where have all the men gone?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: where have all the men gone?

thanks little princess :)

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Re: where have all the men gone?

More like "where have all the good men gone"..... uff, I can't get that song (Holding out for a hero) out of my head.... whenever I see this thread I start humming it under my breath :p

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Re: where have all the men gone?

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a persons nature and habits stay the same throughout their life....
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any example ... or any experience if u hav ?

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you are not getting the point.....if you dont want someone who goes clubbing.....then why do you want someone who has done so in the past? why not look for someone who has NEVER done that?

if you know SOOO much about men,, you shouldnt have a problem finding one.

ps. i assume you're only 22? you have alot more to see in the world yet...
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i totally agree ... LP well said .

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Wow! There are some serious allegations against UK Pakistani guys. Alot of assumptions have been made. Yes it will be difficult to find some with particular qualities - growing up in the West can be quite hard but it depends on the environment you create around you.

I dont think you can say ALL UK GUYS DRINK! That a serious generalisation. Its actually guys that come to the UK from PAkistan that actually drink. Ive noticed the guys that grew up in the UK are actually more strong.. At uni the guys that came from Pakistan - intl students were the ones that got drunk whereas the uk bangladeshi/pakistani that I knew didnt! So there.. you cant say that KAMAIR!

Clubbing is only a point in time when your in ur mid or early years - by the 24 you should be all grown out of it.. yeh you still can go the bar and have a good chill out but partying is something not really done after a couple of years after uni. Its a phase. If you in that phase after then maybe that person enjoys being single and looking for onenight stands etc. But Islam doesnt teach us that.. it teaches you control and do things that will lead to a progressive life.

inspiron hit me a PM! bloody hell.. no point getting hot and bothered over nothing.. there's enough people that will influence and twist everything on here.. you just have to listen and make your own judgement!

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Re: where have all the men gone?

i totally agree with u ... i mean even if som1 tries unintentionally , still a long way to go u cant accuse them over n over again ... its an issue b/w him n his CREATOR Allah ... As we all r muslims ... No1 is alcoholic or chain smoker by birth ...as people grow up they learn themselves wht is good n bad n thr is always a room for improvement for every1 ... we should expect and think somthg positive about others

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Re: where have all the men gone?

I carefully read most of this thread and just wanted to add my two cents;

I graduated from a UK university last year (which is fairly well ranked and in the midlands ; maybe it’s the same where you goto inspiron).My university attracted a lot of Pakistani undergrads from the more elitist schools here in Pakistan.

Anyway , i don’t want to sound like a pessimist , but inspiron you should not really bank on finding a suitable match at university

I had the same experience at university, dated quite a few girls ; most being undergraduate Pakistani girls who were international students like me (most hailing from the more upscale schools of Karachi , isb etc) .
I was, as you would put it, one of those ‘rare moderates’ at university, for three years despite enormous peer pressure did not indulge in drinking or too much clubbing . However in my experience most Pakistani girls and for that matter guys too had no problems with premarital sex , and drinking. They were, however, very careful to keep their activities discreet and the ‘virgin mary’ acts of most girls did not play well with me.
I dated a couple of Pakistani girls only to later find out through others that they had long term boyfriends back home or at another university . Apparently they considered cheating harmless as long as they were miles away from their boyfriends ( I am not passing a moral judgment here but just sharing my perspective on the kind of girl I would want to have a relationship with..and trust me some of the guys were way worse )

The other half of the pakistani population was confined to the masjid and their activities mostly had something to do with the Islamic society.
I ended up in a serious relationship with one girl, which I later found out she built on complete lies. The girl had a bit of a wild past, which I may have overlooked if she did not make so much of an effort to hide that from me. I eventually ended it but did not have any bitter feelings towards the girl because I understood why she made so much effort to hide her past from me. She saw me as one of those rare shareef but relatively liberal Pakistani boys . But despite the fact that she pretended to be someone with integrity and moral values and convictions, it was all just an act. From what I have learnt, people don’t change.

If a guy drinks, it is very unlikely that he will give it up for you. If he is a womanizer, he will eventually cheat on you. Sadly, from what i have seen its the same trend with quite a few girls. I have been back in Pakistan for a year now and hoping to find a genuinely shareef and honest girl to settle down with.

My advice to you is don’t rush into anything , don’t be naïve enough to believe that someone will change for you. Don’t compromise too much. Inshallah you will find someone you deserve soon but be careful because people are increasingly becoming dishonest and manipulative!

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Re: where have all the men gone?

mugofcoffee, thankyou very much for your post and your advice, it is very much appreciated.

I dont want a man who has drunk or slept around in the past because i know that will never change, but clubbing/partying in the past i think thats something different...what do you think?

Maybe you did go to the same uni as me but i think the 3 main unis in the midlands, birmingham, leicester and notts all have the same kind demographic.

Im saddened that you had the experiences you did and this is why im 'picky' and selective because its hard to find those rare moderates like you are.

Im actually surprised the girls from pakistan were ok with sex outside of marriage :S as far as i know the friends who i have who are muslim pakistani who grew up here...very few have premarital sex.

The boys who came from pakistan to the UK, well, for some reason they were the ones who drunk and womanized more than the guys born and bought up in the uk, i used to socialize with a few of them in the common room of my accom, and they always seemed to have a can of beer in their hands and an oriental girl on their arms.

Sigh, i think im more disheartened than i was before.

But mugofcoffee, its great that you stuck to your morals, its inspiring and you ARE rare and inshallah you will find what you are looking for too:)

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Thanks for the wishes :) I think its important to try to judge someone from the company they keep, especially at university. By that I mean, only their closest friends, the ones they hang out with 24/7 at university. If someones friends are the type who regularly go out and drink, it will be very naive to think that they can be different. I was fotunate to have a group of friends more like me . I did also get along with people who had different views on alcohol and clubbing but our friendship was obviously limited. Clubbing and partying as a social compulsion is ok and you can enjoy it, too. But going to clubs to get drunk and get some ' action ' is something I considered as crossing a certain line as far as I was concerned. From what I have seen once you cross the line it is requires some strength to stop. Most people dont have it and choose to be dishonest instead.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

[QUOTE]
The other half of the pakistani population was confined to the masjid and their activities mostly had something to do with the Islamic society.
I ended up in a serious relationship with one girl, which I later found out she built on complete lies. The girl had a bit of a wild past, which I may have overlooked if she did not make so much of an effort to hide that from me. I eventually ended it but did not have any bitter feelings towards the girl because I understood why she made so much effort to hide her past from me. She saw me as one of those rare shareef but relatively liberal Pakistani boys . But despite the fact that she pretended to be someone with integrity and moral values and convictions, it was all just an act. From what I have learnt, people don’t change.
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M O C .... Is she brit born ...born n raised in uk ?

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Re: where have all the men gone?

for us desis living abroad, it’s so totally difficult to find good matches, finding another desi is hard enough but then we have punjabi, sindhi, language issues which makes it even harder…

i love the country I grew up in more than anything but sometimes i wish i wasn’t raised abroad b/c i was never surrounded by desi men and then our parents would be so happy if we marry someone from our own comm and a desi but how is it possible if there’s a scarcity of desis here… :bummer:

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Re: where have all the men gone?

My post was about Pakistani girls who were international students like me in the UK. I did not really know a lot of british pakistanis.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Someone looking for me ? :aq:

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Re: where have all the men gone?

:aq:

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Re: where have all the men gone?

most of the guys ive seen in uk are on drugs....you cant say all pakistani guys are bad. my husband is from there and he's never been clubbing or partying....and neither his friends.

for those who are saying that guys from pakistan are bad etc....doesnt that mean your dad was the same when he first came here?...or your grandfather?

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Re: where have all the men gone?

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most of the guys ive seen in uk are on drugs....you cant say all pakistani guys are bad. my husband is from there and he's never been clubbing or partying....and neither his friend
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ur husbs n his frds might b a frishta but other guyz were jst normal human beings ..:)

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Re: where have all the men gone?

LittlePrincess , things which are considered 'fun' are a generation thing. Nobody's talking ethnicity here. Drinking ,partying etc has become commonplace in Pakistan among the well off urban youth here in Pakistan. A lot of people my age here in Pakistan , and those I knew in university who have very conservative and reliegious parents choose to rebel in other ways, especially during university.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

That is a disgusting and naive generalisation i really dont understand where you live, but you are surrounded by people i have never come across most of the UK pakistani men i know are NOT on drugs.

And no one said guys from pakistan are bad :S

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Re: where have all the men gone?

You live in the midlands and yet you dont know that there's a drug problem there? ive worked first hand with these people.....i know where there's a problem..... alot of pakistani guys in uk are into drugs....go to any city in uk where there's a high asian ratio and you'll know what i mean. im not saying all of them are.....but alot are.

ps. you yourself said guys from pakistan are bad...dont go back on ur words now.
if most of the pakistani guys you know are SOOO good...why do you have a problem getting married then? doesnt make sense to me.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

I dont think pakistani guys in pakistan are nowhere near as bad as the ones in uk....im talking from experience

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Re: where have all the men gone?

so if someone is not bad....they are not normal human beings..?

in other words you are saying that to be normal you have to be bad...and drink and party etc?