Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@Mezhgan

I think people are confusing two things here: the OP’s situation and @us1415’s comment, which was not about the OP but rather about his situation with his wife. I believe your comments were a reply to the latter and that is what people are replying to (with some confusion).

Anyhow, there is hardly a need to call anyone stupid. People have differing opinions and just because they differ from yours, it doesn’t make them stupid or invalid.

i didn’t call them stupid for their opposing views but their inability to figure out what my reply was for despite my quoting.

Thank-you for clearing it, maybe they will understand now.

p.s apologies for using the word stupid.

[amber19]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

actually her approach was more Islamic than American. maybe she should tell you to go with your hindu/indian approach of joint family system?

Trust me.. even us Indians don't think like this anymore.

[Lusi]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Do what your husband suggests.

Spend time at your parents and maybe they can accompany you for in-laws visit once or twice a month or whatever you decide.

[eastern11]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Are you willing to hold classes for a lot of desi husbands? I know a lot of women who would love to sign up their husbands. Your wife is lucky, MA

My wife was living with her parents when she was waiting for the visa. Even though my dad and mom said that she should stay at my parents house even for a couple days, I had to intervene and talk to my parents to let her stay at her parents house and to visit my parents place once a week for a couple hours (only if she wanted).

[diwana]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

In this particular instance, wife should stay with her parents.

[Sweetmoi]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@ZareenKhan

Bibi! Pehle gaur c parh lia kare. I was not talking about op’s situation. If you had bothered to read my reply properly, it was directed towards us1415 hence his post was quoted.

my views on op’s situation was also shared but only if you had bothered to read before making all kinds of assumtions.

wohooo! I hope my posts are visible to everyone because what you are making out of them was definately not said. I actually said in op’s situation the mil SHOULD NOT ask the dil to stay at her inlaws keeping the circumstances in mind. Also, i said the same to u that u did right by making sure of your wife’s comfort. HOWEVER yes its super odd for any one with respectful and fine treating parents to say to their wife that you can visit them once a week that too if you want to. Like what the hell? Marriage to u people is all about wife and husband only? What happened to the families on both ends? Do they brought u up only so that you grow up and only care about your feelings? Your emotions?

& and NO boys don’t live at their inlaws so unless u were a ghar jamai, i wouldnt recommend you that either. However visiting them would be a must for you as it should be for your wife.

clear my confusion, u want the wife to visit the inlaws mandatory? Isnt it better that there are no restrictions and she may visit them khushi se? I am sure most inlaws are fine with that, i know we would be atleast. Why make it Sound like inlaws cant survive without bahu ranis chand da face

[Chaachi]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Its iff topic but wat kinda visa u waiting for. If he is going to sponsor u for canada it takes a very long time n u can divide ur time in bw 2 houses.

If u r just waiting for visa stanp and other paper work has been processed then u can stay at in laws cuz its a short time prolly tat u ll have to stay at in laws.

Let the time come. Things will auto. Unfold n work out.

currently living with husband at in laws in islamabad. Husband and his mother leave after eid for Canada while i wait for visa.. Mil expects me to stay at my in laws with my fil and bil stating it's my house now I should feel like it's my house.

What do I do? My husband thinks I should spend some time at parents some at their house

[Reha]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Do what your husband suggests.

Spend time at your parents and maybe they can accompany you for in-laws visit once or twice a month or whatever you decide.

This is what I'd do.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@Sweetmoi

clear my confusion, u want the wife to visit the inlaws mandatory? Isnt it better that there are no restrictions and she may visit them khushi se? I am sure most inlaws are fine with that, i know we would be atleast. Why make it Sound like inlaws cant survive without bahu ranis chand da face

Yes it should be mandatory as long as the inlaws are respectful to her. Its not that the inlaws cant survive without her or vice versa. Its just basic human rights! We can do without many things but we don’t cuz life is not only about what we can and cant live without.

[Sweetmoi]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@ZareenKhan

Yes it should be mandatory as long as the inlaws are respectful to her. Its not that the inlaws cant survive without her or vice versa. Its just basic human rights! We can do without many things but we don't cuz life is not only about what we can and cant live without.

interesting choice of words, which basic human rights are u talking abt?

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

I think i said what i had to say! Feel free to disagree :).

[Sweetmoi]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

There is no need to be offended. Just trying to understand wht u mean but sure .. :)

[Reha]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@ZareenKhan

Yes it should be mandatory as long as the inlaws are respectful to her. Its not that the inlaws cant survive without her or vice versa. Its just basic human rights! We can do without many things but we don't cuz life is not only about what we can and cant live without.

This has zilch to do with human rights. If it did, it would have been mentioned in the Qur'an or Sunnah as a basic human right. There would have been some examples of saas-bahu situations in the Prophet's (saw) time. But I've yet to come across a saas or bahu mentioned anywhere in Islam (nauzubillah).

This is strictly a hindu custom borrowed and now being beaten to death in Pakistani families because its the only way people feel powerful in an otherwise powerless situation.

You can claim this is how your specific family behaves but calling it basic human rights is a tad...childish.

Your parents are your responsibility - not your bhabi's. If daughter in laws do something for their inlaws its because of one of two reasons:

They are terrified of doing anything different for fear of the ruckus their nand and saas will create.

They are doing it out of the goodness of their heart.

Either way, basic human rights are the rights your parents have over you...your khidmat, your care, your concern, etc. Not their DIL's.

If the children did their part, there would never be a need for a DIL. But people leave their parents to be cared for by someone else so they don't have to.

[bella88]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@ZareenKhan

Yes it should be mandatory as long as the inlaws are respectful to her. Its not that the inlaws cant survive without her or vice versa. Its just basic human rights! We can do without many things but we don't cuz life is not only about what we can and cant live without.

how can it be mandatory? what is the point in forcing your wife to see her inlaws if she doesn't want to ? that will just cause more resentment. and LOL @ basic human rights! it would be nice to visit inlaws, but its far from basic human rights.
If the inlaws are very respectful, i dont see why any DIL willl never want to visit them. my inlaws are respectful and i have no issues in meeting them. but there is a limit to how often you can see them. i possibly cant go every single week because my husband has a busy schedule, we go twice a month usually, more around Holiday season. i visit my own parents that much too. how often does the son in law visit his wife's parents? they should visit both parents equally. wife shouldn't have to spend more time with her husbands parents than she does with her own parents.

[parisbynight]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

currently living with husband at in laws in islamabad. Husband and his mother leave after eid for Canada while i wait for visa.. Mil expects me to stay at my in laws with my fil and bil stating it's my house now I should feel like it's my house.

What do I do? My husband thinks I should spend some time at parents some at their house

do as your husband said: divide your time betwen the two places. I would suggest to decide with your husband and make your plans clear to the inlaws before your husband and mil go away. this way, everyone knows about your upcoming plans and no one will feel upset.

[us1415]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@ZareenKhan

Yes it should be mandatory as long as the inlaws are respectful to her. Its not that the inlaws cant survive without her or vice versa. Its just basic human rights! We can do without many things but we don't cuz life is not only about what we can and cant live without.

All I would say on this is that please get married and come back after you have lived with your in-laws for a year without the husband. In theory, its very easy to talk big and all but in reality its very difficult to live with your in-laws without the husband. The husband is the glue that holds you and the in-laws together. If he is not there, I dont see a point in living with the in-laws. If the in-laws need that much help then the husband should stay in Pakistan.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

@us1415

All I would say on this is that please get married and come back after you have lived with your in-laws for a year without the husband. In theory, its very easy to talk big and all but in reality its very difficult to live with your in-laws without the husband. The husband is the glue that holds you and the in-laws together. If he is not there, I dont see a point in living with the in-laws. If the in-laws need that much help then the husband should stay in Pakistan.

Just tell me WHERE did i say the wife should live with the inlaws without her husband around? You are arguing with me without knowing what i had said.

I rest my case.

[candy_apple]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

WHY WHY WHY is a girl expected to live with her in-laws if her husband is NOT even living in their home? It makes NO logical sense whatsoever. She married her husband, NOT her in-laws. If husband was there, I could completely understand, but with no husband in sight, seriously? I don’t even care that it is just the FIL and BIL. Some people are saying it is weird because it is males only, however, even IF the MIL were living in that home as well, WHY should she be expected to live with them and not her OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!?!?!?!?!?!?

[Fefe]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

I would stay with my parents. In my husbands side of the family, when his brother is away with work, his wife goes n stays with her family taking the kids with her. This can be anytime between 1 day to even a few months. Even when we went to Pak, my husband had to go somewhere for 1 night n he left me with mum who also happened to be visiting Pak at the time. Even though I have a Mil and 2 younger dewars.

N this is the way it is for most people I know, especially those who r more religious. This staying with inlaws business is more a desi cultural thing. N I personally wouldn't b comfortable without my husband.

[rosedreams]

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Live with your own parents, most definitely. FIL and BIL are non mehrams. I would not live with them because I'd feel uncomfortable.