Who Initiates

[GlobalGal]

Re: Who Initiates

@mahool

Marriage is life long commitment, no to societal pressure.
My philosophy on marriage:
Marriage is more than intimacy and sex.
Compatibility, level of open mind, physical attraction, a close friend who can trust me and to whom I can trust.
Sharing of thoughts, backing each other. A partner in crime.

If the sex didn’t exist for some reason(use your imagination as to the reasons), but you had great compatibility, she’s attractive, great friend with mutual trust, great communication, always supportive of your hopes and dreams, you had all of it except it wasn’t all that sex filled, not at all actually, would you still stay married?

I’m just wondering how you as a man see a sexless but great and ideal in other ways marriage.

[mahool]

Re: Who Initiates

@GlobalGal

If the sex didn’t exist for some reason(use your imagination as to the reasons), but you had great compatibility, she’s attractive, great friend with mutual trust, great communication, always supportive of your hopes and dreams, you had all of it except it wasn’t all that sex filled, not at all actually, would you still stay married?

I’m just wondering how you as a man see a sexless but great and ideal in other ways marriage.

For me sexual intimacy is as important as other factors you noted above.
This is difficult question. In my opinion, sexless marriage is not marriage. You can be friended with other girls with same mutual trust, great communication, supportive etc. Marriage means, sharing of intimate space too.
The reason is one partner needs satisfaction, other is not interested in that. I might be wrong, but this sounds wrong to me. I have not seen such couples in real life.

Please explain reasons of sexless marriage. I can not answer on random assumptions.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Who Initiates

GG, even with all those things with a sexless marriage you’d be living more like roommates..

Intimacy/sex within marriage tends to strengthen the bond and bring you closer.. There are excpetions but most married people need and want it..

[GlobalGal]

Re: Who Initiates

@Deeba1234

GG, even with all those things with a sexless marriage you’d be living more like roommates..

Intimacy/sex within marriage tends to strengthen the bond and bring you closer.. There are excpetions but most married people need and want it..

@mahool

For me sexual intimacy is as important as other factors you noted above.
This is difficult question. In my opinion, sexless marriage is not marriage. You can be friended with other girls with same mutual trust, great communication, supportive etc. Marriage means, sharing of intimate space too.
The reason is one partner needs satisfaction, other is not interested in that. I might be wrong, but this sounds wrong to me. I have not seen such couples in real life.

Please explain reasons of sexless marriage. I can not answer on random assumptions.

There are marriages like this, in some cases it's like badabing said, one of the people has side sex without the other wife or husband knowing about it or turning or overlooking the infidelity.  There have been cases where one is a closeted homosexual out of a very strict, religious upbringing so it is denied as much as possible so it would be a situation of roommates. I know two couples that are roommate-like 

One, where he is a closeted homosexual possibly because he hates intercourse and as much as she sees the abuse and sexless life as a reason for divorce, he wants to keep up the facade of being a married couple not wanting the world to know.

The other couple, she doesn’t ask what he’s up to and he doesn’t ask what she’s up to, they aren’t Muslims but it’s more of a relationship of comfort and familiarity rather than an actual marriage situation, it’s loveless and of course sexless.

Makes a person not even want to be sexual.

Concept of marriage is complicated. Happily married couples can’t imagine these types of couples exist but they do.

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@GlobalGal

There are marriages like this, in some cases it’s like badabing said, one of the people has side sex without the other wife or husband knowing about it or turning or overlooking the infidelity. There have been cases where one is a closeted homosexual out of a very strict, religious upbringing so it is denied as much as possible so it would be a situation of roommates. I know two couples that are roommate-like

One, where he is a closeted homosexual possibly because he hates intercourse and as much as she sees the abuse and sexless life as a reason for divorce, he wants to keep up the facade of being a married couple not wanting the world to know.

The other couple, she doesn’t ask what he’s up to and he doesn’t ask what she’s up to, they aren’t Muslims but it’s more of a relationship of comfort and familiarity rather than an actual marriage situation, it’s loveless and of course sexless.

Makes a person not even want to be sexual.

Concept of marriage is complicated. Happily married couples can’t imagine these types of couples exist but they do.

Yeh, but we’re kind of Muslims - so this is a no no.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Who Initiates

@badabing

Birth control hasn’t reached their part of the world yet.

Thats not what I meant.

[GlobalGal]

Re: Who Initiates

@badabing

Yeh, but we’re kind of Muslims - so this is a no no.

of course it’s not good but I know this is happening to a married couple. Didn’t you say you have Pakistani friends that were doing that

@badabing

I also have Paki friends who get it multiple times a week from the wife yet they still have several mistresses on the side that they hook up with during lunchtimes or straight after work etc.

[Shak]

Re: Who Initiates

@Kiwijab

Most desi men a hypocrites in my experience Ive found that its okay for them to initiate or do whatever they want yet if it was us ladies dong exactly the same thing no matter what it is unspeakable or unforgiving.

Aap ne survey kiya hai?

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@GlobalGal

of course it’s not good but I know this is happening to a married couple. Didn’t you say you have Pakistani friends that were doing that

This is true, about my friends that is. I don’t agree with it though. I feel you can try IC or MC as well as a sex therapist before going down this route.

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@geminifromkhi

Thats not what I meant.

I know! Jest sweetheart, jest.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Who Initiates

@badabing

I most probably will develop feelings for the wife, I’m human after all. I’m cold as ice in real life - it scares my mum sometimes, she actually worries for me. Meh, I’ll wing it somehow.

Are you really that cold or do you like writing such things about yourself on this forum to get attention? Cos you clearly love your parents and siblings a lot, so you are really not that cold after all.

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@geminifromkhi

Are you really that cold or do you like writing such things about yourself on this forum to get attention? Cos you clearly love your parents and siblings a lot, so you are really not that cold after all.

My bond with my parents is different - blood is thicker then water and all that. I go for weeks without speaking to any off them even if I spend weeknights sleeping at their house. My mum says I have no “Ikhlaaq” whatever that means. No salaam, no hows your day been, simply “wheres my food” and “okay bye”. Meh, I find it difficult connecting to desi goody goody boring people - I seem to get on with miscreants a lot better.

[Iconoclast]

Re: Who Initiates

@Pisiform

I sense 4 + mistresses lol

I sense him coming to me asking for testosterone injections and Viagra, most hypersexuals have it more in their brain than in the body, actually many of them cannot get satisfied even after 5-7 times a day even though they cannot perform it that often naturally. They almost invariably cheat on their spouses as their brain is wired on sex and lack of satisfaction often leads to expectation that it will be different with a different person.

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@Iconoclast

I sense him coming to me asking for testosterone injections and Viagra, most hypersexuals have it more in their brain than in the body, actually many of them cannot get satisfied even after 5-7 times a day even though they cannot perform it that often naturally. They almost invariably cheat on their spouses as their brain is wired on sex and lack of satisfaction often leads to expectation that it will be different with a different person.

I disagree. Plus T injections increase prostate cancer risks - that’s a north American thing.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Who Initiates

Off topic maybe, but I remember reading too much sex is bad for you! So all the sexually deprived people here please be careful!

The things we talk about on this forum really. Imagine me saying all this in real life.

[GlobalGal]

Re: Who Initiates

@Shak

Aap ne survey kiya hai?

I’ve come across so many like this Shak. I feel bad for the women they’ve come across. Of course there are exceptions but it’s really sad. I hope the desi world changes for the better someday and there isn’t this double standard.

[badabing]

Re: Who Initiates

@geminifromkhi

Off topic maybe, but I remember reading too much sex is bad for you! So all the sexually deprived people here please be careful!

The things we talk about on this forum really. Imagine me saying all this in real life.

I agree to an extent - you can become addicted so to speak.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Who Initiates

@badabing

I agree to an extent - you can become addicted so to speak.

All addictions are bad not just this one. But well apart from the addiction part. Its bad for your health, thats what I remember reading. Bad for your body.

[GlobalGal]

Re: Who Initiates

@geminifromkhi

Off topic maybe, but I remember reading too much sex is bad for you! So all the sexually deprived people here please be careful!

The things we talk about on this forum really. Imagine me saying all this in real life.

Can you post the link? Curiosity killed the cat and all yes but I’m just wondering :–)

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Who Initiates

@GlobalGal

Can you post the link? Curiosity killed the cat and all yes but I’m just wondering :–)

Il try finding it but pretty sure I read it somewhere =p