where have all the men gone?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

so ive just completed my 4th year of university, i have come across many men in my time there and still have a couple of years left to go and my parents are looking for a suitable rishta for me and have given me permission to find someone myself too.

However, i havnt really met anyone at uni, i have alot of male friends, but i wouldnt marry any of them, because i know what kind of things they get upto! and the guys who i do think oh they are ok…all have girlfriends…their girlfriends tend to be beautiful middle eastern girls.

My parents have been looking for my rishta for the past year and have only come across 1 who came to see me!

Neither my parents or I have very high demands, im training to be a doctor so someone of equal educations, from a good family and good balance of east and west…so not clubbing/drinking/string of girlfriends but not taliban either, just moderate.

But for some reason im not having any luck and neither are my parents, my parents are becoming increasingly worried and so am i!

Are we doing something wrong? im trying to work on my self…working out and going to the gym eating well because i feel beauty gives you some choice in life, im not very fair…is that it??

Where can i meet more people…also the boys who come across as decent to me always turn out to be hindu or sikh..sigh…what a flop!!

im just wondering what i can do or what my parents can do?

i know its all a matter of destiny but you cant just sit around all day and do nothing either!

Im really ready for marriage and to settle down i feel like its the right time in my life, im doing dua and inshallah something will come along soon.

But i am getting a bit worried!

2

or married :bummer:

3

Re: where have all the men gone?

Just import one :chai:

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Why do you need an equal level of education?

I have an MBA and married a guy with a bachelors degree and I have no complaints in that department. Thora criteria neechay karo.

Secondly, what a guy does in his past does not reflect on how good or bad a husband he's going to be.... people grow up. Unfortunately, most guys get into clubbing, etc. so I doubt you will find anyone who's all shareef, has not had any girlfriends, etc.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

no, im not going to import one, i dont think i would really click with an imported husband.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

by equal education i mean someone who is earning preferably equal or more than me....and someone who is a university graduate in a decent degree, i dont mean i want a doctor.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

i agree with mia on this one

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I am ready to do that even but I have heard they swap the goods at pakistani port

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doctors aer on the highest pay scale pretty much in every part of the world. I don't quite know where you're from so I can't make a guess but here in canada they earn atleast twice as much as in any other field.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Why? You are planning on workign after marriage, right? So why does it matter who brings the most dough... think about it.

In the early years of my marriage, I was earning double than what my husband was making...... and now he's making 3 times more than I am. Income doesn't remain the same, you know and neither do jobs stay the same. People move up with experience, etc. Focus on finding a decent guy, who is good natured and clicks with you, don't focus on the material aspects.

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and then you say you dont have "demands". I can understand educated and all that but this one ....eeeh

read my signatures....

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Agree with MIAinVA that you need to lower your expectations. See a broad range of prospective suitors and one that you wouldn't have otherwise considered may just surprise you. We are part of a generation where it is difficult enough finding a partner who has the same morals as us, is a decent muslim etc etc and still our community insists on placing more restrictions on us.

Good luck with your search.

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Re: where have all the men gone?

clubbing the past is different...i have spent 4 years at uni i KNOW people go clubbing but the guy i marry i would want him out at a club or drinking every week or still in the mind frame where he wants a string of girlfriends and not ready to settle.

Well i have come across men who have gone into some sort of inferiority complex because their wives earn more AND i only want to work part time after i qualify i dont want to work full time i want to dedicate time to family.

And in the UK doctors really dont earn the top of the top initially, eventually after many years of training when they are like 35 but not early on.

14

I don't think the OP meant to be materialistic, i think she means someone who's just in a good position and has the potential to do better, if not neccessarily now. I don't think theres anything wrong with that, even if I intend to work myself and make a lot more money I want someone who's equally matched to me in terms of ambition, education, etc. My husband and I earn approx the same (him a little bit more) and we do ok, but I know how much harder it would be for us if he or I were earning significantly less, the two incomes help us with the things we need. And we're not particularly materialstic at all, I shop for stuff for myself once a year max, wear my work clothes till they're falling to pieces and keep a pretty tight budget. I think everyone wants a stable life and to live a lifestyle they're accustomed to (assuming you're not loaded and get everything you want).

As for where all these guys are inspiron...I think thats just a matter of luck. I know a lot of non desis too who don't find their significant other in university and then they have to spend a lot of effort once they start working in socialising and meeting people. To increase your chances of finding someone you can join some pakistani or muslim groups in your uni, community etc. Try to network, socialise as much as you can and this way you'll meet more people and hopefully a potential husband or someone who can lead you to a potential husband.

15

PCG??

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Inspiron, I see a lot of junior doctors financial documents due to the nature of my work and let me assure you that even at that stage they earn a lot more than people in many other sectors in the UK. I'm pretty sure that most men wouldn't be bothered that their wife earnt more than them, who would know in any case unless you told them?

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LOL

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Re: where have all the men gone?

Its okay I am available. Hit me up we can elope and the Mullah on GS can do our nikkah on line. Its the latest fad....

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yes you totally get where im coming from! this is what i meant to say....

I think i will try and start socialising as much as i can at uni now and see where things go.

My parents are very social and open minded im just wondering why they arent having much luck either!!

Amor Amor.....why would you keep your salary a secret from your husband? and i have couple of friends who are pharmacist guys married to doctor girls...and im much closer friends with the guys and trust me they have an inferiority complex about it...about not being the provider and not being able to look after their wives....they feel demascualanised.

And call me old fashioned but i do want to husband to be able to look after the whole family when i stop working to look after the children and protect us, i dont want to be his boss or his proivder.

20

That all good brother, but usually GS nikahs are not followed by time “together” between couples.
Males tend to lose money though :omg:

We so need a gossip forum.