Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
It takes a hell lot of guts to be the one to start being friendly and social with people. Don’t give up though…you never know you might bump into a very nice person someday.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Unfriendly desis because
- Most of them are shy
- Most of them are brought up with the following: “don’t talk to strangers” .. “don’t smile to people, suljhe people don’t smile randomly” .. “Don’t tell people about yourself” etc.
- Most just don’t make the effort
I love the older generation (well 95 % of them at least) be it desi or white people. There’s just so much to talk with them about.. Love them! But then again, I can strike up a conversation with anyone 
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Thats really rude. UKP
@ obediently
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Pakistanis not being willing to strike up acquaintance with new people isn’t quite what I’ve experienced. But then again I mostly socialize with punjabis from various pinds.
Whenever I’ve moved somewhere, families don’t take long to start inviting each other on chai wai and such. If you pass by someone a few times, salaam dua to hoti hi hay “twadday kaar kithay nain” (which village do you hail from), “oh acha acha falana falana meray chachay di sali da puttar ay” ( yeah, I know this and that person from your village). “Aur?”
Thats how it goes. Sometimes I feel I’m living in rural Pakistan. 
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
mazaak kar raha tha anya..hope you didn’t take offence to my post.. :D.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Is this in US? I’m not stalking you or anything okay.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Its very north of Europe (not UK).
Btw, I wasn’t complaining. I could have moved away from this area a long time ago, if I wasn’t comfortable living here. Perhaps I feel like “home” here. But I work on the opposite side of town, where there are mostly ethnics. So I do get to travel outside of my “Pakistani village”.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Funny thing is people brag about their social get togthers too all the time. It’s all about, did this one invite you to this party? Oh we are invited while saying oh we don’t like to socialize too much. We don’t have time. But they are invited somewhere almost every week. Those who are not feel left out as if they lack something!
And yes, people manage this all with both parents working, kids, kids performing like Einstein and kids going to Sunday school and other allied Islamic activities all while looking super awesome, going to the gym et al . Or maybe I just live among desi superwoman land! Disclaimer: not one of the super desis who can do it all!
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
^ my experience was different.
Families who made frequent social appearances such as weekly dewars - kids didn’t do as well in school. A lot of my friends openly told me that they don’t have the luxury of time to study the way I did.
We rarely went to dawats or friends homes. It was strict in our home - all focused on school.
I dunno. There are pros and cons to both. But I don’t see too many desi superwoman. However in MY generation moms are realizing that HW and grades are important so the same socialites are now on Facebook showing off their kids academic trophies.
Maybe that’s a good trend.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
I guess it was different in our parents’ time. Here I have physicians, specialists no less and other professionals who are also teaching, who somehow manage to drop kids at Sunday school and soccer. Volunteer to organize Pakistan Day kids practices at their house. Have girls night outs and dawats and look fab. And yes, kids are in gifted programs at school or are some kind of high achievers. The ones whose kids are older, it’s not enough that the kids make it to medical school, no they get accepted to the right out of high school accelerated medical programs or the guaranteed pre med programs.
The most social couple in our community ( They are invited to multiple dawats every weekend, sometimes on the same day) both work,lady is an MBA and husband is electrical engineer. They have 3 kids. Their daughter has been spelling bee champion year after year and last year even represented our state and went to Washington DC.
A year back met a mom who has an 8 year old son and she was vague about what she did ( got the impression she was a stay at home mom and nothing wrong with that either). Husband was a Radiologist though. She was saying she was taking a break from work.Met her a few months ago, she was back at work. Turns out she is a cardiologist at a teaching hospital. I met her at a dars and she was telling the dars giver ( a converted Muslim also a doc with a thriving practice and family), how this morning she was telling the same Sudah Rahman tafseer to her son. Kid goes to the top private school in our city too so not lacking in that respect.
I have learnt to do that to kinda. I rarely let go of a dawat when I was working full time 60 hours a week minimum. Same now with school and exams. But I guess it depends on your priorities.
QUOTE=PyariCgudia;10257659]^ my experience was different.
Families who made frequent social appearances such as weekly dewars - kids didn’t do as well in school. A lot of my friends openly told me that they don’t have the luxury of time to study the way I did.
We rarely went to dawats or friends homes. It was strict in our home - all focused on school.
I dunno. There are pros and cons to both. But I don’t see too many desi superwoman. However in MY generation moms are realizing that HW and grades are important so the same socialites are now on Facebook showing off their kids academic trophies.
Maybe that’s a good trend.
[/QUOTE]
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
[/QUOTE]
Ok let me tell you something. I’ve met people like this too. But if you were to know their schedule, they are actually part time employees, not full time. Everyone I know who has this sort of a glam lifestyle - they are doing 3 days a week, half day clinics, etc. The ones who are teaching - teaching is done by noon once rounds are over. Rest of the day you have your pager on and your residents are doing the work for you. Or they’re community voluntary faculty etc who do some work here and there, but aren’t very involved as in their “faculty” position is just part time voluntary work, not a real faculty position.
Don’t sweat it. I knew one such lady but then her brother who was seeking a proposal told me later that she only works 3 half days a week, rest of the time she is at home, and blowing her husbands money.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
When you ACTUALLY work as a doctor saving lives, you do not have time. You actually do not have time. If you HALF **** your work, then sure, you’ll have more time, and that’s why people complain their docs miss things, don’t give them attention, quick in/out meetings, type notes on their computer about you as you talk, etc.
Believe me. People who are working, are really working. They don’t get home at reasonable hours and they aren’t able to throw parties. I can barely keep up with my gym.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
We have the part time ones here too. But a lot are full time too. Not all are doctors. But other professionals have busy lives too. I know one close friend, she is a hospitalist. Her husband is always on her back to be more involved in her kids’ life and have more play dates etc at their home. She cant always because she doesn’t doa 9-5 clinic and may works nights and weekends too. Finally one day she invited them all for a sleepover and was done with it. But she does try to keep up. Everyone is different. One friend disappeared from the face of the Earth when she had a third unplanned baby ( stay at home mom), another one did too when she started to work. I did not while I was working horrible hours but then again, I don’t have the stamina or will to work horrible hours and be happy for an extended period. Nothing wrong with earning less money as long as you are not a burden on anybody. And kudos to those who want to work hard too and have it all as long as you don’t point fingers at the other person. Thing is, whether in the long run you go part time or full time, truth is I am super impressed to see desi women who got professional degrees, know the value of education and are doing the same for their kids. And at the same time take the time out for other fun and non fun stuff too. That did motivate me to get my second masters degree.
One thing though, most are super snooty, vain and materialistic, wouldn’t talk to you unless you live in the right neighborhood. Makes me super mad.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Stay with nice kind people and ignore those types.
I don’t socialize with snobby Pakistani girls. Never bothered. I just focused on other stuff and as a result my resume is probably better than theirs and I don’t need to be married to a chubby balding gross looking guy to feed myself :halo:
They act snobby because they have their own inferiority complexes or their pride is out of control. Either way that’s their problem not ours. 
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
So agreed!!! You did well in school, good for you, but please, you don’t feed me, Allah has been kind enough to provide for me on my own. And there are great professions other than physicians too so don’t think I am scum of the earth if I am not. On the other hand, have met some really nice people too, but those are far and few in between.
Oh PCG, you would find a good rishta in a minute in my town . They worship docs here!
Why are desis not so friendly?
I agree with the older generation part. They are wayy relaxed and easy to have conversation with!.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Sadly there aren’t too many desis like that where I live.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
Maybe they’ve heard something about you as asian/desi women love to gossip and exaggerate stories, and as a result refrain from acknowledging you properly?
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
No, that’s just wrong. So many women complain about the same type of cold snobby attitude from people. It’s not that they’re the good girls and we’re the bad. Let’s face it and accept it. These women have no manners. Why put the blame on the person that is being friendly to them and trying to make friends? THAT person is the bigger person in all this.
Re: Why are desis not so friendly?
I guess if you’re surrounded by other women doing the same thing, you’d pick up the same habits in a bid to fit in, to have something in common