome will automatically be a resounding success is simply foolish. Those people in Pakistan are living in a dump because THEY created that dump and THEY keep feeding the dump. Always remember that.

These are people who:
Don’t care about citizenship
Don’t care about cleanliness - I mean look at their friggin cities.
Don’t care to be good to one another - they are so unjust to each other
And I think most of all: Value show-baazi over honesty, and goodness towards one another.

So, yeah you might find a girl who is looking to turn around her life and she’ll do a lot of GOOD if she comes here.

You might also find the girl who is interested in a guy with a big bank balance and nice house in the US, and she cares more about accumulating dishwear for her kitchen and throwing lavish parties for the community, and showing off about her new BMW or diamond necklace. (Most of the “aunties” who were married and bought over here)

In fact, you want to see how wonderful Pakistani born women are - just look at the aunties in your neighborhood?

Annoying?
Greedy?
Hypocritical?
Unable to adjust to American society?
More concerned about getting that new Correll set before Aunti Flo next door gets it?
Competetive?
Teaching the wrong values to their kids (oh please, beta, go out there, and have lots of sex and impregnate girls and we’ll just marry you to your innocent cousin from Pindi when you turn 30)

Yeah, these were all the “village bells” bought over by the previous generation.

Learn from history, boys…

You want to be married to a future “aunty” , go ahead. Be my guest.

:no: not again pcg … commits mental suicide not a balanced post unfortunately … leaning heavily towards a single generalization …

[tammy8604]

No one assumes any marriage can be successful, and if they do they are clearly mistaken. Marriage between two ABCD's can endup really badly too depending on the individual. Yes pakistan is a dump pretty much and people want to get out of here. It's so easy for you to keep saying how bad it is, you live outside the dump. Girls who live here can't do much but hope to get married guys from abroad and be able to raise kids there. Everyone dreams for the best.
And this show bazi thing is very much amongst desi american girls too! I have seen them compete with each other over their engagement rings! If one chick gets a 2carat diamond from Tiffany's, she goes around flaunting it. Desi ppl in general show off, not just in pakistan but the ones who grew up in US too. So don't generalize paki girls here when american ones are just as bad.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Why Do men do this??????

Instead of dreaming for some prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet, because Pakistan is SOOOO horrible, why don't you take some of your hard-earned education and intelligence and WORK to make Pakistan a better place? It starts with simple community service around your city.

But, nope. That's not something we desi girls value, right? It's all about - get the man, and then sit back and enjoy.

[Aish]

Re: Why Do men do this??????

^Please try to be charming, I'm trying to find you a man here

GAWSH!

[tammy8604]

Re: Why Do men do this??????

PCG, im just amazed how you think majority of paki girls are show offs whereas you american girls aren't.
ALOT of girls go after guys with alot of money. and thats not just pakistanis, it runs in all cultures, nationilities, and race.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Why Do men do this??????

I definitely think you'll find a higher proportion of girls in the US, at least, who do things outside their homes. Most of the girls I know are active in the community, leaders in their workplace, and do a lot of good for people. But then, community service and leadership and hobbies are very much encouraged in grade school here, so we build that sort of a culture. These are things critical to have no your CV. So, I think if you find a girl from America who was raised here, she'll probably be more experienced with worldy issues than a girl from Pakistan, more accomplished, and therefore more adaptable and flexible and will probably have better people skills. The girls here who are well educated and accomplished KNOW what to say and WHEN to say it.

So less fights with in-laws.

The drama I see in the community here is with girls who are less educated, more "desi" in their mentality, and are often girls who were picked up from back in Pakistan. I know plenty of bahus who are giving problems to their in-laws here, and its their own fault - they got a bride from a culture that they don't even relate to much anymore. So what were they thinking??