i love paki girls and iA i’ll marry one of my four wives from Pakistan 
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
This thread has derailed like many before it. Why does it always turn in to the same old crap about who's better?
This thread has derailed like many before it. Why does it always turn in to the same old crap about who's better?
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i hardly ever post on life or whatever...did i derail? sorry if i did. i didn't mean to :(**
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
^oh no, that wasn't directed at you. just many of the comments/rants insulting the other side and fighting over who is better. and that wasn't even what this thread was about.
Thank god i don't know many people in real life who make such an issue over this. Spouses are chosen for their compatibility and personal attributes and for the most part, they are open to introductions from the West and Pakistan both.
Desi should not get married PERIOD!!!!! OH THE DRAMA :(
:D lol
yeah I knew two people, their reason being for marrying back home because the girls their are "cultured", "home girls", etc vs. girls living abroad who are more independent and speak on their own.
Its just comes down to preference. What you feel comfortable with and if you are willing to understand and get along with the person, REGARDLESS OF THEIR PHDs!!!
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
I think we could all benefit from a bit of open-mindedness. I don't think it's the case that that girls raised in Pakistan are XYZ and Pakistani girls raised in the west are ABC...I think it's a case of people being a bit too picky and narrow minded when it's time to find a spouse for their child. There's nothing wrong with being a bit picky...it's a big decision and should be made carefully. But the pickiness shouldn't be taken to such a point that you miss the big picture for the small details.
For example, Aunty A will bemoan the fact that she can't find a seedhi saadhi ladki for her chanda in her area when there are actually 20 girls who match that description within a 10 mile radius. So what's the problem? The girls aren't fair enough or thin enough or something else enough in Aunty's eyes. Aunty B wants a shareef ladka for her daughter...but will wait until said daughter is 50 years old because even though there are quite a few of those shareef ladkas in the area...none of them are doctors...only lowly engineers and businessmen. Or perhaps one of them is a doctor but he is DIVORCED. The horror!
I know I'm stereotyping a bit right now, but honestly, when I'm at a social gathering, there is almost always at least ONE person going on about how there is NO ONE who is appropriate for her child even though I could easily point out 5 individuals who meet her criteria...but I know she won't consider them because they don't look a certain way, don't make enough, don't have the right profession, don't live in the right type of home, etc. And it's sad because there are tons of great people out there - both in the West and Pakistan - who deserve to be matched up with people just as stellar as they are...but don't get that opportunity because they don't live up to some ultimately pointless expectation.
Oh boy...I think I may have derailed this time. Sorry stoppit.
I think we could all benefit from a bit of open-mindedness. I don't think it's the case that that girls raised in Pakistan are XYZ and Pakistani girls raised in the west are ABC...I think it's a case of people being a bit too picky and narrow minded when it's time to find a spouse for their child. There's nothing wrong with being a bit picky...it's a big decision and should be made carefully. But the pickiness shouldn't be taken to such a point that you miss the big picture for the small details.
For example, Aunty A will bemoan the fact that she can't find a seedhi saadhi ladki for her chanda in her area when there are actually 20 girls who match that description within a 10 mile radius. So what's the problem? The girls aren't fair enough or thin enough or something else enough in Aunty's eyes. Aunty B wants a shareef ladka for her daughter...but will wait until said daughter is 50 years old because even though there are quite a few of those shareef ladkas in the area...none of them are doctors...only lowly engineers and businessmen. Or perhaps one of them is a doctor but he is DIVORCED. The horror!
I know I'm stereotyping a bit right now, but honestly, when I'm at a social gathering, there is almost always at least ONE person going on about how there is NO ONE who is appropriate for her child even though I could easily point out 5 individuals who meet her criteria...but I know she won't consider them because they don't look a certain way, don't make enough, don't have the right profession, don't live in the right type of home, etc. And it's sad because there are tons of great people out there - both in the West and Pakistan - who deserve to be matched up with people just as stellar as they are...but don't get that opportunity because they don't live up to some ultimately pointless expectation.
Oh boy...I think I may have derailed this time. Sorry stoppit.
very well said ... i cldn't have said it better myselffff
^oh no, that wasn't directed at you. just many of the comments/rants insulting the other side and fighting over who is better. and that wasn't even what this thread was about.
Thank god i don't know many people in real life who make such an issue over this. Spouses are chosen for their compatibility and personal attributes and for the most part, they are open to introductions from the West and Pakistan both.
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thank you...i'm a strong believer in sacrifice, understanding and forgiveness, compromise and respect. these are the basic ingredients ofa successful marriage. rest Allah will take care of iA :)**
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
Its simply a trend...it will die with time.
Interestingly over last couple of days i met three men who brought their wives from Pakistan. I noticed that they got a better deal than they would have gotten here, in terms of education and beauty.
Well nice question because I hate those people who bring girls from Pakistan and then for their own daughters they need an American boy such hypocrites. Girls living abroad are far better than desi street smart chawals who only know how to separate a family. And whats their gunnah that boys can't marry US born girls. BIG IDIOTS
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
UZ - LOL at "smart chawals"
life1 is notorious for people ignoring most of what the OP is actually saying/asking.
the girls here might not like to hear it but the simple fact is pakistan has a huge population and pretty, educated girls aren't hard to find these days. something i've become aware of only by going to pakistan on a regular basis.
everyone wants the best offer. to be honest, i know very few girls here, even if they themselves have very little to offer that will go for a grocery store worker. so if said guy can get a decent rishta in pakistan, why won't he?
as for all the girls weebling about who will marry the girls here. those girls usually find a better rishta themselves in pak (than they would here). so everyone is a winner.
everyone in my generation is getting married at the moment (all between 24-30). some to people from pakistan, some to people from the UK.
the only ones having problems are the ones who are closed to many options. like a relative who is a doctor, who will only consider other doctors from the UK and who is uncompromising about changing her life after marriage. i'm not saying she's wrong but obviously if she's narrowed down what she wants so much, it's gonna be hard.
Well not everyone is a winner girls who live here first of all its hard for them to get settled in desi culture and move to Pakistan its totally upside down so they get bashed and mocked and get divorced thats what I saw usually happens. So its not a win win game, seriously I am strictly against those boys who think that girls living abroad are bad they have a slightly different set of mind but boys who are raised here can easily understand that, instead of boys living in Pakistan.
Seriously NJ I know a girl who is a doc but she is soooo “chawal” and desi street smart and she manuplate everything that I cannot take it. So I am not in favor of desi girls from Pakistan sorry
My self esteem and confidence are f’ing fine. I am very happy I made the choices I made with my life, and I think guys and their families have a huge problem with that. They don’t want someone opinionated. They don’t want someone who is secure with her career choice and ACTUALLY IS GOING TO SCHOOL BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO WORK AS OPPOSE TO SPRUCING UP HER MARRIAGE CV. These families know that they will have a hard time getting me to give everything up and sit at home and massage their feet. So yeah, they do go back to Pakistan and find girls who do a great show of appearing meek :k: Some may truly be meek. And some are putting on a mask just to nab the rishtaa. I don’t blame them honestly. Who wants to live in the stinkhole that is Pakistan, these days? Unless you have connections, your life in Pakistan is sheer sh** and these girls KNOW that Pakistani boys are looking for someone who is soft spoken and respectful and blah blah blah. So they know exactly what to do. When someone comes to their home to talk rishtaa business, they appear very little in front of the family, keep their head bowed, and respond with a “haan jee” “aap theek kehti hain, jee” to everything the prospectives say.
I don’t do that. If you’re going to ask my opinion on something, I’ll bloody well give it, and if you didn’t want to hear it, you shouldn’t be asking in the first place.
I am not wanting to get married so that I can be someone’s Godforsaken servant. You want a maasi, go hire someone. I will do housework just as much as anyone else, and I will certainly not to everyone’s work for them. I understand MIL’s have had it tough, and separation from a son is difficult, but I will not be an in-house maid. I want my own space, I want a husband who is a family man, who keeps in touch with the needs of his family (both the old family and the new one), who knows how to maintain respect for his wife within his family, who is gentle in his approach, kind, educated, will bend over backwards for his kids, and fun to be around.
I know exactly what I want, and I know that most of these guys out there, cannot match that description.
So long as the good catches keep going back to Pakistan, all we educated women in America have are the gas station guys and the 711 boys. No thank-you. I am ambitious, and I require that the man I marry have SOME ambition. I CANNOT stand laziness, and a dude who doesn’t even want to spend part time in school working on a degree to better himself can kiss my brown hairy *s.
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
Ok, look, its not really hairy. I wax 
It was just an expression.
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
^ sure
So PCG what man is asking you to change for him? Hm? And if you're content with how you are, why cause needless stress about who the guys are marrying from back home? Who cares what those guys do, they are not YOUR guy . Why work yourself up over them? And if you want things your way, good for you. You'll find a man who likes you for who you are InshAllah.
p.s It's great to stick to our own beliefs and views on life...but in relationships and marriages, we have to be willing to compromise.
Re: Why Boys Marry From Backhome
I stand corrected...
'highly inflated and inflammable egos cause boys and their families to look elsewhere'
So PCG what man is asking you to change for him? Hm? And if you're content with how you are, why cause needless stress about who the guys are marrying from back home? Who cares what those guys do, they are not YOUR guy . Why work yourself up over them? And if you want things your way, good for you. You'll find a man who likes you for who you are InshAllah.
p.s It's great to stick to our own beliefs and views on life...but in relationships and marriages, we have to be willing to compromise.
Obviously, there are a lot of girls like me. Educated (upper level degrees, beyond a bachelors), strong of mind, expecting a DECENT guy (not the run of the mill gas station guy).
Obviously, a lot of decent guys (not the run of the mill gas station guy) are going back to Pakistan because of ingrained FALSE stereotypes of Pakistani girls raised in Pakistan vs. raised in the West.
ERGO, the selection pool for girls like us is fairly limited. Limited by the fact that many Pakistani guys are NOT going for a college education (its pretty rampant here in South Florida honestly, most guys just go to community college and take over their dad's share in a Subway business or they work at gas stations/convenience stores, etc), and further limited by the fact that the guys who are a good match go back to Pakistan to find a girl, and FURTHER LIMITED by the fact that more westernized men will often marry a non-Pakistani (gori, hispanic...notice how African American isn't popular with these people).
So, the pool is VERY limited for girls like us. Hence why a large percent of upper level educated girls are either not getting married, or if they are, they are getting married in families which are not as educated/or roshan khayal (maybe they have degrees, but they still live in the stone age) and are being forced to give up their careers and stay at home.
Some girls, mashallah, get really good matches. Happens often in families that are very restrictive about background matches. For example, she is a specific type of memon and must marry in a specific type of memon. So those pools are limited to begin with and in some situations the more wealthy a girl's family (unfortunately, those are often the girls pursuing upper level degrees), the more easier it is for them to "buy" a guy with a really good dowry. Happened to one of my friends. She is bantwa memon, a type of memon where the guy goes to the family offering the best dowry, and bantwas are known to basically pay for everything down to the guy's home and car and his Rolex watch.
But those populations are small pockets, I think. I don't think most families fall into this category. Could I pursue a like-minded Kutchi Memon guy? Sure. If I look hard enough and if I inform every Kutchi memon family we know to be on the lookout. But I don't want to narrow myself so much, and yeah even though I'd be more comfortable with a guy whose family is from Karachi, doesn't mean I need to restrict myself to a memon because Karachi houses nearly every Pakistani ethnicity. Besides, its a very small population to work from , and I think most Kutchi memons are so streamlined into the main population, that we're often made fun of as "the fake memons" or "kachi (weak) memons".
So there you have it. Is it impossible for me to find a mate? No
But this constant ignorant thinking that girls from America are not worth marrying IS AFFECTING A LOT OF GIRLS. This is not just me getting angry. There are a lot of girls who are not getting good rishtas because all the good rishtas are going back to Pakistan. How many times do you hear of the belle from Pakistan getting married to a Doctor Living In America?
It's a stereotype because its so common now.
Well PCG, I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time I think there is more to it. I mean I grew up in the west and have lived here forever. I am not noticing that trend of men going back home to marry. I mean well-educated men going back home instead of marrying a girl from the US. I don't find girls lacking in good rishtas at all to be quite honest. If you have certain requirements for a guy, and that is what would make you happy, sure why not. After all you have to spend the rest of your life with this person, so he might as well be at the level you want.
At the same time, I wanted to comment on the guys who you think are not well-educated. There are some that are lazy, or don't have the same motivations to get a decent education. At the same time, there are some guys who are unable to pursue a post secondary degree or go to grad school because of their circumstances. Sure some people were able to fight for such an education and did well, but it does not happen for everybody. And maybe such guys are not that educated or don't have the type of careers that you would be looking for , but for some girls they are fine and they end up being decent partners.
I think just as you have a right to want a certain type of guy, those guys who go back home have a right to marry who they think will suit them as a partner. And I know lots of girls from the west who went back home to marry. It all comes down to personal preferance . But I don't think it's right to blame guys for marrying from back in Pakistan. it's their life. They can. I think there are still plenty of guys who do choose to marry girls from here. At the end of the day it's hard to be upset at people who are only doing what they think is best for them.